


Out Of The Blue

by CosmiccCreaturee



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, College, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Future Fic, Gay, Gay Sex, Love Simon, M/M, Post-Canon, Senior year, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Freeform, Smut, spierfeld
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-05-05 11:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 144,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14617230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmiccCreaturee/pseuds/CosmiccCreaturee
Summary: Junior Year has finally wrapped up, opening the door of new adventures for Simon, Bram, and the whole Creekwood Crew. There are ups, there are downs,  there are twists and turns, and some things just happen out of the blue.Note: This story is based on and is 100% cannon compliant with SVTHSA as well as LOTO to my knowledge. Uses some details of Love, Simon.This story contains scenes including but not limited to:  Alcohol use, sexual activity, and adult language. This story is rated M for mature. Read at your own disgression.Updates every Sunday!





	1. Chapter 1: Summer

[Chapter 1: Summer]

June 16th, 2015 [Simon POV]

With summer came freedom. Freedom of not having to wake up at 7 am and go to school. Freedom of not getting out of rehearsals until 7 pm. Freedom to stay in bed all day watching YouTube videos and eat as many Oreos as humanly possible. Summer was a good time, and with it only being 3 weeks into summer vacation, it was feeling pretty good right now. Of course, I hadn't spent my whole time laying in bed, just lately in particular. Bram was in Savannah this week visiting his dad, step-mom, and baby fetus, who was due any time now. Nick and Abby have kinda been doing their own thing for a bit, but we all have gotten together at least twice a week at WaHo. This day in particular wasn't anything special, so I seized the day. 

"Simon, I need you to take out the trash!" dad hollered from downstairs. I paused the video and whispered a quick cuss word while I tried to find pants. It was a lazy day, and nobody said that lazy days require any clothing. After finding a pair of semi-clean sweatpants and a t-shirt, I bounced down the stairs and into the kitchen. I pulled the trash bag out of the can and tied it up as usual. "Don't forget to replace the bag." He reminded me. "I won't" I huffed in minor annoyance. I carried the bag outside and put it into the other trash bin. It was Monday, so the trash was going to be picked up sometime today. That also means that Bram will be back in four more days. I could hardly wait until he was back, Friday couldn't come early enough.

After I replaced the bag and did about ten million other chores my parents kept asking me to do 'while I was at it', I headed back up to my room to continue the lazy day. A few hours later, mom knocked on the door and told me her and dad were going out for the night. I let her know I heard her and turned on some music. With Nora sleeping over at her friend's house for the next two days and Alice in Boston with Theo and his family, I had the house to myself. What a time to be completely unsupervised. 

Leah and Nick showed up about 15 minutes after mom and dad left. We talked about going to Waffle House, but none of us were really in the mood to actually go. So, we made ramen noodles instead. A few hours into another 'Game of Thrones' binge, and my phone rings. It's Bram, of course. I quietly get up and head upstairs and answer the call. 

"Hey, you." I smile. It feels like I haven't talked to him in months, but it has only been 2 days since he left. "Hi." He replied. We had a casual conversation for about five minutes, but he was being unusually quiet, even for him. "Is everything alright?" I ask. "Yeah, its fine. Uh, I just have some news." He paused. "My step-mom broke her water a little while ago. They just got to the hospital." He said solemnly. "That's... I mean, I guess that's great. She's right on time, isn't she?" I stutter. "A few weeks early, but I guess it's now or never with Valerie." He said, talking about the baby fetus. "You don't sound very thrilled about it. I thought you were ready to have a little sister?" I nudged. "Yeah, I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited for her to be born and hold her. I'm really, genuinely happy that she's on her way." He paused again. "But, with her coming now, that means I'll be in Savannah longer than anticipated." He sighs. "Oh." Is all I can think of to say. "Yeah. I'm thrilled she's on her way, and not to sound super cliché or anything, but I really miss you and I was looking forward to Friday." He sighed again. "I mean, that sucks that you won't be able to come back on time, but you won't be gone that much longer. It's not like we have to spend every breathing and waking moment with each other, although that would be nice." I joked. I could hear him let out a small laugh. "Yeah." He said. "The thing is, it may be more than a few days. I might be here for another week." He admitted. "Wait, what?" I said, lost in my own calculations. "Well, they might need help with the baby, and I don't want to leave them all alone down here to take care of a newborn all by themselves." He explained. "I mean, your father did it with you. It's not rocket science." I sighed for once. "I know, but I would just feel bad to leave them just to go see my boyfriend." He said. "Well, alrighty then..." I faked being offended. "You know it's not like that, it just sounds kinda dumb to be like 'Hey dad, I'm gonna leave you and your wife and newborn kid and go back to Shady Creek and see my boyfriend for the rest of the summer.'" He deepened his voice in a mocking tone. "I mean, obviously it sounds dumb when you say it like that. I understand why you're staying though. It's very nice of you, and admittedly kinda hot too." I joked again. "Oh really?" I could just see his eyebrows raising, and his lip between his teeth. "Oh yeah. Big daddy Bram taking care of newborn baby fetus." I joked. "Oh my god, never call me that again!" he cringed. 

After a few more minutes and a painful goodbye, we hung up and I went back downstairs. "What did I miss?" I plopped down in my spot on the couch again. "We got bored of the commercials and started watching 'Family Feud' and forgot to change it back." Leah informed me. She caught me up on all of the hilarious antics that had happened, and I updated them on the Bram situation. We continued to watch it until it went off. Leah noticed it was after sundown outside and said she should probably head home, and Nick followed her out. 

Mom and dad walked through the door around 11, which is definitely late for them. They came upstairs and knocked on the door again. "We just wanted to say goodnight." My mom poked her head in. "Alright. I hope you all enjoyed date night." I smiled at her. "We did, it was wonderful." She smiled back. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, mimicking her. "In the morning, I'm basically sleep walking now." She winked at me. "Goodnight" she whispered as she closed the door. It wasn't long after that I got tired myself and went to bed, thinking about the next time I would see Bram.


	2. Chapter 2: Surprise!

[Chapter 2: Surprise!] 

I woke up the next morning with a few texts from Bram. He sent me a picture of little baby Valerie wrapped up in a fluffy pink blanket. He told me that she came really early this morning, and that he cried when he held her. I replied, saying how cute she was, and how hot Bram would be crying over a baby. I got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast. Unfortunately, without Nora here, nobody fixed breakfast; without her, it was all fend for yourself. 

An hour later, Leah, Nick, Abby, and I pull up to WaHo. It was decently busy, but our corner booth was open as usual. We all ordered our usual food and started talking about the upcoming senior year. "Can you believe we're seniors this year?" Abby said excitedly. "It feels like we should have graduated like ten years ago." Nick groaned. "Yeah, but this year it's gonna happen. This is our last year in high school." Leah pointed out. "Have you all started looking at colleges yet?" Abby asked. "Yeah, I have. Not a lot around here for music. I don't want to have to go out of state, but I might have to. That's gonna be a bitch." Nick sighed. "There aren't any good fashion places in Georgia other than Savannah. That school is expensive too. If I do go there, I'll have to seriously cram and finish early." Leah followed up. "I don't even know what I want to do yet. My parents are already dead set on my going to Georgia State, or Wesleyan like Alice." I added. "Wesleyan is a good school. Alice loves it up there." Leah shrugged. "I mean, I agree, but I don't know. There's just something about it, I don't want to go to the same school as Alice. Not because of her or anything, I just want to be my own person, I don't know." I explained. "I don't have siblings, so I wouldn't really know." Leah sipped her coffee. 

After breakfast, we went back to Nick's house and hung out in the basement. Naturally, Nick strummed on his guitar and hummed lightly while Abby and Leah shot each other playing one of the Call of Duty games. I laid in the floor in front of their chairs staring at the ceiling. I wondered what Bram was thinking of going to for college. He probably already knew where he was going. Hell, he probably already had his acceptance letter. He had a 30 on his ACT, he could basically go anywhere, and with a full ride. Then I started asking myself a lot of 'what if's'. what if we pick colleges across the state, or across the country? What if we drift apart in college? What if he doesn't want to try the long-distance thing in college? A thousand more kept popping up in my head and trying to solve all of them gave me a headache and it churned something deep in my stomach. After a while, I decided to go home and take a nap. 

The seven-minute walk did nothing to clear my head like it usually does. The silence just encouraged my thoughts to keep coming up with new scenarios. By the time I got to my front door, the area behind my eyes were throbbing. I scoured the kitchen for an Advil, or really anything to make my headache go away. I found the bottle and took two pills. I immediately drug myself upstairs and threw myself on the bed. 

When I woke up, it was pitch black outside, and I was tempted to just go back to bed. The nap helped a little bit, but I could feel the ache coming back within seconds. I slugged downstairs to get a drink of water and take another pill. I checked my phone when I got to the kitchen. 2 missed calls from Bram. As much as I wanted to talk to him, I still couldn't stop thinking about the whole situation and I knew that I wouldn't be much of a conversationalist in my current state. I texted him and told him I was sorry I missed his calls and explained that I napped through them, and that I would call him in the morning. I laid back on my bed, ready to turn in for the night, but sleep evaded me. I couldn't get comfortable, I couldn't lay still, and I couldn't quiet the voices in my head. I guess eventually they softened, and I drifted off. 

I woke up feeling a bit better. The headache was gone, and I could coherently think again. I opened my door and went down the stairs, where I could smell Nora cooking again. As much crap as I gave her, she was a blessing. She was making pancakes and bacon, one of my favorites. "You're up early." She looked at me. "I went to bed really early. I had a splitting headache and just passed out. I didn't even know you came home until I smelled the food." I told her. She just hummed in response, flipping a pancake. "So, how was the sleepover?" I asked, trying to make idle conversation while I buttered my pancake. "It was fun. Jennifer Galinski froze Tiffany's bra, she wasn't happy about it, but we all thought it was funny." She recalled the events of the party. After we ate breakfast, I headed back upstairs to call Bram as promised. 

I called once, no answer. I tired again, still no answer. I hope he wasn't mad at me for holding him off. I hope he was okay. I hope he wasn't calling to tell me he got in a wreck and was dying. I shook my head. I don't know what has gotten into me lately, I keep having thoughts like this. It's probably just a bit of separation anxiety. First boyfriend and all, he's been away for a few days, and we usually see each other almost every day. I guess I have to get used to it. I left him a voicemail, asking him to call me back when he had the chance. 

About ten minutes later, my phone lit up and started playing Elliot Smith. "Hey." I answered casually. "Hi." He replied, our usual conversation openers. "Sorry, I missed your call yesterday. I felt like an ass saying I'd call back this morning. I had the worst headache I've ever had in my life." I explained. "It's totally fine. I just missed your voice." He said. "I missed your voice, too. I miss you in general." I responded honestly. "Hey, by chance did I leave my hoodie there? Maybe in the living room?" he asked. "Hold on, I'll check." I trotted downstairs and looked everywhere for it. "Sorry, I don't see it." I told him. At that moment, the doorbell rang. "Hold on, someone's at the door." I told him again. I peeked out the window facing the driveway, there was a silver Honda civic parked. "Who drives a Honda Civic?" I asked no one in particular. 

I opened the door and nearly screamed. I flung my arms around Bram and hugged him tight. We just hugged for a few minutes, not saying anything. Finally, I asked "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Savannah for another week." He had a mischievous grin. "My dad told me that I could head back up here. He wanted to get acquainted to the new family. I didn't really argue. I left early this morning so I could surprise you." His smile was so wide. "Well, for the record, it was the best surprise ever." I kissed him. "By the way, Nora is the only one here, and she couldn't give a fuck even if she wanted to." I pulled him inside and shut the front door. 

I grabbed his hand and led him to my all too familiar room. I opened the door and he followed me inside, shutting the door behind him. We fell onto the bed next to each other, completely content. "I missed you." He said into the room. "I missed you, too." I echoed. It felt nice to just be laying here with him. "Just imagine. If this was hard for us, think about how absolutely fucked were going to be when we go off to college." I sighed. He stayed quiet, but I could tell he was thinking. "Hon, you're doing it again." I say. "What?" he said, kind of shocked, like being shaken out of a daydream. "That thing where you just stay in your head." I informed him. "Oh. Sorry. I'm just so used to staying in my head, its hard to remember to get out of it." He apologized. "You don't have to be sorry. I just want to know what you're thinking. I care about you a lot, that's obvious. I really care about how you feel. Especially about this." I turned over to face him. It was dark, but I could almost make out his face. "I don't know how to feel about it." He admitted. "You know me, education is very important to my parents, and it's important to me too, but so are you. I don't want to pick one or the other. I'm not going to. I know that if we end up halfway across the country from each other, then we'll find a way to work it out. We spent five months not knowing each other physically. I think now, we do. I think it's like you said in the emails, we got to know each other from the inside before anything else, and that makes all the difference. I know whatever we go through, I'm all in, if you are." He continues. I take a moment, just trying to think where to go from there. "Do you know where you're going yet?" I ask, not wanting to hear the answer but I know I have to. "No." he answers simply. I almost sigh out of relief. "Okay, let's make a deal." I say. "What kind of deal?" he tilts his head down to look at me. "We apply to whatever colleges we want. Obviously, school has to come first. I don't want to be the one to hold you back. So, you try to get into the schools you want to get into and I'll do the same. Once we get our acceptance letters and we figure out where we're going to go, we'll reconvene this conversation. Until then, we don't talk about it. We don't think about it. We just make the best of right now." I elaborate. We both agree, and I somehow, it makes me relax. We both drift off to sleep, holding each other like it's our last night.


	3. Chapter 3: Communication

[Chapter 3: Communication]  

My first thought in the morning was 'why didn't I shut my damn curtains?' I picked my phone off the bedside table and read the time. "9:17" I groaned. I was tempted to get up to close them, but Bram had wrapped himself around me and was peacefully sleeping, his face hidden in the pillows. "Well, at least one of us can sleep." I whispered, running my hand through his short curls. "I never said I was asleep." He quietly smiled. He stretched a bit before settling back against me, his grip as tight as ever. "My question is how we ended up like this." I stated. We were completely intertwined. I was laying on my back with my right arm wrapped around his shoulder with my hand in his hair. His left arm was under my back, his hand resting on my left hip. His right arm was resting on my chest, along with his head. Our legs were wrapped together like the double helix of deoxyribonucleic acid. I just wish we could lay like this forever. 

Eventually, my mom called us down for breakfast, and we had no choice but to get up. We put on some lounge clothes and headed downstairs. Resident chef Nora had fixed waffles, bacon, and eggs. She only fixes a big breakfast like this on certain occasions. Whatever the reason, I wasn't complaining about it. We all sat at the dining table like a regular family and talked over breakfast. "So, do any of you have plans today?" My mom asked. That was her way of subtly being nosey. I glanced at Bram, silently asking if he did. "I don't, as of right now." He smiled. "Well, we can make some." I leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Oh. Yeah, you're right. I do have plans." He corrected. My mom raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "I have to catch up on 'Chopped'. I missed like four episodes last week." Nora chimed in. Everyone nodded. "Well, we will be going to Savannah to pick up Alice and Theo from the airport." Mom announced. "They're both coming?" I asked. "Yeah. Alice said something about Theo wanting to spend time with our family as well. They'll be in tonight, and he will be here for a week or two." Dad responded. I kind of liked Theo, so I didn't care. "That's cool. It'll be nice seeing Theo again. He didn't stay very long last time." I said, taking another bite of waffle. "I guess he's making up for it now." Bram piped up. Normally, Bram was quiet and didn't really talk a lot, especially in front of my family. I assume he's just getting more comfortable with my family's dynamic. 

When we finished breakfast, Bram and I headed back upstairs to get ready for the day. I decided to put in my contacts today. I don't know what my deal was, but ever since Bram told me he loved my eyes, I've tried wearing my contacts more. Of course, he's told me he likes me in my glasses too. I've actually started to prefer contacts. I don't have to constantly push them back on my face, and I have a full field of vision. I don't know, a lot has changed lately. Once we were dressed and ready for the day, we laid on the bed in my room; we both laid on our sides facing each other. He held up his hand and I put my hand up to his. He played with my fingers, silently thinking to himself. I watched him intently, his features tense and concentrating on whatever he was thinking about. After a few minutes, he halfway flung himself back on the bed, laying flat. 

"What's going on now?" I laid back with him. He ran his hand through his short curls. "I don't know..." he began to trail off. "Babe, you have to talk to me. You have to tell me how you feel and what's making you upset. You get onto me for not talking to you about things that bother me. Now, you're laying in my bed next to me and you're clearly bothered by something. You have to communicate with me." I rubbed my thumb across the back of his hand, trying to comfort him. "I can't stop thinking about last night. I know we said we weren't going to talk about it or think about it, but the longer I sat on it, the more I couldn't not think about it." He breathes out slowly. "On one hand, we have a whole year to figure out what were going to do. Who knows where we're going to be and how we're going to feel. We don't even know where we're going yet. I think it's kind of pointless to keep thinking about it because of that, but then you have this other side that is just a bunch of doubt and 'what if's' constantly swimming around in my head." He paused. "Now I know what you were talking about last night." He halfway smiled. "Well, the way I see it, we can keep dwelling on it, or we can just enjoy the time we have together and figure everything else out as we go. There's no use trying to plan it out or come up with some solution. There's no point in racking our brains over it. I mean, it's definitely something to think about, but we can't stress over it now. We're just about to go into our senior year. We have to focus on right now, on each other. We don't know where life is going to take us, and I would hate to spend all of that time focusing on what could be rather than what is." I bring his hand to my mouth and place a gentle kiss on his knuckles. He takes a moment again, just staring at the ceiling. "I know you're right, I definitely want to focus on you for as long as I can, as much as I can. I know it's hard to not think about it, and I know it's dangerous to." He finally says. 

After a few long minutes of silence, I sit up. "Alright, here's the plan." He sits up with me, looking at me as I explain. "We are going to go to the park. Later, we're going to see if the others want to join, and we can all have a normal night together; and if you want, you can spend the night again. Mom and dad will be out late tonight picking up Alice and Theo, so they won't even know you're staying. I can take the heat from them in the morning." I elaborate. He smiles one of the biggest smiles I've seen. 

By the time we got out the door, it was after 2pm. "I texted everyone and told them to meet up at WaHo at 4. Everyone is in. Now, we have almost two hours of just us." I shut the door to his car. "Sounds perfect to me." He turned the car on and begins to back up. "You better play something good." He warns, not even looking at me. "Do I ever play anything bad?" I asked defensively. "Well, there was that one time you played that god awful yodeling song..." he began. "That was an accident and we both agreed we wouldn't talk about it again." I cut him off. he just hummed in response, turning left at the stop sign down from my house. 

Ten minutes later, we pulled in at the park. It was a large area, a playground in the center of it, with a trail that went along the edge of the lake for over a mile. It was always really pretty out here, it never failed to relax me. We began walking along the border of the lake, following the trail. His hand grasped mine, and we walked slowly and close together. We could hear the children playing on the playground in the distance, but it was mostly empty. It was like we had the world to ourselves. There weren't any words, there didn't need to be. It was one of those situations where talking wasn't needed. We just wanted to enjoy each other's presence. We walked slowly, taking our time. I didn't want to rush; time was already flying away from us. I wanted to hold on to what we have right now. 

It didn't take long before we abandoned the trail to sit on one of the benches by the lake to watch the ducks. We sat down, and he put his arm around me, and my head immediately fell into the crook of his neck, my arm went around his waist. We sat there for a long time, just watching the water. It felt ridiculous for a minute, we were acting like we were spending our last few moments together before never seeing each other again, when we had a whole year of school and another season of summer to get through. We needed to enjoy right now.

After sitting for a while, and maybe a few kisses later, he stands up and we head back to the car. We still had half an hour before we needed to be at Waffle House, but knowing Bram, he had something up his sleeve. He started the car and I hooked the aux cord into my phone. "Where are we going now?" I asked quietly. "Nowhere in particular, maybe we can just drive around." He answered and put the car in gear. His hand found its way into mine, and our hands sat there on the console between us. We had gotten a lot more physical and affectionate over the past few months. The past two days we basically weren't breathing unless we were touching. I'm not complaining. 

Half an hour later, we pull up at Waffle House, the place of many hangouts and essentially the group's home base. We barely ate anywhere else, and it was kind of perfect to just sit down and hang out. Nick and Abby were already there, to which we pull up next to them and interrupt a very intense make out session. Leah pulled up a few seconds after we did. The gang was all here, so we went inside and took our usual booth. We got our usual orders and started talking while waiting on our food. 

"So, I noticed we interrupted something out there." I smirked at Abby and Nick. "Oh, shut up! Don't act like you and Bram haven't been caught NUMEROUS times making out; in a car, in your room, in school, under the bleachers, at the school dance." She listed off a bunch of places on her fingers. "Okay, okay. Jeeze. Take it easy there, luscious lips." I retorted, which earned a playful glare. "Okay, shut up and pose!" Leah held up her phone and everyone leaned in. It was a tradition to take a selfie every time we were all here. Leah told us that part of our senior gifts was a video collage showing off every selfie we've taken over the past year. That was going to be a very long video. 

We talked, we ate, we complained about how hot it was; the usual banter between us all. "So, the parental unit is letting me throw a party on Saturday. Everybody down for it?" Nick said. Everybody chimed in and said they would be there. "Who else are you inviting?" Leah questioned. "The soccer team, the drama club, the usual people." He listed. "Please tell me you didn't invite He Who Must Not Be Named?" I groaned. "What? No, of course not. What kind of best friend would I be if I invited him? Please, have a bit more faith in me." Nick put his hand on his chest and recoiled, faking being offended. 

After another two hours, we all climbed in the car and headed toward my house. Recently, for some reason, my house became to go to spot for almost any hang outs outside of WaHo. I mean, we had the whole basement to ourselves and my parents never cared. I think my mom was secretively thrilled when we started hanging out around the house more. We all went directly to the basement, plopping down in our usual seating arrangement: Bram on the far left, then me, Leah, Abby, and then Nick. Of course, I always end up laying my head in Bram's lap and laying across Leah and Abby, who is always snuggles into Nick. Sometimes I feel a little weird because Leah is the only one 'alone', and I don't want to single her out. Although, she didn't seem to mind. The way she kept checking her phone, it wouldn't surprise me if she wasn't secretly talking to someone. I've noticed for about a week now, but she hasn't said anything, so I'm not going to bother her about it, she'll tell me when she's ready. 

Four hours of 'Friends' later, everyone realized it was after 11 and headed out. My parents hadn't made it home yet. I texted mom just to make sure they were okay, she told me they were just leaving Savannah and the plane had been delayed. Bram and I headed up to my room and got ready for bed. We got under the covers and wrapped around each other the way we were this morning, well almost. Instead of him laying on my chest, he was kissing my jaw. I raised my head up as he lowered his lips onto my neck. I was silently hoping he wouldn't go for the sweet spot right above my collar bone, but of course that is where he heads immediately. I stifled a moan as his tongue ran along the skin. His face came up to mine and he pulled my lips to his. I don't know what has gotten into him, he has never been like this. He untangled us and moved above me, not breaking lip contact. His hands were moving everywhere, from my outer thighs to my chest, running down my arms and repeating. With a small grind of his hips, I could feel his arousal, and I'm sure he felt mine as well. My hands laid steady on his chest, and I pulled back to breathe. "That came out of nowhere." I said breathlessly. "I'm not complaining." I could see him smirk in the darkness. "Neither am I.' I admitted. He immediately latched onto my lips again and picked up where he left off.

"That was, without a doubt, hands down, undeniably the best make out session we've ever had." I admitted as he resumed our cuddling form as I caught my breath. "I would be wrong to disagree." He agreed. "Where did that come from?" I asked him. "What, I'm not allowed to kiss my boyfriend?" he retorted. "No, you very much are. I am down to do that anytime. You just haven't ever done that before." I explained. "I don't know. I just felt like going for it." He whispered back. "Well, whatever that was, I'm into it." I encouraged. With that, we quickly fell asleep together once again.


	4. Chapter 4: Admitting Truth

[Chapter 4: Admitting Truth] 

Waking up next to Bram was definitely becoming my favorite thing, well, besides his smile, and his laugh, or anything involving Bram at all. God, when did I become such a romantic. I leaned over slightly, placing a small kiss to his temple. I was so content in the moment, there wasn't anything better than this, I was sure of that. It was crazy to think that we had only been dating for five months, and I already loved him more than I could understand. Of course, we talked for five months before we really met, and were basically dating that entire time. 

I laid there for another ten minutes before I had the overwhelming urge to use the bathroom. I slowly undid his hold on me and went to relieve myself, unhappy that I had to move. Once I got back in my room, he was sitting on the end of the bed, head in his hands trying to wake up fully. "Good morning, sleeping beauty." I walked over to him and kissed his forehead. "Um, excuse me?" he objected, puckering his lips. I obliged, and he smiled in satisfaction. I pulled the door open to my closet to pick out an outfit for the day. It was only seconds into searching for a quality outfit that Bram called me back over. "Come hereeeeeee." He practically begged. I shut the closet door and walked back over to him. "What do you want now?" I ask him playfully. He just stares into my eyes before finally saying "You."

He grabs my hips and brings me closer, and my neck instantly cranes to kiss him since he's still sitting on the edge of the bed. The kiss begins as soft and sweet but takes only a matter of seconds to turn into an intense, passion filled make out session. Suddenly, I'm on his lap and he's pulling me down as he lays back. My hands run across his toned stomach and chest, and I silently thank God that I ended up with a soccer player. His hands have wandered down my arms and to my hips, where his thumbs play with the elastic waistband of my boxers. I quietly moaned into his mouth and hoped that nobody else could hear. His hand slipped into my underwear, giving my ass a vey firm squeeze, enticing a slightly louder surprised moan out of me. While this isn't the first time this has happened, it is the first time he has put his hands into my boxers. His mouth moves from mine to my neck, and then to the sweet spot above my collar bone. He knows that is my weak spot. His hips are directly under me, and I can feel his bulge against mine. 

All of the sudden, three sharp knocks make me jump off of him and land ten feet away. "Simon, breakfast is ready whenever you want it!" my mother informs. "Alight, we'll be right down." I call back. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling flushed but relieved she didn't want to poke her head in. "So, are we just going to get dressed and go downstairs or are we going to finish what we started?" he looks at me with that mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Oh, dear Jesus." I groan. The things this boy does to me are unreal. "We can always finish later. You know you shouldn't have dessert without dinner first." He winks at me. God, there is so much sexual tension between us, and Bram is becoming more and more sexually flirty and handsy. Not gonna lie, probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. 

We slipped some clothes on and went downstairs. Nora fixed a great breakfast as usual, and the conversation with my family was normal as usual. "Now, Simon. You know we don't care if you have Bram or any of your friends stay over, but you need to ask us first, or at least tell us." My mom chided. "Sorry, we were upstairs watching a movie and by the time it was over it was really late, and I told him to stay. He doesn't have the best night vision." I lied. "That's alright dear. Just try to give us a heads up next time." She rationed. It has been so nice since my parents, mainly my mother, let go of the reins. After the hickey incident after the talent show, mom and I had a long talk and we both agreed that as long as I'm not doing anything stupid or not deserving of her trust, she would let me have a little more privacy and freedom.

"So, what's been going on with you all?" I gesture to Alice and Theo. "Not much." Theo says. He was super quiet most of the time, even quieter than Bram is, and that's saying something. "How was the flight?" I came up with as many follow up questions as possible. Ever since Alice went to Wesleyan, it's been like I don't see her as much. I try to talk to her as much as possible, but she has school and work, plus a bunch of other things that keeps her occupied. I know that she keeps busy, but we try our best.

Bram and I headed back upstairs after breakfast. I wanted to finish what had been on my mind since we came downstairs. As soon as the door shut, he had my hands pinned above me on the wall next to the door, his lips on my neck, and his entire body pressed against mine. Not gonna lie, it was hot. Very, very, VERY hot. With very little effort, I pushed against Bram's hands, and Bram let them drop. I shoved my hands up Bram's shirt, tracing invisible lines across the dark skin. My head tilted back against the wall as his mouth migrated along my neck and down to my shirt line. "Too bad this shirt is in the way." He sighed. In one swift motion, he yanked the hem of my shirt over my head and threw it across the room. "That's better." He nodded before stripping his shirt and going back to business. 

After a long make out session, with hands roaming and lips moving across open skin, we slowed down. "Maybe we should stop here." He whispered. "It's definitely not that I don't want to, that's not it at all. I really want to, but I want to make sure you're ready, that we're both ready." He says, laying beside me. "No, I get it. I know we've only been together for five months, and we kind of move at our own pace. I know that that kind of thing is special, and there's a time and place for it." I laced our fingers together before bringing his hand to my lips. "God, we're so domestic!" I laughed. "Why? Because we're at your parents' house with the door locked, laying in your bed shirtless, making out and dry humping each other like regular high schoolers?" he debunked. We both laughed at his description. "Not that. Well, I mean kinda, but I just mean we're so cozy together. Its's like we're always together and we do really typical couple-y stuff." I explained. "So, what you're saying is that we're heteronormative." He giggles. "Not at all. I mean, we're in love just like everyone else. I don't think love can be heteronormative." I retort. We're silent for a moment, and I could almost hear him thinking. "Did you say love?" as soon as I heard it, it was like a siren went off in my head. "Well, I, uh, may, perhaps I, shit. Yeah I did." I stuttered. "So, we're in love?" he followed up. "I guess, I mean, I am." I answered. "With you, not me. I'm in love with you." I corrected. I couldn't see his face, but I could feel him smiling. "Good, because I'm in love with you, too." 

Later that day, after spending hours sitting in my room, Bram had to go home. He hadn't been home since coming back from Savannah and he was sure his mother wouldn't be too happy he didn't tell her he was coming to my house. Of course, she knew he was here, but he didn't tell her ahead of time, and I guess as a parent that could be aggravating. We said goodbye and he left. Usually, I would feel a little upset or saddened that he had to go, but I had spent three days with him, plus I'd see him tomorrow at the party. I think with the talk we had the day he came back, it gave me a little self-assurance, perhaps a new perspective. We had a whole year before we might end up apart. 

I flopped down on my bed, it felt unfamiliar without him here. There was a slight dent where we had both been sleeping together. I tossed around, trying to find a comfortable spot, but something was missing, he was missing. It's funny how I've slept on my own for 17 years and all of the sudden after having him sleep over for two days, I can't sleep without him. it's funny how quickly you adapt to someone, how quickly they can change your life.


	5. Chapter 5: Superhero

[Chapter 5: Superhero] 

I didn't wake up until late that day, around noon. It may not be that late to a lot of people, but lately I've been getting up pretty early, so it was late for me. I headed downstairs and poured a bowl of cereal. Mom and dad were sitting on the couch, watching some romantic comedy. They must've not heard me yet; my mother always pauses a movie to talk to me. I scrolled through Tumblr as I ate my breakfast, liking a few cute posts and reblogging pictures of Oreos. After breakfast, I got ready for the day; getting a shower, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, doing my hair, that sort of thing. The party wasn't for another few hours, so I went back downstairs and sat on the couch with my parents. "What are you all watching?" I asked. "It's called 'Everything, Everything', its about this girl who gets sick really easy, so she can't go outside, but she falls in love with this boy who just moved across the street. Basically, they're sneaking around and falling in love with each other because her mom is a control freak and terrified she'll get sick." Mom explained quickly. "Ugh, so the usual boy meets girl, girl falls in love, something comes between them, so they can't be together, but they do it anyway, something bad happens and they break up, but realize they love each other so much that they can't bear to be apart, and they travel across the world to be together." I groan. "Oh, Simon, quit being such a cynic. You know you love movies like this. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me. I see right through you." She chided. She was right, I secretly loved movies like this, I just hate that they're all straight.

We finished watching the movie and I headed back upstairs. Alice and Theo had gone out to spend time together, and Nora was watching something on Netflix in her room. That didn't sound like such a bad idea. I scrolled through the options for a while, debating on one thing or another. I selected a random episode of 'The Office' because who doesn't love 'The Office'? I scrolled through all my social media until I couldn't find anything new. It was about an hour and a half before the party started, so I grabbed my keys and bounced down the stairs. "I'm headed to the party at Nick's! I'll be out late, text me if you need me, love you!" I called back up the stairs when I realized my parents weren't in the living room. I heard faint goodbyes from my parents and closed the door behind me. 

Of course, I had to go and get Bram and Abby since they lived a little farther away. I didn't mind though, it was so early that I needed something to do and hanging out with them was like a big pre-party. I pulled into Bram's driveway and parked the car. I knocked on the door, only to hear his mother call me inside. "Simon, you should know by now that you can just come in. You've been over a handful of times." She told me. "Thank you. I didn't know if you were expecting me or not." I explained. "Yes, Bram told me about the party. Now, just between you and me, is there going to be alcohol or anything?" she pulled me closer to whisper in my ear. "No, no alcohol or anything like that. Nick would never have anything like that at his house. His mom is a doctor, so she firmly prohibits anything like that in the house. I'd hate to be him and have her find out I'd been drinking. That woman scares me sometimes." I admitted to her. "Good. I know you're all good kids, but a mother worries. I know you're all getting older and you want to do things. I'm not necessarily against anyone having a good time, but avoid the worst, safety first." She laughed a bit. She called Bram down, and he trotted down the stairs. After a quick goodbye and some assurance, we would be safe, we hopped in the car and backed out of the driveway. I gave him a quick kiss before putting the car in drive and pulling away. "Alright, what did she ask you?" he asked. "Just if there would be alcohol. She just wanted to make srue we were being safe is all." I answered. "God, she's so embarrassing sometimes." He cringed. "At least she wasn't asking about our sex life. She could have checked in and made sure we were using protection every time, including oral." I joked. He laughed while hiding his face. "That was so embarrassing!" he chuckled. I pulled up at Abby's house and she got right in the car. "Sup, bitches!" she hollered as she bucked her seat belt. 

Half an hour later, and a few complaints about my music choice later, we arrived at Nick's. His house was already packed, but a space was reserved in the drive way for me. We got out of the car and headed toward the house, the music blaring inside could faintly be heard from the driveway. There were cars parked all along the road, there must've been thirty people here already. The party wasn't supposed to start for another ten minutes. 

We walked in, and I took in the scene. The living room had been turned into a karaoke lounge, Garrett was already in front of the TV, singing some country song. The kitchen was overflowing with snacks and drinks. People were moving around, it seemed like mostly everyone was migrating outside. Of course, it was summer, so the pool was full of people. The sun was setting, so the water was warm for once. Abby went to find Nick in the crowd. Bram grabbed my hand. "Do you want to go dance, or do you wanna change and hit the pool?" he asked. "I was thinking eating first, then dancing, then pool." I planned out. "Fine with me." He smiled. We headed to the kitchen and got into the pizza. Leah came in a few minutes into my second slice. "Hey! I heard you all finally got here. I should've known you would be by the food first thing." She laughed. "Listen, the food is always gone halfway through the party, so I get to it first thing." I defended. "Yeah, it's always gone because you eat half of it as soon as you get here!" she retorted. I shrugged and kept eating. Leah grabbed her own slice of pizza, and we swayed a little bit to the music. Taylor Metternich took the karaoke mike and started singing some Beyoncé song about drinking watermelons. She had a nice voice, and it was a good song. Everyone started dancing and singing along, even Leah. 

After knocking out three slices, we headed outside with the majority of the crowd. Nick had a pretty big back yard, the pool only taking up a small portion of it. People were dancing and running around. There were disco lights hanging from the trees and the roof. I have to admit, Nick really throws great parties. Speaking of Nick, I spotted him and Abby dancing near the edge of the yard. We headed over, and we wall danced together for a while. "This party is really kicking, Nick!" Bram commented. Everyone seemed to be having a fantastic time. We continued to dance for a few more songs before we noticed people were starting to get out of the pool. We decided to seize the opportunity and went inside to change. 

Bram in swimming trunks was a blessing that I hadn't thought of yet, but as soon as I saw him, my heart skipped a few beats. God, I was so lucky to be dating an athlete. I grabbed his hand as he came out to the back deck where I was waiting for him. we bounced down the stairs and to the pool. He started running, not letting go of my hand. "Bram, no!" I hollered, but he just pulled harder and jumped in. When we surfaced, he was laughing so hard, and I splashed him. Not a second later, Nick, Abby, and Leah joined us. Nick jumped right over our heads and cannon balled right in front of us. Abby sank in beside Bram, and Leah sat on the edge of the pool beside me, her feet soaking in the pool. It was a really fun party so far. Everyone was grooving to the music, having a blast. Occasionally, random bursts of laugher would flare up from random corners around the yard, and you could periodically hear the cheers from the karaokers inside. 

It was another hour later before we all got out of the pool and changed back into our party outfits. Abby and Leah took a turn singing a duet, and it was actually so iconic. I was heading to the kitchen to grab another coke when I saw the door open, and my stomach dropped to the floor. My eyes went wide, and before he saw me, I ran to find Bram. He was dancing in the living room with the rest of the group, and I pulled him closer. "Bram, we need to go now. Follow me upstairs." I whispered to him. he nodded, confusion and concern covering his face. As we hit the first step, Bram saw him and squeezed me hand. 

"Why the hell is Martin Addison here!" I yelled in frustration. We closed the door to Nick's room, but the music was barely muffled. "I don't know, Nick didn't invite him. I guess someone posted about the party on Creek secrets and he saw it." He tried to explain. "Ugh, it was going so well until I saw his fucking asshole face." I groaned. "I'll go get Nick and talk to him about it." Bram offered. "No, its fine. Maybe I should just go." I really didn't want any confrontation. The night had taken a dip and I didn't think even if Martin left, it would recover for me. "Hey, he has no right to be here. He's not friends with anyone here. You shouldn't feel out of place just because of him." he comforted me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. "It's gonna be okay. I'm going to go take care of it." He promised. He opened the door and gave me a reassuring smile before closing it behind me. I sat down on the bed and took a second to breathe. I didn't realize it, but I had been tensed up ever since I saw him. I took a deep breathe and closed my eyes, trying to relax. My fingers drummed on the blanket to the beat of the song downstairs. I could see the people dancing in the backyard from Nick's window. 

A few moments later, Bram retuned with Nick, followed by Abby and Leah. "Si, I'm so sorry, I didn't know he was going to show up. I'll tell him to leave if you want me to." Nick said. I could tell everyone was on edge now. "I really don't want to start anything." I said. "But it's not okay for him to show up uninvited and make you feel uncomfortable." Abby states You're having a good time with your friends and he just comes in and ruins it." Leah snarled. Bram is sitting next to me, holding my hand. I can feel him slowly squeezing harder as he became more and more angry. "Bram..." I began. I could tell he was getting pissed, and when he does he does things on impulse. "No, Simon. He shouldn't be here. He knew you would be here, and he knew he should stay away from you." He seethes. "That's it. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind." Leah stands abruptly, and before anyone could stop her, she's in the hallway and going down the stairs. Abby follows close behind her, and the rest of us are a few steps behind her. 

Martin was back standing in the entry way again, and Leah made a B-line directly to him, Abby in tow. In a second, Leah stood in front of him, Abby to her right, Nick behind her, and I'm behind Leah with Nick to my right and Bram holding my hand to the left. It looked like we were about to gang up on him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here, Moldy Ass wipe?" Leah folds her arms. He looks panicked, as if he didn't expect us to be here. "I- uh, fun party!?" he awkwardly cheers. I could hear the music being turned down, and everyone's eyes on us. "Listen, Moist Aglet." Leah began. "Literally no one here likes you. No one in our school likes you. Once everyone found out that you blackmailed him, and outed him, they stopped caring that he was gay and started caring that you are undeniably the biggest prick-cicle anyone has ever met. Literally, everyone hates you. Have you not noticed that literally everyone stopped being friends with you?" she sneered. "You blackmailed my best friend, and you think it's okay to show up to my house and act like you can be here?" Nick clenched his fists. "You are literally the worst person I have ever met, I can't believe what you did, I can't believe I was your friend!" Abby yelled at him, jabbing her finger at him. Bram and I stayed quiet, but I could tell Bram was getting angrier by the second. I had nothing to say to him. "I just wanted to apologize, okay! I know I did a shitty thing, I know it was awful." He sputtered. "No, you don't get to come in here to apologize." Bram dropped my hand and moved in front of Leah, right up to Martin. "You don't get to come here and say you're sorry, you don't get to come in here and ask for forgiveness. You almost took everything from him. you almost ruined all of his friendships by blackmailing him, you almost destroyed his home life by outing him. He could have been assaulted at school. This isn't fucking San Francisco, this isn't Gay town central. This is fucking Georgia! He could have been seriously hurt. He got picked on at school because of you. You almost tore us apart, you almost ended our relationship. You almost made him loose everything, and just because it didn't turn out so bad doesn't make your shitty stunt any less shitty. So, all I have to say to you, all we have to say to you, get the fuck out, and never talk to any of us ever again. I don't want to see your face or hear your voice ever again." Bram yelled, his hands clenched so hard his knuckles were white. "Look, you all wouldn't even be together without me." Martin added. "Oh, hell no!" Abby screams and lunges for him, but is held back by Nick. Bram stands at full height and swings at him, hitting him right in the jaw. Martin flew backwards into the door and onto the floor. Bram rushes him again, picking him up off the ground and hits him again. "Listen here, you piece of shit." Bram, yelled in his face. "You didn't help us get together, and if anything, you made it harder for us to. You made it almost impossible." Bram seethed with rage, was being held back now by Nick, Abby, and Leah. I stood there, shocked. "If I ever see you again, I'll end you. On. Sight. Don't ever come near me or my boyfriend ever again." Bram shook off the three friends holding him back and stomped upstairs. Everyone began mingling among themselves, obviously talking about what just happened. The music started up again, and the color returned to my face. Leah turned to me, just as shocked as I was. "Si, are you okay?" she hugged me. "I'm fine, I need to-" I didn't even finish my sentence. I bolted upstairs to find Bram. 

I found him in Nick's room again, sitting on the edge of the bed. I closed the door behind me. He looks up at me and stands up. "Si, I'm so sorry that happened, I don't know what got into me, I just got so-" I lunged at him, pulling him closer and kissing him. "That was amazing." I told him. "You're not mad?" he whispered. "How could I be? You stood up to him and told him off, in front of everyone, and then you beat this shit out of him. I love you." I kissed him again. "I'm just very protective of you. I didn't have the chance to defend you when he was doing all of that to you, but I do now." He smiled. 

The rest of the squad was still downstairs. I'm sure they wanted to give us a minute, and make sure that Martin wasn't dying. Bram wasn't the strongest person, but he sure could do some damage when he wanted to. Thinking about it, watching Bram be so aggressive and protective was really hot.

"Bram, dude, where did that come from?" Nick asked as he came in the room. "You barely speak usually, and now you're punching blackmailing scumbags like some kind of undercover superhero." Leah cheered. "Hey, if he didn't hit him, I was going to!" Abby added. "Yeah, I know! I saw you like lunge at him and Nick barely got to you in time." I laughed. "Seriously guys, thank you all so much. You all confronted him and told him off to protect me, that means a lot." I said gratuitously. "Hey, Si, it's what friends do. We're here for you." Leah rubbed my back. After a group hug, Nick, Abby, and Leah went back downstairs to check on the party and make sure the police weren't called. That left Bram and I alone again, hands still interlocked as we sat on the edge of the bed. "I still can't believe you did that." I admitted. "Neither can I." he agreed. "It's so out of character for you. You literally cussed him out in front of like a hundred people and then hit him so hard he hit the floor. That was so unexpected. It was so brave." I kept kissing his cheek. "You make me brave." He admits. "Leah was right, you really are kind of like some undercover superhero." I kissed his cheek. "I'm your superhero." He whispered back. "Yeah, you're my superhero." I leaned in to kiss him again, my superhero.

Somehow, the party recovered, and people resumed to have a good time, although I suspected that Bram punching out Martin would not only be the highlight of the party, it would spread like wildfire on the Tumblr. Eventually the party ended, and people left, and we started cleaning up. "So, what happened to Martin?" I asked. "After you went upstairs, he left. I offered to drive him home, but he just left. Bram hit him really good, he was bleeding when he left." Nick informed us. "Damn, Bram threw hands." I cheered. We finished cleaning an hour later. It didn't take the long since there was five of us. Leah headed home shortly after, I mean she lives across the street, so it wasn't a big deal. "I'm just gonna stay here tonight, its super late." Abby told her boyfriend. "That's fine with me." He smiled back at her. "Well, Bram and I should get going. I don't even know what time it is but I'm sure its way after the time I said we would be home." I announced. We said our goodbyes and hopped in my car. 

We pulled into Bram's driveway and I walked him in. I tripped going in the door, and almost hit my face on the floor. "This is why we can't have nice things, babe." He laughed as he helped me up. A few moments later, his mom comes down the hall, probably coming to check out the commotion. "Oh, you all are just now getting in." she smiled. "Yeah, sorry. I would have had him home earlier but we stayed to help clean up." I apologized. "That's fine. Are you all fine down here? I can heat up some leftovers if you're hungry." She asked. "Oh, no thank you. I should probably head home." I declined. "Oh, Simon, its really late, you should really stay the night. I don't want you out there driving early in the morning. You're tired and you've been partying all night, you aren't in any condition to drive halfway across the city." She pleaded. "I really shouldn't. My mom really is expecting me home." I tried to explain. "Nonsense. Give me your keys, I won't have you out here wrecking on my watch. If need be, I'll tell your mother I made you stay." She closed her hand around my keys. "They'll be on the counter in the morning. You both head upstairs and get some sleep. Sleep, that's all. I don't want to hear and frickle fracking up there." She warned. We both laughed as we headed up to Bram's room.


	6. Chapter 6: The Morning After

[Chapter 6: The Morning After]

Waking up with Bram was the best thing ever, and nobody could convince me otherwise. The sun shone through the curtains and I woke up to his arms wrapped around me, as usual. It was perfect. It was pure bliss to lay here with him, his arms around me, and listen to his shallow, sleeping breaths. I could feel the sun rising, the light growing in the room. It was times like these I remembered how lucky I was. I had a great boyfriend who I loved a lot, and who loved me back. I had a wonderful family who loved and supported me through everything. I had great friends who understood me most of the time and still hung out with me. Thinking about all of this, I was kind of excited to start Senior year. Yeah, last year was kind of shit for a lot of reasons, but I was determined to make this year the best one. It was my last year of high school, and I wasn't going to let anyone fuck with that. 

Bram began stirring after a while. He began to stretch a little, trying to stay still but still move. I don't think he knows I'm awake. "Good morning." I turned over to face him. He had that groggy 'just woke up and I still don't know if I'm awake' look on his face. His hair was starting to get longer, and it stopped sitting in its natural little poof. "Good morning." He smiled. I kissed his cheek quickly before snuggling up to him. Can I be a cynic and a romantic at the same time? I think so. "How'd you sleep?" he asked in his very deep sleepy voice. God, he makes me wanna sin so bad sometimes. "Perfectly, next to you. The only way I ever want to." I answered, not removing my face from the hole between his neck and shoulder. "That's great." I could feel him smiling. "What do you plan on doing today?" I inquired, removing myself from him to look at him. "I'm not sure. I don't even know what day it is right now." He wiped his eyes, removing the sleep crust from them. "I mean, not to be clingy or anything but I don't have any plans and I really wouldn't mind literally laying here all day." I admitted. "That's not really clingy, I'd just call it lazy. But I do agree." He chuckled. "I think I'll call my dad later, check in with the baby and all that." He said, threading his fingers through my hair. "You know if you keep doing that you're going to put me to sleep, right?" I raised an eyebrow. "Well, it's the only time you're not talking, so I'll take my chances." I recoiled in horror. "Excuse me? How rude." I scooted farther away from him. "Aw, come on, you know it was a joke." He reached for me, but I smacked his hand away. "And for the record, there is one other time where I am not able to talk." I quipped. "Oh yeah, when is that?" he raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't you like to know!" I turned back toward him. He looked confused for a moment until he understood what I was insinuating. He instantly burst out laughing. 

I was all for staying there all day, but then I got hungry. "Bram, we didn't think this through." I tell him. "What do you mean?" he asked, confused once again. "You have literally no snacks within arm's reach, or any for that matter. I need food." I informed him. "You ready for breakfast then?" he followed up. "What are you talking about? I'm always ready for breakfast." I climbed out of bed and slipped on some sweats. We headed downstairs and began cooking. Of course, we weren't on Nora's level of master chef, but we could make a decent meal. In the end, we had bacon, eggs, and toast, which all turned out really well. 

Bram called his dad after breakfast. Valerie was doing fine, but they missed sleeping. Bram was glad that they were doing well, and he chatted for a bit longer before Valerie started crying again. We sat in the living room flipping through TV shows to watch, not saying much. We were cuddled into the corner of the sectional, just laying there and watching some game show. "You haven't met my dad yet, have you?" he suddenly asked. "I have once. I mean, I didn't formally meet him or talk to him, but I saw him at the last soccer game of the season." I recalled. "I was talking to him on the phone and I mentioned you were here. He said he'd like to meet you some time." Bram intertwined our fingers. "Yeah, of course. I want to meet your dad too. He's the reason you're such a grammar nerd." I smiled. "Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you use as little sentence fragments as possible, I know you have a problem with them." He teased. "So, I was thinking if you don't have anything to do tomorrow, we can go down tomorrow afternoon, go out to dinner with them, stay the night, and be back Tuesday. That is, if your parents are cool with that, and you want to." He explained. "That sounds great, I'm down. I'll ask my mom when I get home." I smiled. He really wanted me to meet his family. I know I had met his mom and I loved her, but that happened way before we started dating. I've never met his dad or his step mom. This kinda felt like we were getting serious. 

We spent almost all day together. We watched a bit of TV, made out a few times. He told me he has to start conditioning for soccer season in week. I kept trying to tell him he was already in shape, but he wasn't having it. I didn't know much about soccer, or sports in general, but I'll definitely be frontside cheering him on. Of course, I'd be there anyway because of Nick, but this year I'd be wearing his jersey, and I'd probably cheer more for my soccer star boyfriend than anyone else. His mom came in a little after one o'clock, and she made lunch. I thanked her for the meal and headed home. 

My mother was less than pleased that I suddenly decided I could go wherever and whenever without telling her, but when I told her that Bram's mom insisted that I stay over and took my keys, she relaxed a bit. "Well, I'm glad she did. You could have said that in your text, rather than 'It's late so I'm spending the night at Bram's'." she scolded. "I know, It was like 3 am and we were about to go to bed and I remembered to text you. I'll try to give you a better heads up next time." I surrendered. "That's all I ask, Simon." She sighed. "Actually, I have something to ask you." I sat down on the couch with my mug in hand. She looked at me and nodded. "So, Bram called his dad earlier, and he wants to meet me. You know, we've been together for almost half a year and everything. He's met my family and I've only met his mom. Bram wants to drive down tomorrow and spend the night, spend time with his family and give me a chance to meet them and everything, and then we come back Tuesday." I explained. She took a sip of coffee and mulled over the idea. "I don't have a problem with that. Just as long as you let me know when you get there and when you leave." She said, taking another sip. "Thank you so much!" I hugged her. "You're welcome. Now, get on upstairs and pack." She patted my back and sent me upstairs.

Half an hour later, I finished packing and called Bram. "Hi." He answered. "Hey you." I replied. Some things never change. "Whatcha up to?" I asked casually. "Just reading a bit, how about you.?" I smiled, Bram was always either reading, cleaning, or playing soccer. "I'm just laying here. I'm exhausted with all the packing I just did." I giggled a bit. "Oh, does that mean what I think it means?" he inquired. "It means that I will be by your house around noon, so we can head to Savannah, so I can meet your family." I smiled even wider. "That's great!" he rejoiced. "Mom didn't have problem with it, so we're going!" I joined. 


	7. Chapter 7: Father

[Chapter 7: Father]

I got up early the next morning to get ready. I wanted everything to go smoothly and I didn't want to forget anything. Mom made me write out a list to make sure I had everything. As much of a pain the idea was, it actually reminded me of a whole bunch of things to get. It wasn't half an hour later that I was putting my stuff I the trunk and was ready to go. It was still only 11, so I ate a little breakfast, also known as the Oreo cereal. I have a very balanced diet that I am fully committed to, okay? I texted Bram and let him know I was on my way. I said goodbye to Nora, Theo, and Alice and shut the door behind me. I closed the car door and hooked my phone up to my car, pushing play on my classics playlist.

Less than half an hour later, I parked in Bram's driveway. He put his stuff in the trunk with mine and climbed in. His mother hollered at us to be careful from the front door, and we backed out. "Simon, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you definitely need to update this playlist, there's nothing from the past ten years in it." He complained. "Listen, I love every song in that playlist." I defended. "I know, it's literally the only thing you listen to if you have the choice. I'm gonna text Abby and were going to make you a playlist of modern songs." He scrolled through the playlist. "This is literally a tragedy. You have no Beyoncé, no Rihanna, Lady Gaga, or Brittney Spears. Literally every gay boy loves them, and you don't even know who they are. You are truly a disaster!' he laughed. "I know who they are! I just prefer my music." I defended again. "This is not okay, Simon. You haven't even heard Toxic, have you? It is literally 'Gay Culture'. You cannot be gay and not listen to these queens of bops." He began typing away on his phone after changing the aux to his phone. "You said you liked all of the music I listen to!" I fussed. "I do, I just don't want to listen to 'Waltz #2' and 'Bring Me To Life' every time I get in your car." He stated. "Fair enough." I sighed. 

An hour later, we pull into the Greenfeld driveway in Savannah. Bram had texted his dad a few minutes ago to let him know we were almost there. As we got out of the car, his dad opened the front door to one of the biggest houses I've ever seen. I thought my house was big, but Bram's dad's house makes mine look like a one-bedroom apartment. His father stood in the doorway, a smile on his face as we strolled up to the porch. I trailed s few steps behind Bram, 

I was suddenly very nervous. This was the big 'meet the parent' thing, something I was chill about until I was about to meet him. Bram hugged his dad and then moved to the side to introduce me. "Dad, this is my boyfriend, Simon. Si, this is my dad." He gestured between us. I extended my hand to shake his, I made sure to use a firm grip. "It's nice to meet you, formally of course. I believe we had a conversation at one of the soccer games earlier this year, but I don't believe we were introduced." He shook my hand lighter than I anticipated. "Yeah, we had a short banter. It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Greenfeld." I almost fucking bowed. I was so nervous, and I could tell Bram knew I was too. "You can just call me Mark. Let's get all your things inside so you can both unpack." he began walking back to the car. 

"So, uh, are you staying in one room, or separately..." his father asked, and I could tell he was trying to make it as least awkward as possible. I turned to Bram with that 'This is your father and this decision is all you, I want no part in this awkward conversation about us sleeping together' look. I could see mild panic ease over his face is a second, before he started sputtering out a blurb of an answer. "We will share my room." he took a breath and confirmed, looking at me for approval. I gave him a small smile to let him know I was okay with it. "Alright then." his father carried a few bags up the stairs and dropped them on the bed. "I'll give you all some time to unpack and settle in. Patricia and Valerie will be back in the next hour or so. You know how newborn doctors visits go." He smiled as he exited the room. 

We unpacked a little bit, but it wasn't really necessary. We were only going to be here for two days, it wasn't like we were moving in. I just brought a few different outfits and my toiletries. Bram didn't bring much since he had just about everything here. "You know, I don't even know why you brought anything, you have everything here. It's like a whole separate life." I mentioned. "Yeah, I guess. I don't know, I did need to bring a few things, and I haven't really stayed down here much since my dad bought this place. I only recently had a good relationship with him. Most of the clothes here are from back when I last visited when I was like fourteen." He explained. "So, it is a whole separate life. I mean, I can see the subtle differences in how you present yourself to your father." I admitted. "What do you mean?" he raised an eyebrow. "Well, for one, you introduced us in one of the most cliché ways ever. When I met your mom for the first time as your boyfriend, I introduced myself." I commented. "Yes, and you were a nervous wreck." He retorted. "Point taken, but still. You just seem, I don't know, stiff? Like you're trying to not make the wrong move. When he asked if we were staying in the same room or not, I could see the worry and fear cross your face, then you took five million years to actually tell him." I pointed out. "Okay, but you try telling your father that we are five months into a relationship and we're sleeping in the same bed." He defended. "I didn't have to. One, we were sleeping together from the first night you stayed over and that's how it has been since. Two, you forget how nosey my parents are, they basically knew before it even happened. I'm actually surprised they didn't know who you were before I did." I laughed. "I would also like to point out we have been friends for four years, we talked online for five months, and now we've been dating for five more. We've basically been dating since the beginning of the emails and we both know it. Given our history, it isn't really weird that we sleep in the same bed. If the heteros can do it, so can we." I finished, and he laughed at the last sentence. "Yeah, I know it shouldn't be weird, but nobody knows about the emails. They don't really know how close we actually are. But seriously, you notice everything." He giggled. "Well, you know, the one who hears and the one who sees. Basically, I'm supposed to know everything." I countered. 

We stayed up in his room for a bit, just relaxing after the trip, discussing how we were going to be around his family. "I think it's alright to be cute and all, but I don't want to shove the PDA down their throats." I said. "I agree. Maybe a few pecks and some hand holding, but nothing major." He agreed. "So, just like in front of my parents." I nodded. "I guess, maybe a little more restrained than that. Your parents are used to us being touchy feely all the time. This is the first time they have seen us together." he elaborated. "That's going to be very hard for us, we are very touchy feely. We literally gravitate towards each other. We're constantly touching somehow." I implored. "That is true. I guess we'll just have to be aware of it, at least until we're alone tonight." He smirked at me. "Oh my God, Bram! You are literally killing me. You know what, we're going to go downstairs and be super causal around you family for the evening and then we will talk about this later." I stated. 

Baby Valerie was unlike any baby I had ever met before, not that I knew a lot of people with babies. She was particularly quiet, which I didn't know if should unsettle me since she just got four shots half an hour ago. "She doesn't cry a lot, does she?" I ask, sitting in the corner of the sectional next to Bram. His father and step mother were sitting next to us, facing the TV. His step mother was holding Valerie, and Mark was flipping through channels, his arm casually behind her, his hand resting on her shoulder. "She has her moments, but overall, she isn't very cranky. I think she's just a little tired now." Claire, Bram's stepmother, informed. Claire was pretty chill. She was really nice and seemed genuinely interested in Bram and I's relationship. So far so good. 

Around 6, the doorbell rang. "That would be Sarah!" Claire whispered. Valerie had passed out a while ago, so we were all trying to be quiet and not disturb her. Bram's dad went to answer the door, and Bram gestured for us to go upstairs. We got into his room and he gently closed the door behind us. "Sarah is the babysitter. If she's here, then were about to leave soon." He informed me. I gave him a small "Ah" and began to look for my shoes. Of course, three seconds later, I realized that everything I needed was downstairs. "Wait, why did you have to bring me up here to tell me that?" I questioned. "So I could do this." He pulled me closer and kissed me softly on the lips. "No objections." I murmured into the kiss. We kissed for another minute before it was time for us to head downstairs, as to not be suspicious. 

Half an hour later, we sat down in a semi fancy restaurant in the middle of Savannah. It was only a little before 7, and we were immediately sat at our reserved table. I wasn't really expecting anything this fancy. Luckily, Bram foresaw this and mentioned I should dress nice, so I at least didn't look super out of place. A waitress came over and took our drink orders, stated that she would be back with them shortly, and turned on her heel. We made idle conversation while looking over the menu, and I had a harder time deciding what to get that usual. To be quite honest, all of this stuff was really expensive, and I know they're going to insist on paying, and that makes me feel even worse. I glanced over everything twice, and I still couldn't even begin to narrow down any choices. I guess Bram sensed my panic and placed a hand on my knee under the table. "Si, have you ever had the signature burgers they make? They're really good." He suggested. "I think I'll try them then." I smiled back at him. Soon, we had our orders in and we continued the awkward small talk about little things. His dad asked about how excited we were for senior year, and I may have overly gushed about how excited I was for the shows we had lined up for this year. We talked about theatre for a bit, and soon the food came. A few minutes into dinner and his father clears his throat. "I believe now is as good a time as any to start asking questions about your relationship." His father sipped his drink. Bram and I took a small glace at each other, and I could tell that my face was heating up. "I know, I know, a father asking his son and boyfriend about their relationship is so invasive and awkward, but I would like to get to hear the backstory and all the details." He elaborated. 

"Well, it all happened in freshman year of high school." Bram began, and I quickly raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you talking about?" I quietly asked him. "Well, the thing that you don't know is that I was hard core crushing on you since I met you." He announced. His step mother gave a small "Awwww" as she listened. "I actually kind of hate you now." I jested. "How could you not tell me?" I inquired. "Have you met me? Up until we started actually dating I struggled speaking a whole sentence to you!" he laughed. I could tell his father was getting a kick out of our side conversation. "So, apparently this all started four years ago with a crush." I reiterated. "Yes. however, nothing was ever done about it, until we started anonymously emailing each other. We really got to know each other without knowing each other, and eventually we found out who each other were, and its been like this ever since." Bram raised our hands up from under the table, showing them that we've been holding hands for the past ten minutes. They both smile at us, and I could feel my cheeks burning. Even my parents haven't been this invested in our relationship, so this is kind of new to me. Abby and Leah don't even know how we ended up together, and it is driving Abby crazy. 

After a few more awkward questions, we settle into some less invasive conversation and eventually finish our meal. As predicted, his father insisted on picking up the bill, which both I silently thanked him for and felt really bad about. We get in his father's car and Bram's hand intertwines with mine in the middle of the back seat. We looked at each other, and he smiled widely. I couldn't help but to smile back. It was moments like these I was really happy he was finally mine.


	8. Chapter 8: Going Home

[Chapter 8: Going Home] 

The next day was a blur. We woke up, ate breakfast and spent a few hours with his family before we began packing. It was just a little after noon when we had all of our stuff in the back of my car. Claire insisted that we have lunch before we head back, so after a meal of surprisingly good sandwiches and casual conversations, we said our goodbyes. "Make sure to call when you make it back. Don't be strangers!" His father shook my hand. "We will, I'm sure we'll visit again before summer is over." Bram reassured them. Valerie began waking up from her nap, so we said goodbye and pulled out of the driveway. 

"I talked to Abby about making a playlist." Bram began. "And?" I glanced at him quickly. "While we both agree that your music taste is great and you have a nice playlist, we also agree that every song you play is outdated and that you need an updated playlist. We also concur that you need to listen to more, and I quote, 'Iconic Gay Pop'. So, we're getting together sometime soon to cultivate a playlist for you." He explained. "Ugh, you all are going to force me to listen to Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey, aren't you?" I huffed. "I'm not sure yet. We're thinking we are going to mix in popular artists while trying to stay true to your music taste. Also, you don't listen to either of them, so you're not exactly able to get mad about it." He countered. "Alright, fine. Make me a playlist and I'll actually listen to it. Only because I love you." I smiled in defeat. "You know you're going to love it." He kissed the back of my hand. I was sure I would, anything made by him would make me happy. 

An hour and a half drive later, I parked in the driveway and we began carrying my stuff inside. I only had two bags, so it wasn't a lot. Mom and dad were at work, and the door was locked so I'm assuming Nora wasn't home. I texted the family group chat and let her know that we made it back. Yes, we're one of those families that have a group chat. It was Alice's idea, it was easier to tell everyone in one place than to tell everyone separately. It worked really well since she was in another state for most of the year. Speaking of Alice, she wasn't home either. I guess her and Theo were out enjoying some quality time together. "It looks like we have the house to ourselves. You know what that means?" I smirked. "No, I have no idea what that means. Please enlighten me." He feigned ignorance. "It means, this." I pulled him in for a long kiss as we fell onto the couch. Typically, we only make out in my room where nobody can see us, but we do enjoy making out anywhere. When we have the house to ourselves, we can do just about anything. It makes me excited for when we have our own house in the future. 

He moved so he was straddling me, one arm holding him up, and one resting on my jaw. Both my hands were in his hair, which was no longer the small bush afro. He had let it grow out, and it started to straighten, so now it was a medium length ethnic fiesta on his head and I absolutely LOVE it. I removed one hand from his hair to move it to his back, edging my hand up his shirt. He knew exactly what that meant, and within a second, he lifted me up and proceeded to carry me up the stairs. "Not exactly what I had in mind but I'm not against it." I mumbled into his mouth. "I just didn't want to have anyone come in with both of us making out half naked in the living room." he mumbled back. "So what I'm hearing is that were getting naked?" I half smirked as I pulled back. "I said half naked!" he corrected. "Well, you can't blame me for trying." I sighed. 

After a few hours of cuddling, making out, and overall being close together within the confines of my room, he knew he had to get home soon. He got up from the blanket and began clothing himself. "It's a shame really, to have a boyfriend so hot and you can't even enjoy it half the time." I teased him from the bed. "You see me shirtless all the time. One, we sleep together, in our underwear, at least twice a week. Two, we usually end up shirtless when we make out in here anyway. Three, you can see it anytime you want, all you have to do is ask." He stated, leaning over to give me a kiss. "I know you have to leave, but I hate that you do." I sighed. "Yeah, I know. You know if it was up to me I would stay here all the time, but I do have to go home eventually." He agreed. "It's fine, I need to spend some time with Alice and Theo before he goes back Friday." I admitted. "Oh! I know. You and I should go on a double date with them this week." I exclaimed in a sudden rush of genius. "I'd be down for that." He smiled. Bram had a weird thing where he loved hanging out with my family. He had ditched making out with me multiple times to watch home makeovers with my parents or cooking with Nora. I think he's excited to hang out with Alice, in his own shy Bram way. She's the only one who he hasn't spent a lot of time with yet, and he's eager to weasel his way into my family. "Alright, I'll talk to Alice later and set it up. I'll text you when I find out more." I confirmed. 

Another hour goes by when I hear the door open. Its still a bit too early for mom and dad, so I assume its Alice or Nora. I listen more intently and I can hear two distinct voices, so that means its Alice and Theo. 'Come up to my room' I text her. 'Why don't you just come down stairs?' she replied. 'Bc I don't wanna?' answered. I hear her huff and climb the stairs. "What is so important that you made me climb up all those stairs?" she playfully growls. "I had a question for you." I smile at her. Her expression softens, as if she doesn't know if she should be surprised or concerned. "Okay so, Bram and I are proposing a double date with you and Theo before he leaves." And as soon as I finish my sentence, her face lights up like the fourth of July. "Of course! That sounds wonderful!" she exclaimed with glee. "Any day works. So just let me know." I inform her. "What about Thursday night? We could see a movie and then get dinner." She suggests. "Perfect, I'll let Bram know." I pick up my phone. "Should we drive together or separately?" she almost asks herself. I could already see her weighing the pros and cons. "The smart thing would to be to drive together, but at the same time, we get more alone time with our dates if we drive separately. Plus, Bram has been on me about my music recently, so unless you wanna listen to old music, then I'd say separately." I laugh. "Sure thing. I'll tell Theo and get the tickets. You two pick the restaurant. Were about to Spier this bitch." She high fived me and headed back downstairs. 'Spier this bitch' is a phrase Alice made up recently. It's basically 'divide and conquer', but between the Spier family. I honestly thought it was dumb at first, but its growing on me. My phone dinged with a text from Alice. 'Thursday at 7:05, 'Jurassic World', no arguing tickets are already bought.' I didn't mind. I wasn't a movie kind of guy, but I loved the Jurassic Park movies. Nobody tell Bram.  


	9. Chapter 9: Double Date

[Chapter 9: Double Date]

Friday came slowly. It was only two days, but it felt like months. Bram was as excited as I was, and I could tell that Alice was secretly really excited as well. Theo on the other hand was quiet as usual. I hadn't learned how to read him yet, which made it hard to know if he actually wanted to go on a double date or not. Alice swore up and down that he was. "He's just reserved until you get to know him. Him and Bram are really similar." She defended. I guess she's right. Bram didn't speak much to anyone unless spoken to. We had maybe a handful of conversations before we started dating, and now we never stop talking. 

Noon rolled around eventually, and Bram pulled into the driveway, on time as usual. Everyone was ready to go, so we headed out the door and I plopped down in the passenger seat of Bram's car. I gave him the usual greeting kiss. "Hey you." He smiled as he pulled away. "Hi." I smiled back. He shifted the car into reverse and pulled out of the driveway, Theo and Alice following behind us. "You know, this isn't going to be as awkward as you think it's going to be." He reassured me, his thumb running along the back of my hand. "You obviously don't know my sister." I laughed. "She is going to pull up every embarrassing memory of me every chance she gets." I continued. "Well, you're not going to tell me the embarrassing stuff about you, so someone has to." He joked. "You know very well that anyone in my family will gladly tell you any story about me you want to know. Hell, if you ask my mom she'll show you pictures or videos of them all." I cringed. "Well, I have to get to know you somehow, all of you. The good, the bad, the Oreo obsession, the secret party ninja, and the embarrassing 'Boom Boom Pow' dancing. I want to know all about you." He stopped at the red light before giving me the classic Bram Greenfeld shy smile. "Hold up, you can't just casually mention you know all about the 'Boom Boom Pow' dance and follow it with something sweet to side track me. Who told you that?" I asked, half of me not wanting to know. "Alice..." he confessed. "My point exactly!" I concluded. "It doesn't matter, Si. I love you, all of you. You think all of that was embarrassing, but it was really funny, and I think it was adorable." He assured me. "Yeah, well." I sighed. The light turned green and he slowly urged the car through the intersection. 

Once we were all parked, we grouped up and went inside the cinema. Alice flashed the booth person the online order and he let us through. Of course, we got popcorn and drinks. Bram naturally got a pack of Reese's, big enough for us to share. We settled down in the theatre, in the middle. There were only a few people I here so far, but we were also fifteen minutes early so there could still be a lot more people. The previews played, and the usual 'turn your cellphones on silent, no texting or calling during the movie' speech came across a few times before the lights went all the way down and the movie started. I glanced over to Alice and Theo, who had his arm wrapped around her like the usual cliché. I took Bram's hand and leaned into his shoulder. 

The movie was amazing, period. I was a bit skeptical because every 'Jurassic Park' movie is almost exactly the same. This one was similar, but also very different. They went into a lot of detail about the genetic engineering of all the dinosaurs, which was really interesting. Of course, Chris Pratt was amazing. Bram kept leaning over during the movie to whisper that the older brother looked like a 14-year-old me. I told him that it was eerily similar to what I looked like. They say that there's 7 people in the world who have the same face as you. I guess I found one of them. 

"So, where are we going to dinner, you secret keeping lovebirds?" Alice asked jokingly. I turned to Bram, who I had told to choose. "Does Chili's sound good to you guys?" he asked. "Oh no." I sighed under my breath, preparing myself for the inevitable. "I FUCKING LOVE CHILI'S" Alice basically screamed at us. People turned around and gave us weird looks, but obviously Alice did not care. "You have no idea what you've done." I whispered to him. "Let's go!" Alice squealed, dragging Theo back to her car. 

Ten minutes later, we park at chili's. "You know what must be done, yes?" Alice whispers to me as we walk in. I give her a small nod, and we walk into the restaurant. The host comes around the podium and begins to greet us. "Hi, welcome to Chili's!" the host, Alice, and I say at the same time. The host takes a deep breath and continues with his job seating us. I look back to Bram and Theo. Theo has his head across his forehead, hiding his face. Bram is standing straight up, looking around like he had no idea what just happened. "She does this every time." Theo says to Bram. "One, how can you walk into a Chili's and not quote one of the most iconic vines of all time? Two, it is a Spier tradition to quote said vine upon entering a Chili's. Three, you secretly love it and you can't deny it." Alice grabs his hand. Bram still looks like he's in shock. The host begins to lead us to our table, so I grab his hand and pull him along. 

When we order, I felt like Theo in the lobby. "Yes, can I get the kids Pepper Pals Cheesy Chicken Pasta with a side salad?" Alice orders first. Theo looks down, and I roll my eyes. She orders it every single time. The waitress writes down the order and continues to go around the table. Theo gets some Cajun chicken pasta, Bram ordered the ultimate bacon burger, and I get the chicken alfredo. I like pasta, sue me. 

Half an hour into dinner, the conversation is light, and everyone is relaxed. Theo is actually talking, and even Bram is weighing in on almost everything. "What do you mean you haven't seen all the Marvel movies?" Bram asked offendedly. "I already told you, I don't go to the movies that often." I defended. "This is completely unacceptable." Bram sighed. "I second that." Alice sipped her drink. "Okay, okay, I'll watch them. Damn." I held my hands up in surrender. "Okay, but who would win in a fight, Superman or Jean Grey?" Alice posed. "See, everyone would automatically assume Superman, but Jean Grey is the most powerful mutants in the world. She doesn't have the best grip of her powers because she's afraid of them, but if she ever gets full control, nobody would stand a chance, not even Superman. She can literally rip someone apart atom by atom while you're frozen. Who could defeat that?" Bram insisted. Alice nodded in agreement. "Okay, but Superman is also really fast, He could hit her before she even saw him coming." Theo argued. "Theoretically, she can read his mind and know exactly where he is and what he's going to do before he does it. Also, she has the most powerful entity sitting shotgun in her brain, so even if he did hit her, it would just piss The Phoenix off, and Superman would literally be vaporized on the spot." Alice rebuttled. "She's completely overpowered." Theo sighed. "Says the one who is defending a man who has unlimited strength, flies faster than the speed of sound, can breathe underwater and in space, shoots lasers from his eyes, and can basically do anything, and his only weakness is a piece of rock. Jean has limits on her power, one, because Xavier put blocks in her mind to prevent The Phoenix from taking over. Two, she's so terrified to use her powers, she doesn't use them unless she has to. She's shown that she can completely control her powers but refuses to use them to their full extent. In a theoretical battle with both of them at full power, Jean would decimate Superman in a second." Bram added. I knew he loved superheroes and was a giant nerd, but I didn't know it was this bad. They continued to debate between superheroes and villains. I interjected when I could, but I severely lacked the knowledge to have any sort of understanding what was going on. 

Eventually, the heated discussion of superheroes quelled, and Alice changed the subject. "So, Bram, what major are you thinking about?" Alice asked. "I'm going into English and Education. I want to teach English on the collegiate level, and who knows, maybe write a book or two." He answered confidently. Theo and Alice hummed and nodded. "You're still undecided, aren't you, Si?" Alice moved the question along to me. "Yeah. I'm not one hundred percent on what I want to do. I'm hoping to figure that out before we start applying in October." I took another bite of my pasta. "It's alright not to know. I went through my whole freshman year without a clue what I wanted to do. I just now picked Psychology." She admitted. "So, you're following in mom's footsteps, huh?" I jested. "Yeah. You have to give it to her, she picked a really cool profession." She took another drink. "What about you, Theo?" I asked. "I'm majoring in Bio-Chemistry, I'm going into pre-med." He announced. "Wow, that's great." I commented. 

The rest of the meal was full of nice conversation. Alice only brought up three embarrassing stories about me, which is a lot less than I expected. Every time she said something even slightly humiliating, Bram squeezed my hand under the table. He reassured me silently, in that special Bram way. He was really talkative tonight, which was really great. He's usually reserved for the first few times with someone, but he opened up almost immediately during dinner. It was probably all the superhero talk. It made me happy that he and Alice got along really well, and it only slightly terrified me at the same time. Theo was actually really cool, he talked a lot about Boston and his old baseball team. Of all the people Alice could date, I never expected her to date a jock. I guess I never expected to date one either, but here we were, sitting in a Chili's at almost 5pm, holding hands under the table on a double date with my sister. I guess it was just Spier DNA; we all date really hot athletes. 

We paid for the meal and headed out. "Alright, guys. I have to get Theo to the airport so he can catch his flight home." She stood between our cars. "Yeah, it was good seeing you, Theo." I shook his hand. "You too, middle Spier. I'll see you all around." He got in the car. We waited for Alice to pull away before Bram started the car and drove us home.

"I know you have to go home, but I really don't want you to." I wined as we stood at my front door. "I know." He replies simply. "We can't stay together all the time, even when we have no reason not to." He continues. "Who said that?" I raised my eyebrow quizzically. "Well, society for one, and probably our parents." He answered, moving his hands to my hips. "Fuck society. I should be able to have my boyfriend sleep over with me if I want to, especially after an amazing date." I complained. "I know, it sucks so bad." He mimicked sarcastically. "Are you saying you don't want to stay? Because, by all means, you can leave if you want." I feigned offense. "You know that's not what I mean." he chuckles softly. I kiss his softly, my hands lightly weaving through his hair. His hands tighten around my waist and he pulled me closer. I pull at his hair, just a bit, and kiss him harder. "Si, you know if you keep doing that were going to be here all night." He pulls back. "Yep, that's what I'm hoping for." I pull him back in. a few moments later, and a few more kisses, he gives in. "Alright. I'll stay." He surrenders. "Thank you." I give him another peck before opening the door.


	10. Chapter 10: One Hundred and Eighty Two

[Chapter 10: One Hundred and Eighty-Two] 

It had been almost a week since Theo left, and Alice was around the house a lot more. Over the past few days, we spent a lot of time together, along with Nora. Ever since Alice had gone to college, we hadn't all three hung out together for a long time. It was rare for Alice to come home, and even when she did, it wasn't for long and our schedules conflicted. My goal for this year was to make sure I don't make plans when I know Alice is coming home. I wouldn't ever admit it to her, but I love her a lot and a piece of me dies every time she goes back to college. 

Today, however, was not a day I was going to spend hanging out with my siblings, my family, or my friends. Today was a very special day. June 25th, mine and Bram's 6-month anniversary. I couldn't believe it had already been half a year since we started dating. It both felt like we just started a week ago and also like four years ago. It was a bit weird because at this point, I couldn't remember life without Bram. That may be a bit toxic, now that I think about it, but it's whatever. 

I got up and did my daily routine; shower, get dressed, and headed downstairs for breakfast. Nora was experimenting with pancakes again. I don't know why; her pancakes were really good. I took a few off the stack and added butter and syrup to them. "You're up early, Si." Mom mentioned as she came to get breakfast herself. "Yeah, I got things to do." I told her, stuffing pancake into my mouth. "Well, just don't be out late." She smiled and sat down. "Yeah, about that..." I began. "Today is a very, very special day and I may end up spending the night at Bram's?" I sheepishly asked. "That's fine. Just as long as I know where you are." She allowed. "Thank you!" I hugged her on the side. "Of course. Now, what's so special about today?" she inquired. "Today is our 6-month anniversary." I smiled shyly. "Oh, honey, that's wonderful!" she beamed. "Congrats, kiddo." Dad patted me on the back before sitting down at the table. "Thanks. Anyway, I'm going to get him some flowers and surprise him at his house." I admitted. Mom of course, swooned and commented about how I was such a hopeless romantic. Maybe she was right, maybe I wanted her to be. 

An hour later, I was standing in front of Bram's door with half a dozen red roses. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. A few moments later, I heard feet patting the hardwood floor inside before the door swung open. A surprised Bram stood there, taking everything in. His hands slowly reached to cover his mouth. "Happy six-month anniversary!" I cheered. "Oh my gosh, Simon! I can't believe you!" he cried. His eyes were getting watery, and I could tell mine were too. He pulled me in for a kiss, just a small one, but it said everything. He motioned for me to come in and took the flowers. "Okay, so you need to get ready." I told him, sitting down on the couch. "Wait, what?" he asked, puzzled. "What, you think all I had planned for today was to show up and give you roses?" I grin. "Alright, is this a surprise or am I allowed to know?" he interrogated. "Surprise." I confirmed. "Okay, what should I wear? Do I need to dress up or anything?" he continued. "Eh, slightly dress up, but not too much." I nodded. 

Half an hour later, he bounced down the stairs. His hair was still slightly damp from the shower, and his teeth were extra white. I stood up from the couch and reminded myself to close my mouth. He was wearing this light blue button up shirt, which perfectly complimented his dark skin, and jeans. To be fair, there wasn't much of a fashion choice for men who conform to the gender fashion rules. He looked amazing, even in simple clothes. Come to think of it, he looked great without clothes too, so he just looked great all the time. "You ready?" I asked, reaching for his hand. "Always." He smiled, taking my hand. I led him out the door and to the car. 

I hooked my phone up to the stereo and selected my playlist, 'BLUE'. It was full of random songs that reminded me of Bram. When the first sing that played wasn't Elliot Smith, he wrinkled his forehead in confusion, but only for a moment. I smiled to myself and pulled out of the driveway, headed towards the school. 

"Si, why are we in the parking lot at school?" he questioned. "Do you ever stop asking questions?" I countered. I got out of the car and he followed suit, and I led him to the soccer field. When I got to the edge of the field, I stopped and took my shoes off. I liked the feeling of the grass on my feet, and normally I wouldn't do it, but I had the feeling that told me to do it. Bram looked at me really skeptical, but followed suit. "Simon, seriously, why are we here?" he repeated when we stood in the middle of the field, alone. "This is where we first met, freshman year." I told him, his eyes getting wide. "It was September, the first game of the season. Leah, Abby, and I came to support Nick, and of course the rest of the team." I recalled. "We sat right there in the bleachers until you scored the winning goal, and we all bolted down the bleachers to congratulate you and the team. We stayed behind so Nick could shower, we all were going to Waffle House to celebrate. We laid down in the middle of the field waiting. You made it out a few minutes before Nick, and you shyly came up to us and asked why we were still there. It was the first time we had ever spoken to each other. You ended up coming to Waffle House with us, even though you kept respectfully declining, I kept asking you until you caved." I reminisced. "Yeah, now that I think about it, you always had a way of changing my mind." He laughed, pushing his hair back. "That was four years ago. We had our first conversation right here. Now, I want us to have our first dance here too." I said. 

Leah got the signal, and the familiar guitar chord began playing over the speakers. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his hands rested on my hips. "Si, I don't know what to say." He whispered. "You don't have to say anything, just dance." I smiled. 

What if I told you it was all meant to be? 

Would you believe me? Would you agree? 

Its almost that feeling that we've met before

So, tell me that you don't think I'm crazy

When I tell you love has come and now

A moment like this

Some people wait a lifetime 

For a moment like this

Some people search forever

For that one special kiss

Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me

Some people wait a lifetime

For a moment like this

We swayed back and forth for the whole song. I took one of his hands and intertwined our fingers, I wrapped my other arm under his arm that was still holding me tight at the waist. I rested my head on his shoulder, I couldn't help but smile. As the last chorus came to an end, and Kelly belted out some strong notes, I pulled my head back up and looked him in the eyes. He had tears threatening to spill over his eyelids. 

"I can't believe it's happening to me, some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this" I sang along softly as the song ended, and both of us had tears falling down our face. I undid our hands and pulled him in for the most passionate kiss I could muster. I pulled away slowly and looked at him again. "I just want you to know that you have quickly become one of the most important people in my life. We went from barely talking despite being in the same friend group and sitting at the same lunch table to dancing to Kelly Clarkson in the middle of the soccer field on our six-month anniversary. I couldn't be happier with how things turned out for us this far. I wouldn't change a thing. I couldn't ever ask for a better boyfriend. I love you more than I can put into words." I kissed him again, just a small peck. "Si, I don't even know what to say. I never thought that posting on the school Tumblr would have made me this happy. I wouldn't have guessed in a million years I would be so lucky to hold you like this. I always dreamed of kissing you, and now I can. I love you more than I thought I ever thought I possibly could." He wiped his tears away before kissing me again. "That was beautiful, by the way. The first meeting thing, and then the dance. How did I get so lucky to have you?" he smiled. "By being you." I hugged him. 

When Leah, Abby, and Nick came down the steps, I turned to them to find them looking like a mess. Abby had been hiding in the bleachers so she could film it, and I was so glad she did. She even thought to get a small mic so you could hear what was being said. Nick was working the sound system, he was the only one who knew how to work the sound board in the booth. The three of them walked across the field, all of them slightly crying as well. Abby was the first one to hug me. "You guys are so cute, I can't believe you guys." She teared up again. After a few moments of hugging and them gushing about how romantic it was, I announced that Bram and I had two more stops before the night was over with. I thanked them for all their help, and we headed back to my car. 

"Okay, how did I not notice Abby's car right there in the corner of the parking lot?" he asked, pointing to where they were going. "I don't know. I don't think I saw it when we pulled up." I admitted. "Alright, where are we going now?" he grabbed my hand as he asked. "That would be surprise #2." I smiled mischievously. I put the car in gear and left the school parking lot, heading towards our next destination. 

"Really, the mall parking lot? Si, there's nothing here." He looked around. "No, there isn't anymore. But there was in January." I reminded him. "The carnival. I should've known." He sighed. "It's where we found each other, physically speaking. This is where you rode a Tilt-A-Whirl for me. This is where I asked to hold your hand." I spoke softly, stroking the back of his hand with my thumb. "You mean the time I almost didn't make it in time and lost you forever?" he joked. "You know you wouldn't have lost me, not in the slightest." I smiled. "We're also directly in front of Publix." I mentioned. "Where we had our first kiss." He remembered aloud. "It was also our first date, and less significant, but also our first time ditching school." I leaned into him. "You're really special to me. Everything we've been through is really special to me. The emails, the carnival, the date, the kiss; everything we've done means the world to me because of you." I whispered while playing with his fingers. "They're special because of you. You deserve a great love story." He whispered back. "I'm living the greatest love story right now." I kissed his cheek. After a few minutes of silence, he finally spoke. "So, are we going to sit in this parking lot all day or what?" he jested. "Nope, there's two more stops." I assured him. "Are you ready for lunch?" I asked, starting the car. "Sure, I could eat." He answered. "Good." 

I had a basket in one hand, his in the other. We walked down the paved walkway to the side of the lake. "I can't believe you packed a whole picnic." He exclaimed. "Well, it seemed cliché and heteronormative at first, but I decided to do it anyway." I smiled. 

We sat at the edge of the lake, watching the ducks swim, eating sandwiches, and sitting as close to each other as possible. It was really peaceful, despite the children screaming on the playground or the random joggers that passed by. We didn't care if they saw us, or if they gave us disgusted looks. We just scooted closer and kept eating. The sun was really bright, but I didn't care. It was four in the afternoon, and I was sitting with my boyfriend, just enjoying the view. I don't think I've ever been happier. 

After sitting at the park for an hour, we packed up and headed to our last destination of the day; his house. "I thought there was one more place to go?" he scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. "Yep. This is it." I say, getting out of the car. He cautiously gets out too and digs in his pocket for his keys. I walk over to his side and grab his hand, walking us to the door. He fiddles with the door for a second before opening it, stepping back so I could enter the house. When he flips the switch on, his eyes widen, and his mouth is hanging to the floor. There are rose pedals on the floor, and I'm standing in the center of the main entrance of the house, holding a small box behind my back. He walks forward slowly, trying to figure out what just happened. "Your mom was in on it. She decorated the place while we were gone." I confessed. "But, what is all of this for?" he picked up some of the rose pedals and let them flutter back to the floor. "For you. Being the best boyfriend ever deserves some celebration." I close the distance between us and bring my hands in front of me. He kind of gasps when he sees the velvet box in my hand, and he looks worried. "Abraham Louis Greenfeld, ever since we started emailing each other, I knew I was falling in love with you. I knew that no matter what, I couldn't stop falling for you. You came into my life at the perfect moment, and you've given me everything I needed. You gave me the courage to come out, and although some of it was awful, it wasn't as bad because I finally got you. Looking back, one of the biggest reasons I hadn't come out sooner was because I didn't really have a reason to. You gave me a reason. You were that final push I needed. You made it possible for me to breathe again. I've never been happier, and I've never wanted to kiss you more than I do right now. I love you, Bram, with everything in me. You've made the last one hundred and eighty-two days phenomenal. You may never know how much you mean to me, but know that you have changed my life, and every day that passes, I fall in love with you a little more." I open the box, where a single wrapped Reese's sits. His entire body relaxes, and he bursts out laughing. "You literally scared the hell out of me!" he wraps his arms around me. "What, did you think I was going to propose?" I ask, my face furrowed. "I didn't know what was going on. I saw the box and I just waited for something to happen. I didn't know if it was a distraction, or if it was really you doing... something." He paused. "Well, you can relax because I won't be proposing anytime soon. That is far off. Did you think the greatest love story to ever happen includes us getting married at 17? I don't think so." I shake my head, and he kisses me, hard. 

Luckily, we pull away before his mom jumps out from her hiding place with the video camera. Of course, I knew she was there, but Bram didn't. Her eyes are tear filled, but Bram has new tear stains on his face, and so do I. She closes the camera and comes over to hug us. "I'm so happy that you all found each other. That speech was really moving, Simon." She hugged me. "I just spoke the truth. You have a wonderful son, and maybe someday, I'll actually propose." I smile. I know we're young, and I know that this is a first love deal, and those typically don't work out, but something in me just feels that we're different. We've already defied the status quo once, why not keep doing it?

The night ends with Bram and I cleaning up the rose petals before we go upstairs to his room. we just lay there next to each other in silence. no kissing, no cuddling, no hand holding. Just sweet, pure silence. We just lay there less than an inch apart staring at the ceiling. "Today was amazing." He finally says. "You deserve it. I'm not the only one who deserves a great love story. I wanted to do all of tis for you, just to help show you how much I appreciate you." I grab his hand. We still haven't looked at each other, but I can tell he's grinning. "Well, I didn't have a grand gesture or a big, heartfelt speech, but I appreciate you too. We support each other, and I think that's important, especially for us. I love that you did all of this for me, I really do." He turns on his side and faces me, and I do the same. "I would do it all over again. All of it, not just today. The last ten months have been the best of my life. I can't imagine my life without you now. I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I don't really care. I have you, and that's all I need." I whisper. Our faces are inches apart, so talking loudly isn't necessary. "I feel the same way. You helped me come out, not just to the world, but to myself. You helped show me that I could live happily being myself, not hiding behind a mask. I knew from the day I met you that I would love you, but I never knew it would be like this. I'm so happy. I couldn't be happier." He professed. "I just have one request." He began. "When the time is right, I want to propose to you. I want to make it this big thing like you did today. I want to do something special for you, I want to make it a day you won't forget, just like today is for me." He unlatched our hands and cupped my chin. "I will accept this request, on the condition that it is years from now and we are even happier then than we are now." I roll closer to him, and he wraps his whole body around me. I don't think we could ever get happier than we are now, but the world is bound to surprise us.


	11. Chapter 11: June Twenty Sixth, Twenty Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to celebrate pride month, I decided to post the next chapter, which just so happen to revolve around one of the biggest steps for gay rights. I hope you enjoy!

[Chapter 11: June Twenty Sixth, Twenty Fifteen] 

"Si, wake up. Your dad has called you like six times. He's calling again." Bram spoke, his voice low and hoarse in his morning voice. He handed me my phone, and I slid my finger across the screen to answer. "Hello?" I ask, although I don't know why, it's obviously my father. "Si, oh my god. Have you seen any of the texts I sent you this morning?" he asks frantically. There is some sort of distress in his voice, and suddenly I'm completely awake. "No, I literally just woke up. Why, did something happen? Is everything okay?" I ask, now on the brink of a panic attack. "No, Si, everyone is fine. Everything is fine, its great actually. I just got a report this morning when I came into work. Look at the texts I sent you. There's a link in one of them." He sounds relieved, which calms me a bit. "Okay, I'll check them." I tell him, rubbing my eyes. "God, I'm so happy for you, Si. I have to go, court is about to start. I'll talk to you when I get home tonight. Love you!" he hangs up. 

I quickly open my texts between my dad and I. For once, he sent it to me personally. He had blown up my phone, there was at least thirty messages. I scrolled all the way up to the top. 

'Oh my God, Si!'

'I just got great news'

'Link attached'

'I'm so happy for you'

And a thousand others, asking if I was up, or if I had read it yet. 

I clicked on the link, and it pulled up the Supreme Court ruling of some court case. Now, as much as my father has wanted me to be a lawyer just like him, he understands that its just not for me; he wouldn't send me something like this unless it pertained to me in some way. I feel on the nightstand for my glasses so I can read better. Bram is currently on his side trying to go back to sleep, and I'm sitting straight up in bed. I push my hair back as I read the headline. 

"US Supreme Court rules in favor of same-sex marriage nationwide." I read aloud, a bit confused. I kept reading, whispering the article to myself. "In a landmark decision, the supreme court ruled on Friday that same-sex couples can marry nationwide, establishing a new civil right and handing gay rights activists a historic victory." I read, and I almost couldn't believe it. "Same-sex couples in several affected states including Georgia, Michigan, Ohio, and Texas rushed to wed." my eyes began to tear up. I kept reading through my dewy eyes. The article went on to talk about how the Supreme Court heard a civil case this morning, and in the end, the majority voted that same-sex couples have the constitutional right to marriage. 

"Bram, Bram! Wake up! Wake up, you have to read this, oh my God!" I shook him vigorously until he sat up. He took my phone and as soon as he read the headline, he dropped the phone and covered his face and began to sob. I was very close to joining him. I knew some states had legalized gay marriage, but some states were still on the fence about it, or completely against it, Georgia being in the latter. Now, I could get married in my home state, and they couldn't deny it. I wrapped my arms around him and cried tears of joy. He wiped his eyes and hugged me like he was never going to let go. We stayed like that for what felt like forever. We just sat there, holding each other, crying happily, and processed everything. He eventually picked the phone back up and read the rest of the article. Occasionally, he would put it back down and cry harder. 

Eventually, we dried our faces and went downstairs. His mom was just about to leave for work when we walked down the stairs. "It's before 9, you all are up early!" she chimed. She walked forward to hug us goodbye but stopped about three feet from us. "Your faces are blotched and your eyes are red, have you all been crying?" she asked, suddenly very concerned. "Yeah, we have. Mom, Simon's dad called. His law firm got a report in this morning. It was from the Supreme Court. They legalized marriage nationwide this morning." Bram told her through his cracking voice. I could see the worry disappear from her face, replaced with utter joy. "Oh my, that's wonderful, I'm so happy!" she beamed and hugged us both. "This is wonderful news! I'm so happy for you two." She said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "I have to get on to work, I'll see you all tonight. I hope you all have a great day celebrating." She hugged us one more time and walked out the door. A few moments later, I heard he car start and pull away. 

Bram and I ate a bowl of cereal and then threw ourselves down on the couch. We hadn't spoken a word yet, we were still in shock. "I can't believe it. We can actually get married now. This is a real thing." I smiled. "I don't know what to say. I knew Georgia was one of the biggest homophobic states and they would put up a fight, but now they can't. We really can get married." He smiled ear to ear. I hadn't noticed it until now, but we were both laying sideways, our legs overlapping, and our fingers intertwined. "What should we do now?" he asked quietly. "We could go to bed." I state blatantly. "Or...?" he fished for more suggestions. "Or, we could go back to bed." I repeated, but I waggled my eyebrows and gave him a smirk. "Oh my Gosh, I hate you." He laughed outrageously. We hadn't done anything before, but I always liked to make small sexual innuendos around him. They made him laugh so naturally, and his face would get red and he would hide his face. "Seriously, what do you want to do?" he asked after he calmed down. "See, you're setting yourself up for it at this point." I pointed out, changing my position on the couch so I was laying on my side, in front of him. His arm naturally fell along my hips and he pulled me closer to him. I'm assuming he was trying to make sure I had enough room on the edge, but there's also that side of me that knows Bram likes to make us as close as physically possible. His lips grazed the back of my neck, hovering around the small area just beside my spine. "I personally wouldn't mind laying like this all day." I admitted. "Me either, but you heard my mom. She expects us to celebrate." He reminded me. "And what better way to celebrate that to cuddle with my amazing boyfriend while I not so secretly press my ass into his boner." I teased jokingly. Part of it was true, though. I could feel him getting hard behind me, and it was definitely not a secret that I slowly pressed myself against him occasionally. "I can't believe you sometimes." He laughed again but pulled me even closer. "I'm not complaining, just stating facts." I said innocently, even though there was nothing innocent regarding what I was insinuating. "I guess you just really like giving me a hard time." He whispered softly in my ear. I didn't know whether to be turned on by that, or to burst out laughing, so I did both. "I'm not the only one making sex jokes now. And just so we're clear, you wouldn't have a hard time if you'd give me five minutes with you in the bedroom." I winked half seductively. The conversation died there, at least it did verbally. He didn't speak with words, but boy was his mouth still moving. Having my back to him gave him great access to one of my biggest weak spots, behind my ear. I don't know how or why, but when Bram nibbled on my ear or kisses behind it, it drives me crazy. He knew exactly what he was doing, and I was perfectly fine with it. His teeth closed gently on my ear lobe, and I immediately pushed myself into him, releasing a slight moan. "If you keep this up, we're going to have to go back to bed." I uttered under my breath. "Alright, okay. I'll hold myself back for now." He surrenders. 

"We really should do something to celebrate, I mean, it's a big day." I whisper to him after a few minutes of silence. "Like what?" he inquired, propping himself up with his elbow behind me. "I don't know, it's Georgia so it isn't like there's going to be some giant pride parade." I jest sarcastically. "Si, honey, it's June. Do you know what that means?" he raises an eyebrow in that way that says, 'I know something you don't.' "No?" I say, extremely confused. "June is Pride month, there's a pride parade in Atlanta tomorrow." He informs me. "Oh." I let out, feeling dumb for not knowing that. I really need to be more informed on my own communities. "So, do you wanna go?" his invitation sounds like a question. "Of course. This will be our first Pride!" I exclaim, getting a bit more excited than I expected. "Alright, we'll go." He smiles.

I get home in time for dinner, and everyone is really happy. Mom makes this big dinner to celebrate, and while I think that it's blowing it a bit out of proportion, I also think that this is a perfect celebration. Everyone at the table is congratulating me, and it makes me feel a bit weird. I didn't do anything, I had nothing to do with it. I know they're happy about it, but they're saying they're happy for me, but I didn't do it. Its just a weird feeling. We have a nice, normal dinner for the first time in a while. With Alice being home, and everyone just going about their lives, we're living in chaos. Everyone is doing their own thing, and we haven't just sat down to a family dinner in a while. It's very unlike us, we usually eat together every night. It was nice to fall back into rhythm for a change. 

"So, You and Bram are going to the parade tomorrow?" mom asks, taking a bite of mashed potatoes. "Yeah, he just asked me earlier if I wanted to go. I think the whole group is going, just to show support." I answer. "I think that's great." She smiled. I just hum in response, but it really makes me happy. I do have some wonderful friends.


	12. Chapter 12: Having Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to celebrate pride month, I decided to post another chapter that revolves around pride. I hope you enjoy it! Happy pride month everyone!

[Chapter 12: Having Pride]

At 9 am, two cars full of 17-year-old teenagers pull into a parking lot in downtown Atlanta. The parade doesn't start until 10, but we knew it would be crowded. I wasn't expecting a overly large crowd, but maybe a few hundred people. The roads any closer to down town were being blocked off and rerouted in preparations, and there were decorations hanging everywhere. There were rainbow flags hanging from balconies, lamp posts, anywhere they could hang. It was truly beautiful. It made me feel really good. People were already flooding the streets, wearing so many colors. Bram and I decided that we were going to be as gay as possible, pinning rainbow flags around our necks like capes, and we were both wearing 'Marriage Is So Gay' tank tops. Everyone in the group was wearing something rainbow colored. Leah was wearing this shirt that had 'The Majority Does Not Exist' stitched into the back. Abby was wearing this amazing tie dye shirt that said 'Gay is Good' in dark lettering. Nick and Garret had no shirt, and had let Abby paint their faces rainbow. Bram and I also had some face paint, but Nick and Garret's faces were completely covered. Cal was wearing a Pride tank top and also was draped in a Bi-Pride flag. The whole squad was ready to take on Atlanta, even though the whole group only consisted of three gay people out of the seven of us. 

When the bell tower rang at ten o'clock, everyone cheered and poured into the streets. We had been earlier instructed to wait on the sidewalks until it officially began. Thousands of people rushed onto the hot asphalt, marching down main street. I've never seen so many gay people in one place. Bram and I walked hand in hand, and the rest of us were linked in arms, walking down the street in the middle of the crowd. There was so much shouting, screaming, and chanting, it was almost overwhelming. Georgia gets a bad reputation because it is a very homophobic state, but when you have this many people around you, people within your community and those who support it, it feels like you're invincible. The opposition seemed to fade away. 

It was three hours of walking, and my feet were killing me, but we were all so hyped. There was music, and people speaking. The speeches were one of my favorite parts. This one woman got to the podium, and she started telling this heartbreaking story about the kids in her school who were severely beaten after they were outed. She mentioned that that kid had been her brother, and she was nearly arrested for defending him. "It really just goes to show that this isn't a fear, it's a hatred. Those kids were not scared of my brother, they were not scared of any gay people, they just hated them. Hate is not innate, it is learned. Prejudice is learned, evilness is learned. It is passed down; generations of hatred and spite have infected those who do not think for themselves. It is what they do not understand that they fear. Nobody understands love, and therefore, we are all scared of it, that is how we are as a species. However, there are two ways you can approach fear; be scared and let it be an obstacle or embrace it and overcome it. There is no changing who we are, there is no changing who we love, no more than there is changing the color of your skin or changing where you come from. Some things are not decided by us, but rather for us. we stand here today to show that we are proud of who we are, proud of who we love, proud of where we came from. We are imperfectly perfect, and we are no different than the rest of the world." She finished her speech, and everyone cheered. 

After a few more hours when the festivities had died down, we decided to start our way home. We slowly made our way to our cars through the still dense crowd. Today had been wonderful, it was everything I needed. Once we got back to the car, we all made plans to get dinner at WaHo. It took us an hour to get put of Atlanta with all the traffic and rerouting. The traffic was pretty horrible, but it didn't bother me. Bram and cued up 'The Gayest Playlist To   
Ever Gay' and it was full of gay anthems and artists. I didn't recognize many of them, but I definitely loved it. I sent the link to the playlist to myself, so I could listen to it later. Bram was right in some way, I did need to broaden the realm of music I listen to, even if I loved it. 

Once everyone was seated, one of the waiters came to take our order. "Hi, my name is Lyle, I'll be your server today. What can I get you all to drink?" he smiled at us. once he brought our drinks, he took our food orders and sent them off. "  
Pride was so much fun, I'm not even gay but y'all sure know how to party!" Nick laughed. "That we do." Bram chuckled lightly. It was nice to have everyone together again. I didn't realize it, but the only person I had seen in over a week besides my family was Bram. I mean, in my defense, he was my boyfriend and we were still in that honeymoon phase where all we wanted to do was to see each other. "Si, your face paint is smudged." Leah pointed out. Bram leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Yah, I wonder how that happened." I groaned sarcastically. Bram hadn't been shy with the PDA today. I guess it was something about Pride that gave him confidence, I know it was still fueling me. Cal was sitting on the edge of the booth quietly, not really participating in conversation. "Cal, you know it's okay to talk, right?" Abby noticed as well. "Yeah, I know. I just don't know what to say. I've never been around you all like this before." Cal admitted. "Well, you spent a whole day with us, at our absolute gayest. I'm sure you've figured out our dynamic by now." I jested, trying to open him up. What was it with me and being friends with, and dating, quiet boys. "Oh, yeah. I don't know, I just don't have much to contribute to the conversation." He sighed. "That is not okay. You're one of us now, I will no longer be the new kid." Abby demanded. "I thought I was the newest addition?" Bram inquired. "Well, yeah I guess. You were already part of the squad when I got here. You just didn't talk." She quipped back. "Fair enough." He agreed. "You do now." I smiled at him, giving him a small peck. "More than that, apparently." Leah rolled her eyes playfully. 

Our food came, and it took us less time to eat it than it did for them to bring it out. It was long after we had finished eating, and it was way after sunset, but we were still sitting in the corner booth in the back, our usual spot, laughing and carrying on. It felt normal. It felt like it had always been, despite us having twice as many people here than when Leah, Nick, and I started coming here a year ago. It reminded me of how much everything had changed in a year, how much has happened, how much we've grown. It was nice. The seven of us. A whole squad of AP nerds, sitting in the back of a Waffle House at ten o'clock at night in the end of June. The Creekwood Crew.


	13. Chapter 13: Pool?

[Chapter 13: Pool?]

It was the middle of July, and it was blazing hot. It was at least over a hundred in Georgia, and everyone was dying. The Spier family just got back from our annual vacation to the beach, and I was half and half sure if I was ready to be back. On one hand, it was scorching here, and there was no ocean to run into. On the other hand, I hadn't seen my friends in a week and I missed them a lot. I guess the love I have for them outweighs my hatred for the summer sun. "Si, remember to put on sunscreen or you'll burn!" my mom hollers as I walk out the door. "I will! Love you!" I holler back, closing the door behind me. Today, the whole squad was going to Bram's house to enjoy his pool. I was on my way to pick up Leah and Nick, who had both blown up my phone fifty times in the last five minutes to hurry up.

"Where's Nora?" Leah asked as she dropped into the front seat. "You know her, ever since she got her own car, she's been ripping and running. I asked if she wanted to come, but her and her friends are going to the mall." I explained. "You can't blame her; the girl is 16 now. She's got her own car, she can legally drive, and she has places to go and people to see. We were the same way." Leah mentioned. "Yeah, you're right. It just kind of makes me realize how fast it all goes by. Two years ago, I got my car and it was like freedom, and now I get to watch Nora run faster than I can blink. She isn't my little sister anymore. She's almost grown." I admit. "Ugh, as if. We're almost 18 and we are nowhere near grown." She scoffs. I back into Nick's driveway, and he climbs in the back. "Guys, I had the fucking weirdest dream last night!" he says ecstatically. Leah groans and prepares herself to hear the story the whole way to Brams.

We pulled into Bram's driveway, and Nick starts running toward the back yard before I even stop the car. "He does realize that running is just going to make him hotter, right?" I comment to Leah, who does that single nasal exhale laugh. "At this point, I don't think it's possible." She complains. 

Bram greets us with drinks, and myself with a kiss. He's already in trunks, and I thank God once again that he works out constantly. Abby is already in the pool, floating across the top of the water. That is, until Nick throws his shirt off and jumps in, splashing her. Leah goes inside to change, and I stand in the shade with Bram. "How soon until Garret and Cal get here?" I ask him, just to make conversation. "Anytime now. Wanna help me set up the speakers?" he asks, gesturing to the large speaker sitting behind us. "Sure. I'm nit sure how but I'll do my best." I explain. "Oh, I know how. I just wanted the company." He admitted, giving me a sly smile. "You do realize that you don't have to make an excuse, don't you?" I stated with a laugh. "Yeah, I know." He said, plugging his phone into the aux. Leah came out, wearing this solid black bathing suit. "Leah, it is literally 103 degrees, and you're wearing black?" I raise my eyebrow. "It's a bathing suit, Si. I'll be cool enough in the water." She replied sarcastically. Bram selects a song, and the speakers start booming with music. I slip my shirt off and dive into the pool, and Bram follows me. 

Soon enough, Garret and Cal arrive, and we're all swimming around, enjoying the cool water and the summer sun. "Si, you're getting red, did you put on sunscreen?" Abby mothers me. "No, I forgot." I admit. "Well, its time for lunch anyway, lets go in and eat!" Bram cheered. "Dude, its like 4pm, lunch was hours ago." Nick debated. "Nick, another crack out of you and you don't get one of mom's famous sandwiches." Bram warned him Nick shut up immediately. 

Bram's mom had made an assortment of sandwiches for us. "There's ham, turkey, bologna, and tofu here. Just eat whatever looks good, chips are in the pantry. Bram, get the chips out." She orders. With a silent groan, Bram grabs the six hundred kinds of chips from the pantry and lays them out on the counter. "Now, you all help yourselves!" his mom beamed before going back upstairs to read her book. "She is literally the best mom ever!" Nick cheered. "She's like a super soccer mom." Abby agreed. "She kind of is a soccer mom. Bram plays soccer." Leah points out. Abby just gives her an "Oh, yeah" and keeps nibbling on her sandwich. The rest of us laugh a bit before returning to our conversation about literally anything. 

"Marco!" Abby yells blindfolded on the complete opposite end of the pool. "Polo!" the rest of us yell. Leah is hiding behind a float, Cal is in the corner being as still as possible, Bram and I are preparing to dive under to avoid her, and Nick and Garret are splashing at her. She lunges for Garret blindly and misses him by an inch. Before she can tag him, he's underwater and out of reach. Nick slowly sneaks across the pool and silently climbs out while Abby tries to locate anyone near her. Nick picks up a water gun from the pool and slowly fills it. "Marco!" Abby yells again. "Polo!" Nick yelled, jumping in the pool as he sprays her. "Objection! You can't get out of the pool!" She screams. "Motion accepted, Nick is Marco." I chime in. "What gives you the right to accept or overrule?" Nick counters. "My dad is a lawyer, not to mention I've spent like every Wednesday of the summer watching court with him, and Judge Sanders comes to dinner after." I retorted. "He has a point." Leah agrees. "So, no majority vote?" Nick suggested. "All in favor of making Nick Marco because he broke the sacred law of Marco Polo rules, say I." I announce. Everyone raised their hand in agreement. "Screw you guys." Nick jested. 

We spent hours playing pool games, and Abby made me get out every hour to put on more sunscreen. "This isn't fair, you're not getting out!" I protest. "Honey, I was gifted with melanin, I don't burn." She tilted her sunglasses down. "You should still probably put some on, melanin doesn't exempt you from skin cancer." Bram advised. "His mom would scold you so hard if she found out you weren't. His mom is an epidemiologist." I mention, and she scurries out of the pool. "Fine, pass me the bottle." She reached her hand out after drying off. 

It was well after sundown, and we we're still lounging in the pool. We had gotten out occasionally when our fingers had pruned. We had more sandwiches for dinner, and when the sun set, Bram turned on some party lights. "Why don't we hang out at Bram's house more often?" Abby asks, amazed at the lights shimmering on the water. "I do hang out here all the time." I joke. "Ha, ha. Not what I meant, Spier." She jabs back. "Seriously, why have we never hung out here before. We've hung out at Simon's and Nick's, that's it." Abby points out. I hear a small grunt from Leah and I know she's hit a nerve. "Not all of us have gigantic houses or mothers that make gourmet sandwiches." Leah jeered. "Leah, you know that's not the reason. You know we don't need a giant house with a huge backyard and inground pool, or party lights, or anyone making gourmet meals. Literally, we're at Nick's all the time, and we stay in his basement and eat pizza rolls every single time." She fires back. The rest of us are kind of shocked, Abby usually just lets it go. "Whatever." Leah sighs and sinks further into the water. "You wanna go hang out at your house? Let's go right now. I don't care where we are, just that we're together. You all wanna come up to mine and mom's two-bedroom apartment? That's cool with me. There's not a lot of space, we don't have a bunch of food, and my room is a complete mess, but you all are more than welcome to hang out there." Abby raved. "Leah, none of us care about anyone's financial situation. We know that not everyone has a doctor mom or a lawyer father who makes six figures a year. You can't help your financial problems, but you don't have to be self-conscious about it either. None of us care. Sure, Simon, Nick, Bram, and Garrett are blessed with huge houses and beautiful back yards with a white picket fence. So what? We're friends with them because of them, not what their families have. We don't care. We know its just you and your mom, we know she doesn't make all that much. That's okay. I didn't have that much growing up, I still don't. We don't judge you, you know that." Abby continued. Leah remained silent, and the pool water stilled as everyone tried to think of a way to resume a normal conversation. 

Things went back to normal, and we played more games. Leah got over her mad spell and suggested we play a bunch of games in the grass. We laughed so hard, Bram's mom came outside thinking someone was hurt. We really enjoyed being around each other, and Abby was right. We we're really close friends. We didn't care about the material, we cared about each other. On some level, it did make me feel bad. I mean, my parents aren't rich, but they make enough to have a six-bedroom house with a pool and new appliances, and still have enough to give Nora and I money to spend when we hang out with friends. I've noticed it before, and I try to help Leah out sometimes, buying her coffee or meal for her. She's my best friend, and I don't want her to feel like she's less valuable just because their dad took everything when her parents divorced. 

The night was drawing to a close, and we all started yawning. "I think it's time we headed home." I stated, covering my mouth to hide another yawn. "Yeah, I agree." Nick chimed in, stretching. Once we were all changed, Garrett and Cal left, then Abby. Leah and Nick headed off to the car, and I kissed Bram goodbye. He smiled at me as we pulled away, and if it hadn't been so late, I would have honked my horn at him. I watched him open the door as we drove out of view. Half an hour later, I dropped Nick off, Leah and I headed back to my house, and we carefully climbed the stairs to my room. "You know I'm not jealous of you, right?" she spoke softly as we laid in the bed. "Yeah, I know. I still feel bad sometimes, though." I admitted. "You shouldn't. It isn't your fault, or your problem." She sighed. "Yeah, but I still like helping you out when I can. I know you get mad when I pay for your coffee or your waffles, but I also know you're secretly relieved when I do. I know you and your mom are in a tough spot, and my family has no problem with me doing a little extra for you. Mom actually stops me sometimes and tells me to pay for you. Dad always slips me an extra ten to make sure you can get whatever you want and not have to worry about getting the cheapest thing. We really care for you, Leah, all of us do." I explained. "I'm sorry, Si. I know I blew up and kinda targeted you with it. I know what Abby said made you feel bad because you're a raging Hufflepuff and want to help everyone. I'm just saying I do appreciate what you do for me, and I didn't mean to sound like a bitch earlier. I know your mom and dad work really hard and they earned what they have, and I know its not your fault that I don't have what you do. I just wish sometimes I had more than what I do. I kind of feel secondary compared to the rest of the group because almost everyone can afford to do a bunch of stuff and I can't. I don't know." She elaborates. "I know, it's okay. None of us hold it against you. We love you, Leah. We don't mind helping you out, especially me. You've been my best friend for seven years. You've been there for me when times were tough, and you've helped me out when I couldn't stand on my own. There are some things you just can't pay back." I told her, and I could see her cheeks flush in the dark. She's silent for a while, and I can tell she's drifting off. "Honestly Si, I love you a lot. Thank you." She whispers. "I love you, too. Thank you." I smile, and we fall asleep.


	14. Chapter 14: The End

[Chapter 14: The end]

August rolled around eventually, to everyone's dismay. The school shopping had been done, our schedules had been mailed out, and the last few days of summer had burned out. We all went back to school tomorrow. It was our first day of senior year. It was going to be our last first day. I wasn't mentally prepared for it, but I wasn't going to let anyone know that. The thing is, I hate goodbyes. I hate endings in general. As much as I hate high school, its been three years of my life, I didn't know anything else. To think that this was the beginning of the end, it terrified me. Maybe not terrified, but it was still really weird to think this was my last year. 

I laid in bed for a while, just scrolling through pictures from the summer. Leah and I laying in Nick's back yard, Abby and Nick splashing each other in the pool, Bram and I holding hands, pictures from pride, from our dates, from hangouts, and just random pictures that I had forgotten about. Summer felt like it passes in three weeks, but it also felt like it was thirty years sometimes. I couldn't believe summer was over, and this is all I had of it. Memories.

We all met up at Nick's house for one last hurrah before senior year. Knowing everyone would be in the basement, I walked around the house and into the sliding doors under the deck. Everyone screamed "Ayyyee" as I walked in, which is something we've been doing lately. I don't really understand it, but its fun. Nick and Leah went back to their game, and Abby sprawled out back onto the floor in front of them, watching them try to kill each other. Bram was reading something on his phone, propped up against the couch. Once he saw me come in, I saw him finish the paragraph and close whatever he was reading. Classic Bram. 

We didn't do much, just our usual hang out. Nick, Leah, and Abby take turns killing each other. Nick brings out the guitar and strums some random chords. Leah lays in the floor with Abby, Bram and I follow. We just talk, about life, school, what we're wearing tomorrow. As if I knew. Our school schedules lined up nicely. Everyone in the group had English together, it was almost weird. "Mr. Wise is going to quit before the end of the year." I comment. "Bet." Abby responds quickly. "I hope they clean that couch over the summer." Bram sighs. "Don't we all. That couch has seen some things." I shudder. "Well, the whole squad is going to be together for almost two hours a day. This is going to be a bomb ass year." Nick pointed out. "Yeah it is!" I agreed ecstatically, but inside I felt halfhearted. I don't know what it is, but something is just telling me that this year is going to be really hard, emotionally speaking.

It's around six when Abby decided she wants to do something. "We should do more than just lay in the floor. This is our last day of freedom. The last day before were subjected to eight hours of school and additional two hours of after school activities." She proposed. "I mean, I'm down, but what are we gonna do?" Leah questioned. "I don't know, nothing big or anything, just more memorable than this." She sighs. "We should go to the park, its almost dark and the kids are probably leaving." Bram suggests. We all nod in response, and within two minutes, everyone is in my car and we head to the park.

Bram was right, as usual. The sun was beginning to set, and there were very few people at the park. Most parks close at dark, but this one closes at 9pm, every night. As we pulled up, the last few kids were being ushered toward their parents' cars to leave. We all walked over to the playground, it was almost deserted. "So, what should we do now?" Leah asks. We all look at Bram. "What? I got us here, someone else come up with something." He threw his hands up. "How about... Tag! You're it!" Abby screeches as she pokes Nick and runs. "This is absolutely not fair. There are two guys here who play soccer." I point out as I start running. The only thing I can do is hide and hope whoever is it doesn't find me. Nick starts running after Bram, and everyone scatters. Abby is climbing on top of the slide, Leah is using the playground equipment to help block potential taggers, and I'm running absolutely the opposite way away from everyone. Bram outruns Nick, who has now turned his attention toward Leah. 

I got tagged ten times, despite being away from everyone. Leah only got tagged once; she was absolutely cunning, turning at the last second and running around the structures to keep people away. A true Slytherin. If Nick hadn't sneaked onto the slide and tagged Abby, she would have stayed up there the whole time. Of course, Abby tagged me every single time. "Listen, there is a reason I don't play sports. That is why." I panted, trying to catch my breath. It had been an hour or running around, hiding; a complete adrenaline rush for sixty minutes. "C'mon, Simon, you're gonna need more stamina eventually." Abby teased, smirking to herself. The comment went over my head for a moment, but as soon as I understood what she was insinuating, my face turned red. Well, redder than what it already was. I looked at Bram, who was also blushing. Damn his dark skin that could hide it. If I hadn't gotten used to the slight coloration in his cheeks, I wouldn't have noticed it. 

When the park closed, and we were told to leave, we got ice cream and went back to Nick's house. I was going to miss days like this. Not having any plans or expectations but you end up having the best day ever, even if you don't do anything. I'm going to miss being able to randomly have Bram stay over, or stay at Nick's house until 3 am for no reason. Of course, there was also so much to look forward to. A lot of last times. The last first day, the last homecoming, the last year of normality. It was kind of weird, but there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. I couldn't stop time, and I could rewind the past 3 months. I don't think I would even if I actually could. 

Around ten, everyone started heading home. Leah walked across the street, Abby asked Bram if he wanted a ride home, and I told her I'd take him. She knew it was out of the way for me, and she lived three streets over from him, but she didn't say anything. She understood I needed a little more time with him. She got in her car and we stood there on the porch until her car was out of sight. We said goodbye to Nick, and then we left ourselves. 

"You're not excited about tomorrow, are you?" he timidly asked once we were in the car. "Is it that obvious?" I blushed. "No, I think I just know you inside out. I know you hate goodbyes. I know you're putting up this false front for your friends. You don't have to hide that from me." He grabbed my hand. "You're right, Bram. I'm dreading tomorrow. I know I'm going to wake up and go downstairs, and my mom is going to make a big deal out of it. I know my dad will too, but his will be more subtle. Mom will take a million pictures of Nora and I, and within a week it'll be in a frame on the wall. She'll remind me that this is my last first day, this is my last year of high school, and within nine months, I have to go and start over. I'm going to go to college and I'm going to have to find new friends, a new way of life, and I'm going to be so separate from everything I've known my whole life. The only thing I've ever known. Alice leaving last year was hard enough, but now it's me. I'm going to be moving out and living in probably a different state, away from everyone I care about." I ranted. "Si, its going to be okay, you know that right? We're all still going to be your friend, whether we end up going to the same school or if were across the country from each other. It'll be hard, and we wont all see each other as much as we'd like, but we'll see everyone. We don't even know where we're going yet. Who knows, maybe by some miracle we'll all end up going to the same school." he tries to calm me down. "Yeah, I'm sure you'll end up going to the same school out of all of us. I know you have been looking into Ivy League schools, Bram. I know you applied to all of them, and I know that any day now, you're going to get acceptance letters from all of them, and then you just have to decide which one to go to. You got a near perfect score on you ACT, you've aced every single class you've ever been in, and you're the literal co-captain of the soccer team. I don't even know where I'm going yet. You know exactly what you want to do. Hell, everyone in our group has their whole lives planned out. I have no clue what I'm going to do, and now I have 9 months to get all my shit together before I'm behind." I sigh, almost exhausted. "Babe, listen. You're not going to be behind anyone. You have to move at your pace. You have to follow your own path, not anyone else's. Another thing, you do know I applied just because my dad wanted me to, right? I know we said we were going to choose schools and then figure it out, but Si, you know I'd choose you over any school. It seems really foolish, you know, but when I look in your eyes, I see my future there, with you. I can see myself with you, graduating, getting married, maybe adopting one day, growing up and growing old, but also living life as it comes, together. No matter what, we're in this together. I don't care if I get a full ride to Yale, Harvard, Brown, or just Georgia state. I'm following my heart, and my heart will choose you every single time. We can't say how the days will unfold, we can't change what the future may hold, but I want you in it. Every hour, and every minute. We've only been dating for half a year, but I knew right from the start that we were meant to be. You gave me no other choice but to love you. No matter what, I'm always going to come home to you." He professed. "Bram..." I whispered, it's the loudest my voice could manage. "You're never going to be alone, you'll always have me. You'll still have your family and friends, no matter where you go. You might make more, you might lose a few, but that's life. We can't predict who we're going to be and where we're going to go, but we can live right now, when we have all the time to plan and make decisions later." He continued, gripping my hand tightly. "God, I love you so much." I tell him. "I love you, too." He replies. it wasn't just a simple thing, it wasn't out of reflex. It was genuine, he meant it. "You always know what to say, and you always know how to fix everything. I don't know how I got so lucky to have you, but whatever it is, I hope I keep doing it." I pull into his driveway, and we just sit there. We don't kiss, we don't speak, and he doesn't make any effort to get out. We just sit there in silence, holding hands like we're holding on for dear life. 

I feel empty still, like I'm spiraling out of control, like I'm losing everything. I still feel like after this year, my whole world is going to just fall apart. I still feel like everyone I know is going to leave, and then I'll just fade away. I'm afraid they're going to go off and find more friends, better friends, and I'll be irrelevant. "Si, you really need to talk to your mom about this. I know you're sitting there having an internal existential crisis. If anyone can help, your mom can. Hell, even talk to Alice. She did it, and she's doing better than ever." He advised. "I guess. I'll talk to them, I promise." I agreed. He kisses me slowly, and then gets out of the car. I watch him wave as he walks in before I start the car. The whole way home, the only thing I can think of is how much I love him, and how much its going to hurt to lose him.


	15. Chapter 15: Fifteen

[Chapter 15: Fifteen]

My alarm clock blares at 6am, and I want to scream 'Fuck' at it, but that would mean my mother would lecture me about swearing and I don't need that today. I lay in bed for a few minutes, waking up and reading some of the notifications I've gotten overnight. Nothing too important; a few likes on my end of summer post from two days ago, a few comments on a picture of me and Bram from our last date saying how cute we were. At ten after, I push myself and get out of bed and head for the bathroom. After a short shower, I get dressed and head down for breakfast. 

"Morning, Si! Are you excited for your last first day?" Mom asks in the perkiest tone possible. She's helping Nora clean up so she can take a shower. "I guess." I respond halfheartedly. "Actually, mom, can I talk to you?" I ask shyly. I don't know why this feels so awkward, but it does. "Of course, do you want to go in there?" she leads me into the parlor, just off the kitchen. Its usually where she sits and reads or does work she brings home. "So, I don't know why this is weird for me, but it is, so bear with me." I sigh. "So, I was talking to Bram last night when I took him home, and he really wanted me to talk to you. I really think I need to talk to you, too." I began. "You can talk to me about anything, Simon. I know it may be a bit awkward since I'm your mother, but I'll do my best to help you professionally." She comforted. "I just don't know how to feel about this year. It's the last year, and then everyone is going to go off to college and I'll be own for the first time. I guess its just kind of scary to be alone, even though it's a year away." I expressed. "I just get this feeling that I'm going to move off to college and all of my friends are gonna be all over the country and somehow they'll find better friends and they'll forget about me. It sounds really stupid when I say it out loud, but it's what I keep telling myself." I divulged. She nodded before choosing her words. "I think that's a natural feeling. You understand that your friends have different life plans that may take them away from you. I know Leah and Nick, they're going to be the friends you keep forever. Abby is still new, but I know she has a good heart and she cares deeply for you. Bram, I don't even know why you would be worried about him. You all spend more time with each other than you spend alone. You're bound by the hip at this point. I can understand you feel like it may not last with Bram, even though you really want it to. I know its your first love, and you think first loves never work out. You're waiting for it to fail. You're only sabotaging yourself, Simon. You have to remember that your life isn't a Hollywood love story, but its no Romeo and Juliet, either. Love will find a way, you just have to fight for it. Bram cares for you a lot, I can see it every time he looks at you. Just because you're young doesn't mean it wont work out. Look at me and your father, we got married as soon as we graduated college, we dated halfway through high school. We raised a beautiful family, and we couldn't be happier with each other, or prouder of you kids. Things will last if you put in the effort. If you really try. The biggest struggle you're going to have is reminding yourself that you deserve someone who loves you. Don't take it for granted." She advised. "This is your last year of high school. yes, things are going to change afterwards; you're going to move off to college and live on your own for the first time. You may make some new friends, fall in love with the city, find your calling. You never know what could happen. You could find everything you've ever wanted out there, or you may never find it because you're too scared to try. You may mess up sometimes, you might make mistakes and get hurt, you might not know what to do sometimes, you might make some poor decisions, but you miss every single opportunity you don't take. You can't be afraid of change, Simon. Change is inevitable, it happens every day, to everyone. Life is out there waiting for you, and it's going to keep going, whether you're ready or not. Just remember, you'll be okay in the end, I'm certain of that. Alice was so ready for college, she couldn't wait to graduate high school and move away. Until the day came for her to, and she cried in my arms for hours, saying she didn't want to go, saying she didn't want to leave us. It's a very scary thing to leave your whole life behind, but that's how your life begins, by stepping out into the world and making it your own. You will be fine, Simon. Anything that comes your way, you will be able to handle it, and when you can't, there will always be someone there to help you. You will always have your father and I, nothing could ever change that. I know that's part of the reason you were so terrified to come out; you were afraid of changing the dynamic, that we wouldn't adjust. Look how it is now. Yes, it changed, but for the better. If anything, it brought us closer together, and we all love you, Simon. You'll never have to doubt that. Me, your father, you sisters, Leah, Nick, Abby, Bram, all your friends at school; you have an amazing group of people in your corner at all times. You aren't going to lose anyone. Love does not know time or distance. Whether you are near or far, wherever you are, you will always be in our hearts, and you will never have to worry about being alone." She continued. "Thanks, mom. I know a lot of this is just in my head, that its just anxiety over this being the last year and all, but I know I can't worry about it forever." I admit. "You're absolutely right. Life isn't going to go the way you planned, but our path is cultivated for each and every one of us. You are the only obstacle standing in your way." She gave me a hug, something I didn't know I so desperately needed. "Thank you, mom, for everything." I told her. "Come on, you need some breakfast." She pulls me back to the dining room. 

Nora made waffles, and they were surprisingly really good. She's been experimenting with some recipes, and some of them ended in disaster. This one was the best she's had in a long time. They're really fluffy on the inside but have that crunch on the outside. This girl can cook. If she doesn't become the next Paula Deen, I will sue. After breakfast, I go to the downstairs bathroom to brush my teeth and put in my contacts. I don't hate them as much as I used to. Mom said I had an irrational fear of things touching my eye, but I wouldn't really call it irrational. It makes sense to not want things touching your eye. I've been trying to wear them more, so I switch between them and my glasses. 

WaHoes

Me: Leaving the house now, be ready!

Leah: Gotcha! I'll be waiting as usual.

Nick: Same here

Abby: Hurry the fuck up, were going to be late

Bram: I literally just woke up.

Abby: Well, if you wouldn't stay up all night talking to your boyfriend, you wouldn't be late

Me: I OBJECT!

Me: For once, I actually went to bed early

Bram: Don't act like you and Nick don't do the same thing, hoe.

Leah: Damn, shots have been FUCKING FIRED

Abby: Touché

Nick: OH MY GOD SHUT UP AND COME GET MEEEEEEE

Me: I'm literally at the stop light around the corner from your house.

Nick: YOU SAID YOU WERE LEAVING FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO

Leah: Abby, please calm down your mans before I push him onto oncoming traffic

Bram: Leah, no!

Leah: Leah yes

Abby: Nick, calm tf down, damn. You know gays can't estimate time correctly.

Bram: Offensive, yet true.

Abby: See?

Nick: I hate all of you, I'm about to walk.

Leah: And miss the chance to make out with your girlfriend in the crowded back seat of Simon's car? Motherfucking B E T.

Bram: I second this bet

Abby: I dare you

Nick: Okay, damn. It's a joke not a dick. Don't take it so hard

Abby: I can't, you won't let me

Nick: ABBY OH MY GOD I'M LEAVING THIS CHAT.

Bram: The tea is good today. Unexpected, but good.

Me: I'm U N C OM F O R T A B L E

Leah: Simon, you're always uncomfortable

Bram: You're not wrong, sis.

Me: How rude

Bram: The truth can hurt, sweetie

Abby: So can other things 

Me: Abby I stg I will run you over

Abby: Bet, bitch

Me: Beep, beep, motherfucker

Me: Seriously, get in the car

Me: We're here

Me: I want to die

Bram: Same

Me: Babe no!!!!!!

Bram: I will live for you

Me: Thanks

Bram: Are you all here yet? I finally have my life together

Abby: Yeah, we just left my house, we're on our way

Leah: I just saw the cutest fucking dog

Leah: Shit that was supposed to go on my Tumblr

Nick: Dumb bitch

Leah: First of all, how dare you

Leah: Secondly, you do realize that I am sitting literally less than 3 feet in front of you and I will not hesitate, bitch, to turn around and beat yo ass.

Abby: I would typically object to someone threatening my mans, but I won't this time

Nick: Y'all are some angry bitches today

Bram: I'm still waiting

I park at in the student section, which is almost already full. I kind of hated the idea of assigned parking, but if it means I have decent parking every day, or at least a parking spot anywhere, I guess I'm okay with that. I made sure my parking tag was on the mirror as everyone was getting out. "Take your cups, my car is not a trash can." I direct them. "No, but you are." Abby retorts. "I object to that." I fake offense. "I second that objection." Bram chimes in. "That is Lord Trash Can to you." I flip my nonexistent weave and begin to strut away. "That is not what I meant but okay. Apparently, I'm dating a trash can." Bram chuckles to himself. 

I take a deep breath and I walk through the doors. It's the morning of the first last day. There are a lot of people here already, even though we made it here before the busses did. "I can't believe we have to sit through this whole pep rally for like four fucking hours." Leah says. "Wait, what pep rally?" Nick and I ask at the same time. "You know, the rally we have the very first day; they introduce the new teachers, and they're like' its gonna be such a good year!' and then the freshman and sophomores go to homeroom and then they're all like 'Look here you little shits, you better do good this year or ya'll shits ain't graduating' and we just want to kill ourselves." Leah dramatically illustrates. "Are you sure you aren't a theatre kid, because you're over dramatic as fuck." Abby chimes in. "No, I'm just a cynical, depressed, god forsaken millennial who literally hates this place with every fiber of my being." Leah responds, taking the last drink of her iced coffee. The bell rings and they usher everyone to the gym.

Leah was right, we sat there for an hour and a half through literal nonsense and then dismissed to homeroom to get our official schedules. Abby and I have the same homeroom, since our last names both start with 'S', its how its organized. Unfortunately for everyone else, they're on their own in their homerooms. We get called up alphabetically to get our revised schedules. They do this every year, just to make sure they didn't over stuff one class, and so the seniors can apply for teachers aid positions and basically get a period free. My schedule stayed the same; Tech theatre, Performance theatre, AP Algebra, Lunch, AP English, and AP French 2. Each class was 50 minutes, starting at 8:10, with ten minutes between classes. 

It was finally time to go to first period, so for Abby, Cal, and I it was Tech Theatre. Of course, Abby and I weren't going to be doing lights. This was the performers class to help build sets and get extra time to study lines. Ms. Albright suggested the theatre kids take both tech and performance to get optimal theatre time and enjoyment. It made things a little easier on everyone, I guess. So, we were going to be in the auditorium for an hour. There were some new faces, one of which was my little sister, Nora. "Nora, what are you doing here?" I asked, not sure if I should be surprised. "I'm in theatre now." She popped her gum. "Okay, first of all, I know you're new, but like one of the top three rules of theatre is no food or drinks in the auditorium, and that includes gum. Secondly, when did you decided to be a theatre kid? Thirdly, how much are you going to embarrass me in this class?" I list off. "One, I know, I'm getting rid of it. Two, last year when I helped Cal with directing and stuff, I kind of liked the whole set up. It's an easy grade and I have fun. Three, I don't know, we'll see how much you embarrass yourself first." She popped her gum before going to throw it away. 

Ms. Albright used the first fifteen minutes to lay down the law for the new kids and remind the veterans. "Alright, I know you all are waiting to hear what shows we're doing this year, so without further ado." She began. Every veteran theatre kid began to drumroll on their laps, and the new ones followed soon. "The shows we are doing this year are... Our Town , You Can't Take It With You, What I Want To Say But Never Will, and for our musical, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamboat!" She announced. Everyone cheers, Abby is legitimately in tears. Abby, are you okay?" I ask, wrapping my arm around her. "You don't understand, Our Town is literally one of my favorite plays of all time, and What I Want To Say But Never Will is so depressingly sad, I love them so much!" She cried. After a few minutes, she collected herself. 

Ms. Albright called for everyone to sit in a circle on stage. She should know better. Theatre kids cannot form a circle, its just not possible. We can make a square, a trapezoid, a dodecahedron, anything but a circle. I don't know why, but we just can't. So, we sit down in this weird lumpy oval shape, and Ms. Albright just sighs and accepts it. "Okay, we have another forty-five minutes before third period, so were going to play some theatre games. Suddenly, everyone screamed for joy. Anyone who isn't a theatre kid may not understand this, but theatre games are the literal best thing ever. "Cal, you pick the first game." She directs. Cal looks like he's going to shit himself on the spot. "Uhhh, 'Mingle' I guess?" he suggests, and there is either happy screaming or groaning. I am with the latter. 'Mingle' is a game where you walk around in a circle, or really any shape, and you wander around, shaking everyone's hand. The director will stop us at various times and give us something to do, like "act like a dog" or "be a tree", and then say mingle again. There are a few catches, though. it's almost like 'Simon Says', odd enough, because she will give weird directions, and then say mingle. If the directions are to hold a position for a certain time, or she doesn't say "stop", and you don't follow the directions, you're out. When it gets to the last two standing, they have a shootout. 

We're walking around the stage, and I'm reminding myself to keep my hand in my hoodie sleeve, and also to drench my hands in hand sanitizer afterwards. This is high school, I don't know where your hands have been. There is only one person who I willingly hold hands with, and he is the literal cleanest person I know. Then again, Abby will hold my hand two, and occasionally, Leah will let me hold hers. Okay, so there is a handful of people I will hold hands with, but only one of those people are in this room. I spot Nora going around the circle, shaking hands and greeting people, and she looks terrified. "Stop! Act like you are a cat." Ms. Albright directs, and everyone drops to their hands and knees. I'm miming licking the back of my hand, praying that these floors were cleaned recently. "Mingle!" She calls, but I don't move, I roll around on the floor, continuing to be a cat. "I didn't say stop, if you got up, you're out." She calls, and a handful of kids sit down in the audience. Great, now I get to sit here and look like a weirdo in front of my classmates. This is great.

Mingle ends, I get eliminated in the second to last round. And Abby wins the shoot out against Taylor Metternich. "Abby, since you won, you get to choose the next game." Ms. Albright announces. "Ooh! Can we play 'Freeze?'" she begs. 'Freeze' is one of my favorite games. It's an improv game, and everyone but two people sit in a circle, or oddly deformed oval, and the two people are in the center, acting out the scene. Anyone in the circle at anytime can yell "Freeze!" and the scene stops, and the actors are frozen. The person who yelled freeze has to take the place of one of the actors and changes the scene, but they have to assume the same body position as the actor they tap out. It's insanely funny and one of the few games where you get to be a hilarious idiot and its okay. 

Abby selects me to be her partner for the first scene, and Ms. Albright gives us the first scene. "Abby, you are a 911 operator. Simon, you have been stabbed, and you are in shock and losing blood rapidly. Go!" she calls, and we begin. "911, what is your emergency? Abby asks, holding her phone up. "I'm sitting in a pool of blood." I sit down on the stage, my phone up to my ear as well. "Is it... your blood?" she asks, and she looks at me weird. "Yes, I think so." I say, then pretend to play in it. "Well, do you know where it's coming from?" she tries to gather more information. "Probably the stab wound." I say bluntly, then gripping my stomach. "Have you... been stabbed?" she's almost breaking character, having to go slowly so she doesn't laugh. "Oh, yeah definitely." I say, extremely happily, and she loses it. She cracks up so hard, she runs off into the wing. "Hello, operator?" I ask, continuing the scene. "Yes, hold on give me a moment." She screams from the wing, laughing. "Would now be a bad time to say that the guy who stabbed me is still here?" I ask innocently. "Sir, the police and ambulance is on their way, please stay on the line until they get there." She says as she returns to the stage. "Hold on, my pizza guy just got here." I hold the phone down to my chest. "Thank you, here's a twenty, keep the change." I say to no one, miming taking the pizza. "Fred, do you want a slice?" I ask in the other direction. "Anyway, I'm back." I hold the phone back up. "Sir, you really shouldn't move." She advises. "Is Fred the one who stabbed you?" she asks "Oh, yeah. He broke in my house and stabbed me, and now he's coming back down. I asked him if he wanted a slice of pizza, but he just glared at me. Now he's staring at me and wondering what I'm doing. I think he's gonna stab me again." I go on. "Fred, are you going to stab me again?" I ask. "Bitch, I might!" one of the kids in the circle hollers. "Language!" Ms. Albright shouted at them. Abby is on the floor, rolling, and she's tapping out. "I'm don't, I can't." she says through giggles. 

Right after the scene, the bell rings and we head to third period, which would be great, except third period is math. Abby, Cal and I have the same math class, and when we get there we see that Leah and Nick do too. "I thought you all had bio for third?" Abby asks. "Well, we did, until we got our new schedules. Now, we have bio first thing, then music, then math. Together." Nick updated us. "Yeah, we're together all day until he goes to conditioning for fifth period." Leah rolled her eyes. "Hey, I'm not that bad!" Nick defended himself. Leah doesn't answer and goes to find a seat. She sits in the middle of the far-right row next to the wall. When she starts digging in her bag, I know she chose the spot so she could charge her phone. I sit behind her, Nick sits behind me, Abby sits across from him, and Cal sits across from me. Suddenly, Bram walks in the room, and he looks for an empty seat. He spots us begins to take the seat in front of Cal, but Cal moves up, so Bram can sit across from me. "Oh God, its couples central now." Leah fake gags. I ignore her for the time being. "Why are you here? You don't have to take math?" I inquire, knowing that he passed senior AP Algebra last year. "I'm a TA for this class." He smiles. Of course, he would TA for MY math class. This is going to be so distracting. 

In the half an hour we have for this class, the teacher goes over the AP requirements for the class, and then we go over the rules. "Honestly, I don't care what you do as long as you're doing your work, or you have it done. I'll pass out your assignment at the beginning of class and take it at the end. Feel free to put in headphones while doing your work, I don't care. Once you're done, hold onto it and do whatever your heart desires until the end of class, as long as it is legal with the law and the student handbook. Your grade will reflect what you know and how much effort you put into it." He announced and proceeded to call roll and then hand out pretests. "Mr. Greenfeld?" he called, and Bram stood up. "I typically do not have an assistant for my AP classes, or for my seniors, so feel free to sit back and relax. If students need help, you may do so. I'll call for you if I need anything of you." The teacher told him. Bram sat back down and when he looked at me, he had the smuggest look plastered on his face. God, now he had literally nothing to do in this class except distract me. This was going to be one hell of a year.

Lunch time rolled around, and Abby literally sprinted out of the classroom to the table. We all looked really confused but followed her at our own speed. "What was that about?" Leah asked suspiciously. "I didn't want anyone taking our table." She said, fixing her hair. We all got our food and sat down. The gang was all here. Bram sat on the end of the right side, then me, then Leah, then Anna. On the left side, it was Garret, Nick, Abby, and then Morgan. Cal sat with his usual friends during lunch, saying that he didn't have many classes with them. It was just the eight of us, the way it had been since freshman year. 

"Hey Spier, still with your gay boyfriend I see." One of the football jocks says as he walks by. I don't react, I just squeeze Bram's hand under the table. It was Georgia, and it was expected, whether it was okay or not. Bram and I decided a few days ago that we were going to be low key about our relationship this year. We would hold hands under the table and if anyone wasn't looking, maybe steal a kiss or two. It wasn't a huge deal, it was for the best, I guess. Of course, I wasn't happy about it, but it is how it is. 

After lunch, we all headed to Mr. Wise's room for English. It was so weird, we all had a class together. Mr. Wise was still coming back from lunch when we got there, so we were the first ones in the room. We took up the whole couch, which had actually been replaced with a bigger one, so we all fit on it comfortably. Mr. Wise droned on about AP English 4 and the usual class rules. I knew this class would be no fun, but all my friends were here, so it wouldn't be too bad. Soon enough, the bell rang, and we headed to fifth period, and for most of us, that was French, the last class of the day. Leah, Abby and I walked together. Nick, Bram, and Garrett had to go to conditioning class, which is basically a class for any of the athletes to work out and get ready to play. Cal headed back to the Auditorium to TA the beginning theatre class. 

French was literal hell for me, I'm literally only here because I've taken it with Leah and Nick for three years and Abby is taking it too. I did this for friendship. I did this to also punish myself apparently. The entire class is in French this year, even the first day. There's no English allowed, not even in writing. I guess after three years, we should all be pretty fluent in French. 

Once French was over, I was free. We all walked out to my car and waited for everyone else. Since it was the beginning of the year, we didn't have rehearsal yet, and the guys didn't have soccer practice either. Nick, Abby, and Leah squeezed into the back seat and Bram sat up front, that's just how it was. I would just like to state that I did NOT kick Leah to the back of the car, she did that on her own. I would have let Bram sit I the back if it were up to me, best friend has shotgun priorities, I'm sorry. Until there is a ring on my finger, my best friend will always have top priority, and will get the front seat by default, if she wants it. Does that make me a bad boyfriend? I mean, he's sitting up front, and Leah is in the back out of her own free will, so I guess not.


	16. Chapter 16: The Incident

[Chapter 16: The Incident]

It was mid-November now. We had just come back from fall break, which was just three days out of last week to give us a long weekend. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it. I didn't enjoy it enough to miss this place, though. Leah, Abby, Nick, Bram, and I got out of my car and headed inside, all of us agitated to be back after a short break. None of us were really fully awake, and the coffee wasn't helping this morning. Bram's hand slid in mine and we walked through the doors as normal, making our way to our little corner of the school. We sat outside the atrium and talked about break, or how much we were dreading coming back today until the clock struck 8:05, and the non-theatre kids had to go. Abby, Cal, and I sat down in our seats in the auditorium and pulled out our scripts for 'What I Want To Say But Never Will. I was actually really surprised by this play, and I was kind of in love with it. Of course, Ms. Albright cast me as one of the people on stage who has a monologue about not wanting to be a jock against his father's wishes and join the drama club, and he was gay. Ms. Albright asked me beforehand, and I was okay with it. We did school shows next week and opened to the public Thursday next week. This was going to be one of our more intense rehearsal weeks. 

The play was actually coming along. Two weeks ago, I would have told people to save their money and not come. There's something about the last three weeks before opening that really gets people in gear. Suddenly, people know their lines and their cues, the props are where they should be when they're supposed to be there, the audio is playing only when its supposed to be, and the lights are on and off on cue. It was actually amazing how much progress we've made in the last month and a half. Our Town went unpredictably well, even if I did get casted as a minor speaking roll and died halfway through. Abby made the perfect Emily, but I do believe her, and Taylor's relationship got a little rocky once Abby was given the lead over her. It was a nice change to see Taylor play something else besides the lead. "Alright, everyone get in places, were going to run this top to bottom, no stopping. If you mess up, ad lib through it. You have two minutes to get into places." Ms. Albright directed us, and everyone scrambled to backstage. Abby and I stowed our scripts back in our bags and got in our places. 

We got through the show with only minor mess ups and Ms. Albright finally looked at us like we weren't a total mess on stage. She gave a few notes before the bell rang and reminded us about rehearsal tonight. It wasn't that I was dreading going to rehearsal, but I just didn't want to spend two more hours doing the same thing over again. At least it was Thursday, and it was the last rehearsal of the week. I just had to make it until after rehearsal and then I could watch my boyfriend kick a ball down the field tonight. 

Something had been nagging at me all day, a voice telling me something bad was going to happen. It was like I knew something was going to screw up my day. I didn't pay any attention to it, but maybe I should have. Bram met me by my locker before English, as he usually did now. It wasn't in that 'oh, it's obvious they're dating' way, but 'they're friends that have the next class together and are talking as friends do.' Kind of way. We talked about our relationship before school started, like how we were going to act in public. He was out, but it wasn't like, out out like I was. Everyone knew I was gay, it was literally announced to the whole school. Bram, on the other hand, just started holding my hand under the table at lunch or sat closely beside me in English. It wasn't like everyone knew. He didn't care if people knew, but it wasn't something he was going to blatantly tell them. 

We walked closely together to English, and I guess that was a mistake. I noticed that people were beginning to look at us, as if this is the first time they've seen us together. I just kind of watched side to side and kept walking, gravitating closer to Bram. It felt like the hallway was getting smaller, and more people were watching. What finally did it was Bram grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the English hall. 

"Wow, I can't believe Spier has a boyfriend." 

"I didn't know he was dating the cute soccer boy."

"Do you think that's the other boy from the emails from last year?"

"Why would Bram Greenfeld be dating Simon Spier? I mean, I know they sit together at lunch, but isn't Bram kind of out of his league?" 

There were so many comments coming from the kids watching us, it was hard to tune them out. They got harsher the closer to English we got. "Hey! Greenfeld!" I heard shouting. I honestly didn't know if we should stop, but I did. Bram stopped when he realized I did, and we both turned to see what was going on. Arron Chase, one of the soccer players on the team with Bram, and king douche of Creek Wood, hollered after us, pushing people out of the way. I sighed, I could tell a dramatic scene when I see one. "Why are you holding hands with that fag?" he caught up to us, venom dripping in his voice. "Excuse me?" Bram leaned slightly forward. My eyes went really wide, I could already see what was going to happen. "You a fag too?" he asked, and Bram's skin grew darker in an instant. "What if I am? What's it to you? Mind your damn business." Bram turned around, trying to end the situation before it started. "It is my business, I don't play ball with fucking fags." He shouted. "Apparently you do, so get the hell over it. Last time I checked, you couldn't kick a ball decently if it was right in front of you. Maybe you should worry about that instead of my own personal business." Bram turned back around once again. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. "Spier, I'll kick your ass for this. How dare you turn one of my fucking team mates with your gay bullshit." He threatened, and that's when Bram let go of my hand. "Lay one hand on him and I'll personally make sure you end up in the hospital." Bram defended. "Sure, little Bram Greenfeld is going to defend his boyfriend." Aaron teased. "Chase! Leave my friends alone!" A voice echoed from behind us. I turned around, and Garrett was pushing people out of the way to get to us, followed by Nick, Leah, and Abby. "Of course, your friends are going to join in too. Your whole gay squad is here, gaying up the whole damn school. You're all disgusting." Aaron continued to slur. "If you got a problem, then come at me, otherwise shut the fuck up." Garrett hissed, coming up between Bram and I. Garrett and Aaron were face to face. "C'mon, do something if you're gonna do it!" Garrett yelled, silencing the hall. "Everyone stop, right now. Bram, Simon, Aaron, Garrett, to the office, everyone else, get to class." One of the teacher same to break up the commotion. Aaron huffed. "Lucky the teachers came to save you, fags." He whispered again before shouldering his bag and marching to the office. Bram squeezed my hand again, trying to reassure me. 

We were sitting in the office, waiting to be told to do something or go somewhere. Nick, Abby, and Leah ended up following us to the office as witnesses, and Mr. Worth brought us all in his office to have a talk. "What was that in the hallway." Mr. Worth asked, looking at all of us. "Bram and I were walking to class, and then all of the sudden everyone is looking at us weird and then Aaron comes down the hall, yelling at us and calling us slurs and threatening to fight us." I reported quietly. "Aaron?" Mr. Worth questioned, asking for his defense. "I don't see why those two disgusting fags get to walk down the hall like that. They're revolting." Aaron snipped. "Garrett came to break it up, and Aaron started slurring and threatening him too." Bram spoke up. "Mr. Chase, you cannot do that, period. Despite how you feel, you cannot be insulting or threatening anyone. You do realize that this is a hate crime, don't you?" Mr. Worth informed him. "I don't care, those two shouldn't be making out in the hallway in front of everyone." He complains, and my blood boils. "First of all, Bram and I weren't even touching until everyone started crowding us and Bram was trying to pull me through the crowd. Secondly, we have never made out in front of anyone, including anyone who goes to this school. Lastly, you're just so fucking awful that you can't mind your damn business and at least try to pass your basic classes." I sneer, anger radiating from me. When I got angry, my tongue had a mind of its own, and once I started talking, no one was safe. "Mr. Spier, I will handle it from here." Mr. Worth warned. "Aaron, I will be calling your parents for a meeting. You will be suspended and be withdrawn from next week's game. When your parents arrive, we will discuss further punishment." Mr. Worth stared him down. "The rest of you, go to lunch. Your class is about to release in ten minutes or so, go ahead and sit in the lunchroom." He ordered. We picked up our bags and left his office, Aaron giving us a mean look the whole time. It was nothing compared to the death stares Leah and Abby gave back. I swear, if you pissed off Abby, you have fucked up, but if you have pissed off Leah, you should flee the country. Leah is the type of person who will cut your tires or put salt in you gas tank. She's also smart enough to get away with it. "You know, if this were in D.C., This would have ended in the alley outside with a knife fight." Abby comments, almost as if she's trying to plan it. 

We get to the cafeteria, and its completely deserted. The lunch ladies tell us it isn't time yet and to go back to class. We tell them that we were sent by Mr. Worth, and they let us sit down. "I'm so sorry about all of this, Si." Bram apologized. "Don't you dare apologize for what happened, none of that was your fault, nor was it in your control." I chided. "Seriously, what the fuck was his problem?" Garrett asks. "I have no idea. He probably has something against me because he fucking sucks at soccer." Bram fumed. Garrett and Nick nod in agreement. "Isn't he like, newly friends with Martin Addison, too?" Leah asks, and it all starts falling into place. "Of course. Martin befriends a jock to protect him, starts some drama as usual, and it blows up all over the school. Classic fucking Martin." Leah putting it all into perspective. "We still have to play with him tonight, they can't bench him from the game tonight." Nick added. "We're going to lose the game because of him." Garrett predicted with a sigh, which he was probably right. 

Students began pouring into the lunchroom, and everyone was glancing at out table. Bram and I still sat as usual, shoulder to shoulder, hands together under the table. My mother always taught me that when faced with a social adversary, stand your ground as you always do. We ate in almost silence, a few topics coming and going. We could all tell that everyone had heard about what happened, and now people were glancing over at us, whispering amongst themselves. I could slightly overhear some whispered comments, none of which were pleasing to me at the time. I could hear people talking about us, about how I turned Bram gay, or how wrong or unnatural it was for us to be together, or a million other comments about Bram and I. it started becoming unbearable. I got up from the lunch table and left, Bram watching for a second before following close behind. 

"Si, I'm sorry, I really am, this is awful." He chases after me. "This isn't your fault, Bram. I know you feel bad, but please stop apologizing!" I shout into the hallway behind me. "This is all just to much!" I sink into the floor in front of my locker. I draw my knees up to my chest and rest my head on them, wrapping my arms around my legs. "This is just too much." I repeat, my voice muffled. I felt Bram sink into the floor beside me. He didn't make contact, he didn't try to hug me or hold my hand, he just sat there. "I can't believe what this must feel like for you. I've been through this, but you haven't. You just got outed to the whole school, in the worst way." I added quietly, my voice hoarse. "Simon, I'm okay. I'm not happy about it by any means, but I'm not upset about the outing thing. I was already out. I don't care who knows. As far as I'm concerned, the whole world knew when we started dating. We just aren't every couple that makes out in the hallway or touches every second." He tried to calm me down. "Bram, no. We don't kiss in the hallway because we can't. We don't hold hands walking to class because we get stared at. We had this talk before school started. Don't act like we act the way we do because 'we're not that kind of couple', we do regular shit like that all the time outside of school. I hold your hand at Waffle House, and I kiss your cheek when we're at my house, and we lay in my bed and cuddle and we talk about things that are important to us but we can't do that here. We know we can't because this is fucking Georgia and there will always be fucking pricks like Aaron. We will always be looked at with disgust, and we will always be judged because we are together. I hate all of this. I hate people can't mind their fucking business, I hate that people can't accept the fact that two guys can love each other, I hate the fact that people hate the fact that we're in love. I don't know why people are so against something that is so beautiful." I ranted. "I love you so much, and it hurts so much to have to hide that from the world for the majority of the time I get to see you. It hurts that I can't curl into you right now and whine like I already am because as soon as someone walks by, we have to jump apart because 'we offend them'. This is bullshit and I hate this school, and I hate this state." I continued. "Simon, it's going to be okay. Aaron and everyone like him will get what's coming to them. People are talking about it because he made a scene, not because they hate us. It doesn't matter if they don't accept us or not. It matters that we are together and our love is stronger than their hate. We're stronger than his." He grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. "I dare anyone in this school, in this world to mess with you. I will always be there to save you." He promised. "I don't need you to save me." I hissed. I stood up, I couldn't take it anymore. "I'm going to do something stupid, but I don't care. Are you with me?" I look down, and he takes my hand again. "Always." 

I grab all my stuff from my locker. "Do you have everything, do we need to stop by your locker?" I ask him. "No, I have everything. What are we doing?" he asked, confusion deep in his voice. "I can't be here right now. I can't be in this school today." I told him, pushing the doors to the car lot open. "So, we're just going to leave school?" he inquired, gesturing to the school now behind me. "Yup." I replied, popping the 'p'. "What about everyone else, how are they going to get home?" he questioned further. "We'll be back by the time school lets out. I just need time to destress or whatever. I have rehearsal and you have to get ready for the game. We just need to leave for a bit and come back." I answered, unsure if I was being honest. "Okay." He agreed, closing the door to my car. I start the car, and within a minute, we're pulling out of the parking lot and headed somewhere we didn't know yet. 

We we're back an hour after we should have been, which was fine. My part hadn't come up in the play yet, and Bram jogged off to the field, ready to tell the coach that he had things in the office to take care of. I got into costume and Abby furiously pestered me for answers about where Bram and I went for half the school day. I waved her off, and after a few times, she let it go. "I'll drop it for now, but we need to talk about this later." She demanded, but not harshly. I know she just wanted to be there to support me, but I just needed to not be me right now.

Rehearsal wrapped up, and Leah clapped in the audience. She usually sat in the last half of rehearsal when she gets out of band practice. Abby, Cal, and I got out of costume and headed towards the soccer field. It was only six, and the game didn't start for another hour, but people were slowly starting to file into the stands. "Si, let's talk, please?" Abby begged. "Fine. I got stressed out and I couldn't be here. It was too overwhelming, and Bram and I left. We sat in the park for like 3 hours and fell asleep. I just couldn't deal with it all today. It was too much." My words bite a lot more than what they should. "Si, I know today has been rough for you, Bram and you both. Aaron is a prick and he's going to get in some serious trouble." Leah hugged me, which she only does when she feels she has to. Leah is not a hugger, or much of a physical person at all, but she will hug you if you're upset. "Unfortunately, I have heard otherwise." Cal spoke up. "His dad came, and threw a fit. He wasn't happy that his son was being punished for something so dumb, his words, not mine, and made Mr. Worth drop all of it." Cal admitted. I could tell he felt really bad delivering that kind of news. "Of-fucking-course. I swear, I hate this school, I hate this town, I hate the south, I hate this state. I genuinely can't wait until I'm literally anywhere else but here." I groan loudly. 

We sit in the stands, right next to the stairs. When this game is over, I want to run out onto the field and hug Bram right in front of everyone, just out of spite. I'm also thinking if he makes the winning goal, I'm kissing him. I'm so tired of all these homophobic people and their bullshit. Leah is sitting next to me, her arm wrapped behind me, her head laying on my shoulder. This is how we usually sit when one of us is upset, its just usually not me. Abby is sitting on the other side, gripping my hand. "Simon!" I hear my name being called out. It's Ethan, waving frantically at me from the stairs as he walks up. "Simon, I heard what that man with the tiny dick did earlier. I know you're probably tired of hearing this, but I'm really sorry all of that happened. Trust me, it does get better. It'll blow over once something else gives the near sighted populous something to gossip about." He reassured me. "Thanks, Ethan. It actually means a lot." I gave him a weak smile. "Actually, do you mind if I sit with you guys? Taylor has been driving me nuts lately and I'm about to cut her." He asks dramatically. "Sure, We don't mind. Just be prepared for a lot of shouting." I warn him. "Yeah, it gets crazy over here." Leah rolls her eyes sarcastically. "Totally fine. I'm assuming y'all are the only ones here who actually understand the game." He comments. We kind of look at each other, trying to come up with something. "Are you kidding me? You all have been friends with three of the best players on the team, two of you are soccer star girlfriends, and none of you fully understand the game?" He looked at us in disbelief. "Listen, I came here to watch my boyfriend kick a ball and score for his team. How he does it, I don't care. I just know he looks good doing it." I admitted. "That is so gay, I love it." Ethan smiles. I've never had another gay friend, it was kind of nice to have someone who had so much experience being gay, especially in our school to talk to. I wonder why I didn't try talking to him sooner. 

The game started, and of course, Creek Wood was ahead 5-2, and it was just after half time. Bram was sitting on the sidelines with Nick for a while, just to give them a break. Garrett was absolutely crushing it, in the best way I could understand how someone crushes at soccer. He scored goal after goal after goal. By the time Nick and Bram got back on the field, Garret had scored three more goals. "Greenfield in for Sparks. Eisner in for Hart. Chase in for Laughlin." The coach bellowed the changing of positions. Some of the players had been out there for a while and needed a break. Bram and Nick jogged onto the field, Garrett high fived them as they passed.

It wasn't until the end of the game when it happened. Aaron had the ball and was running it down the field. He got blocked by the two defenders, and Bram was telling him to pass. I saw him yell something at Bram, and then run the ball back and try again. Time was running out, and Bram knew it. He also knew that Aaron wasn't going to get a shot. Bram ran in and tried to steal the ball from Aaron since he wouldn't give it up, but Aaron pushed him back onto the ground. The other team stole the ball and kicked it back, but the referee called a time out. The coach yelled at the both of them to come in, and that's when I saw yelling. Garrett looked up from the bench, and I guess he heard what was going on. I could see everyone getting angry, the whole team was surrounding Bram and Aaron. Bram yelled something back, and Aaron charged forward and swung. Bram and Aaron fought for a total of three seconds before Bram kneed him to the ground and Garrett raced off the bench. Garrett pulled Aaron off the ground, screaming and punching him. Somehow, Aaron got loose and ran across the field, Garrett close behind him. Garrett caught up to him mid field and took him down. By this time, security was rushing to the field. 

I just watched it all happen, until it was over. I don't know what came over me, but I pulled out of Leah's grip and raced down the steps. I could hear multiple people calling after me, but I ignored them. I ran across the field to where Bram was now sitting on the bench with an icepack on his face. "Spier! What are you doing on the field! Get back in the stands!" The coach hollered at me. "Bram, are you okay?" I crouched down beside him. "Simon, I'm fine. You should go before you get in trouble." He warned. "I don't care. What just happened?" I asked persistently. "Coach yelled at me to take the ball from him, so I tried. He yelled something not really nice and tackled me back. When we got called over, he started yelling and raving about how I messed up his shot and called me a bunch of names. It escalated, and he swung at me. I guess you saw the rest." He recalled. A few moments later, principal Knight was on the field with a microphone. "I'm sorry everyone. There will be a short delay with the rest of the game while we sort out this altercation." She informed the spectators. I could see Leah and Abby watching me. "Simon, you really need to go back to the bleachers. I'll be fine. He barely hit me." He begged. "Okay, I'll go. Just don't do anything stupid." I asked him. he gave me a look instead of a reply, something along the lines of 'no promises'. I ran back over to the stands and sat back down. I relayed the discussion back to everyone, and we watched the soccer teams huddle up and talk. 

After about ten minutes, players returned to the field, one of them being Bram. "What the hell! Bram shouldn't be playing!" I screamed. I didn't care if I made a scene. "Si, it'll be okay. He wouldn't play if it was that bad." Leah soothed me. I leaned back onto the seat and watched the last play unfold. They pitched the ball, and Nick took it, he drilled it all the way to the other end and passed it to Bram, who scored. Everyone in the stands erupted, and I catapulted myself down the stairs. I ran onto the field, and the group huddle broke just as I got to them. Bram's eyes went wide when he saw me running at him, and he held out his arms at the last possible second. I threw myself at him, his arms wrapping around me. Not wasting a second so I wouldn't lose my courage, I pulled his face to mine and kissed him. He was shocked at first but melted into it just like always. It was a small kiss, only three seconds, but the bleachers roared with cheers. "I thought I told you not to do anything stupid?" I asked him, tilting my head as I looked at him. "If that is what I get for doing something stupid, I'll gladly do it again." He grinned. I took his hand and we walked back to the bench. There were paramedics there, and they pulled him away to give him a checkup. Garrett stood up as I approached the benches. His hands were wrapped, and he had a few speckles of red drops on his legs and arms, but he looked fine otherwise. "Don't worry, I gave him hell for the both of you." He laughed. I thanked him. he told me what had happened again, but in greater detail. "Now, I'm not going to say what was said, Bram told me not to say. But I will tell you that Bram fucked up his ribs when he kneed him. I overheard the paramedic, he has to go to the ER. He may have some broken ribs, and I know for a fact I broke his arm and maybe more. When I saw him swing at Greenfeld, I froze for a second before I just ran after him. I hit him as hard as I could." He chuckled about it. "You really fucked him up from what I saw in the stands." I complimented. "Hey, you fuck with my friends, you fuck with me. I don't take no shit from nobody." He shouted. Nick pulled me over to the paramedic stand with Bram, who was looking alright. He had a few bangs and bruises, but no concussions or major injuries. The ambulance pulled up, and we had to clear out of the way. Since the game was over, we just headed back to the stands. 

It wasn't until I realized that Bram's mom and dad were standing by my car I realized they were at the game. "Mom, Dad!" he shouted. I could tell he was taken back a bit. "Bram, come here, we need to talk to you." His dad ordered. I looked at him for support and let go of his hand. The rest of us just watched as the conversed near the hood of my car. His mom fussed over his injuries while I assume he was recounting what had happened. I saw his father's jaw go ridged and his mom looked absolutely furious. Bram eventually calmed them down. Once they finished talking, they motioned for us to come over. "We're sorry we pulled him away like that. We just wanted to make sure he was okay." His mom said, I could tell she was extremely upset. "It's okay. I obviously already knew what had happened and got my moment with him in." I nodded. "Yeah, you did. I couldn't believe it when you raced across the field when it went down." His dad commented. "I don't know what it was. It happened so fast that I was halfway across the field before I knew I was moving. I wanted to get to Bram as fast as I could." I admitted. "Well, I appreciate you looking out for him." his mom reached out and hugged me. "Trust me, there's nothing in this world that would stop me from caring about him." I smiled. 

Bram ended up convincing his parents to let him stay the night. His father would stay at Bram's house so they could have a conference with the school in the morning. My mom was against it at first, but when I gave her the notion that I really needed him to come home, she caved and agreed. 

As soon as we walked in, my mom gasped loudly and everything stopped. "Oh my god, what happened!?" she frantically approached us both, inspecting Bram's wounds. We sat on the couch and we explained to mom, dad, and Nora about the events of the day; from Aaron threatening us in the halls to what happened at the game. "Simon, you know I don't condone you skipping classes. I will let it slide this once because of what happened. Make sure you get your assignments in tomorrow. I know you've had a rough day all over, so I'll cut you some slack. Bram, honey, are you sure I can't get you anything? An ice pack, a pain killer?" she mothered him. "Jack, get him an ice pack and some aspirin." She ordered him. Bram took the pill and iced his wounds to humor my parents. "Now, we will be up to school tomorrow with Bram's parents to discuss what actions will be taken. If anything like this happens again, call me immediately. I don't want anything like this to happen again." She hugged us both. "Now, both of you get upstairs and settle down. Don't stay up all night." She commanded. We didn't argue, and we headed up to my room.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked for the millionth time that night. "Yes, babe. I'm fine. I have a few cuts and bruises, but I'm perfectly fine. As long as I have you, I'm alright." I felt his chest vibrate against my back as he spoke. "I just want to make sure. You know me, I worry." I sigh. "I know you do, too much. You're like my mother." He chuckles. "Correction, I'm like my mother. Actually, our moms are a lot alike. So, yeah." I laughed. He pulled me closer in the dark, and I sank right into him. "So, are we gonna talk about that kiss?" he poked my cheek. "You mean this one?" I turned over and pulled his face to mine. "Not that one, but I don't object to more examples." He joked. "Okay. I don't know. I was tired of all the commotion. I was tired of homophobic Georgia and everyone staring. I figured I'd give them something to stare at. Also, I told myself if you won the winning goal, I was going to kiss you. I'm a man of my word, even if its just to myself," I explained. "So, does this mean were abolishing our PDA rule?" he inquires softly. "I think so. I'm just at that point that I don't care if people know, or care, or if they don't like it. You're my boyfriend, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let some white trash pricks stop me from loving you." I confirm. "I'm okay with that." He smiled. Maybe this day was a lot better than I thought.


	17. Chapter 17: November 17th

[Chapter 17: November 17th]

I woke up to a million texts and messages wishing me Happy birthday, which was a gentle reminder of the day my mother pushed me out of her uterus. I guess it was really cool though, I was finally an adult, legally at least. After a brief existential crisis, I got up and got ready for the day. 

Nora had made my favorite breakfast of all time; Belgian waffles with maple syrup, bacon. It seems very basic, but Nora makes AMAZING waffles, it's truly incredible. The usual birthday discussions started as we ate, such as "How does it feel to be an adult?" it felt pretty fucking amazing, if I do say so myself. I mean, it wasn't much different. I already had my license, so the only changes I really needed to make was to register to vote and to decide if I was going to be an organ donor or not. There were probably a few other things too, but those were the big ones.

Leah got a ride with Nick and Abby this morning, obviously going to get the cake for my birthday. I knew they were doing their best to be sneaky, but the older you get, the wiser you become. I also know that left me and Bram alone this morning, and that wasn't suspicious at all. 

He sat down in the car and pecked my lips as usual. "Happy birthday, babe!" he cheered as he pulled away to put on his seat belt. "Thanks." I threw the car in reverse and backed out of his drive way. I shifted into drive and he slid his hand into mine, resting between us on the console. It was little things like that that really made me happy. During the ride, he occasionally kissed the back of my hand, or if we were stopped, my cheek. He was being incredibly affectionate today, and I'm definitely not complaining. I promise, I'm still a cynic; he just makes me a little less cynical. 

Leah, Abby, Nick, Garrett, and Cal are waiting for us in front of the atrium when we walk in. "Oooh, they're opening holding hands now, someone better pry them apart." Abby joked, pointing at our joined hands. "Over my cold, dead body." Bram jested back, walking a little closer to me. "So, how does it feel to be 18? To be completely responsible for your actions?" Nick wondered. "The exact same way it felt the day you turned 18? Your birthday was like four months ago." I answered sarcastically. "Well, if you and Bram haven't done anything yet, you really can't do anything until January now." Leah commented. "What are you talking about?" I asked her, trying to figure out what she was insinuating. "You're an adult now. Bram is still technically a minor. It's illegal to fornicate with minors, Simon. They're called pedophiles." Leah joked, eliciting a major eyeroll from me. "Look, even if things have happened between Bram and I, neither of us would be telling you. Also, Georgia law states that anyone over the age of 16 can consent to sexual activity, without the consent of parents." I informed her, giving her some minor side eye. 

The first bell rang, and we all headed to first period. Abby, Cal and I took our seats in the auditorium and waiting for Ms. Albright to begin. We all pulled out our scripts for 'What I Want To Say But Never Will' and began running lines. We had been doing well in rehearsal, but it never hurt to practice in any free time we had. We opened the school shows tomorrow, so it was very close to needing to know it all, front to back. It was a pretty thick script, and there were about twenty-five people doing monologues. All of us had at least three. It didn't sound like a lot, but they were extremely long monologues, sometimes dialogue. This was also one of the biggest roles I've had, so I wasn't complaining. It was a really great show, I think it's one of my favorites we've ever done. 

The day droned by, a few people wished me happy birthday occasionally. It was nice to see people who I didn't normally socialize with actually make sure they told me happy birthday, it was kind of weird, but in a good way. Math class was absolute torture. We had a practice test for the quiz later this week. I don't enjoy math to begin with, but Bram was particularly distracting today. It wasn't anything unusual; he wasn't wearing anything out of the ordinary, he wasn't doing anything that would grab more attention than usual. I don't know what it was, but I was extremely captivated by him today. The practice test went well I suppose. I was just ready to leave that class.

Lunch couldn't have come soon enough. As soon as the bell rang, everyone rushed out the door and headed to their next destination. Ours just so happened to be the cafeteria. Leah and Nick showed up slightly later than they normally would have, since they had to go get the cake from the home ec room. Morgan and Anna started passing out party hats to our table, making sure everyone who got a slice was wearing a hat. The cake was really good, I'd almost forgotten how good cake was. This year was a bit different. Bram had found a bakery that made marble cakes with Oreo frosting. Bram and Leah ordered the cake without a second thought, and I was so grateful to have friends like them. Half the cafeteria was trying to get a piece of cake, but Leah stared down anyone who didn't have a party hat on. Leah takes birthdays very seriously. 

By the end of English, the cake was gone, and I couldn't tell if I was on a sugar high or just unbelievably happy. "Probably both." Bram suggested. I agreed with him. Birthdays were magical, and cake on any occasion was greatly appreciated. Bram and Nick headed off to conditioning class while the rest of us headed to French. 

Somehow, even the most boring class I had ever taken in my life didn't dampen my mood at all. It didn't mean I wanted to be there any more than usual, but I wasn't upset about it like normal. Happiness must be contagious because Abby and Leah were discussing the project we were working on without any side eye and no petty sarcasm. I mean, it's us, so there was going to be sarcasm, but it wasn't in the slightly petty way Leah usually addresses Abby with. It was nice to see them getting along, maybe they finally got over whatever they were holding against each other and were becoming best friends. It was kind of weird, but I was happy with it. 

Rehearsal went so smoothly that Ms. Albright let us go early instead of running the whole show again. That meant I was going to have an hour to watch soccer practice. Honestly, that was the best gift of all. The bleachers were cool, but the cold weather doesn't typically hit Georgia until February. It was a nice cool fall, enough for a light hoodie, which I would have worn regardless. Leah and Abby sat with me in the stands, although I doubt they were watching Bram like I was. There were small discussions going on, but I barely payed any attention. I was too focused on Bram; specifically, his calves. Boy, did I love his legs. It was like pure muscle. You know what they say. 'Thick Thighs Save Lives', at this point, his was ending mine.

The coach eventually gave them a final drill and let them go. I saw him use his sleeve to wipe away the sweat beading on his forehead as he jogged over to us. It was, again, really hot. Everything he did was really hot. God, I was so lucky, I was really lucky. He waved at us as we came down the stairs. "That was some practice." I commented, giving him a small kiss. "Yeah, my legs make me wanna scream right now." He had his hands on his knees, hunched over and panting, trying to catch his breath. "That makes two of us." I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. "Damnit, Si." He breathed heavily. "You are so lucky that we are in public and not in your room right now." He whispered back after a moment. "Eh, the night is young. There's still a chance for that later." I smirked at him. I could see his face get a little darker, and I knew he was blushing. "So, I noticed that Aaron wasn't down there." Leah voiced her opinion. "Oh, yeah. So the official word is that he was going to be suspended from school and benched for a few games for what he did at the game, but our parents came in and raised so much hell. I heard that Simon's dad threatened to take the school to court or press charges on Aaron. He got kicked off the soccer team completely and he's suspended for a week." Bram explained. "That is the best news I've heard since Garrett told me he was going to the hospital" I almost cheered. It was nice that he got in serious trouble and we got some justice. "Well, I'm going to go take a shower and then we'll get going." He announced and jogged back to the athletic complex, and I watched his legs as he went across the field.

In the fifteen minutes Bram was gone, I had already explained to Leah and Abby my obsession with his legs. "Oh my God, same! Nick's legs are so nice. I can't even look at him in shorts anymore." Abby shared. "Okay, this is officially where I'm drawing the line. I don't want to hear anymore about your secret obsession with soccer legs." Leah groaned. "Listen, those legs are so nice. You would be here with us if you'd date someone on the soccer team." Abby retorted. I winced slightly at the comment, knowing that Leah would most likely blow it up into a huge thing. "I guess. It's whatever." Leah sighed to my surprise. I wasn't expecting that. I guess she was full of surprises. 

Bram came out less than fifteen minutes after he had left, followed by Nick and Garrett. "Alright, who's ready to get their PARTY ON!?" Garrett cheered as he and Nick walked to where we were laying on the field. Everyone whooped and hollered, ready to celebrate in some form. "What are we gonna do?" I asked, obviously out of the loop. "Celebrate of course. You only become an adult once. Now, blindfold him." Leah directed Garrett. "What, why?" I protested as garrett slipped a cloth over my eyes. "One, it's a surprise. It won't be a surprise if you can see it." Leah rolled her eyes. "Two, this is payback for my birthday." She quipped, remining me of how we drove around for thirty minutes in circles on her birthday while everyone set up her party. "Alright, fine. Let's go." I surrendered and took a few steps. "Si, please stop before you hurt yourself." Leah begged as I attempted to walk with my hand on the wall. "Bram, please lead me." I called out, finally out of wall to guide me. Bram's hand made his way into mine and led me to the car. "Wait, this is my car. None of you can drive my car. My mom would throw a fit." I said as I'm being ushered into the back seat. "I have special permission. Therefore, I will be taking your keys." Leah swiped the keys from my hand and got into the driver's seat.

Twenty minutes and about four heart attacks later, the car pulled to a stop and I heard the engine cut off. "Can I look yet?" I asked. "No." Abby answered, pushing me out of the car. I blindly walked forward with my hands out in front of me, trying to not fall or run into anything. "I literally cannot see at all, who thought this was a good idea?" I inquired before Bram legitimately scooped me up and carried me. "Well, now if this was part of the plan, I redact my previous statement." I commented, throwing my arms around Bram's neck. I didn't know where we were, just that we were going downhill slightly. 

"Alright, take off the blindfold!" Abby yanked the cloth off of my eyes, revealing my surprise party. Bram's back yard was decorated with all kinds of party supplies. There were balloons, streamers, even a 'Happy 18th birthday!' sign hanging from the tree. "Guys, this is so cute!" I gasped in awe. The door to the house opened, and people began filing out. My parents, Nora, Ethan, Cal, most of the theatre department, and essentially everyone I considered friends poured into the yard behind the house. "Oh my God! Literally everyone is here!" I pointed out. Even Taylor Metternich was here, which was surprising. "Happy Birthday, Simon!" Everyone cheered to me. "Aww! Thanks Guys!" I hugged everyone I could. Bram put on some music, and everyone started to mingle. 

The party turned out really well. Everyone seemed to be really enjoying themselves; dancing and eating, or just having a nice conversation. It wasn't until now that I realized I had a lot more friends than the usual six people I was around constantly, excluding my boyfriend. I probably wouldn't have thought to invite half the people who were here. It wasn't because I didn't like them, but just unaware that they would want to come. It was a weird revelation, I guess. 

The night dwindled down and people headed home. Everyone stopped me before they left to wish me happy birthday, which was kind of cool. I found Bram in the kitchen, pouring himself another drink. "Hey, thanks for the party." I thanked him, giving him a small kiss on the cheek. "Well, I just asked my mom if we could have it here. Leah is the one who planned everything, that girl really loves birthdays." He corrected. "Still, this was amazing. I'll find Leah and thank her too. But seriously, this was great." I smiled at him. "Anything for you." He replied, taking a sip of his drink. Leah came in a few minutes later. "Leah, thank you so much for doing all this. I knew you were going to do something, but I didn't even think about this." I hugged her. Leah was still weird with hugs, so I just gave her a small one, but she didn't seem to mind. "Of course, Si. You deserve a great birthday. I know we all have our ups and downs, but you're actually a really great friend. This is your last birthday before we go off to college, and I wanted it to be a big deal. I love you." She gave me a smile before hugging me again. "I love you too, Leah." I returned. 

"Si, we're going to head to the house." My dad pulled me aside. "Bram let us know that you were going to spend the night, so have fun, but get to bed at a reasonable hour." My mother pestered. "This is the first I'm hearing of this, but okay." I blinked a few times. "I'm sure it was supposed to be a surprise. Anyway, we're going home. We'll see you tomorrow. Happy birthday." My parents hugged me and found Nora and left. That sneaky, hot soccer player did it again. "So, when were you going to tell me that I was staying the night." I asked him as he walked up to me. "Uhhh, didn't know you were?" he raised his eyebrow. "My mom just said you told her I was staying." I looked at him, trying to figure everything out. "I told her that Bram wanted you to spend the night." His mother interjected. "Oh, that was nice of you." I gave her a hug. "Not a problem. I figured that you would want a little time together. I hope I didn't overstep any boundaries." She stated. "Not at all. Thank you for letting Bram throw me a party, by the way." I thanked her. "Of course. Simon, you're a sweet boy. I don't mind having you over. You have a lovely group of friends and they all seem to be good people. Truth be told, I like having you around." She admitted. "Thank you. I like being over." I hugged her again, and she excused herself. 

Bram and I headed upstairs after everyone had left. Leah, Nick, Abby, and Cal got a ride home from Garrett, saying happy birthday to me one more time. I thanked them all for setting all of this up, and they went home. Now I was under the covers in Bram's room, waiting for him to brush his teeth. Bram's room was nice. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't small either. He had a whole wall filled with books, it was actually kind of amazing. He climbed under the covers with me, and his arms wrapped around me immediately. It was kind of nice how we naturally sunk into each other. We had sort of a gravitational pull on each other, and we tried to be as close as possible. It had been a while since we had slept together, probably a few weeks. With soccer and rehearsals on top of school, we spent as much time with each other as possible, but we were rarely alone anymore. Our parents usually didn't let us spend the night on school nights, but occasionally allowed a weekend sleep over. 

"Man, I fucking love birthdays." I said out loud. "I do too." He agreed almost immediately. "I kind of love how your mom set us up for me to stay over. She's kind of amazing." I turned on my side to face him. "Yeah, she really is." He nodded. "Today was great. A lot more people showed up that I thought would. I also realized that I have the best friends in the world, and the best boyfriend." I gushed. "That's because you're amazing, Simon. You literally light up a room when you walk in. I mean, you're literally one of the nicest people I've ever met. You could hold a conversation with almost anyone, you smile all the time, which is a blessing because your smile is the cutest thing ever. You just radiate happiness, which is kind of weird because you try to be cynical all the time. You're really something special." He kissed my forehead. "I'm so lucky to have everything I do, you know." I wondered out loud. "I know exactly what you mean." He smiled. "Things aren't always perfect, but we have some pretty good lives." He added after a moment. "We really do."


	18. Chapter 18: What I Want To Say

[Chapter 18: What I Want To Say]

Today was a day every senior either hates or can't wait to do it. Today, we were applying to colleges. We got out of third period to sit down and compile a list of colleges we want to apply to. We also had to apply to at least one and had to have a list of ten schools we were interested in and add five more. I already knew of a few; NYU, Georgia State, Duke, and of course, UC Berkeley. Hey, I had to at least try to live out my High School Musical fantasies. See, today was the only day that we could apply to any college in the nation for free. It was something about high schools getting fee waivers to bypass application fees. They really pushed us to apply to as many as possible, and if we had a substantial list, we got out of more classes to give us more time. 

I finished my short list and started looking at other places. We had done this online survey thing earlier this year that was supposed to gauge our personalities and stuff to help pair us with careers that we would like, and then colleges that matched those careers. It gave me a list of some interesting colleges and career choices. It was hard because I still didn't know what I wanted to do. I haven't really found anything besides acting that I'm passionate about that I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. Of course, I keep getting minor or supporting roles in the school productions, so something tells me I shouldn't hold onto that. 

I applied to about ten more colleges, some in Georgia, but most of them up north or in the west. I tried to stay away from colleges in the south, or at least colleges that were in homophobic territory. I did apply to Emory and a few other private colleges. I knew I couldn't afford to go to them, but maybe I could get some scholarships. Emory is where my mom always hoped I would go, so I more applied to please her. 

It was lunch time, and we all sat down in our usual seats to another bland meal. "Remind me why we don't bring our lunches?" I questioned out loud, hoping the answer would come to me. Everyone just shrugged and kept eating. "So, what colleges did everyone apply for?" Abby asked excitedly. "Georgia State." Leah stated bluntly and stopped talking right there. "You only applied to Georgia?" Nick questioned. "Yep." She took another bite. "But you can literally apply anywhere today." Abby perused her lack of information. "It wouldn't matter. I can't afford to go anywhere else. I can't afford to go out of state or to some fancy college. It's the only place I can go." She informed us, sounding very bitter. "Leah, you can get scholarships and financial aid. Most places will help you out, you know." Garrett chimed in. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be able to go. There's a lot more than just tuition and room and board to think about. If I went out of state, I'd have to get a new car. Athens is a few hours away and if anything happens, I can make it back home. if I go anywhere else, I could get stranded. Plus, I can't afford a plane ticket for every break and to even go out once." She argued. "Look, I applied to Georgia, that's it. End of story." She growled angrily, ending the conversation. 

"I applied to NYU and UC Berkeley." I spoke after a few seconds of silence. I knew Leah was steaming, but it was even worse sitting here next to her without talking. "Please tell me you only applied to UC because of that High School Musical thing you said you would do." Nick laughed. "Well that, and California is gay country. Its an hour from San Francisco, the gayest city on earth." I chuckled. When in doubt, make it gay. "So, does it just have to be gay for you?" Bram raised his eyebrow. "Not overly gay, but it would be nice to have a gay friendly campus." I shrugged. "Good luck finding that in Georgia." Leah murmured. "I'm doing my best to not stay in Georgia." I replied before realizing my mistake. Leah huffed and got up from the table and walked out. I got up to chase her, but for once, I wasn't the only one. "Si, you can stay, I'll talk to her." Abby says. "Abby, I know you want to help, but I know her better than anyone. I don't think you're ready to face angry Leah alone." I confessed. "Trust me, I can handle this one." She insisted and jogged to find her. I sat back down in defeat, hoping that Leah wouldn't be merciless with her. 

We didn't see them for the rest of lunch, but they both sat down in French. Abby gave me a nod and smiled. I noticed Leah was not as angry as she was before. "Leah, I really want to apologize for what I said, I didn't mean it like that. I just didn't think." I leaned forward to apologize. "It's fine, Simon. It's whatever. I shouldn't get mad, it's not my thing." She whispered back. Class started, and our conversation was put on hold. I could tell she was still on edge about it, I just didn't know what it was. It was something about the way she set her jaw and a twinge in her voice that said she wasn't mad about what we talked about, but something else. 

I found Abby before rehearsal started to ask her about it. "I know Leah is still mad, but she won't talk to me about it." I told her as she put on her stage makeup. "Si, you should really just let this blow over. You can't fix everything." She warned. "But she's my best friend, I can't just let her stay mad at me because I flaunted that I could go out of state." I sighed. "That isn't what she's mad about." She objected. "What? Then what is she mad about?" I interrogated. "Simon, I really don't think you'll like it. It's best to just leave it alone." She hesitated once more. "She's my best friend, and if she's mad at me, I have the right to know why." I stated coldly. "Okay fine. She wasn't mad. She was upset. She's scared that you're going to go off to some gay college and make friends that would replace her. She thinks that once you leave, you won't come back, and when you do, she won't be as important to you." Abby admitted. I sat there for a minute, thinking about what was said. "She can't actually believe that, right?" I asked hesitantly. "I think she does. You know how Leah is, she puts up walls so she doesn't get hurt, but sometimes they end up hurting her instead. I think she's just scared of loosing you to people who connect better with you. I mean, you already spend so much time with Bram." She elaborated, making sure her setting powder was even. 

I caught a glimpse of Leah sitting in the audience as usual, right after band practice. Rehearsal was almost over, and I was just waiting for Ms. Albright to call it. "Alright, notes are over, get out of here." She ordered, and everyone scrambled to their bags and out the door. "Leah, can we talk?" I asked her quietly. "I guess." She confirmed hesitantly. "I talked to Abby before rehearsal about why you were upset at lunch. I hope you know that nobody could ever replace you. No matter where we go, no matter who I meet, you're always going to be my best friend. I hope you realize that." I comforted her. "Yeah, I do. It just hits me sometimes that when you leave, you're going to connect with so many people who can relate to you better than I can in some ways." She sighs softly. "Well, they will never connect with me the way you do. You will always be my number one. You've known me for seven years. You know me better than anyone. No one will ever replace you. Sure, I'll make other friends. When Abby came to our school, we became friends immediately. She still didn't replace you, she just took another spot. No one will ever take your spot. You couldn't get away from me if you tried." I hugged her. She tensed for a second before giving into it. We pulled back and I grabbed her hand. "You are the Slytherin to my Hufflepuff, and nobody will ever mean as much to me as you do." I gave her a big smile. "Alright, I'm good now, you can stop." She smiled back. "You want a ride home?" I asked as we walked toward the door. "No, I'm driving to Abby's so we can work on that English project." She rolled her eyes. "I still don't know what your problem with her is, but I hope you figure it out. I love you both, equally. I want you all to get along." I told her. "We do get along, for the most part." She murmured. "Alright, well you have fun. I'm going to Bram's so we can make out instead of doing our homework." I grinned. "I'm sure that's all you'll do." She smirked. "I know what you're insinuating, and you should know that whatever happens in his bedroom stays in his bedroom." I gave her a wink before dropping into my car. She rolled her eyes and got in her own car to wait for Abby.


	19. Chapter 19: First Fight

[Chapter 19: The First Fight]

Everyone was just waiting for the school day to end. We have fifteen minutes left, and then it was 'Goodbye School' for 4 weeks. My leg shook vigorously in anticipation. Leah, Abby, and I were sitting in French, barely withstanding learning, in French, an in-depth study of the French Revolution and how it still holds significance in modern France and the rest of the world. Honestly, at this point I was wishing I was one of the people under the guillotine. 

Ten minutes to go, and a note slides in front of me. Abby grinned at me mischievously as she slowly slides her hand back across the table. I flattened my hand over the paper and slid it off the surface, so I could read it under the table. 'Smile, you bitch.' I stifled a laugh as I read the scribble. 'No, you bitch.' I wrote back. It was kind of our thing now, adding 'you bitch' to the end of every correspondence we had. 

Five minutes, and we are finally allowed to pack up. She dismisses us early so we can have a head start on our vacation. I'm sorry, but three minutes is not a early start. The three of us move through the chaos in the hallway and to the parking lot. Of course, we weren't the only class to be released early. I'm sure some classes let out fifteen minutes or less into class. The parking lot was emptying slowly, a light powdery snow sprinkled down in the late December air. "You know, it's a miracle it's snowing. We never get snow this time of year." Leah mentions. "It's the opposite in D.C.; we get snow from December to May." Abby responded, holding her hand out to catch the flakes of snow. "Looks like prince charming got out before we did." Leah nudged me as we walk to my car. I look up to see Bram leaning against the hood of my car, a beanie covering the long mess of hair he had grown out recently. It was actually really hot, and he looked REALLY good with long, messy, pullable hair. He looked good in a beanie as well, but I couldn't wait to get him to my house so he would take it off. "Well, hello there, handsome." I smiled at him as I grabbed his hands. "I see you got out early, too." I kissed his knuckles, which were slightly chilled from the sudden winter air. "Yeah, well I have conditioning last period, and with soccer season done, we just work out. Coach let us out early since we didn't have much to do." He explained. "Yo, I love how you all are having a great conversation, but could we do it, I don't know, in your car with the heater on?" Leah griped playfully. "Shit, yeah, sorry." I unlock the car and throw her the keys. "Anyway, I'm g lad your mom is letting you stay the night tonight. I know you're about to out with your dad for Hotel Hanukkah, well I mean I know you're going to Savannah instead. Anyway, I guess it's really nice she's letting us spend time together before you're gone for a week." I looked up at him, giving him a soft smile. "Yeah, it is. I mean, I know we'll get to see each other the day after Christmas, so it wont be too bad, but I'll take any chance I get to see you." He leaned down and kissed me. A few seconds in, and a sharp honking of my car horn makes us jump apart. "Why are you like this? Why?" I ask Leah through the windshield. 

"I'm really sorry you have to go out of your way to drop me off, if Nick hadn't been sick today he was going to drop me off." Abby chimed in from the back seat. "Hey, it's no problem. I really don't mind." I said as I look at her in the rearview. Her and Leah were a lot alike in some ways. She's always very grateful when you go out of your way to help her. "There's no way we were going to let you sit outside and freeze while waiting on the late bus." It was really dumb that the late bus was the only bus that ran past her house. "Yeah, it is what it is, I guess. Hopefully, mom is giving me the car for Christmas. She's been talking a lot about me having my own car so she doesn't have to waste so much gas to come get me and stuff. I saw some statements from the bank about car loans. I mean, I hate that she would spend so much to buy a car just for me, but it would be nice." Abby explains. "I'm sure it'll be fine. I know your mom just got that big promotion. Maybe it'll help you all get on your feet." Leah offered. Leah's way of consoling people was sometimes a bit odd, but she means well. "Yeah, I hope. She really loves that job. I know she works a lot, she does a lot more than she should have to." Abby suddenly gets quiet. "Hey, it's alright. I know it still stings." Bram reached back to place his hand on her knee. Of course, family tensions get high when you have a separated family. "I know, I know. I just hate it for her. She lost her whole livelihood and now she has to work twice as hard to keep us off the street while... while he sits in the house I grew up in, with his new girlfriend, converting my old room into some nursery, buying new cars and new appliances, sending over a check for like $800 every four weeks. It just pisses me off, you know." I could see tears streaming down her face, Leah holding her in the back seat. Leah whispered something to her, and they have a silent conversation for the rest of the ride. If anyone knew what it was like to have a dead-beat father who took everything from his family, it was Leah. I guess Bram knew it as well, but his dad didn't take much when he left. He gave his mom the house, the cars, and just left. 

"I'm really sorry guys, I didn't mean to start crying." Abby apologized as she got out of the car. "It's fine. I know this isn't easy for you. If you need anything, I'm just a call or text away." I tell her, turning the soft music in the car all the way down. "We all are." Leah added to my surprise. I know they don't have a perfect relationship, but I think they're working on it. "Thanks guys, I'll see you next week!" She wiped her face and headed up the stairs to her apartment, waving. I slowly pulled away and headed back towards Leah's house. The ride was quiet, only the soft tune of whatever Bram was playing echoed in the car. I dropped Leah off at her house half an hour later, and we made plans to see each other tomorrow when we went to check on Nick. 

"We're home!" I called into the house as I swung the door open. "We see that. Hey there, Bram." My father greeted us. My dad had taken a particular interest in Bram, to the point where Bram was here even when I wasn't. if there was a sports game of any kind, my dad always invited him over to watch it. In a way, it was nice to see them developing a nice relationship, but it also was kind of bumming. I know I'm not interested in sports, but my dad never asked me to watch games with him, or them. Occasionally I did crash a few watching parties, but I did feel left out a bit. It was weird, and I shouldn't. "It's about time you got home." A familiar voice echoed from the stairwell. "Alice!" I cheered as I dropped Bram's hand to run at her. "Watch the hot chocolate!" She warned as I slid into her, giving her the biggest hug I could. "What are you doing home so early?" I asked. I knew her exams were next week, so she shouldn't be home yet. "All of my classes had take home exams or papers instead of formal exams, so I came home early. It made more sense to come home a week early than spend an extra week in a half freezing dorm room." She hugged me back. "And I see Mr. Bram the man is still looking good as ever." She whispered in my ear. "Hey, he is mine, keep your eyes off him." I warned playfully. "Ugh, high schoolers." She rolled her eyes and bypassed me to hug Bram. "How's Theo?" I asked. "He's... He's good. We're good." She gave me a fake smile. I gave her a 'I know you don't want to talk about it in front of mom, but we are definitely talking about this later' look before changing the subject. 

We sat down in the living room for a few hours. Mom asked us about classes, our break plans, and about Nick. "He's alright, if you subtract the vomiting and inability to eat. His mom says he has some sort of stomach virus and that he should be fine in a few days." I reported. "Maybe you should wait to go over there; you know, until he isn't contagious anymore." My mother worried. "Mom, we will be fine. His mom is a great doctor, she'll make sure we don't catch it." I waved her off. "Still, you can try as much as you want, but you still get sick easily." She countered. "I'll be fine." I groaned. 

Bram and I headed up to my room after my parents suggested we watch 'The Titanic' for the third time this month. "I like the movie, but there is only so many times I can watch it in a short period of time." I admitted, flopping down on the bed. Bram flopped down on the bed next to me, sighing in agreement. "You know, we usually only watched 'The Bachelor' before we started dating. Ever since you started coming around, my family has been having like movie nights when they know you're coming over." I realized aloud. "Maybe it's their way of seeing how we interact. Your mom is a psychologist." He pointed out. "True, but I think they just want to get to know you, and maybe spend time with us. a minor benefit for them being that they know as long as we're down there, we're not doing anything up here." I elaborated. "Like what?" he asked, obviously feigning ignorance. "Like this." I leaned in and kissed him, running my hand over his chest. 

"Ugh, if you're going to be doing all of that, close the door!" Alice gagged as she walked by. "I chimed in with a 'Haven't you people ever heard of'" I sang to her. "Closing the Goddamn door?', apparently not." She finished, reaching for the handle. "Actually, we need to talk." I rushed after her, leaving Bram sprawled out on the bed. "I'll be back in like two seconds." I looked back at him before chasing Alice down the hall. 

"Alice, unlock the door!" I knocked again. "Don't wanna." She called. "I don't care if you don't wanna, let me in." I pounded again. I heard her shuffle, and the door opened. "Okay, I know you're not going to leave me alone, nosey." She slumped back to her bed. "What's going on with you and Theo?" I asked. Maybe she was right, I was nosey. "I don't know. I haven't seen him a lot lately. I know with exams and stuff coming up, it's hard to meet up and everything, but it just makes me feel that he's not into it anymore." She admitted. "Well, you could talk to him. I'm sure he's just busy." I assured her. "I know. I know he has a job and school and extra curriculars and all kinds of stuff. I know I should talk to him. I just don't want to sound insecure or crazy because we haven't spent time together lately." She sighed, running her hand through her long hair that she had just taken down. "I don't think he'll see it that way. Call him." I urged her. "If I do, will you leave me alone?" she rolled her eyes. "On the condition you let me know how it goes and let me be there for you." I negotiated. "Deal." She shook my hand and grabbed her phone. I stepped out of the room and headed back to my own. 

"You know, meddling in other people's business is like your specialty." Bram commented as he laid his arm around my waist. "Yeah, it really is. It must be genetic." I laughed, intertwining our fingers in front of my stomach. "I just think its kind of funny that you meddle in everyone else's relationship..." he trailed off. I knot my eyebrows together with suspicion. "Are you okay?" I asked, suddenly concerned. "Are we okay?" I followed up, turning over to face him. "Yeah, of course. I didn't mean that." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're not telling me something." I note out loud. "Si, it's fine. I didn't mean anything. I just misspoke. I didn't mean to insinuate there was anything wrong with us." he explained. "Are you sure? If there's anything, we should talk about it, if its about us, or you, or anything." I pushed him slightly. "I promise, Si. If there was anything, I would tell you." He kissed me softly. "I know you, Bram. I know you're hiding something, and I don't like it when you do that. I also don't like it when you kiss me to try to make me forget we're having a conversation." I pointed out. "Okay, we'll talk about it." He began. "I know you feel weird that I spend time with your family. I know we were talking about movie night and everything earlier. I just got the vibe that you didn't particularly like it." he confessed. "Honey, no. no, I love that you spend time with my family. I love that you come over and we cuddle in the couch and watch sappy rom coms with my parents. I love that we spend some nights baking desserts with Nora. I love that we went on that double date with my sister. I love that we spend time with my family." I tell him, reassuring him. "I do feel like maybe we spend too much time with my family and not yours. You are here at least twice a week, and I'm hardly at your house. I know its because your mom works nights a few times a week and she doesn't really have time to hang out with us. I know your dad is an hour drive away and you already don't see him a lot as it is. I don't want you to feel like I want you to get to know my family and not yours." I explained further. "I know. Maybe I'm just feeling weird because I am here a lot more. Don't get me wrong, I love being here, spending time with you, with your family. It does feel a bit weird that you don't really know my parents. I know its not your fault, I just wish you could spend time with them like we do with yours." He lets out softly. "I understand. Maybe we should organize something with your mom? Go out to dinner or something?" I suggested. "I don't know." He laid his arms above his head. "Do you not want to come over as much?" I inquire hesitantly, silently holding my breath. "That's not what I mean." he began. "But it's what you're thinking. You said you feel like you come over too much." I mentioned. "I didn't say I was over here too much. I love being over here." He disputed. "No, you said it made you feel weird." I rebuttled. We were having our first argument, and my eyes were watering. Damn it. "Si, its like you want me to say I don't want to come over as much." He said through his hands, which were now covering his face. "That's not what I want, and you know it. I want you to feel comfortable. If you feel weird about spending so much time with my family, then we don't have to. If you want to come over once a week, or once every few weeks, we can do that. If you want me to spend more time with your parents, I will. I'll call your mom and ask her to have dinner with us. I'll go with you to see your dad over break, I'll go over spring break. We can go down on a weekend. I'll do whatever you want to make this better." I turned over to face him. His face was no longer covered by his hands, and I could see his eyes were watery too, "It's fine, Si. I didn't mean to make this a big deal, or to make you upset." He apologized. "Don't apologize for telling me how you feel. You shouldn't feel bad for communicating with me." I reached for his hand. He hesitantly took it, slowly playing with my fingers.

We laid there in silence for almost half an hour. "Do you want me to take you home?" I asked, because I didn't know if he wanted to stay now. I didn't know if he was comfortable with spending the night, or if he was comfortable being around me right now. "You don't have to." he responded quietly. "You know I want to spend as much time with you as possible, right?" he turned toward me. His face was less blotchy and his eyes were clearer. "I know. You know I want the same thing. I want you to be happy." I squeezed his hand. "Then let's be happy." he squeezed my hand back. He moved so he could kiss me, like it solved everything. It did. 

"I'm serious though. We will spend more time with your parents. If I need to make time to, I will. I do care about spending time with them, I really do. I didn't mean to make it seem like I didn't. Just tell me when you want me there, and I'm there." I reiterated after a few minutes. By this time, we had decided to go to bed. We laid under the covers, my back pressed into his chest. "Okay. Thank you." He replied, pressing his lips below my ear. "I'm glad you stayed." I confessed. "You thought I wanted to leave?" he inquired "I didn't know what you wanted to do." I responded, laying farther into him. "I would never want to leave you." He confirmed. "I'm glad." I smiled to myself. "I am, too." He repeated. We slowly descended into silence, and eventually sleep.


	20. Chapter 20: Mother

[Chapter 20: Mother]

Somehow, I was lucky enough to wake up before Bram did. Unfortunately, we had gotten used to sleeping with each other and his arm was firmly around my waist. Slowly but surely, I climbed out of bed without disturbing him. I grabbed my phone and went downstairs, hoping to put enough distance between us that he wouldn't hear me even if he was awake. I unlocked my phone and scrolled through my contacts, pressing call on the right one.

"Hello?" she answered the phone. "Hey, It's Simon." I said, unsure if she had my number saved. "Oh, hello Simon. Is everything alright?" the concern in her voice thickened. "No, everything is fine. I just wanted to call you and ask you if you would want to get dinner with Bram and I sometime. I know he's over at my house a lot, and I want to balance that so I can spend time with his family as well." I asked nervously. "Well, that is very sweet of you. I just so happen to have the night off tonight if you'd like to do that tonight." She informed me. "That sounds great. How does Apple Bee's sound?" I questioned. I didn't want to suggest a cheap restaurant, but I also didn't want to go overboard. Maybe Apple Bee's was overboard. "That sounds lovely. I will be out of the office around four this afternoon, if you'd like to meet there around six, that would be fine." She confirmed. "Yes, that sounds great. We'll see you tonight." I smiled. We said our goodbyes and hung up. I checked the time before headed back up the stairs, 8:47. I could bear to sleep a few more hours. Sliding back into bed wasn't easy, but I did. Bram woke for a moment before pulling me close and dozing back off. It took a bit of time for the excitement for tonight to subside enough for me to go back to sleep. 

Three hours later, Bram stirred next to me, gently pulling me out of my nap. He removed his arms from my waist and stretched carefully. I turned over to face him, watching his muscles flex and contract in his golden skin. "I didn't mean to wake you." He apologized. "It's fine. It was time for us to get up anyway." I sat up and stretched as well, after giving him a good morning kiss on the cheek. "What do you mean, we don't have any plans today?" he questioned, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Well, no, we don't, but any time doing other things when I could be kissing you is time wasted. Therefore, it was time to get up." I smiled up at him as he pulled me in for a kiss. "Simon Spier, you are one cheesy, romantic, smooth boy, and I love you for it." He gave me a big grin before kissing my forehead. "If you want, you can go ahead and shower and get ready. Nora is probably just now starting on breakfast." I notified him. "You just said you didn't want to waste time!" he objected. "Hygiene is not a waste of time, and I know that you love to shower first thing in the morning." I retorted. "Actually, the first thing I want to do in the morning is kiss you." He corrected. "Who's the smooth one now?" I jested, gesturing for him to go get in the shower. "Alright, alright. I'm going. Have those lips ready for me when I get out, though." He closed the door with a wink. This 'Innocent boy to everyone but secretly really sexy' image he has will be the death of me. 

"You're up early." mom comments as I bounce down the stairs. "It's after noon?" I debated, knitting my eyebrows together. "Yes, but you usually don't come down until two or three, especially when Bram is here." She insinuated, giving me that twinkle eye look. "Nothing is going on with Bram and I, we just sleep late when we can." I countered, only slightly lying. "Okay, whatever you say, Simon." She surrendered. "Anyway, Bram and I had our first fight last night." I began. "We didn't hear anything, are you all okay?" she inquired. "Yeah, we talked it out, and I think I may have fixed it. He said something about how he spends a lot of time with my family, but it was hard for me to spend time with his. So, this morning I called his mom and we're going to dinner with her tonight." I informed her. "Oh, that's very nice of you. I'm glad you took it upon yourself to find solutions. Does Bram know about this or is this a surprise?" she asked, looking behind me to make sure he wasn't coming. "Surprise." I confirmed, listening to the sound of the shower going upstairs. "I think that's a wonderful idea. Have you thought about anything with his father yet?" she further interrogated. "I told Bram that I would go down with him over break if he wanted me to, or over spring break, maybe over the weekend. I don't know how he wants to do that, so for that I'll ask him first." I nodded, sipping my coffee. 

Bram came downstairs a few minutes later, and Nora had finished breakfast. She had made some fancy French Toast with powdered sugar homemade syrup. It was actually really good, although that isn't surprising. If you put Nora in a kitchen, she will make something wonderful, no questions asked. "Boop, this is incredible!" Alice complimented, taking another slice. "Thanks, Allie!" Nora grinned before telling us all about how she made it. 

A few hours later, Bram and I were in my room. He was laying on the bed reading a book and I was texting Leah and Nick. Apparently, Nick had gotten even worse overnight and his mom told us not to come over. I texted Nick and told him that I hope he feels better soon, which felt lame, but I didn't know what else to do. "Well, Nick is even worse today, so his mom has quarantined him. We aren't going to see him now." I informed Bram, who hummed as he turned the page. I was in the chair at my desk with my laptop, not really doing anything in particular. "Do you wanna watch a movie or something then?" I asked as I pulled up Netflix. He gave me a deep hum in response, which I took as 'No.' I closed Netflix and spun around in my chair. "What do you want to do?" I spun around again, hoping to suddenly have a giant revelation with how to kill time until it was time to go. Once again, he just made a small sound in response. "Do you want to make out?" I suggested jokingly, but silently hoping it would get his attention. "Wait what?" he closed the book and looked at me. "So now you pay attention." I gave him a small smirk. "Like I'm not constantly giving you attention." He objected as he put the book on the nightstand. I pulled myself out of the chair and made my way over to him, flopping down beside him. 

"So, is making out still an option?" he smirked, beginning to lean in. I answered by meeting him half way. He gripped my hip and pulled me closer to him as he moved his head slightly. I ran my fingers into the hair on the back of his head, digging in slightly. Small moans escaped both of us periodically. His mouth detached from mine before moving along my jaw and down my neck. I stretched my neck out and leaned away instinctively, giving him better access to the skin. "Bram, I swear if you give me another hickey, I will kill you." I breathed softly, currently unable to sound threatening. He hummed against my skin, his tongue tracing the vein in my neck. My other hand pulled at the hem of his shirt on his back, grasping at it to come off. I wasn't sure if it was the best idea, but I wanted it. My door was locked, mom and dad were out, and Alice and Nora were watching a movie downstairs. No one was going to know about anything that happened in here besides us. 

He sat up slightly and pulled off his shirt, motioning for me to sit up so he could take mine off as well. Why did we get dressed in the first place? We both knew we would end up here. He pulled me back into a kiss, rough and hot. His body started grinding against mine, causing friction between our hips. The thing is, we still haven't done anything much more than this. I'm kind of okay with that. I mean, of course I want to go further, but I'm not sure that would be best for us. "God, Si, I can't get enough of you." He whispered breathlessly against my neck. I couldn't put together actual words; just small moans came out. "I want you so bad." He hooked his fingers into the loops of my jeans. "Maybe we should... maybe we could..." he stuttered between kisses. I couldn't tell if he was meaning he thought we should stop, or keep going. 

"Maybe we should pause for a minute." I finally let out. Immediately, he stopped and looked me in the eye. "Is everything okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned. God, that was so hot. "Yeah, everything is fine. Everything is great, you have no idea. I just... I just don't know what we should do." I ran a hand through my hair. "I don't want to ever do anything to make you uncomfortable. If you ever feel like it's too much, you can always tell me to stop." He slid his hand up and down my arm. "If you don't know if you want to do anything yet, then we probably shouldn't. If you doubt anything at all, then we won't. I want to be fully there with you, all of you. I want whatever we do to be magical. I know we can get carried away, I know we can get caught up in the moment." He added, making this even harder. "I don't doubt anything, Bram. I always feel like I'm ready for anything with you, and I mean anything. You make me want to do things I told myself I wouldn't do yet. You make me want to break my own rules. I don't know if it's the hormones, or where you're so hot, or if it's just that I fully accept that were going to be in love forever and there's no use in waiting. I know there's never going to be a perfect time to talk about it, or actually do anything. I don't know a lot, but I know you make me feel things I didn't know were possible. I know that is super cheesy, but maybe it's cliché for a reason. I don't know what to do. I want to do things with you, I really do, but I just don't know when the time is right to said things." I explained, desperately trying to explain the concept to myself and him at the same time. "That's perfectly fine. I want all of our first times to be special. I want everything to be amazing. I know sometimes it might not be, but I want to do everything I can to make it that way. If that includes waiting, even for the smaller things, then that's what we'll do." He assured me. "Okay, how about this? We give it a few days. We'll see each other again before you go to Savannah, and we can bring this back up again. We can have a full, level headed discussion not driven by hormones or lust, and then take action." I proposed, to which he nodded. "That's as good of a plan as any. I think it's the smart move." He agreed.

"Alright, you need to start getting ready." I shake him awake. We had accidentally taken a nap, and now we were just a little bit behind schedule. "Ready for what?" he asked groggily. "We have plans tonight. Don't question it, just go get ready. We overslept and we're behind." I explained slightly, pushing myself out of bed. "What do I need to wear?" he asked s he rubbed his eyes. "I'm not entirely sure. It's not fancy, but it isn't casual? I'm not sure how to put what I mean into words." I pushed hangers around the rod in my closet, trying to find a decent outfit. Once I found something, I showed him, so he could model after it. "Something like this, I guess." I suggested, holding up a black and white checkered button down. "I don't have anything like that with me." He said, going through his clothes here once again. "You can wear something of mine. We are similar sizes, so my stuff will probably fit you." I offered, trying to find something for him in the closet. "I like that one." He pulled a dark grey turtle neck out of the closet. "You would, that's actually yours." I laughed a bit. "Oh yeah, it is, isn't it?" he slipped it on. "Jeans should be fine, right?" he questioned, knowing all he had was a few pairs of shorts and a pair of jeans. "Yeah, those are nice. They'll work." I nodded.

"You still haven't told me where we are going." He pointed out as we drove into town. "That's part of it. It's kind of a surprise. The place isn't, but there's something you don't know, and the place will give it away. I don't want to overshare, and you figure it out. Just sit there and look pretty for like six minutes." I explained. 

We pulled into Apple Bee's, and I could see the gears in his head start turning. Bram was a really observant person. I knew he knew something was up, but he wasn't sure of what exactly. "Come on, quit looking around. Let's go in and get a table." I opened the car door, trying to distract him. We walked in and got a table. I quickly texted him mom to update her. A few minutes later, she walked in the restaurant. "Hello boys!" she greeted us, kissing Bram on the forehead and a hug, then moving to me. "I see what you did." Bram sighs contently. "Yeah. I called your mom this morning and asked her if she would like to get dinner with us, and she happened to be available tonight." I gave in and told him. "That's really sweet." He squeezed my hand as I slid into the booth next to him. "You had a fight?" she inquired, intensely focusing on us. "Yeah, kind of. It wasn't a fight really, just a discussion that we needed to have but didn't yet." Bram corrected. "He pointed out that we spend a lot of time with my family, and at my house. He said he knows that you're busy and his dad is an hour away, but would like to spend more time with both of you, as in us as a couple. My family really loves him, they see him a lot. I think it was something we needed to talk about. We're working on it. I'm trying to fix it." I elaborated a bit. "Well, I'm glad you all are working it out. I know I'm one to talk, but communication is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. Fighting and arguing are good, to some extent. It's nice to see you're both trying to communicate." She sipped her drink. 

The meal was really nice. The food was great, but what really made the night was finding out Bram was a lot more alike with his mom that I originally thought. She has the same sense of humor. The same laugh. The same smile. I always thought he was almost like his dad, but his mom has a giant personality. Of course, I knew that. I've been at her house for days at a time. This is just the first time we've had a meal together. Bram seemed to be really happy, and that made it even better. He even held my hand under the table, something he's never done in front of his mom. 

"Thank you so much for inviting me to dinner, it was wonderful." His mom commented gratuitously. "Of course. it's important to both of us that we spend time with each other's families. I just wasn't aware of the issue before. I should have been." I wrapped my arm around his side, giving him a slight squeeze. "It's alright. I know I work a lot, so it isn't easy to organize things like this. I am really glad that we did." She beamed. "Bram, are you coming home tonight or are you staying another night?" She looked at him in inquiry. We glanced at each other for a moment, trying to gauge what the other was thinking. "I, uh, I think I'm spending the night again. I'll be home tomorrow for sure." He confirmed. "Alright. You two take care and drive safe. I'll see you tomorrow." She opened the door to her car and we walked to mine. "I really hope that's okay." He whispered shyly. "Of course, it is. I'm always okay with you staying over, so are my parents. Although, we do need to start spending more nights at your house too." I mentioned. 

"So, I wanted to talk about Savannah." I began. "So, I know you're going to your dad's in a few days. I also know you're going to be there for a while, and you're having the family celebration thing. So, I'll leave your dad to you. Whenever you want me to go see him, I will. If we need to go down some other time on break or make a weekend out of it during the school year, then we can. It's your decision though." I finished, pressing the gas a little harder to catch up to the speed limit. "I don't know. I like all of those options. I mean, it would be nice to be together for the holidays, even if you don't celebrate the one we do. I don't know how your mom would like you going with me for a week, especially right before Christmas. I also don't know how everyone will feel about us spending the holidays together. I mean, its been almost a year, but it's our first Christmas together." he shifted in his seat a little. He did that when he was uncomfortable. "If you want to go down this week alone, that is fine. I don't want to intrude on your alone time with family. I don't know what my mom would say. I mentioned it to her this morning and she didn't object. I guess she would be cool with it. Regarding the first Christmas together thing; we have been together for almost a year. I think it is about time we spend holidays with our families together. Mom straight up invited you to Christmas. If you want to, that is. It's no pressure." I glanced at him as I stopped at a stop sign, trying to get a glimpse of what he was feeling. "Well, mom and I are going to Atlanta to celebrate Christmas with my grandma the day before Christmas Eve, so I might come." He sounded unsure, maybe a little self-conscious. "I know you're a little uncomfortable. If you want to talk about to later, we can. I know it's a big jump for us." I grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers. "I'm fine, I just don't know what to do. Like you said, I don't want to intrude. Plus, your grandparents are coming down and I don't want to mess up any time you get with them." He admitted. "I can spend time with you and my family at the same time. Christmas is a family holiday, and my parents consider you family. If you want to come, then you can. I'm not going to hassle you about it or anything. Just don't worry about being out of place." I kissed the back of his hand and pulled into my driveway. "You can think about it and let me know. You don't have to decide right now." I told him. "I know." He replied simply. 

The stressful atmosphere seemed to dissipate immediately as we walked in the house. My family was watching a movie. Mom and dad were on the outer edge of the couch facing the tv. Alice was laying in the middle of the corner, feeding herself popcorn. Nora was in the floor in front of our parents, petting Bieber and barely paying attention. Everyone looked up when they heard the door open, and the movie got paused. "Hey, how did dinner go?" My mom asked, predicable. "Really well." Bram smiled. "Yeah, it went really well." I agreed. "What are you all watching?" I gestured to the TV. "Love, Actually." Alice answered, a knowing hitch in her voice. "Bram, we have to watch it." I turned to him. "Of course we do." He laughed but followed me around the couch. We sat between my parents and Alice.

We came in the last half hour of the movie, and if I hadn't made Bram watch it with me about fifty times, I'm sure he would have been lost. When the credits started rolling, everyone stretched and started heading to bed. "Goodnight, everyone." Mom called out to all of us. Nora had already head upstairs, so it was just Bram, Alice, and I. "So, did you do the thing?" I poked Alice with my foot. "Yeah, I called him." She shifted so she could sit up and face us. "We're good. We just need a bit of space for the time being. We need to recover from the stress of school and work, spend time with our families. When we get back, we'll be back to normal." She reported softly. "That's good. I'm glad you all worked it out." I gave her a supportive smile. "Yeah, me too. Thanks." She poked my knee. "Alright, I'm going up to bed. You all can stay down here and make out, go to your room and do God knows what, I don't care as long as I can't hear it." She announced, prying herself out of the corner. "Don't worry, Simon is relatively quiet." Bram commented, followed by a short lived laughter before I playfully smacked him "Bram!" I scolded. "To much information, Bram the man." Alice shook her head and went upstairs. "You know, you should never tell my sister any sort of sexual thing about me. It is fuel to the fire." I pointed out. "Oh well. I mean, it could be truthful, it could be a lie. We don't know yet." Bram whispered in my ear. "You know, sometimes I wonder how you have such a pure boy image."


	21. Chapter 21: The Deal

[Chapter 21: The Deal] 

When I woke up, Bram was gone. I mean, Bram typically is an early riser, so it wasn't unexpected. I checked my phone for the time and any notifications. It was just after ten, so it wasn't too late. Nick had texted me letting me know he was feeling a bit better. I texted him back and told him that it was good he was feeling better. Of course, there was the group chat which was almost always blowing up, but it was just usual discussions. I laid in bed for a few minutes going through the chat and seeing what had been said before switching to my social medias. 

Bram came into the room quietly, I'm assuming to not disturb me if I was still asleep. "It's alright, I'm awake." I spoke up as he came around the corner of my closet. My bed was in this tight space right beside the closet, the walls covered in black board paint. I always had something written on them, it was kind of an outlet of sorts. He gently laid on the bed beside me to give me a good morning kiss. I quickly locked and dropped my phone on the bed to have both my hands free. I liked things like this, the gentle, soft sunrise kisses. Of course, I liked the steamy, passion filled, hard kisses too, but these were filled with love and care. Not that the other kind wasn't, just that these were more love than lust types of kisses. 

"So, I was thinking." He began, straightening out on the bed. "I think that you should come to my dad's with me. If you want to. I don't want you to do it if you just want to go to make me happy or whatever, but because you want to go. I don't know if that explanation makes any sort of sense." He ran a hand over his face. "No, I know what you mean. you're saying go if I genuinely want to go, not just because you want me to go." I clarified. "Yeah, that. When did you become the one that was good with words?" he let out a small laugh as he poked my side. "I'm alright with words verbally, sometimes. You're really good with writing. You have more time to think. You can rearrange words and express your ideas. You're really good at it." I complimented. "We should make a deal." I state suddenly after a moment of intense thought. "What kind of deal?" he turned on his side, propping his head up on his fist. "If I go to your father's house with you and celebrate Hanukah with you and your family, then you have to celebrate Christmas with the Spiers." I suggested, turning to him the way he was to me. He made a humming sound, thinking about it quickly. "I think that can be arranged." He smiled, leaning in for another kiss. "Then it's a deal." I kiss him again. A kiss is like the ultimate deal sealer. 

We eat breakfast and hang out with my family as usual. We didn't have any plans today, so it was a perfect day to just lounge around and watch reality TV with my parents and Alice while they made semi-hilarious commentary about some HGTV show we had started watching. "I'm taking Bieber for a walk, I'll be back soon." Nora announced, leashing Bieber. "Alright, be safe!" My father called after her as she shut the door behind her. We kept watching random shows for a while. It was Saturday, so everyone was just relaxing. Alice periodically was checking her phone, smiling and typing something quickly back. I made a soft smile, knowing that her and Theo had worked it out. 

I took Bram home after dinner, which basically meant I wouldn't see him for a whole day. it sounds weird, but I was almost thankful for the small space of distance. The last few days have been a bit tense in a way that makes it hard to operate around him. I love him, I really do. I think we just need to be apart for a bit, even if it's just for a day. "I'm really glad your parents are cool with you going to Savannah for a week." He placed his hand on my knee after I parked in his driveway. "Well, it's only five days, but I am too. I haven't seen your dad or Claire since we went down for a week at the beginning of summer. I think its going to be an exciting trip." I smiled at him, placing my hand on top of his. "Me too. I'll pick you up around noon on Monday then?" he noted. "Yes, I'll be ready." I confirmed. We had a nice goodbye kiss before he went inside, and I waited until the door closed behind him to head back home.

WaHoes

Leah: Anyone wanna volunteer to yeet me off a cliff?

Nick: Me as well

Abby: Y'all kill me. 

Bram: Why would one want to be yeeted off a cliff?

Leah: To die, obviously.

Bram: Yes, obviously, but why specifically a cliff. Why yeet?

Abby: Why yeet?

Me: Why not?

Leah: Idk, I just think it would be a good way to go

Nick: I just want to die. No reason specifically.

Just want to get it over with.

Abby: Nick, you will be fine in like two days.

There is two theatre kids in this group and 

you are being more dramatic than the both of us.

Bram: She's not wrong.

Me: How rude?!?

Bram: The truth hurts sometimes. 

Leah: Simon is literally one of the most 

dramatic people in the world. No doubt about it

Me: Why am I being attacked right now?

What did I do?

Leah: You existed.

Me: Not by choice

Nick: None of us had a choice. 

Doesn't mean you aren't dramatic

Abby: You're being dramatic too?

Bram: We're all dramatic. 

Leah: You're not exactly wrong, 

but I refuse thy label

Bram: It's isn't a label

It's a personality trait

Leah: Same thing.

Abby: I need new memes.

Nick: Send me new memes.

Me: Also send me the good memes.

Abby: If there were memes to send, I would.

Bram: I never get sent memes

Abby: I shall share my dank memes with

you, Abraham

Bram: Please don't call me that

It makes me feel weird

Leah: Almost as weird as Simon 

Calling you 'Big Daddy Bram'?

Bram: I don't want to talk about it...

Me: I called him that once as a joke.

Let it die.

Leah: Never


	22. Chapter 22: For The Love Of Julie Andrews

[Chapter 22: For The Love Of Julie Andrews]

Bram was on time as usual, possibly even a bit early. it was kind of one of his defining attributes. Bram is always on time. My mother pesters us with things like what I've packed all the way to how traffic will be. Both of us explain that everything will be fine and we will be alright. Leave it to my mom to worry over something so small. We would be gone for five days, and that is the longest I've been away, also the longest I've been away with my boyfriend, but it wasn't a reason to freak out. 

I sunk into his car not long after a thirty-minute discussion with my mother about being safe and giving her updates about what was going on and what we were doing. I pressed my head back into the headrest of the seat, taking a deep breath. Bram chuckled slightly as he started the car. Bram hooked his phone up to the radio and picked a playlist before backing out of the driveway. It was poppy bop song from the early 2000s, but I couldn't place it. After pulling into the road and shifting the car to drive, his hand instinctively turned upwards to hold mine. I laced our fingers together on the console, running my other hand through my hair. Here goes an hour-long car ride, and five days with my boyfriend and his father, step-mother, and half-sister. 

The ride wasn't as long as I remembered, and soon enough we pulled into the driveway of Bram's father's huge house. It looked even bigger than last time, if that was possible. Bram popped open the trunk so we could get our bags, which were significantly many more than the last time we were here. I had a suitcase of clothes, a small bag of toiletries, another small bag full of clothes, and my backpack full of other essentials; my chargers, my laptop, a few books, and other things of that nature. Bram somehow managed to pack more than I did. His dad and step-mom were at work, so Bram had to use his house key to let us in. "You know, this is the first time I've ever had to use this key." He mentioned, twisting the door open. "Really?" I gave him a small eyebrow lift. "I kept telling them I wouldn't need it, but they insisted that I was always welcome and needed a key. I guess they were right." He chuckled. It didn't take us long to get settled in, we just left everything in our bags. "So where is Valerie?" I asked, curious where she would be if both parents were at work and a babysitter wasn't here. "Sarah, the girl across the street, she takes her over there when dad and Claire are gone all day. It works better that way, I guess." He informed, straightening out the comforter on the bed. "Should we go downstairs and make some lunch?" He inquired after making the entire room even more immaculate than it already was. "Sure, I could eat." I confirmed. 

After twenty minutes of determining on what we would fix for lunch, we decided on grilled cheese. "Usually, I would just put them in the toaster oven, but apparently dad doesn't have one, so we're going to have to make them the old-fashioned way." Bram gave me a mischievous wink. "You know, we should have just brought Nora." I commented as I was trying to find everything we needed. "Simon, a grilled cheese is literally one of the easiest things you could make. It is very hard to mess up a grilled cheese." Bram rolled his eyes. 

"Yes, dad we're fine. We just left a grilled cheese on the stove a little too long and the fire alarms went off. The house is fine, there's no need to come home." Bram explained to his dad over the phone. After a few minutes, they hung up and Bram sighed. "So, apparently the house is wired to call my dad when the alarms go off, and now he knows how much of an idiot I am." He wiped his face with his hands. "You're not an idiot. We got... distracted. It was just a small kitchen fire, which was put out precisely ten seconds after the fire alarm went off." I rubbed his back and rested my head on his shoulder. "Yeah, someone was being very distracting." He gave a small smile. "Hey, I told you not to tickle me. It is not my fault you chased me around the house trying to assault me while cooking." I defended. "Well, maybe if you weren't so cute, I wouldn't have wanted to chase you." He smirked and kissed my cheek. "Listen, I can't help it if you find me insanely cute." I defended once again. "Touché." He slid his arm around my waist. "Well, should we try making another grilled cheese or just go get something?" I asked him. "I think as long as we manage to concentrate on actually cooking, we should be fine." He laughed. 

The house did not experience another fire, and the grilled cheese actually turned out better than planned. Nora would laugh if she heard about the first attempt, but I bet she would be proud of this grilled cheese. Is it weird that I want my little sister to be proud of me? Maybe its weird because cooking a grilled cheese is supposed to be easy and Nora could make a thousand of them in her sleep. There was still another two hours before Bram's dad would be home, and another hour after that before Claire would be home. "I wonder how we could fill the time?" Bram gave me yet another mischievous grin. I knew exactly what he was thinking. I bolted off the couch and put as much distance between us as possible. It was probably not the brightest idea to run from a soccer player whose sole skill is running fast, but it was my only option. "Don't you dare do it!" I yelled behind me and I tried to run for the stairs. "Simon, you have the stamina of an obese pug with three legs, you can't run forever!" he yelled back, chasing me around the house.

I needed to find somewhere to hide or barricade myself from him. Bram knew this house a lot better than I did and running through the rooms barely avoiding being caught didn't exactly give me time to look over the house. The good thing about wearing socks on hardwood floor was the fact I could slide to prevent skidding around corners. Bram, who was barefoot, did not have this advantage and had to slow down around the corners. I did my best to incorporate it into my escape, but I feared Bram would catch up eventually. Once I had a small distance between us, I bolted upstairs. The only room I knew for sure I could lock the door to was his room. I skipped three steps at a time, trying to keep the distance. I barely closed the door in time for it to separate us, and I made sure it was locked before stepping away from it.

"So, are you just going to stay in there forever?" he giggled, sitting against the opposite side of the door. "I don't know, maybe. I'm kind of out of breath still, so I can't really move." I answered. "You know you have to come out eventually, right?" He quipped. "Actually, I could stay in here a while. There's a lot of books in here, all of my stuff is here too. Plus, the connected bathroom is nice. I'm pretty sure I could be here for hours, maybe days." I teased. "Alright, alright. If you come out, I promise I wont tickle you." He begged. "And you won't chase me around the house?" I added. "I wont tickle you or chase you around the house." He repeated. I hesitantly unlocked the door and opened it, watching him fall back into the room. "You really should've known that I couldn't stay away from you that long." I kissed him as he stood up. "You know, you get even more adorable with every second." He kissed me again. 

We spent the rest of our alone time making out in his room. I mean, what else is there to do? Who would want to do anything else? His dad got home about half an hour earlier than expected, and we were in the middle of an exceptionally intense make out session when we heard the door open. "Simon, you have sex hair." Bram whispered to me urgently. "That isn't my fault!" I whisper yelled back. I furiously fluffed my hair, hoping it would settle my hair to look more natural. Bram struggled to put his shirt on, and he frantically tried to hand me mine. We looked each other over and made sure we didn't look like we just did something we weren't supposed to. Once we both gave each other the okay, we headed downstairs. 

"Hey, guys!" His dad greeted us as we came downstairs. "Hey dad." Bram hugged him, careful not to squish Valerie in between them. I moved to hug his father as well, also being cautious of the baby. "I see you managed to not burn the house down while I was gone." He chuckled, moving to put Valerie in the floor with her toys. "Yeah, everything is fine." Bram scratched the back of his neck. "Sorry about that." I followed up. "It's alright. You all are fine and the house is still intact." He patted my shoulder. "Claire should be home in about an hour. Have you all eaten yet?" he turned back to us as he headed for the kitchen. We both shook our heads, and he proceeded to the other room. 

Bram's dad could cook, I'll give him that. He made some burgers, an all-American classic food. We all sat around the dinner table, and I watched Bram scoop up small lumps of baby food into Valerie's mouth as I took bites of my own food. I smiled watching the interaction. I know its way too early to be thinking about kids, but I couldn't help but think of how great of a father he would be. I never really knew if I wanted kids, but maybe I would someday, with him. 

After dinner, we moved to the living room and settled down into the couch. Valerie was happily babbling as she shook her toys relentlessly. Bram and I sat close on the end of the couch, his arm behind my head. It seemed like a natural position, but we have never been this close with his father and step-mother in the same room. It was nice, like we were being casual in front of them now, like we would be in front of anyone else. His father began the Hanukkah traditions, which kind of went over my head. Bram tried explaining what was going on or what it was supposed to symbolize, but to no avail. I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do. I didn't celebrate Hanukkah or know a lot about it to begin with. The best thing I could do was observe and learn.

His dad told us we were going to do it just like Hotel Hanukkah and do it all in one night. I was kind of shocked when his father started handing me gifts along with Bram. "Oh, I didn't know I was included." I looked up at him, suddenly feeling bad. "Of course you are. Don't worry about it. Just open them." He smiled genuinely. I felt exactly like I did before we came down; like I was somehow imposing on something I had no business being a part of. I hesitantly peeled off the wrapping paper and began to open the box. Inside was a book, 'Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief'. "Bram used to love those books. I thought it would be nice." His dad commented. "I used to read them myself. Thank you." I replied, taking the book out of the box and paging through it quickly. 

The festivities were short, but I learned a little bit. The gifts got passed out, and within a bit, Valerie started getting upset, so we wrapped it up. "It's bedtime for this one." Claire picked her up and headed upstairs. The crying faded as the door to the nursery closed behind them, and we were left in the silence of the living room. We started cleaning up, throwing away all the wrapping paper and miscellaneous trash in the floor. Bram and I headed upstairs shortly after since the family had diffused across the house. We decided to watch a movie before going to bed. We searched through Netflix without finding anything interesting enough to watch. "I know I have a few DVD's, maybe we could watch one of those?" Bram offered, getting up to look through them. He listed off a couple of movies before I heard one in particular. "Did you say 'Princess Diaries'?" I stopped him. "Yes." he confirmed, pulling the case out from the shelf. "I guess you want to watch it?" he opened the case and pulled the disc out. "That should not be a question. You know I love Julie Andrews." I rolled my eyes slightly. 

We passed out before the movie finished, and a few hours later, I woke up to the screen glowing faintly. I shut the laptop and moved it back to the desk before shaking Bram awake gently. He groaned a bit, but he slowly got up so we could get under the covers and get comfortable. His arm went directly around my waist and his head to my chest. This was nice. "I love you." He quietly whispered. I kissed his head and gently rubbed his back with my hand. "I love you, too." I closed my eyes, smiling as I fell asleep.


	23. Chapter 23: King Of My Heart

[Chapter 23: King Of My Heart]

The next morning, Bram and I woke up a lot later than anticipated. It was noon, which by all standards is very late to be starting the day. However, we didn't really have anything to do today. His dad and step-mom were at work, Valerie was with the baby sitter. We had the whole house to ourselves, as would be the situation our whole visit. Normal adults don't get off for holiday vacations like students do. That must suck. 

We woke up and ate some breakfast. His dad didn't have the Oreo cereal, so Cinnamon Toast Crunch would have to do. "So, what do you wanna do today?" he asked in between spoon fulls. "I'm not entirely sure. We could go out for the day, see the city." I suggested. "I don't think today would be the day for getting out. It's pouring outside." He pointed out. He was right, it was as if at the mention of it, I could hear the downfall of heavy rain outside; something I didn't notice before, but of course he did. "Then we'll stay in. Watch a movie, make out, make some food, make out again." I joked. "You're joking, but that's literally what I had in mind." He smiled, putting his empty bowl in the sink. "Then that's what we'll do." I kissed his cheek and gave him a small hug. 

"You do realize your father is going to straight up murder us when he gets home, right?" I asked, gesturing to the masterpiece. "He'll be alright. We'll clean up before he gets home and he will never know." He corrected, straightening out the blanket so it was smooth. We had watched two movies and decided we wanted a better experience. Somehow, we ended up with the idea to build a fortress in the living room out of pillows, blankets, sheets. There were so many blankets in this house, it was kind of hard to use them all, but we did. The living room was a whole castle of blankets tucked into the tops of the couch, tied to the top of a vacuum cleaner, and held up by various household objects. "I'm not sure we could clean this up with the next hour we have." I countered. "Then at least we'll die together." he smiled, pulling me in for a kiss under the fort. It was all fun and games until his fingers slowly grazed my sides, causing me to jump. "Bram, we agreed no more tickling!" I scolded him. "That was yesterday." He gave me that mischievous Bram smile, and I knew I was dead. 

His father came home to us laughing hysterically in the middle of the living room fort. Once we heard the door close, we crawled out to see his reaction. He looked over the fort with his mouth hanging open, and then he smiled. "Don't worry, we'll clean it up." I informed him. "How about we watch a movie in it tonight?" he suddenly suggested. After a few glances back and forth, we nodded. "You all built the fort, so I'm picking the movie." He called as he headed toward the hallway. "Oh, by the way, there's a pizza on the way for dinner." Bram called after him. 

Movie night ended up being spectacular. We watched 'Lilo and Stitch', which is probably one of my favorite movies of all time. Valerie seemed to love it too, although she cried when there were violent scenes. By the end of the movie, she was out like a light between Bram and I. His dad picked Valerie up and took her to her crib for the night while Clair helped us dismantle the fort. "You all really went all out for this, didn't you?" She slipped the hair tie off the vacuum. "Well, we had 6 hours of nothing to do, so this was the result. We got creative." I shrugged. "Simon did most of the designing, I kind of just put stuff where he told me." Bram mentioned. "Really?" she began folding up one of the blankets. "Really, he has true architect potential." Bram continued, giving me a wink. "We all know I would never make it as an architect. That involves a lot of math. Math that I don't understand, nor do I want to. It's a big jump from blanket forts to buildings." I defended, pulling out the blanket stuffed in the couch. "You could do it if you put your mind to it." He retorted. "If you say so." I rolled my eyes. 

"Come on." Bram pulled my hand as he led me outside. "Bram, it is ten o'clock at night and the ground is soaking. Why are we going outside?" I questioned as he pulled me through the sliding doors that led to the back yard. "The ground is only a little wet. I planned for it." He assured me. "Of course you did." I look outside, and there is a blanket laid out on a tarp in the middle of the yard. "Oh my God." I gasped as he continued to pull me along. "Come on!" he urged again. We laid down on the blanket and his arms instantly wrapped around me. The sky was crystal clear, which was weird considering it was pouring ten hours ago. The stars twinkled bright across the night sky, an endless number of tiny specs of light. "You know, each one of those stars are millions, billions, trillions of light years away, and we can still see their light from here." He commented. "It's kind of weird, you know. It reminds me of how small and insignificant we actually are. Tiny specs of life hurdling through space on a big rock." I sighed. "Tiny on a cosmological scale, yes. I don't think we're insignificant at all. Sure, the universe is so big, but we're important. I read somewhere that our hemoglobin is made of proteins that contain iron. That sounds really common, but iron is only naturally produced in one place; it can only be made in the core of dying stars. We are built out of and kept alive by star dust. The same stars that fill our sky. The same stars we're looking at right now. There are pieces of them inside us." He explained, gesturing to the sky with his free hand. "Wow. I didn't know that. That's kind of amazing." I whispered in awe. "Although, you're the only star I want to look at." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You're really amazing, you know that, right?" I asked, looking at him. "Yeah, I know. So are you." We spent a little more time laying under the stars, just talking, and the occasional kissing. It was weirdly perfect how everything fell into place.


	24. Chapter 24: The First Time

[Chapter 24: The First Time]

Today, the sun was shining, and the world showed no signs of the clouds that covered the sky just yesterday. Bram and I decided that we would go out and explore the city for a while. We had lunch in this little café in the middle of town before we browsed the mall, just to kill some time. It was only noon, but we had been out for a while. "You want to head off?" he nudged me as we walked out of JC Penny. "Sure, I don't think Savannah is that much different than Shady Creek." I smiled and took his hand. He hesitated for a split second but grasped my hand back and gave me a reassuring smile. I don't know what it was, but I keep accidentally doing PDA in public. I subconsciously reach for his hand or kiss his cheek, and it flusters him a bit. Somewhere along the line, we both got more comfortable with it, and we do a few minor displays of affection in public, or with our families. We've gotten some odd looks or the occasional mumble, but overall, Savannah was a bit more progressive than home. 

We stopped and got ice cream on the way. "Why would you want ice cream? It's forty degrees outside and it's supposed to get colder tonight?" I asked him as he pulled up to the parlor. "I don't know, I just want ice cream." He shrugged before ordering. He insisted that I get some as well, and although I didn't really want it, Bram has that face where he could convince me to do anything. So, I got a cookie dough ice cream in a bowl and drove us to his dad's house. 

The ice cream was actually really good, and the result was even better. Since we both chilled after eating, we got under the blankets of his bed and began watching an episode of 'Friends' on Netflix, cuddled up as close as possible. Halfway through the episode I got bored of Ross and Rachel fighting about their relationship, so I went looking for entertainment in my boyfriend's lips. In short, I found exactly what I was looking for and the laptop was closed and put at a safe distance, so we could resume making out. "This is so much better than anything we ever watch." I moaned between hard kisses. He hummed in agreement, catching my bottom lip between his teeth. My eyes rolled back at the new sensation.

The thing is, while Bram and I have definitely made out and explored a bit, we haven't gone that far sexually. We had talked about it a few times and agreed that we would do it when the time was right, not because we felt like we should. Of course, there have always been times where I wanted to do more, broaden the horizons a bit, but of course I didn't know how to initiate any of that. I'm not sure he did either, and if I was waiting for Bram to make the first move, we would probably be waiting for the rest of our lives. 

Things heated up quickly and shirts were removed and launched across the room, which is the typical procedure when we have an intense make out session. There was something different this time, something underlying that told me this time was different. There was something different in his kiss, something different in the moans and the hands gently adventuring across acres of skin. There was something different in his eyes when they looked in mine when he pulled back to catch his breath. "I really don't want to ruin the moment, but this makes me want to do things we haven't before." He whispered softly as he huffed above me. "Me too." I nodded slowly as if confirming the unspoken question he was asking. "But are we ready for anything more? Do you want more?" his forehead creased with worry, and maybe concern. "Bram, I've been wanting more for a while, but I also didn't want to rush anything, I don't want to do something and think we're ready when we aren't and screw it up." I confessed, sliding my hand down his shoulder blade and onto his forearm. "Simon, I'm ready when you are. I'm not saying we have to go all the way, but we don't have to keep stopping where we always do." He whispered nervously, I could hear the hitch in his breath, as if what he had just said was purely impulse and he wanted to take it back. "Whatever you want to do, wherever you want to go, you know I'm there with you, one hundred percent." I confirmed suddenly, giving an unfixed amount of approval. It was silent for a moment until I pulled his face back to mine, and we spoke without words.

His lips left mine and traveled to my neck, my head turning as his tongue traced my throbbing pulse in my vein to my collarbone. Small moans escaped me.

"Si?" he asks pleadingly, gazing up at me from exactly where he stopped. "You already know my answer." I say, the words hardly audible. "I want to hear you say it." He says, not breaking eye contact. "Bram, please. Do whatever you like, I'm yours." I whisper, incapable of being louder. As soon as I answer, he comes back and kisses me harder than we've ever kissed before. His hands are pushing my sweat pants off, and my hands are trying to remove his soccer shorts. This was it, this was going to be our first time. 

Moments dragged on like hours, his kisses became sloppier, and soon enough, his hand pushed me back on the bed, and he lowered his face toward the budge in my boxers. He looked at me one last time, silently asking for permission again. I didn't stop him, I didn't want to. So, his finger hooked the elastic band and pulled them down, exposing me, all of me, to him. I was slightly self-conscious, I'll admit, but who isn't when you're naked in front of the person you love for the first time. In one slow motion, he grabs me at my base, and tilts my dick so it its standing straight, away from my stomach. His head lowers, and suddenly, I don't know if I want to watch him or never take my eyes off him. Regardless if I could see him or not, I felt him. I could feel his tongue lick a single, slow stripe from the base to the tip, before taking me in his mouth. I could feel his lips run across the sensitive skin on my tip, causing me to throw my head back. After a moment, he began bobbing his head, and if I didn't know any better, I would swear on my life that this wasn't his first blowjob. My hands clench the bed spread, my voice indecipherable. He continued to take more of me in his mouth while his hands cradled my hips. "Bram, this feels so good." I moaned slightly louder than I anticipated. He hummed in response, and my back arched on its own. "Okay, unless you want me to come right now, please do not do that." I slightly scold him, not because it felt bad, but because it felts good. He pulled off for a moment to catch his breath. His tongue found its way back to my tip, where he swirled it around, causing me to tense up in pleasure. "Oh my god, Bram." I growled, earning another swirl from his tongue. It was like this boy knew how to torture me. His mouth opened again, and he went all the way down to my base. I'm no professional, but that has to take some skill. With a few more bobs, I could feel myself getting close. "Bram, I-I'm, I'm really close." I warned him. He pulled of for a moment. "It's okay, babe. Come for me." He breathed. In less than ten more pumps, I fisted his hair and released into his mouth, letting the feeling wash over me. My body felt like it was on fire, but instead of burning, it was just this overwhelming tingling feeling. It was the most intense, beautiful feeling in the world. 

It took me several minutes to catch my breath, but he didn't say anything. He just laid beside me, and peppered my cheek and neck with small, soft kisses. "Well, there's goes the 'Every Time Including Oral' rule." I joke. "Really, you're going to talk about my mother now?" he cringed. "I'm just saying." I defend before pulling him in for a kiss. 

"Now, it's your turn." I kiss him again, and I'm almost certain he can feel how nervous I am. I kiss him with everything I have, doing everything I know that he likes, making my way to the top of his shorts. "Can I?" I ask, flicking the waistband. "Yes, please." he begs. I waste no time and pull them off as fast and smoothly as I can. All that's left between my mouth and his erection is a thin pair of grey briefs. I decide to torture him a bit, and I press my hand to the outline in his underwear, causing him to moan. He almost ruts against my hand, and it makes me smile for just a second. I run my finger all around the straining fabric, and once I can't bare it anymore, I give him one last chance to stop me. "Are you sure?" I look him dead in the eye. He nods vigorously. I pull the briefs off slowly, and I try my best to not stare directly at his genitals. 

He is beautiful; clothes, unclothed, half clothed. Whether he is baring it all in front of me, or wrapped in a million blankets, he is the most gorgeous man I've ever seen, the only man I ever want to see this way. I take him in my mouth, trying to hold him steady. I could hear him holding back his moans, trying to be as quiet as possible. This is new for him too, this is a whole new sensation. I try my best to mimic everything he did, and everything I've read in all the fanfiction I've read. I swirled my tongue around his tip, he's leaking with pre-come. It gives me my first taste of him; a warm, salty cream. Not the best thing ever, I'll admit, but it isn't awful. I go back down, and I try to fit as much of him as I can. "Si, you make me feel so good." He moaned breathlessly. It makes me feel good, knowing that I'm the one who makes him feel this way. I push myself further down, and I mentally battle my gag reflex. I can feel him on the back on my throat, poking the soft, wet skin. "Si, I'm so close." He warns, and I pull off of him. "It's alright, honey, I want you to come for me. I can't wait to taste you." I whisper before running my tongue along his underside again and taking him back in my mouth. It wasn't long before his hand pulled my hair and his body goes rigid. Suddenly, a thick, warm liquid is jetting out of him and flowing down my throat. I pull of once I know he's done, and I lay beside him, waiting for him to recover. "I am utterly amazed at how wonderful that felt." He sighed, his words barely audible. 

After a few minutes, he turns on his side and wraps his arms around me, gesturing for me to turn on my side as well. We settle into each other, fitting like a puzzle. "If we lay here like this much longer, I will fall asleep." I announce. "I know. It's okay. I'm tired, and I just want to nap here with you." He admitted. So, that's what we do. Within minutes, I can feel myself drifting, and I have the best feeling in the world. Him. 

I woke up an hour later, a lot later than I was planning. I knew he was stirring when his arm pulled me closer and I heard him sigh in content. he continued to move around for a bit, trying to get comfortable. It wasn't until then that I realized we were still completely undressed. I wasn't mad about it though. there was something slightly sensual about it, and not in a 'it turns me on' way, more like 'this is really intimate, and I've never done this before, but I'm okay with it because he makes me feel safe' kind of way. It was hard to even explain to myself. It wasn't long until I turned myself over to face him, and I could see his sleepy smile cross his face. "Good morning, part two, I guess." I kissed his cheek. "Good morning, sunshine." He pulled me closer. It was a weird sensation to feel all of him against me, without any barriers. Just us, and a blanket over us. Skin to skin, open to each other. Nothing left to physically hide. It was scary, but it was also relieving in some strange way. "Do you think this will change us, Si?" he whispers, falling to lay on his back. "Well, I don't know. I guess it will, but I don't think it will change in a bad way. I think we might be more open to the physical, sexual side of our relationship, but I don't think it means we're going bad. I mean, We graduate in less than a year. Literally three girls in our grade are going to be carrying a child across the stage. I guess that's one thing we don't have to worry about." I rambled. "Do you regret it?" he asked shyly. "Not at all. I know we said we weren't going to do anything like that until we were ready. I know that I have wanted that for a long time, but I never wanted to cross that line until we were ready. For me, there's a difference in wanting something and being ready for it." I explained. "Why, do you regret it?" I asked, suddenly unsure if he wasn't ready. "No, that's not what I meant at all. I don't regret anything, especially this, you. I agree, this doesn't mean were going to do everything now, but we might be a little more relaxed when it comes to expressing how we feel... you know, sexually. Every couple does it, I don't see why we can't." he answered. I could feel him taking deep breaths. "So we're good?" I asked, just to make sure. "Yeah, we're perfect. I just wanted to make sure you didn't have any after thoughts." I lifted myself up to look at him. "I never second guess anything when it comes to loving you."


	25. Chapter 25: Christmas With The Spiers

[Chapter 25: Christmas with the Spiers]

The rest of the week flew by, and before long, Bram and I had packed up and came back to Shady Creek. It was Christmas Eve night, and we had hit every Spier Christmas tradition. We all had eaten mom's Reindeer Turds, which were slightly even more amazing than usual somehow. Bram enjoyed them almost as much as I did, and that's saying something. The Facebook Scavenger Hunt went on for three hours before we started losing interest and Dad had to start making the French toast dinner. Mom always offers to help, but Nora is the only one allowed. It was something to do with her not actually helping but learning how to make them herself. I don't know, I just stayed curled up into Bram on the couch, throwing pieces of wadded paper at Alice who was on the opposite end of the couch. 

After dinner, we all sat back in our spots on the couch and watched 'Love Actually', which wasn't a full-fledged tradition, but it might as well be one. We've watched it after dinner every year for as long as I could remember. Everyone was curled up in blankets and focusing on the romance, everyone except Bram, whose lips kept pressing against various points on my face every few minutes. I wasn't complaining, it was nice, it was normal.

As per our agreement, Bram would stay the night and be involved in our Christmas morning routine. It was different this time though, him staying over. I guess it was the holidays, or maybe it was the fact that we were cementing ourselves in each other's lives. It was more than just Christmas, it was our first Christmas as a couple, and hopefully the first to many Christmases in the future. It could be like this for the rest of our lives, and for once, that thought didn't scare me. It didn't give me any anxiety or anything; just happiness, and maybe hope. 

It was seven am when my alarm went off. Bram groaned out of his sleep and slid his finger across my phone to silence the alarm. "Is it really necessary to get up before the sun is even above the horizon?" he groaned again, pulling me back into the bed. "It is if we want to eat breakfast and get ready before the living room becomes a paper wonderland at eight." I informed him, trying to hint that my family goes ham and cheese on Christmas. "Ugh, fine, let's get ready." He huffed and gave in. 

An hour later, we were all fed and dressed in our holiday pajamas sitting in the living room sorting out everyone's presents. Within half an hour, the once extremely clean living room was covered in a paper sea with gift bags floating randomly about. I got a gift card from mom and dad, a Wesleyan hoodie from Alice, and a poem book from Bram. His face lit up when he talked about it, and although I didn't read a lot of poetry, it made me excited to read it too. It took a while to clean up the mess, but eventually the living room was back to it's former immaculate state, and everyone diffused across the house to play with their new presents. "Wait, there's still some presents under the tree." Bram noticed, pointing out the random bunch of bags in the back corner. "Oh, those are for Leah, Nick, Abby, Garrett, and Cal. I'll give those to them whenever I see them. We'll probably meet up at Waffle House later this week and exchange presents." I explained. 

Bram and I spent most of the rest of the day tangled up in my room reading. Every so often, we would make small conversation or nudge each other with our feet, but we were truly content. I liked this dynamic; reading together and spending time with each other without having to make out or anything superficial. Of course, the making out and all of that was very nice, but it was nice to just enjoy each other's company. 

Naturally, the making out came around before nightfall when he had to leave. He stayed a lot longer than intentionally planned, no thanks to me and my undying neediness to give him one last kiss, and then another, and then another, and then another. I bounced behind him downstairs to see him off. "Bram, wait!" I stopped him under the arch way. "Mistletoe." I pointed up with a sly grin on my face. "Of course." He halfway rolled his eyes and smiled, placing his hands on my hips and pressed his lips to mine. "Ooooh, get it!" Alice whooped from her place on the couch. "How about you mind your own business and leave us alone." I sneered at her. "As if. I'm your sister, it's my job." She rolled her eyes and went back to her book. 

"Thank you for coming." I told him once we stepped outside. "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world." He smiled. "Yeah, but my family can go overboard on holidays. This was probably the most mellow Christmas I've ever had." I recalled, shaking my head thinking of my family's shenanigans. "Well, maybe next year it'll be back to normal." He chuckled slightly. "Yeah, you really don't want that." I retorted, letting go of his hand. "We'll see. Alright, I better go before my mom has a heart attack. I love you." He gave me a small kiss before walking towards his car. "I love you, too." I called after him. "Be careful, the roads will probably be slick. Text me when you get home!" I warned him. "I'll be careful. I'll talk to you as soon as I pull in the driveway." He promised, and somehow, I knew that's exactly what he would do. "Bye!" I called one last time as I waved. He waved one last time as he pulled out of the driveway and into the night, leaving me standing on the front step in the cold, with nothing but a smile.


	26. Chapter 26: New Year's Day

[Chapter 26: New Year’s Day]

We all gathered at Nick’s house to ring in the new year. It was our tradition. The plan was to celebrate and then have a giant sleep over in the basement. It was just the eight of us; Leah, Abby, Nick, Garrett, Cal, Ethan, Bram, and I. It used to just be Leah, Nick and I, and last year we added Abby to the group. Now, a year later, our group had doubled. I was kind of worried about how big our group was getting, considering not all of us could fit in one car now. I didn’t mind it though, I kind of liked having a big group of friends.

We all gathered in Nick’s basement and played random games while ‘Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rocking Eve’ played on the TV in the background. We still had an hour until the countdown would start, and we were passing the time between the performances. Surprisingly, there wasn’t any alcohol involved, and it may have been a good thing there wasn’t. Nick’s parents were home, so there was no way we were ever going to get away with anything illegal like that. I wasn’t really in the mood to drink anyway, this was going to be the first year I was going to have a New Year’s kiss and I wanted to be able to be fully aware of everything. 

“10!” We all began to chant.  
“9!” The ball dropped a few more feet.  
“8!” We could hear the crowd in New York counting down too.  
“7!” We all stood up, eager to ring in the new year.  
“6!” The Excitement was building in the room.  
“5!” We all glanced around us and grabbed hands.  
“4!” We were shouting just as loud as the TV.  
“3!” Bram’s hand gripped my hand tightly.  
“2!” I tightened my grip on his hand back.  
“1! Happy New Year!” The basement erupted into pandemonium.

Bram grabbed my cheeks and pressed his lips to mine, and it felt like the most magical thing in the world. It was so surreal, being together for almost a year now, and still curling my toes when he kisses me. We broke apart and everyone folded into a massive group hug. There may have been a few tears. We may have been a group of cynics, but we were sentimental cynics, and we also knew in the back of our minds that this may be the last time we all get to ring in the year together. That’s when it hit me. 

“Hey, I'm gonna go upstairs and use the bathroom really quick.” I whispered to Bram to let him know where I was going. His face showed that he knew something was off, like he was asking if everything was okay, but he didn’t say anything. I felt his gaze as I skipped up the stairs and up to the main floor. To be honest, I just needed a few minutes to catch my breath. It was like all of the sudden, I had this pang of anxiety, like realizing that we wont be together like this next year showed me that we really are about to go our separate ways. All of our traditions that we've made over the past 14 years are just going to fade into memories. We’re going to be across the country from each other most likely, and we would be living completely separate lives. I don’t know how I'm going to be able to live without any of these people. I don’t know how I'll cope without them. Leah and Nick have been there with me since preschool, the literal beginning; now we’re all just going to go our separate ways? Abby and I have been friends for almost two years, but she is still one of my best friends and I can't imagine not seeing her every day. I don’t even know what will happen to Bram and I, I don’t know if we could do the long distance thing if it came down to it, and I'm not sure if I could handle it either. The more I let my thoughts take control, the more hopeless it felt. I slid my back down the wall and stared at the back of the door. The first tear leaked over my eye lid and I let it race down my face. As soon as it dropped from my chin to the back of my hand, I broke into a silent sob. Everything felt like it was falling apart. it felt like everything I had thought of had already come true, and I had lost everyone. I was alone with no one, and it was because of me somehow. My breathing was shallow and quick as the tears fell one after the other. I drew my knees up to my chest and squeezed myself into this shell, thinking that maybe it would save me. 

It felt like an eternity later when I heard a sharp knock at the door. “Si, are you in there?” Bram asked. “Uh, yeah.” I answered quickly, trying to hide the fact I had been crying. “Are you alright?” Shit, he knew. He always knows. “Yeah, I'll be out in a second.” My voice cracked, and I sighed when I knew it gave me away. “Let me in.” He demanded after twisting the knob slightly before realizing it was locked. I gave in and opened the door, knowing it was useless to fight with him about it. 

“What happened? Did I do something downstairs to upset you?” he pestered me with questions, making sure I was alright. “I'm fine now. It just hit me that this is going to be our last New Year’s together before we all go our separate ways and I kind of broke down over it.” I explained as I tried to dry my eyes. “Listen, this isn't the end. This isn't the last of anything. We will all be right back here in a year, celebrating and cheering just like we did this year. I know the thought of everyone going off on their own journeys in life terrifies you, it scares me too, but no matter what, we’re always going to come back to each other. If we all do end up going to different colleges and go to different states, then it will make our time together even more valuable. We will always be back for fall and spring break, plus Christmas and summer. Nothing is fading away just because we might be going somewhere new. Its’s all just changing.” He consoled me. “You know I hate change. Change is exhausting. I know we have to do it, we don’t have a choice, but I hate it. I just want everything to stop, or at least slow down. We have five months and nineteen days before we graduate, and that means roughly eight months before we don’t get to see each other anymore. We still don’t know where were going and its so dumb to have a break down about it, but its’s almost guaranteed that we go our different paths. Leah in 100% going to Georgia State in Athens. Garrett got a full ride from Denver. Cal is going to Georgia Tech. Ethan is going straight to NYU. Nick is going to New York to peruse music. Abby is probably going to go to some really nice acting school, hell, she’s probably days away from getting a call from Julliard begging her to go to New York. Then there’s you, who could literally go anywhere in the world, and while I'm so incredibly happy for you, it scares the shit out of me because I don’t know what that means for us.” I broke down again, tears threatening to make a comeback. “Si, it is impossible to tell where we’re going to end up and it’s pointless to overthink about it. so what if we end up all across the nation? You think any of those people down stairs are ever going to care about you less, or not talk to you ever again? If you think anyone is going to abandon you, you're wrong. Yeah, we all might not see each other as much, we might not talk all the time like we’re used to, but none of us are ever going to stop being friends. Nothing is ever going to come between any of us, especially us. whatever happens, I promise, we will make it out together. I don’t know where life is going to take any of us, and I don’t know what will happen, but what I do know is that love doesn’t know distance, it doesn’t know time. Every single person down there loves the hell out of you, including me. We aren't going to leave you, you couldn’t get rid of us even if you tired.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug, resting his chin on my head. He knows this always calms me down, he knows that he makes me feel safe, but right now, it just feels dangerous. “I'm just scared that everything is going to change again. My life fell apart a year ago, and now its going to do it again once we walk across that stage. Hasn’t everything changed enough?” I cried into his chest. “Nothing is falling apart. Everything is right here. Everything is going to be fine.” He continued to hold me, slightly swaying in the bathroom. 

Eventually, I relaxed. I finally clamed down, but at this point I just felt numb. It was like preparation, almost as if after this giant earthquake of emotions, I was just stopping all my thoughts to keep it from the aftershock. It had been well over half an hour since Bram came up to check on me, and I had no doubt they were going to start worrying what we were doing. “We should probably head back downstairs and at least try to enjoy the rest of the night.” I ran my fingers through my hair, very aware of the fact I sounded completely monotone, but I couldn’t find it in me to bring any emotion into my voice. “If you want to, we don’t have to stay. We can leave if you're not feeling up to it. I can take you home.” he whispered lightly, looking into my eyes. “No, its fine, I'm fine.” I shook my head, trying to keep it together. “Alright. If you ever want to go, just say the word and we’ll go.” He noted cautiously before following me out of the bathroom and back down the stairs. 

“Si, is everything alright?” Leah was the first to notice our return. “Yeah, it’s fine. I just had a small episode, I'm good.” I promised, still lacking inflection in my voice. “You sure?” Nick followed up. I could feel Bram’s hand lightly rub my arm, trying to silently comfort me. “I really don’t want to talk about it. Can we please just keep having a good time. I'm fine now, I promise.” I sighed. Everyone stared for a second before they surrendered, trying to fall back into conversation as Bram and I returned to our prior seats. I leaned back into Bram as we sat on the couch, trying to find some sort of security that he somehow always provides. 

Conversation eventually returned to normal, but I just felt out of it at this point. I was still listening, but it was like everything was underwater, or like I processed everything five seconds later. Soon enough, I just couldn’t focus on the conversation and closed my eyes. Every once in a while, he would give me small, gentle kisses behind my ear or on my cheek. His hand squeezed mine when I had been quiet for a while. I don’t know if it was to drag me out of my thoughts or if he was making sure I was alright, or a bit of both. I squeezed his hand back halfheartedly, letting him know I was awake. He squirmed slightly, trying to position himself so he could see my face. When I looked up, his face was pinched and his forehead was creased with worry, silently asking if I was alright. I took a deep breath and nodded. There was something there in his eyes. Bram’s eyes always said what he wasn’t, they were the most expressive part of him. in them I could see that he was worried about me, I could see that he cared so much for me, and that he was doing everything he knew to make me comfortable. I gave him a small kiss for reassurance, and we settled back into our previous position. 

It was about four in the morning when everyone started dozing off. Ethan thanked us for a wonderful evening but told everyone he couldn’t stay the night. Garrett had passed out eating a slice of pizza not long afterwards. Leah was determined to be the last one standing, but was visibly exhausted. Abby and Nick had meshed into some weird ball and were dead asleep in the floor. “I think I'm going to take Simon home.” Bram announced quietly. “No, really I want to stay.” I said through a yawn. “Si, seriously, I don’t know what happened earlier, but you’ve been shut down ever since. If you need to take some time to recharge or whatever, do it. We’ll all meet at WaHo once we all get up tomorrow.” She persuaded, trying to convince me through her hooded eyes. I let out a deep sigh, knowing it was two against one and I would lose. “Alright, I guess we’ll go. I'm sorry about tonight.” I apologized. “Si, it’s fine, whatever it is, it wasn’t your fault. If you want, we can talk about it over breakfast food tomorrow, or we can talk about it later if you want.” She confirmed before taking up the rest of the couch. 

I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached for the handle, noticing that Bram wasn’t moving with me. “Are you coming?” I asked gently. “Do you want me to?” He turned his head towards me, trying to gauge what I was thinking. “If you want to, I don’t mind.” I shifted slightly. “Okay. I didn’t know if you just wanted space or not.” He turned the key and pulled it out of the ignition, the lights going out and all the background noise coming to a dead silence. “I honestly don’t know what I need right now. I just know that if I'm alone, I'll just make it worse.” I pushed the car door open and shut it behind me. “You never have to be alone, you know that. If anything, you know no matter what, I would drop everything and come running. I'm your superhero, remember?” he gave me a small smile that I could even see in the pitch blackness of night.


	27. Chapter 27: Sibling Day

[Chapter 27: Sibling Day]

It was early January, and we had a week before winter break was over and we all went back to school. As much as I hated to admit it, I kind of missed school and seeing all my friends every day. Hell, I even missed rehearsals, which I still wouldn’t have until the first week of February since we auditioned for the musical the first week back and did read through the second week. I was scrolling through google searches of monologues to use when Alice opened my door and poked her head in. “Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm forcing you to hang out with me and Nora today so if you have any plans cancel them because I'm more important, be downstairs in an hour, okay love you, byeee!” She announced and closed the door again, enticing a groan out of me. 

The thing is, we haven't had a sibling day since Alice started college. Sibling Day was something Alice came up with once she got her license when mom thought we weren’t all close enough. So, in order to get mom off our cases, Alice would declare a Sibling Day and we would go out and do something once a month. Of course, the one rule of Sibling Day is that it cannot be avoided or rescheduled for any reason unless 2/3 siblings agree. We were a democratic family, after all. 

Forty-five minutes passed and I stumbled down the stairs in my usual t-shirt, hoodie, and jeans attire, glasses falling off my nose as I bounced down the last few steps. “Alice, this is Georgia, just because it’s January doesn’t mean its cold outside, you're going to have a heat stroke.” I commented on her outfit, which consisted of a pair of leggings, some furry knock off Uggs, a shirt I couldn’t see under the gigantic winter faux fur coat she was wearing, and her hair tucked into a beanie. “I get cold easily, and I can always take it off.” she stuck her tongue out at me. Nora rolled her eyes at both of us and begged us to just go already. 

“Jesus Christ, I'm literally about to tuck and roll out of this fucking car.” I said through gritted teeth as I squeezed the handle in the roof of her Impala and pressing my body as far back in the seat as possible. “Oh, calm down, you're fine.” She rolled her eyes and changed lanes again. “You are going ninety-eight miles an hour in a fifty-five zone, changing lanes every two seconds.” I fussed again, but she just huffed and told me to shut up. “Now I know why mom and dad give me so much shit for driving.” I whispered to myself. 

Halfway to Atlanta, Bram calls me via FaceTime. Of course, I answered it. His face blew up across the screen as the video feed connected, showing a smiling Bram without a shirt laying on his bed. “Hey, Si!” he called. “Hey, babe!” I answered, giving him a big smile. “Do you have plans today?” He asked, rolling over on the bed to get another pillow. “Uh, actually I'm on my way to Atlanta with Alice and Nora. Sibling Day.” I explained, to which he creased bis brow. “Sibling Day?” he leaned forward, confusion evident in his voice. “It’s this thing-” I started before Alice lunged for my phone. “Alice, what the hell? Watch the road!” I hollered yanking my phone away from her. “No boyfriends on Sibling Day!” She screamed back, reaching for my phone again. “Oh my God, someone please kill me.” I groaned as she pushed her free hand against my face. “Si, what is going on?” Bram asked faintly over the commotion. “Alice is trying to kill us. If I die, I want you to know that I love you and this is all Alice’s fault.” I commented before she yanked the phone from my grasp. “Sorry Bram, gotta go! Nothing personal, Simon just isn't allowed to talk to you right now.” She said before hanging up. “You know, that was really rude.” I gave Alice a world class side eye as I grabbed my phone back. “Eh, he’ll get over it.” She said, changing lanes again. “I hope to God you know if Theo calls and you answer, I'm yeeting your phone as far as I can.” I stated, gripping the handle again as she merged off the highway. “Do it and not only will you be walking home, you’ll be walking home with two broken legs and one good eyeball.” She threatened back, glaring at the road. “Both of you shut up!” Nora sighed loudly from the back, pulling out her earphones.

“Mom! Simon threw my phone!” Alice screaming into the house as we walked in the front door. “I had a good reason!” I objected. Dad paused the TV and they both turned around to look at us. “I had no part in this, so I'm going to my room and ignoring them for the next twenty years.” Nora growled as stomped up the stairs. “Okay, what happened?” Mom asked quizzically. “Simon threw my phone across the parking lot and shattered it!” Alice explained as she sat down on the couch. “One, your phone is fine, your screen protector saved it. Two, you were the one who said no boyfriends on Sibling day and almost killed us before answering your own boyfriend.” I retorted. “Okay, someone give me the full story.” Mom grabbed her temples. “We were on the free way going to Atlanta when Bram called me, and Alice yanked my phone out of my hand and hung up on him, while going fifty miles over the speed limit, by the way, all because of the ‘no boyfriend rule’ that doesn’t exist, and Bram was unaware of the fact we had a sibling day. I told her that if Theo called that I was going to throw her phone if she answered. He did, and she answered, so I grabbed it and threw it. It was only fair.” I elaborated “I hung up on him! I didn’t throw your phone onto the freeway!” Alice defended before we were both silenced by our mother. “Both of you are acting like toddlers. You all created Sibling Day to spend quality time together, not to argue and destroy property. I am very disappointed in both of you. You are both adults now, and you're acting like children, right in front of your sister. I'm not going to punish either of you, simply because you are both adults, and despite being your mother, you are now held accountable for your actions. I also think the disappointment from your father and I along with the guilt for behaving so atrociously in front of your sister on a day where you are supposed to get along will suffice enough.” Mom scolded, and she was right. The look on her face broke me inside, and everything that had happened today replayed in my mind. “You all have a week left before you don’t see each other for two months. Think about that.” Mom said before she got up from the couch and went to her study. 

“Simon, why would you do that? I mean, I know why you did it, but was it really necessary?” Bram pestered over the phone. “No, it wasn’t, but I was still mad, and I didn’t think about the consequences. Believe me, I've both been therapized, scolded, and guilted by my mom. It wasn’t okay for me to do that, even if I was mad, even if she did hang up on you for no reason. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.” I sighed as I buried my head further into the pillow. “Did you ever think about why she didn’t want you talking to me today?” he proposed a good question. “Not until now, no.” I answered as I thought about it. “I guess she just really wanted to focus on us having a good time together, she didn’t want any distractions. We have been really busy living our own lives, and we hardly see each other now that she’s hundreds of miles away for over half the year. I don’t know, maybe I didn’t think about it either.” I thought aloud. “I think that’s a good assumption. You need to go talk to her and work it out. If anything, I know you don’t want her leaving for the semester upset with you.” He suggested. “Are you sure you want to be an English professor because my mom and I agree you would make an excellent therapist. Her job offer still stands.” I change the subject slightly, but with genuine intentions. “I thought about it, but English is something I'm really passionate about. I don’t really like getting involved in other people’s problems.” He elaborated softly. “But you're always fixing my problems.” I objected. “Yes, but you’re my boyfriend. Your problems are my problems.” He smiled at me through the screen. “I would like to argue with that, but I can't, plus I have an apology to make.” I rolled my eyes. We said our goodbyes and within a few minutes, I was headed to the hallway.

Just as I reached for the knob, I heard a soft knock on the door that made me jump a bit. I pulled the door open to see Alice standing on the other side. “Hey, I wanted to talk to you, but I heard you on the phone, so I waited. Not like, out here and eavesdropped, but like, in my room for a few minutes. I didn’t hear any talking this time, so I knocked.” She began. “Anyway, can we talk about today?” 

We sat on my bed and I started. “Look, I'm really sorry I threw your phone and fucked up your case and screen protector. I ordered you a new one. I shouldn’t have thrown your phone like that.” I apologized. “Yeah, and I shouldn’t have hung up on your boyfriend, especially while driving. It’s not an excuse, but I really just wanted to try to spend time with you. I shouldn’t have made a big deal about Bram calling, especially since we were in the car. We hardly ever see each other any more and now that I'm in college and you have a boyfriend, we never spend any time together. I kind of miss us hanging out, back before I left for college. I guess I just didn’t want Bram interrupting another day of us being able to be together. by the way, tell Bram I'm really sorry about that, I love him a lot and it wasn’t anything against him.” she apologized back. “Trust me, he knows. That boy already gave me a whole other scolding session. Tell Theo I'm sorry too.” I rolled back on the bed. “We should probably apologize to Nora too, since we kind of pissed her off and ruined the day.” Alice suggested. “You're right.” I agreed.

“Hey Boop, can we come in?” Alice knocked on the door. Nora sighed exasperatedly, but told us to come in. “We just wanted to say we’re sorry we acted the way we did today and ruining Sibling Day. We shouldn’t have acted like that, especially today, and we feel really bad about it.” I began. “Yeah, it wasn’t cool for us to do that, and you shouldn’t have had to see us like that. We’re adults and we set an example or you, and today we weren’t setting the best example.” Alice hung her head down, staring at the floor instead of looking at Nora. I know Alice feels a very big responsibility to be a role model for Nora, and I know she takes this really hard. “One, you're both really dumb. Like, we barely see each other as it is and now you all act like this when we finally hang out. That’s really shitty, not just for me, but for all of us. We used to be inseparable and now we can't even go half an hour without fighting. I don’t know, maybe it’s us getting older and changing into different people, maybe it’s where we haven't been around each other much, maybe we just aren't as close as more, but that honestly hurts. I know mom already guilt tripped you both and I'm not trying to do that again, but it hurts so much. We were so close and now all of the sudden we can't stand each other. Two, I don’t need you all to be role models. I don’t want to be either of you, no offense. I want to be my own person, I don’t want to walk in your footsteps or be in your shadows. Sure, I look up to you all and see great qualities and traits that I want to have, but I've outgrown my impressionable stage, so don’t beat yourselves up about ‘setting a bad example’. Three, I know you all feel bad about it and you’ve already made up and you'll probably go out of your way to have another Sibling Day to make it up to all of us. We’re all very predictable. Just please try to get along. I know we all get testy and get on each other’s nerves sometimes, but we all love each other to death.” Nora ranted softly. Nora never really shouts angrily, she just has this disappointed and exhausted tone in her voice that relays even more than screaming. I think she learned it from mom. 

It didn’t take us long before we all agreed on a new plan for tomorrow. We all agreed no fighting and clearly defined the rules so that we could spend time together without getting distracted or losing time with each other. I laughed to myself and thought ‘this is what we should have done in the first place.’ I guess hindsight really is twenty-twenty.


	28. Chapter 28: Bram's Adulthood

[Chapter 28: Bram’s Adulthood]

[Bram’s POV]

My alarm blared loud and clear at 6 am, waking me up from an almost restless sleep. ‘Well, had you not stayed up until 2 am Face Timing your boyfriend, you would have gotten more sleep.’ My inner nagging voice griped at me. It was true, but it was all in good intentions. Simon wanted to be the first person to wish me a Happy Birthday, so he face timed me right before midnight. That expectedly short conversation turned into a very in depth two hour discussion on why avocados were becoming extremely popular with millennials and how neither of us understood it. It was also probably the best birthday present to watch a sleep deprived Simon rant about a fruit he had never eaten; it wasn’t even what he was talking about that made him adorable, it was just him. 

Simon’s car pulled up to the curb at 7 sharp, which was odd for Simon because that boy couldn’t be on time to anything, even if you paid him. I opened the passenger side door and climbed in, noticing that I was the only other person in the car besides Simon. “Happy birthday!” He showered me in small kisses as I scrunched my face with a smile. “Thanks, babe. Where is everyone else?” I gestured to the empty back seat. “Leah, Nick, and Abby are getting the cake for lunch. You know how seriously Leah takes birthdays. You aren't allowed to see it, so they went to pick it up alone and gave me the job of getting you to school and being the biggest distraction possible.” He gave me a bright smile as he pulled away from my house and drove us toward the school. “Well, that won’t be hard for you because you constantly have my full attention.” I intertwined our hands on the console, something that we had always done. It was unnatural for us to drive and not hold hands. “I could say the same for you.” He merged into the turning lane and turned up the soft music I hadn't realized was playing. 

We pulled into our usual spot in the back parking lot almost ten minutes before the doors to the school opened. We used that time wisely, finishing our morning coffees and kissing in the comfort and safety of his car. Nick’s car pulled up as we pulled away and grabbed our bags to go in. “Bram, I love you, but you need to go, right now.” Leah low key hissed as I stepped around to grab Simon’s hand. “We’re going. We need to catch up on homework anyway.” Simon rolled his eyes and pulled me along. “It’s the second week back, we don’t even have any- ohhh. Never mind.” Nick figured out as we walked away, our hands swinging back and forth between us.

The auditorium wasn’t the closest place to the science wing, but backstage was always empty in the morning before the first bell, and we had ten minutes alone in the almost dark. “Wait, why is that one light always on? Every morning when we come in here, it’s on.” I ask, pointing to the single light in the center of the stage. “That would be the ghost light. It’s a theatre thing. Basically, in a theatre, there is always one light that stays on at all times, even when no one is in it. It’s bad luck or something, almost like saying the name of the Scottish play.” Simon explained with a hint of annoyance. “Okay, okay, calm down, we have plenty of time to make out and grope each other.” I leaned back in to kiss him, and I swore I could hear the softest satisfied sigh he’s ever made. 

Lunchtime came around and we all walked to lunch. It was funny how our entire group had the same period before lunch except for Cal and Garrett, although Cal didn’t sit with us. we already were pushing 8 people to a 6-person table, but Cal also had other friends that he didn’t see a lot either and elected to eat lunch with them. Leah and Abby appeared after we had all sat down, carrying in a big sheet cake and party hats. I instantly knew Simon had something to do with the design when I saw it was a Marvel cake and ‘Happy 18th Birthday Bram!’ written in blue icing. That boy couldn’t remember quadratic formula to save his life, but somehow seemed to remember everything about me. I fell in love with him a little more.

The great thing about it being in the second half of the school year was that soccer season was over. Sure, we made it to the state championships and we all got some pretty great scholarship offers from various places, but now it was way too cold out to play. It was kind of a bummer, soccer was kind of my only extra-curricular, but it was nice to just be able to relax for the rest of the year and focus on my grades, and on Simon of course. That boy would explode if I didn’t give him an adequate amount of attention every hour, I kind of love it though. 

Without soccer practice and with rehearsals not starting for another two weeks, the whole crew was free directly after school, which wasn’t suspicious at all. I knew they were going to throw me a party, it’s kind of their thing. They all say Leah is the one who takes birthdays seriously, but in all honestly, they all do, every single one of them. It wasn’t until Simon blindfolded me from the back that I knew exactly what was going to happen. “If this is payback for blindfolding you on your birthday, it isn't going to work because I'm into this.” I smirked at my remark. “Bram, you don’t want to say that right now. Literally we’re all here.” Simon warned in a hushed tone, and I could feel my face darken. “Sorry.” I exhaled, wanting nothing more than for something else to happen to relieve the awkward moment. 

Ten minutes later, Simon’s car came to stop, and call me crazy, but I could tell it was his driveway. I've pulled into it enough to know exactly what it feels like. “si, why are we at your house?” I asked , not even touching the blindfold. “You little shit, can you see?” Abby screeched from the back, climbing halfway in the front to adjust the blindfold. “No, I can't. you all do realize that I've pulled into this driveway like a thousand times, right? It isn't that hard of a guess, especially since Simon lives ten minutes from the school and there's a slight bump from the ditch in the driveway.” I explained, rolling my eyes under the scarf. “Fuck you for being so observant!” Abby groaned as she sat back down. “So, now that I know we’re here and I know exactly what’s going on, can I take this off?” I asked, beginning to take it off. “Nope, leave it alone. I kind of counted on you being super observant, so I have some more tricks up my sleeve.” Simon slapped my hand away and readjusted the scarf tied to my head.

We walked in the front door of the Spier house and Simon led me upstairs and into his room. “Stay here and don’t come out until I come get you.” He commands. “I don’t really have a choice.” I huffed and sat down on the bed, hearing the door shut gently. I took off the blindfold since I was locked in his room with nothing to do. I laid back on the bed, hoping that whatever they were doing wouldn’t take too long. After a minute or two, I got bored and started scrolling through my various social medias on my phone to kill time. Simon eventually came back to get me and dragged me back downstairs.   
The living room was now filled with balloons and streamers. It was all really cute, but I was slightly nervous that Simon went out of his way and threw me a big party. It’s not that I wouldn’t appreciate it, but I'm not a big party type of person; social anxiety kind of does that to you. It wasn’t until my dad stood up from the couch that I realized that Simon already knew me too well. “Dad!” my face brightened as we took steps towards each other to hug. “Happy Birthday, Abraham.” He congratulated as he hugged me. 

Of course, Simon knew I didn’t want a big party, and instead, he invited my family and our friends over just to hang out. Abby was instantly drawn to baby Valerie, who was beginning to grow thick black hair like her mom. We all sat around in the living room and talked about just about everything under the sun. My dad asked me about English projects and college applications, which seemed to be all there was to discuss between us anymore. My mom and Simon’s mom seemed to be in their own little world, having a full conversation about who knows what; Simon and I, doctor things, who knows. 

Nick, Abby, Leah, Garrett, and Cal left about an hour later. I assume it was because we were about to have a birthday dinner and they didn’t want to intrude because it seemed to be a family affair. All three mothers and Nora disappeared into the kitchen to start while the rest of us, that being my dad, Simon’s dad, Simon, and I, sat in the living room and continued random discussions until dinner was ready. 

It was a nice evening with everyone, both Simon and I’s families together. I’ll admit, it was a bit awkward to think about how weird it all was; both of our families eating dinner and celebrating my birthday despite how complicated my family situation is and how hard it is to arrange to get everyone in one place at a time. Simon really outdid himself and not only shows he knows me but went out of his way and elaborately planned this and put it together. 

“Thank you all so much for dinner and everything.” I announced gratefully. “Of course, happy birthday!” Simon’s mom said with her trademark genuine smile. As my family left, my mom told me I should stay with Simon since he stayed with me on his birthday. I kind of felt a bit guilty because my dad and Claire drove up from Savannah and all, but they also insisted that I could stay if I wanted to. Of course, the Spiers welcomed me to stay as well. One look at Simon and I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. After saying goodbye to my family, who reassured me that they would be in town for the weekend and I wasn’t going to miss spending time with them, Simon took my hand and took me upstairs to the all too familiar bedroom. 

Simon’s room was kind of messy, but it was relatively clean and organized. His room opens wide from the hallway, to the left is the shutter doors that lead to the closet, a laundry basket overflowing with laundry that he always swears he’ll do tomorrow, a full-length mirror on the same wall as the door. To the right is a bookshelf filled with books, then his desk overflowing with papers and textbooks. Behind that, he has another organizer that is filled with random things that I don’t even know where they’re from. He has cork boards and posters all over the wall, posted up with pictures of his family and friends, and recently, pictures of us. Then, there’s his bed in the back-corner cubbyhole, surrounded with black chalkboard paint that has been written on with various quotes, art pieces, and reminders.The long table between the wall and the bed fills the rest of the cubby hole, it’s covered in food and packages of Oreo’s. Both of his windows now have black out curtains on them that he now keeps shut at all times. Every time I walk in this room, it’s this sense of familiarity because nothing much changes. His curtains are always closed, there is always a supply of Oreo’s in every corner of the room, there is always laundry he is promising to do, and his bed is always made. The room is so purely Simon and his personality; pictures of him with all the people he cares about, posters of Elliott Smith and other bands he loves, little memory things like movie stubs or photo booth reels on the corkboards, little decals from all the fandoms he’s in. I love his room almost as much as I love him, because this room is almost a perfect mirror of who he is. This is the natural habitat for Simon Spier, and every time I notice something else that makes me really understand that he really is a much deeper and complex person that he seems. 

We strip down to our boxers and get under the covers. It was very typical for us to lay together and talk all night long, knowing we needed to sleep. Simon had a way of making me want to do things I wouldn’t normally do, he makes me defy my usual logic. I guess that’s what love does to you, especially young love. “Thank you for everything you did today.” I pull him closer, wrapping my arms around him. “You did the same for me on my birthday. I knew you didn’t want a big party or anything like that. I knew you wanted to see your family and friends, so I got everyone together. I thought that you would like that better than anything else, and it would be the best way to surprise you.” He intertwined our fingers on his stomach and leaned back into me. “Still, I know it’s never easy to get my family together in one place for anything. It takes a lot of planning and effort to get them organized, but you managed to do it.” He unlaced our fingers and turned over to faced me. “You deserve that effort. It wasn’t something that required months in advance planning or reserving the date. You deserve that, you deserve to have everyone who cares about you to celebrate you and all that you do and all the light you bring into their lives. I know you think you don’t or that you don’t do that much, but you really do, especially for me.” He pressed kisses along my jaw to my lips, his hands wandering freely across my shoulders and up the nape of my neck and into my hair. “I love you, and you better never forget that.” He warned in between kisses. “You would never let me, just like I'll never let you forget that I love you.” His lips were small, puffy, and slightly chapped, but the was he kissed me at any time of day made my head spin, even after almost a year. It was just the physicality of it, it was that you could feel every emotion he put into it. It was like just by kissing him, he opened the door to his mind and let you know exactly how he felt somehow. Kissing him was the best birthday gift he could ever give me, because it was always more than a kiss, he was giving me part of him every single time, and I always gave him a piece of me back.


	29. Chapter 29: I Got You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really long, it seems like a filler but it’s very important for multiple reasons. This plays a big part in the story and character arc later I the story, and also has its own message. As someone who is a psychology major going into the therapy field in another year, and also someone who has depression, anxiety, abandonment and trust issues, etc., I find it important to relay some of this in my stories when it is applicable. I didn’t make Simon depressed simply because I wanted him to be or I wanted to write about this specifically, I find it in his character and in his friends, especially in this turning point of their lives. The thing I want anyone reading is that it is okay to feel these things, and it is also okay to let your friends know how you feel or reach out to someone and get help. Depression and anxiety are increasingly common in the last few generations, and we all go through some tough stuff. Please, if you ever feel down, talk to someone you are about, talk to a therapist, use local or online resources. There are apps you can download for free that help manage depression and other mental disorders. Of course, my messages are always open and I will always help anyone the best I can.

[Chapter 29: I Got You]

[Simon’s POV]

It was just a few days after Bram’s birthday that I started having more bad thoughts than usual, and I was beginning to think it was becoming a serious problem. I just started randomly thinking about how Bram deserves more than what I can give him. hell, my friends deserve more than me. It wasn’t that I was bad, there was just better out there. I wasn’t the smartest, I wasn’t the most athletic, I wasn’t the best actor or vocalist, I didn’t really have anything that made me stand out from anyone else. I was just me, and I spent a lot of the nights alone digging deeper and thinking about why my friends and boyfriend haven't dropped me yet. Of course, I have absolutely no reason to feel this way, and that may even be worse than having a reason. It was four am and I couldn’t sleep because my mind was racing in a thousand different directions at once. It sucked even more because I had to be up in an hour to get ready for school. 

I looked in the mirror, trying to find any redeeming qualities. I wasn’t super thin, the Oreo diet and my aging metabolism had caught up to me. It wasn’t that I was overweight, but   
Bram had a perfect body, he worked really hard to get it and still keeps in shape. It was just kind of off putting that I was simply… average. My skin was paler than normal considering I never go outside anymore. My hair was getting longer, and I was way overdue for a cut. Mom had been bugging me about it for weeks, and I was beginning to agree with her. Overall, I was just average. I didn’t have great facial features or really a super attractive face. I didn’t think I was ugly, but I just thought the majority of people were better looking than I was. Leah still comments about how hot my dad is, and as disgusting as that is, she isn't wrong. My dad is very traditionally handsome; rugged shoulders and a sharp jawline, rough scruff and deep pools of eyes almost as expressive as Bram’s. I didn’t get any of that. Bram always commented on how much he loved my eyes, like there was always a storm inside them, maybe he’s right. Maybe there is a storm inside me, and sure, its pretty from the outside, but when you're the one getting blown away and struck by lightning, it didn’t seem as beautiful. 

My mom could tell something was off. she didn’t say anything or give me weird looks, but she just had thing knowing energy. I guess with her being a psychologist and raising me my whole life, she knows my body language and can tell I'm not myself. Maybe I am off kilter, maybe I am different. She gives me the usual ‘Are you alright, you look a little tired?’ but I just wave her off. I want to talk to her about it, but at the same time I don’t. I know if anyone in the world could help me, it would be her. I mean, not only has she raised me and watched me grow up, but she has three PhDs and a Doctorate in Psychology; she knows everything there is to know about young depressed teens who feel this way for absolutely no reason. Maybe I should talk to her, but maybe I shouldn’t. I just don’t want to be a disappointment, I don’t want my problems to become a family affair. I just tell her I didn’t sleep that well and grab my keys. 

Bram notices something is wrong immediately when I greet him as he slides into the car. I think the others noticed it too, but Bram is the only one to physically show he knows something is wrong. It’s in his eyes and in the forehead wrinkles when he asks me silent questions and when he gets concerned. He doesn’t say anything, but kisses me again and rubs his thumb against the back of my hand, I guess to show that he knows I don’t feel the best and he’s showing some silent support. He tightens his grip in my hand when I fuss about the traffic, he takes deep breaths hoping that I will too, but he doesn’t say anything. I don’t think he wants to say anything in front of the others, I don’t think he wants to make a scene or he thinks I don’t want him to talk about it. I'm sure he’ll pull me aside later and ask me all about it and I'll cave and tell him when he gives me those ocean eyes of chocolate waves. I dread it, but I know as soon as he gives me that look, everything I'm holding in will come out, and I can't stop it. 

I pull into the space, and I straighten my car three times before Leah tells me that my car is perfectly within the lines. I huff and turn the car off and take my keys and take my bag from Nick. Everyone continues their conversation from the car, which I have no idea what they were talking about because I was so far in my head. “Hey, Simon, do you wanna catch up on homework before first period?” Bram nudged me, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I don’t have any.” I try to avoid our morning ritual of alone time. “Then help me with mine.” He grabs my hand, silently telling me he’s not letting me out of this one and begins to pull me along. I make sure my car is locked and let him drag me away. I halfheartedly wave to my friends who are now whistling at us because they think that were about to go dry hump in our secret hideout and not have a heartbreaking conversation that will emotionally drain me for the rest of the day.

He pushed the dressing room door open and flips on the light switch, pulling me further into the room before he says anything. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but I can tell that you aren't feeling great. I don’t know if something happened or if you're just under the weather. I know you don’t have a cold because your mother wouldn’t have let you out of the house if you did, and you also wouldn’t have kissed me this morning.” He grabbed my other hand and were standing in the middle of the room, and I can feel his eyes trying to tell me to look up at him instead of looking at the floor. “I just didn’t sleep that well last night, I couldn’t sleep.” I told him, but I felt like I was lying to him. “I can tell by the way you say it that there's more to it than that.” He busted me, letting me know he can see right through my bullshit. “You know you can talk to me. Whatever it is, I'm not going to judge you or love you any less. You said it yourself, we have to communicate with each other. I won’t force you to talk about it, but you have to look me in the eyes and tell me you're okay.” His thumbs tap against the back of my hands, a telltale sign he’s nervous or that he’s very focused. I know he knows I can't look him in the eyes and lie to him, I know he knows that all he has to doo is lock eyes with me and it'll all spill out. He knows so well; so well that he knows how to get almost anything out of me. 

His hand cups my chin and his lips press against mine with a soft kiss, and my senses overpower my rigid body and fall into him. once he pulls back, he looks me in the eyes and I can tell that he knows more know than he did before. “Simon, please. it’s killing me that something is going on and you don’t want me to know about it. Is it me? Is it us? Did I do something? Is it about me?” he begins firing off questions and I hang my head back and drop his hand, taking two steps back. I can't see him, but I can feel that that one simple action hurt him. “It has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with anyone. Its just me.” I admitted, only to comfort him. “Then talk to me. I want to help you, babe, but I can't if you don’t let me in.” He wants to step forward and close the distance, but he doesn’t. I can tell he’s being very observant of my actions and he doesn’t want to break any boundaries.   
I look up at him and his eyes are in mine, and I can see myself in the reflection. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, but all I see is myself, and I know that it can't be true. He reaches for my hands, and I absentmindedly meet him halfway. He slowly pulls me closer and completely closes the distance between us. Now, I'm standing here in front of him, looking slightly up into his eyes, and I can hear my walls crumble with every second. “Bram..” I begin, but that’s all that comes out before I lean into him, wrapping my arms around him. It isn't until his arms are around my back that the first tear falls, but once it does, they don’t stop falling. 

He lets me stand there, he holds my weight and lets me silently sob into his chest; just like a romantic comedy where the guy holds the girl while she breaks down and he makes everything okay. Except here, he can't make everything okay, he can't fix what's wrong. He can't fix me. He can't possibly be able to hold me until I somehow magically become better. He can't do everything for me. He can't just wrap his arms around me and shelter me from my thoughts and make everything better because that’s not how it works. He stands there and holds me, his chin rests on my head as he sways us back and forth and tells me that it’s okay and that he’s there and there's nothing in the world that will stop him from being there in soft spoken whispers. Somehow, he knows how to fix me. 

“I don’t deserve you. You don’t deserve me. You could do so much better than me. I don’t know why you stay with me when I'm clearly a mess and I don’t offer anything more than anyone else does.” I break down suddenly but not letting go of him, scared that if I do, he might see that what I'm saying is true and finally leave. “I know you're going to argue with me until both our voices are gone and I know you're going to tell me that everything I'm saying and thinking is wrong and it’s a lie, but I know deep inside that I'm no good for you. I know that I don’t offer much. I'm not the best looking, I don’t have the best clothes, I don’t have the best smile, I'm not the smartest, I'm not the best actor, I'm not the best vocalists, I don’t have the best body, I'm not athletic, I have awful music taste, I text you back late, I show up late to everything, I keep you up late even though you have to go to bed, I keep you out late because I can't stop myself from being selfish with our time together, and I guess it’s because I know as soon as you realize that I'm not all that and you find someone better, all I'm going to have is memories. I can see it in your eyes that you care so much for me, but I can't understand why. I'm not special, I don’t have anything nobody else doesn’t. I don’t offer anything that anyone else shouldn’t give you.” I sob as he held me tighter with every sentence. “I don’t know why you don’t see that, I don’t know why you're holding me in a dressing room while I break down for absolutely no reason.” I keep going, and I can feel his body become tense.

That’s what broke him from his silence. “Simon, you have no idea how wrong everything you're saying is. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the most adorable, beautiful man I have ever met. It was never about how you look anyway. Do you really think I'm that shallow? You are the most selfless person in the whole world, you are hilarious, you always make me feel like I'm dancing on a cloud, you always know what to say even if there isn't anything to say, you know me from the inside out, just like I know you. You know that I love you more than anything, you know that I think you are the most amazing, handsome, fantastic person in the whole world. There isn't a person out there better for me than you are. I can't eve look at anyone else, I don’t want anyone else, and I don’t need anyone else, but I do need you. I need you more than you could ever know. Call it codependency issues if you want, but I need you with me. There isn't anyone in the whole world who can make me feel the way you do. There is never going to be another Simon Spier, there will never be anyone who will come as close to as wonderful as you are. I don’t know how to make you see that, but I can tell you that I love you with everything in me, and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. I love your soft cheekbones and your shaggy hair, I love how your eyes can always tell me exactly what you aren't saying, I love how your body feels against mine, I love how your hand fits into mine perfectly, I love how you are the perfect size to cuddle with, I love the way you dress, the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you smile, the way you drop everything for someone else, the way you put everyone before yourself, I love that your compassion knows no bounds, I love that you can't stop yourself from being so caught up in the moment, I love how you care so deeply for everyone in your life, I love how thoughtful you are, I love that you go out of your way to do something truly meaningful, I love how you do your best with everything you do, I love how passionate you are, I love your curves and you edges, I love your good and your bad, I love you highs and all your lows. There is nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you, not even you. There is nothing in this world that could ever make me stop wanting you and nobody else. There is nothing is this world that could ever stop me from telling you that every day, or showing you how I feel when you need mw to, or giving you the support you need. I'm here to stay, you aren't getting rid of me.” His hands are around my cheeks now and I can feel his breath with every word. 

“I will always be here to stand by you, to stand with you, and nothing will ever change that until the day I take my last breath. When I look at you, my world stops. When I kiss you, I feel emotions I can't describe. When I hear your voice, all I can think about is how its my favorite sound in the world. When I'm laying in bed alone, I take out one of your shirts to help me fall asleep because it smells like you. It smells like home. you don’t know how much you mean to me, and I don’t know if you ever will because I'll never be able to put it into worlds or figure out how to accurately show you, but you have to know that you will always be what I want and what I need, and I will always be your superhero.” 

Damnit, damnit, damnit. Every single time. He can always tell when something is wrong, and he can always say exactly what I need. I love him more than anything, and I know it’s the same for him. Here I am, tear stained cheeks standing in front of him after telling him that I was worthless, and he somehow manages to pick me up and steady me. “This is what I'm talking about. You shouldn’t have to deal with this, you should be with someone normal, someone easier.” I sighed and push my hair back. “I don’t want normal. Normal is overrated. I don’t want easy. Easy is boring. You have to stop thinking that just because you get depressed or have anxiety means something is wrong with you, that it makes you less valuable. You don’t feel that way when I get anxious or when I have a break down. Why is it any different for you?” His hands are wrapped in my hair as the late bell dings. “You are the best thing that has ever been mine, and don’t you ever forget that.” He kissed my forehead and squeezed my hands. 

“Listen, we aren't going to class now. We’re already late and you aren't in any condition to be here anyway.” He finally stated. “We can't ditch, our parents will kill us.” I tell him, shaking my head. “I don’t care. You haven’t had any sleep and you just had a break down. You aren't going to gain anything by being here today, and I'll worry about you too much and I wont be able to focus. I'll take the risk of getting grounded or whatever, but I'm taking you home and getting you to bed.” he commanded, his tone saying that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Simon, Bram, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in class? Is everything okay?” Dad pestered as we walked in. He was dressed in his suit, he was about to leave for work. “Everything is fine.” I begin, but Bram nudges me. “Bram and I had a long talk and I'm not fine. I'm sleep deprived and I'm not in a good head space. We came home so I can rest and he can not worry about me.” I admitted. “Si, if there's anything you need to talk about, we can talk.” He sits his briefcase on the table and wraps me in a hug. “Honestly, that might be a good thing, but not right now. I just gave Bram the whole thing and I can't get into it again right now.” I waved him away. “I'll talk to you and mom about it tonight.” I followed up, squeezing Bram’s hand slightly to let him know I meant it. “Well, okay. Get upstairs and get some rest, I'll be home after court. I'll let your mother know you're at home, I'm sure she’ll be home soon.” He kissed my temple and grabbed his briefcase. “If you need anything call my office and I'll be home as soon as I can. Your mother too. I love you, Si.” He patted my shoulder and gave me a long look before heading out the door. 

Bram and I went upstairs and got in bed. I laid my head on his bare chest and listened to his heart beat, a strong, steady thump that matched mine. “You're supposed to be going to sleep.” He spoke up after I had spent twenty minutes drawing lines across his golden skin, his hand running up and down my arm. “I am, I will.” I say but continue to trace shapes and lines into his chest. Eventually, my eyes close and the only thing I can think of is his heart beat, and how its my favorite sound. That single thought lulled me to sleep.   
When I woke up, I could feel it was past mid-day. I noticed that neither of is had moved, and it looked as if Bram had fallen asleep too. He felt me stirring and woke up himself, stretching slightly before pulling me closer. “Did you finally sleep well?” he questioned in his groggy, raspy morning voice. “Yeah, I did.” I confirmed, laying my head back on his chest. “Do you feel better?” he followed up cautiously. “I guess.” I sighed out with a deep breath. “I know that you aren't going to be back in top shape immediately and I know no matter what I say will change that, but I hope what I said helps you work through it. every word I said was true, and I'll always be here to remind you.” He stated, threading his hand through the hair on the back of my head. “I know. I'm sorry about all of that. I just think I've held it in for so long that I finally just let it all out at once.” I continued drawing on his skin, but he didn’t seem to mind. “Don’t apologize for how you feel, ever. Whatever you feel is valid, whether you have a reason to feel it or not. you aren't the only one who struggles with depression or anxiety. I know what you're going through, maybe not exactly, but I know the feeling. You aren't alone, you'll always have me, and our friends, and your family. None of us are going anywhere, and we value you so much. I don’t see how you don’t know you're the best person on the planet, but I'll make it my personal mission to tell and show you every day if I have to.” he professed, and part of me knew he was joking, but part of me knew he would. “I'll be alright, I promise. My mom is kind of the best therapist in the whole world. She’ll figure out what's going on with me and get me through it. I should have talked to her sooner.” I closed my eyes again, trying to hear his heart beat again. “If you want to go back to sleep, you can. We don’t have to stay up.” He offered, and I subconsciously take him up on it.

When I wake again, its to a light knock on my door. “Yeah?” I call out, giving whoever was at the door permission to come in. “Simon, it’s me.” My mom opens the door and comes around the corner. I don’t know why, but she seems a little concerned for a moment, and then I realize what her wide eyes are about. “Don’t worry mom, we have pants on.” I kick the blanket off one of my legs to show her my sweatpants. “It’s fine sweetie. I just wanted to check in on you. Your father said you came home early and would probably be upstairs with Bram asleep.” She relayed the information softly. “Yeah, I kind of need to talk to you and dad after dinner, but mainly you. Like therapist you, not mom you.” I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake up so the words coming out of my mouth don’t sound dumb. “Alright. Well, I'm going to start dinner in half an hour. I'll call you down when it’s ready.” She exited the room and shut the door behind her, leaving us alone again. “What time is it?” I asked out loud, reaching for my phone. “Two PM.” I answered my previous question before stretching and sitting up. “You finally getting up?” Bram teased, but followed suit. “Yeah. We should probably pick up the crew so they don’t have to take the bus home.” I yawned. “If you want, I'll go get them and you can stay here.” He offered, but I shook my head. “No, I'll go. I'll have to face them sometime and I'd rather do it now than later.” I explained before getting out of bed to put my shirt back on.

We got back just in time for dinner, and the car ride went well. Of course, they were all worried when I had disappeared from class, but when they realized that we were both gone, they thought we had ditched. I explained that I had been sleep deprived and that I had a episode of lunacy, but I was good now after Bram took me home and made me sleep it off. they all asked if I was alright and if they could help, but I waved them off and told them that I was going to talk to my mom about it with Bram. Bram squeezed my hand at this, telling me that he would sit with me while I talked it out with my mom. Bram and I walked through the front door just as mom was setting the table and told us to go ahead and sit down. “Nora is going to a friends house for the evening, so it'll just be the four of us.” Dad confirmed, sitting down with us. I could tell that he was trying to keep from making anything awkward or bring up what had happened earlier, even though he really wanted to talk to me about it. 

After dinner, we all sat down in mom’s study in the loveseats that face each other, mom and dad on one side, Bram and I on the other. I took a deep breath and took Bram’s hand and started pouring my heart out. I told them about what happened this morning and how I had felt that way on and off for months, and how it was progressively getting worse. They both nodded along to they story. Mom would occasionally make small notes, and dad would wipe his eyes. I knew somehow he would find a way to blame himself, and I reassured them all that it had nothing to do with any of them. Once I was done, mom followed up with some questions just to cover all the bases and help narrow everything down. She told me it sounded like general depression and anxiety, and with the added stress lately, it was flaring up and becoming more prominent. “If you want, I can set you up with another psychologist in my office and you can talk it out. If you feel the need, we can get you some medication to maybe mellow it out while you work through it. That is whatever you want to do. I'll do whatever I can, but if you would be more comfortable talking with someone else, then we can arrange that.” She suggested, and I told her that I would see a therapist about it. I had heard the lecture before that taking medication could help, but it wouldn’t solve the problem. I didn’t know if it was bad enough to warrant antidepressants of any kind, but I would take the opinion of a professional. 

Bram and I went back up to my room after the big talk and all, I guess he could tell that my head was swimming again. “So, uh, I know I've told you this like three times today, but no matter what, I'm going to be here for you. I know you like to handle it yourself, but you really don’t have to. I, I kind of wanted to show you how I feel, maybe give you some support and encouragement.” He began to trail off as we sat on the bed. He cleared his throat and the room was silent for a moment. I just stared at him for a moment, wondering what he was thinking. That’s when he started singing.

I can see you hurting  
I've been through the same thing  
Baby, don’t you worry  
I got you  
I just wanna know you  
Tell me all your secrets  
Looking like you need it

Cause I got you, you, oh  
You, I got you, I got you  
Cause I got you, you, oh  
You, I got you, I got you

We can get high, oh, nah-nah-nah  
We can get low, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Let me be your friend  
Baby, let me in  
Tell you no lies, oh, nah-nah-nah  
We can get lost, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Take it all off, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Let me be your friend  
Baby, let me in  
Give it to me all, oh, nah-nah-nah

Tell me what you're thinking  
Always overthinking  
I just wanna love you  
I got you  
Don’t have to be so guarded  
Let’s finish what we started  
You're all I ever wanted

Cause I got you, you, oh  
You, I got you, I got you

We can get high, oh, nah-nah-nah  
We can get low, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Let me be your friend  
Baby, let me in  
Tell you no lies, oh, nah-nah-nah  
We can get lost, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Take it all off, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Let me be your friend  
Baby, let me in  
Give it to me all, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Cause I got you, you, oh  
You, I got you, I got you

I'd do the time for you  
Tell a lie for you  
Yeah, baby, that’s what I do  
I'd walk the line for you  
Take a shot for you  
Yeah, baby, that’s what I do  
Cause I got you  
Its true  
I'd die for you, I'd die for you  
I got you

We can get high, oh, nah-nah-nah  
We can get low, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Let me be your friend  
Baby, let me in  
Tell you no lies, oh, nah-nah-nah  
We can get lost, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Take it all off, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Let me be your friend  
Baby, let me in  
Give it to me all, oh, nah-nah-nah  
Cause I got you, you, oh  
You, I got you, I got you  
Cause I got you, you, oh  
You, I got you, I got you

Bram had this melodic, kind of raspy tone that was very hypnotic. The way he sang to me, I could tell that he meant every word. He snag the lyrics the same way he says my name; like every syllable is worth pronouncing and attention. That’s what Leah has told me, I dint think its necessarily true, but in this moment, I could believe it. 

“Bram…” I began, but I had no words. Tears silently rolled down my cheeks, his thumb brushing them away before I leaned in and kissed him. there was no way I could tell him how thankful I was for that, or for him in general. It wasn’t possible to express that with words, but it was with feeling. When we pulled away, my breath still heavy, I couldn’t help but fall into his eyes. “How did you even know I was off today?” I suddenly asked, remembering that he knew almost immediately this morning. “It was in your kiss. I could feel it. It’s like when you kiss me, you let me into your head, and you somehow have this ability to show me everything you feel in that moment. There was something different about it, even though it’s the same good morning kiss we share every day, it felt different. I knew then that you had something on your mind and you needed a little support.” He explained, and it melted my heart a little more. I kissed him again, and right now I hoped he could see everything I needed him to in this moment. 

It was nice knowing that it was kind of normal to feel this way, maybe not as extremely, but that everyone kind of goes through this. Mom thinks it may be amplified where its senior year and everyone is going off to do their own thing, and since I'm so close with everyone, I'm finding excuses for them to be able to leave me. In some way, I agree with her. Bram reassured me that no matter what, he isn't going anywhere. I was really scared to talk to my parents about it, I didn’t want them to think differently of me, to think I was crazy, or to put the blame on themselves. I wanted to handle it by myself, but the fact is that I can't, and that’s okay. It’s okay to lean on those around you and let them support you as much as you support them.


	30. Chapter 30: One Whole Year

[Chapter 30: One Whole Year]

[Bram’s POV]

I had been planning this day for 6 months now, and of course something goes wrong almost immediately. I wake up half an hour late, which may not sound like a big deal, but when you have a whole day planned and it’s very time crucial, thirty minutes could mean success or failure. Failure wasn’t an option today, it was too special to mess up. 

I picked up the flowers from the florist and headed to Simon’s house. It wasn’t too early, and if that secret hopeless romantic had any idea what today was, he would have been up all-night thinking about today. I was fully aware that he would have something planned, but he planned the last anniversary, so it was my turn now. 

His face showed confusion as he stepped outside with his car keys in hand. “What are you doing here? I was just on my way to pick you up.” He scrunched his forehead in confusion. “You're not the only one who can plan a romantic day for our anniversaries, you know.” I jokingly rolled my eyes, stepping towards him. “Bram Greenfeld, if you have something incredibly elaborate planned…” he paused as me met each other in the driveway. “I do, and you aren't allowed to object to it because you planned the last one and I have a very tight itinerary for today and I did not include time to argue with you over it.” I gave him a small laugh and ran my hand along his arm before grabbing his hand. “What did you allot time for?” he raised an eyebrow as he looked up at me. I was about six inches taller than Simon, and it was adorably perfect. “This.” I stated, before leaning down and catching his lips with mine. Our lips popped as we pulled away and I led him to the car. “Do I need to change or anything?” he said, opening the door to my car. “Nope, we don’t have time and what you're wearing is absolutely perfect.” I smiled, taking his hand in mine before reversing out of the driveway. 

“Laser tagging? We’re going laser tagging?” his eyes lit up with disbelief as I parked the car in front of the building. “Yep. I know you don’t like video games, but Nick told me how you love laser tag, so I thought we would go to start the day.” His smile seemed even brighter now. “I love you so much!” he declared as we steeped out of the car. 

We played for two hours, we were hot and sweaty by the end of it. I was afraid Simon was going to have an asthma attack near the middle of it and made him take a break. “Bram, I'm not even asthmatic, I just don’t exercise like you do.” He defended through panted breaths. “Obviously, you need to take a break regardless. Your face is red, and you look like you’re about to pass out.” I observed with a stern tone, letting him know that I wasn’t going to give in. The rest of the hour was fantastic. We played on the same team, we played on opposing teams, we played a free for all. Not to mention that the arena was huge and there were probably like fifty other people playing with us. We met some pretty cool people and played with them or against them. I'm pretty sure my least favorite part is when a squadron of ten-year-olds show up and take out everyone else. they're ten, they shouldn’t be good at shooting people, but somehow, they are. It was both aggravating and confusing.   
Once we left the laser tag area, already exhausted at two in the afternoon, we decided to get some food. “Where do you want to eat?” I inquired as I pulled out the parking lot. “I'm not really sure, what are you in the mood for?” He turned toward me. It was a classic indecisive move; feign preference and ask another question to make the other person decide. “I don’t care, it’s whatever you want.” I shrugged. “Literally, we are both super indecisive, why did we think this was a good idea?” he chuckled from the passenger seat. “Alright, I'll say a place and you say a place and then we’ll go from there.” I suggest. “Three, two, one.” We both counted down. “Steak and Shake.” He said by himself. “Bram, you were supposed to say something too, it was literally your idea, how did you mess it up?” He chided me, but I pulled onto the main road in the direction of Steak and Shake. “I did it because I know you do know where you want to eat, you just don’t want to say anything because you think I won’t want to eat there because you're so empathetic you don’t like making decisions for other people.” He scoffed at my remark, but completely knew it was true. 

“Alright, what do you want?” I looked at his as we pulled into the drive thru lane. “We’re not eating here?” he raised an eyebrow. “Nope, I have a place in mind.” I gave him a knowing smirk before repeating the question. “I want a plain hickory smoked thick bacon burger with fries and an Oreo shake.” He answers, not even looking at the drive thru menu. “Are you sure that’s a thing?” I knit my brows together, looking at him unsure if he made it up. “It’s literally the only thing I get here. It’s heaven between two buns.” He confirms. I pull up to the speaker box and order, and since he was so keen on the burger, I decided to get one myself. “Okay, so where to now?” He grabs my hand again after placing the bag of food in the floorboard. “It’s a surprise.” I stated, to which I can audibly hear his eye roll.   
Within ten minutes, were sitting on the bench at the park by the lake. “People really need to stop feeding the ducks here.” Simon seethed while taking another bite. “Why is that?” I asked, unsure of why he was so passionate about it. “Well, first of all, ducks don’t eat people food. They primarily eat insects, seeds, plants, and sometimes small fish. People usually feed them processed things like bread. Bread is probably the worst thing you can give them besides meat. Their bodies can't break down the chemical compounds of bread, and it can make them sick. It isn't super bad for them, but too much can make them gain weight fast and make it hard for them to fly and escape predators. Ducks seek out easy meals, so human hand outs are always welcome, but it isn't the best for them. Carbohydrates found in bread can mess up their immune system and make it easier for them to harbor diseases. It’s a whole thing.” He elaborated, and I was slightly stunned about how much he knew about the subject. “When did you become so interested in the diet habits of ducks?” I continued, truly fascinated at this newfound passion of his. “I saw it on a sign that you shouldn’t feed the waterfowl and they specifically banned bread and other processed grains, and I kind of got interested in why. I did a lot of research, and I love ducks, so I just absorbed all the information. It was a really good read at three in the morning.” He elucidated while continuing to take small bites of his burger. “That’s kind of fascinating.” I mentioned offhand. “The fact that ducks shouldn’t eat bread?” he looked at me with a confused expression. “Yeah, that, and your wholehearted obsessed reading of why its bad for them. The fact that I didn’t know about this so amusing.” I smiled, genuinely amazed at how he continually keeps surprising me, even after a whole year. 

It was starting to get late, and that meant that Bram needed to hurry up and get them to the next place. This was probably the most time sensitive part of the whole ordeal, and if they were late, it would mess up the whole day. “Bram, slow down!” Simon cautioned from the passenger seat. “I'm sorry, I just have to hurry up and get us there.” The panic was evident in my voice, and he picked up on it right away. “Bram, take a deep breath and relax. Whatever it is, it will still be there when we get there.” He instructed, and I did as he told me. I did relax a bit, thankfully. After a few minutes, we came to the spot where we needed to be. “Hold on, were going a little off road.” I warned him, letting him know that my car was not made to drive in a field but I was going to do it anyway. 

“This is probably the most romantic thing ever.” He remarked. We were sat on the hood of the car, watching the sun set in the seemingly endless field of golden looking weeds and random wildflowers. “I do my best for you.” I gave him a small kiss before turning back to the fading glow over the horizon. The sky had become a fuchsia water colored art piece, fading into a dusty pink as the sky transformed from dusk to night. Within a few minutes, the sun sank below our view, leaving the sky dark, the only light coming from the half moon. 

The drive home was quiet, but it was nice. There weren’t any words that needed to be said, and it wasn’t like we had run out of things to talk about. That’s the thing with Simon, we had an endless supply of things we could talk about. our conversations usually start out as one thing and end up in a completely unrelated topic within ten minutes that leaves me backtracking to figure out how we went from a conversation about modern films about women being created and directed by men to how much water you're supposed to drink in a day and what happens when you drink too little or too much. It was extremely fascinating, but right now, we didn’t need words. We just looked through the windshield, driving to my house, hands intertwined on the console and always, my thumb tapping to the rhythm of my heartbeat, which was always erratic around him. 

“Sit down and get comfortable, I'm gonna make us some dinner.” I directed him, gesturing to the couches in the living room. “That sounds wonderful, but is that really the best idea, because we nearly burned down your father’s house by trying to make a grilled cheese.” He looked at me with a playful side eye. “I happen to be a great cook, as long as someone isn't distracting me with neck kisses and wandering hands.” I retorted, giving him a small smirk. “That may be accurate, but the way I remember it, I wasn’t the one who started that.” He defended, his voice becoming sultrier. “Of course, you wouldn’t. Regardless, I can cook when you aren't taking up all my focus.” I countered again, smacking him with a towel to usher him out of the kitchen. “Fine, have fun cooking. Think of me often.” He did this small curtsey as he backed out of the kitchen, I'm assuming trying to be enticing. Somehow, it worked. 

“I don’t know if I love you or I hate you.” He looked at the plate full of his favorite food. “You love Chicken Alfredo. I even substituted in your favorite pasta instead of fettucine.” I objected. “I know! This is the best thing ever! Now I'm going to get fat eating all of this pasta and I'm going to die of cardiovascular disease.” He jokingly complained. “That has never stopped you before, and you couldn’t gain anymore weight if you tried.” I disputed, sitting down opposite of him at the table. “You really outdid yourself. Alfredo, garlic bread, you even put that fried chicken I like in here instead of roasted chicken.” He exclaimed as he took the first bite. “Yeah, what can I say, I know you pretty well.” I chuckled softly. “Yeah, you do. If this is what its going to be like when we live together and we’re married, then I’m totally down to do all of that immediately.” He commented, taking another bite. “I think we have a couple more years before marriage, but I'm just saying that we don’t have to be married for me to cook for you.” I took a bite myself, almost astonished with how well it turned out. 

“So, uh, I really don’t know how to start this, but I am anyway.” I began. We had moved to the couch after dinner, and it just seemed like the perfect time. He looked up at me in curiosity, like he didn’t expect me to say something. “The past year with you has been incredible, more than that. It’s only been a year and you already mean so much to me. It’s because of you that I'm so happy now. You gave me the courage to come out, not just to my family and the world, but to myself. You gave me the courage to put my heart out on my sleeve, and you didn’t take it for granted. When we first started emailing, it was hard because I knew I loved you then, but I didn’t have that push I needed to outgrow my own walls. I’ve always been that shy kid who doesn’t say much, always with his head in a book and his eyes on the ball, never letting himself get distracted or enjoying the people around him. I used to be so focused o the future, and I thought that I could get everything I wanted by getting good grades and playing the best I could, but now I know the only way to get what I want is to look in your eyes. You’re just as important to me as all of that before, and so much more. You helped me redefine what I wanted in life and what success meant. Simon, ever since you came into my life, you have made me change almost everything I believe in, in the best way. There was a time I didn’t know if I wanted people to know you were my boyfriend, or know I was gay, but now I don’t care. I want the whole world to know that I'm the one who gets to hold your hand, to kiss your lips, to look into your eyes, to hold you in my arms at night. You know me better than anyone, you know me unlike anyone else. There’s no way I would be where I am, or anywhere near as happy as I am now without you, and I hope the day never comes where I'm without you again. So, I want you to have a piece of me, so you'll always have me with you no matter where I am or where we go.” I pulled out the long velvet box I hadn't seen in years. I opened it, and his hands reached to cover his mouth. “It’s my soccer necklace I got at the beginning of the season. You know soccer was basically my life, but now, you are. I wanted you to have something that shows you just how important you are.” I pulled the silver chain with the soccer ball out of the case, looking at the ball, “BG #18” He ran his fingers over the engraving. “Your initials and jersey number.” He looked up at, tears threatening to spill over in his eyes. “I love you so much.” He hugged me before letting me put the necklace around his neck. 

It was late into the night now. We were laying in my bed just talking about whatever came to our minds. “Where do you think we’ll be in another year?” He shifts his position on the bed slightly as he ponders on the question. “I'm not entirely sure. We’ll be in college, wherever that takes us. Other than that, I have no feasible idea.” I sigh and I thought aloud. “No, I mean us. where do you think we will be in a year? Do you think we’ll still be this drunk happy together in another year?” he clarified. “I don’t see why not. I know we said we would work through the distance, and I know that’s easier said than done, but we can make it through anything. I don’t think anything about us is going to change except fall even more madly in love with each other than we already are, maybe even learn more about each other.” I give him a small kiss, and then another. “We’ll probably have more sex too.” He somewhat joked, and I couldn’t help but laugh too. “We don’t have sex now.” I objected. “That can always change.” He pressed another small kiss to my jawline. “Are you trying to tell me in your own little Simon way that you want to… like now?” I asked hesitantly, not sure what he was actually implying. “I'm not sure, you know me, indecisive Simon. I think I want to, but at the same time, I don’t want to rush things, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I don’t want to do things before we get there.” He laid back onto the bed, now stressed at the current conversation. “Well, where do you think we are?” I creased my forehead and tried to lean forward a bit to see him face better. “I think we’re a year into our relationship, and I'm not sure what that’s supposed to mean. I know it’s a big milestone and all, but I'm not exactly sure what exactly we’re supposed to do or anything. It’s like there's a time in a relationship you're supposed to do things or say things, but it isn't like a blatantly stated rule.” He ran his hands across his face as he let out his thoughts but paused when my hand fell on his. “Don’t worry about where other people think we should be at. Don’t worry about anyone else except you and me. I asked where you thought we were, not where the world says we should be. We aren't everyone, and we move at our own pace. I want to know what you think, not what the world thinks.” I restated my question, my thumb subconsciously tapping on the back of his hand. “I think I'm madly in love with you, and I don’t know if that thrills me or terrifies me, probably both. I think no matter what, I'd do anything for you, or with you. I think that you're my person and that we’re going to be together forever and we’re going to have the best damn life together. I'm so excited to see where the world takes us, but I don’t want to get caught up in what could be and miss out on right now. You're the love of my life, and I don’t know how I know, but I can feel it inside me. I like where we’re at, and I like that we keep going. I like how we’re still growing and still developing our relationship, and if you want to take it to the next level, if you're ready for that, I'm all in if you are.” He turned back towards me on his side, propped up on his elbow, his face inches from mine. “You know wherever you go, I'll follow. You know whatever you want to do, I'll be there with you. You’ve been with me for a year now, and you haven't figured out that you could convince me to do just about anything for you. You know I'm a complete sucker for those eyes, and I'll fall into you every single time. I want to experience everything with you, but like you said, I don’t want to get too caught up in the moment and mess anything up. I'm always scared I'll go too far or mess something up and it just won’t be the same. I love what we have, and I don’t want to lose that. I'll always be ready for anything with you. Whatever you want, you just have to tell me.” I told him, my voice dry from nervousness. 

There was a point where words weren’t enough. There was a point where there was nothing left to verbally say. There was a point where words weren’t needed to convey what we needed to, to say what we felt or what we wanted. Simon has this way of pulling me in and never letting go, and I wouldn’t ever want him to. It wasn’t until we were both down to our boxers that I realized that we were going to go all the way. I thought somehow, I'd stop myself, that I would overthink and hang myself up. I looked at him, writhing under me, making every point of contact that he could, doing everything he could to make me feel good, and I knew then and there that there was no way in Hell I was going to stop myself now. I couldn’t even if I wanted to, and I didn’t. I couldn’t if I tried, which I didn’t. 

His hands are in my hair and his clothes are scattered in the floor. His half breathed, muffled moans are a familiar sound I don’t want to ever forget, that I never want to stop hearing. His hand palmed me through my boxers underneath me, running his finger along my length before gripping it firmly. This wasn’t anything new, but it felt like the first time every time. I involuntarily grinded down into his hand, my hips having a mind of their own. I was trying to hold back a bit, because this was our first time and I didn’t want it to be lustful; I wanted it to be romantic. I leaned forward and caught his lips with mine, kissing him with all the passion I could muster. I moved from his mouth to his jaw, then down his neck, chasing the erratic throbbing of his heartbeat in his veins. He squirmed as my tongue traced the dips of his collar bones; I knew that was his weak spot. My hand ran down his chest and along his stomach as I made my way down his torso, stopping every few centimeters to lick and bite at his soft, pale skin. His moans were getting louder and less controllable, and I mentally thanked God that my mother was in Florida helping my Aunt this week or we would have been busted. 

His hands fisted in my hair once more as my tongue dragged across the skin from his belly button to the waistband of his boxers, and I paused to look up at him for two reasons. One, just to look at him in this state, to see him wiggle around under me, to see him fully himself and vulnerable to me and only me. Two, to ask silently for permission. Sure, we have orally fornicated a few times, maybe a few other things, but Simon is known to change his mind, and I didn’t want to do anything without him giving me the green light. 

His legs lifted slightly as I pulled his last piece of clothing off, his eyes watching me intently. His boxers landed on the floor along with the rest of our clothes and I let my hands wander back up the outside of his thighs. He was truly beautiful, inside and out, and I wanted him to feel that, I wanted him to know that I thought he was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. Our lips connected again as my hand ran across his hip, using my other to hold myself up. I pulled away from him and sat back, watching the contortions on his face and my hand finally made contact with his member. His breathing became rapid and unstable and his head pressed back into the pillow as I began to stroke him softly. He inhaled sharply as I ran my thumb across his tip. 

My fingers found their way to his entrance and I slightly tapped him, letting him know what I was planning to do next. “Is this okay?” I tapped again, making sure he was comfortable. “Yeah.” he breathed out slowly. “Alright, give me just a second.” I paused what we were doing to reach into the nightstand and pull out the two things we were going to need, lube and a condom. I returned to my previous position, squirting a dollop of the lube onto my index finger. 

“Are you sure?” I asked once more, because I knew that once this started, there was no going back. “I’m sure.” He nodded before relaxing on the bed. I watched him take a deep breath and waited for the next part. Slowly, I inserted my finger into him and watched as his face scrunched for a split second before relaxing again. I gave him a few seconds to adjust before moving around, I didn’t want to move to quickly and hurt him. Soon enough, I added a second finger and began stretching him. This wasn’t my favorite part of anything, but it had to be done. Of course, there was always pleasure in watching in writhe to my touch. “Bram, please.” he whined, a full genuine beg coming from him. 

With the condom rolled on and an adequate amount of lube, I slowly pushed myself into him. I watched as his face went back and forth between pain and pleasure as he beckoned me to keep adding more. It took several minutes, and I wasn’t in the most comfortable position, but he needed to adjust, and I wasn’t going to do anything to hurt him. He gave me the okay and I began to slowly move in and out, but just slightly. It felt a lot differently than what I thought it would. All this time I had spent imagining what it would be like and how it would feel didn’t come close to it. I don’t even think I could describe it if I had to, except it was the most wonderful feeling ever. 

Once he had fully adjusted, I began thrusting more, giving him more and more of my length. It wasn’t rough, it was smooth and gentle, the way I always wanted our first time to be. He began murmuring sweet words that I could only half hear, but I knew what he was saying. His hair was beaded with sweat, but he remained looking like he was in a state of complete bliss. After a few minutes, I could feel my thrusts becoming sloppier as I came close to my high, and as I told Simon this, he told me he was close to his as well. Within the next few thrusts, I could feel him clench slightly, and I watched as he ejaculated, pushing me over to my own. I could feel my own fluid fill the condom, and with a few more thrusts, I pulled out and fell to my side next to him. 

We were both breathing hard, unable to truly move at this point, but completely satisfied. “I should probably get something to clean you up.” I laughed breathlessly after a moment, realizing that he had come al over his stomach. He raised his head to look at himself, seeing the liquid across his abdomen. “Yeah, maybe.” He pushed his head back into the pillow. 

After cleaning up and settling back into bed, I couldn’t help but feel like I was in a total state of euphoria. This was one of the biggest lines a couple can cross, this was something that, to us, signaled a stronger commitment and cemented bond between us. We were each other’s first times, and that meant something deeper than I think I could understand. It was in that moment I knew that I would do whatever it takes to be with him for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to go anywhere or experience anything without him. He had me hooked, and I knew that if I ever lost him, it would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. 

My thoughts were quickly interrupted as he curled into me deeper, pulling my arm across him and folding into my frame. I pulled him in tighter and kissed his hair. “I love you, more than you'll ever know.” I whispered, placing another kiss on his shoulder. “I love you, now and forever.” He whispered back. With that, we went silent, and I fell into the best sleep I've ever had, knowing that my heart was full, knowing he was the one.


	31. Chapter 31: Spring Break Aftermath

[Chapter 31: Spring Break Aftermath]

[Simon’s POV]

Spring break came up pretty quickly, and there was a lot of excitement buzzing up around it for the few weeks prior to it, and a lot of drama that came with it. The whole car ride back to my house, I was consoling Nick about his break up with Abby. Abby had broken up with him a few days before spring break, and since Nick, our moms, and I had already planned a trip up the coast to check out colleges we had been accepted to, I got to spend my entire spring break trying to make him feel better. Don’t get me wrong, I would always be there for him and I didn’t mind consoling him, but it just came at a time of major inconvenience and it gave me a lot more stress.

I invited Nick over for dinner once we got back, but insisted that we drop him off, saying that he needed to spend the rest of break alone to think about everything, which I guess I kind of understood. He just got broken up with and I know he was hurting a lot, and with the week we’ve had, I understand how he could need a break. Bram, of course, was the first person I called to talk to about it once we got home. Our conversation didn’t last too long, I didn’t want to complain that much, and I had other things on my mind.

The thing was, I had my heart set on NYU, it had always been my top choice when it came to colleges, but we toured all kinds of colleges over the break, and I kind of fell in love with another school. I knew Bram was looking at schools with great English programs, and New York was full of them. He mentioned he was looking at NYU and Columbia specifically a while back, and I was really excited about maybe us going to the same school, or at least near each other. That excitement died today, when the school which I had fallen in love with over the break was in Pennsylvania, almost two hours from New York where Bram was almost guaranteed to go. Leah was the only one I could really turn to about it, even though I kind of didn’t want to. don’t get me wrong, Leah is my best friend and I can talk to her about literally anything, but this is just one of those things she gets upset about; talking about ‘petty’ couple problems weren’t her tea and she was rarely in the mood to humor me with real advice. 

Before I could even text Leah and ask if she wanted to meet up, Nick calls me. We have a ten-minute conversation about how he feels lonely and how he misses the three of us, talking about him, Leah, and I. “I was just about to text Leah and see if she wanted to meet up, do you want to come with if she’s in?” I asked halfheartedly. “Yeah, sure.” He suddenly perks up, and I sigh silently as I figure out why. I pick up Nick and head towards Waffle House. “Shit, I forgot to text Leah.” I groan as I pulled into the parking lot. Nick isn't even paying attention, I'm not even sure he realizes that we’re here. I text Leah and ask her if she can meet up at waffle house, which she texts back almost immediately saying it was eerily good timing because she was just next door at Starbucks.

The first few minutes of us being together, Nick is bombarding Leah with questions about Abby or pertaining to her. He basically has a meltdown in the middle of a restaurant where almost everyone knows us, and I can't help but feel bad. Leah’s face is blank of all emotion, and that’s the biggest telltale sign that she’s hiding something, but she clearly doesn’t want to talk about it, so I don’t mention it. Nick loudly announces that he’s going to the bathroom after another wave of weird questions about Abby, and then it’s silence.

“Hey.” She pokes at me with her fork, I guess from the all my jitters she can tell I need to talk to her, but I just haven't said anything yet. “Yeah?” I second guess, maybe she wants to talk about her thing now that Nick isn't freaking out in front of us. “Spit it out.” She pointed her fork at me again before taking another bite. “I think I fell in love with a school, and it’s not NYU.” I breathe out after a moment. She kind of hums and rolls her eyes, as if it was obvious. We talk about Haverford, and how I feel like it’s ridiculous that I'm thinking about switching schools now, all over a tour. A tour in a school that has everything I want and is full of fantastically nerdy gays that I can't help but love, to feel like I belong there. I tell her about how I haven't told Bram, and I don’t know if I should, but it’s killing me. “Like, what’s the worst-case scenario?” she asked, stopping my quickly derailing rant. “We break up.” I blinked. “Do you want to break up?” she leaned forward, peering into my soul. “Are you kidding? No!” I have probably the most shocked expression on my face as I reply to her slightly too loudly. “Does Bram?” she follows up, he expression softening. “No. of course not. no.” I confirm, but I sound less sure with every word, because I am. “Then what am I missing?” she takes another bite of waffle, emphasizing her point that I'm making a big deal out of it. “You guys will be fine.” She reaffirmed. 

I break into another fit of ‘I should just go to NYU, there's no point on changing it now.’, but she slowly brings me back down. She talks me through how we can see each other, with eye rolls and scoffs in between. I just don’t know if we could handle a long-distance relationship. Its already tore apart Nick and Abby, I don’t want to do that same thing to Bram and I. Leah starts acting weird again, and this time its even more noticeable. “Are you… okay?” I asked, pushing my glasses back up my nose. It’s the first time I've worn them in a while, and I forget that I can't look down anymore. “What? I'm fine. Why, are you okay?” she spins the conversation back to me, and if I wasn’t sure she wasn’t fine before, I definitely was now, but I also didn’t want to push her into talking about something she didn’t want to. Tried it a few times, didn’t work. live and learn. “You're acting super weird.” I commented, staring at her for a moment. “No I'm not, you're acting weird.” She retorted, looking away, finding a way to pull the attention off her again. “I know. I just need to think about this.” I wiped my face with my hands, pulling the stress out of my face, or at least attempting to. “I think you should talk to him.” She restates. She appears to be about to continue her thought when Nick comes back and returns to his crazy outbursts about Abby. I give Leah a small smile and mouth ‘I'm sorry.’ To her, feeling a bit bad because she’s only here because of me.

Mom announced that dinner was ready as I bounced down the stairs with my keys around my finger. “I, uh, actually need to talk to Bram. I'll be back soon, I promise.” Tonight was the first night all of us would, should be eating together since rehearsal had picked up recently, mom was seeing more patients now more than ever, and dad was bringing more case work home, and Nora was hardly home. “Of course, as soon as you get home, run off to see your boyfriend.” Dad mocked. “I'm not going to see him because I just got back. I mean, I am, but it’s a different reason. It’s the college thing.” I expressed, running my hand through my hair, trying to pull the stress out as well. There were a few more sentences exchanged, such as mom trying to therapize me again and dad continuing to make jokes. I texted him as I sat down in my car, telling him to expect me.

“Hey, babe.” He dropped into my car, giving me a small kiss. “Can we drive and talk?” I asked, trying to express my need to talk to him. “Yeah, uh, sure. What's the matter?” Leave it to Bram to know exactly when something is eating away at me. “So, Nick and I went to visit colleges up on the east coast this week, you know that.” I recalled as I pulled away from his house, aimlessly driving. “And I know we said we wouldn’t talk about college until we were both sure, but something happened, and I hate not telling you. I feel like I'm keeping a secret from you and its killing me.” His thumb tapped o the back of my hand more rapidly than normal, showing he was suddenly nervous. “Okay… So, what happened?” he asked shyly, almost too afraid to ask. “I fell in love with a school, and it wasn’t NYU. It wasn’t even in the same state. I don’t even remembering signing up for it, but I guess I did, and when we went on the tour, I fell in love with the whole school and I'm kind of obsessed with it. I don’t know what to do.” I turn right at the stop sign, trying to find out where I'm going. “What school is it?” he inquired cautiously, as always. “Haverford, it’s in Pennsylvania. It’s super small, but it has a great performing arts program, the campus is beautiful, and the college student population is like almost 100% gay. I just walked on campus and felt like I belonged, like it’s where I need to be. I don’t know.” I tried explaining, but I even confused myself more. “So what’s the problem?” he squeezed my hand a little tighter. “Because I know you're thinking of NYU and Columbia, and I don’t want to put us through a long distance relationship. It’s not that I don’t mind it, but I see what it’s already done to Abby and Nick and I don’t want that for us. I know we kept saying we would put school first, but I can't do that. I don’t want to be in a different state, I don’t even want to be in a different city. I don’t want to do anything that could make us lose what we have. I should just go to NYU and be done with it.” I blurt out in record time. “Simon, you can't put me above college. I know you love me, and I love you, that isn't going to change. Nothing is going to stop us from being together, even different colleges. We said we would choose our colleges and then talk about it, and I know you needed to talk about it now. I get that, and it makes me happy that you wanted to talk about it, but it also scares me a bit. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t go to the perfect school or don’t chase your dreams. I don’t want to be the thing holding you back, just because you don’t want to be away from me.” He said in a whisper, his voice soothing me, but also doing the complete opposite. I'm shaking, and my vision is blurry. I don’t like where this conversation is going, and my body is shutting down. “Simon, pull over.” He gently reached for the wheel to help guide the car as my body begins to lose control of itself. “Are we breaking up?” I choked out, and I'm not even sure he even understood it. both his hands are on mine, stroking the back of my hand, but he hasn’t answered. “Bram, please tell me we’re not breaking up.” I repeated, tears flowing down my face like a river. “Simon, you know I would never.” He leaned his forehead against mine, and we sit in silence for a minute. 

“I just don’t want to stop you from doing anything. I don’t want to hold you back from seeing the world and going wherever your heart takes you.” I can feel his breath on my face. “You aren't. My heart will always want to go where you are. I know that sounds so teen romance and all, but I don’t care. I hate this because I'm making you feel bad, but I can't stop it. I want to go to college and I want to have a great experience, but at the same time, above everything, I want you. I don’t want to do anything to be away from you. You’re exactly where I want to be, forever and always.” His hand is on my cheek, thumbing tears as the fall. “Okay, I need to tell you something.” He pulled back slightly, looking at me in the eye. “I know exactly where I'm going. I can't tell you where because you'll freak out and change your plans. It isn't NYU and it isn't Columbia. It isn't in New York at all. Don’t worry about where I'm going to be. You know I'll always come back to you. We’ll work it out, we can make everything work out no matter where we are. If we’re on opposite coasts, we’ll fly in to meet each other over long weekends and we’ll see each other here during breaks. We can facetime every night, we can text all day long, we can email if we have to. no matter what, we’ll make it work, but I need you to go where you want to, not because of me.” He informed me, and suddenly, my world falls apart and comes back together at the same time. “I know you want to go to Haverford, I know you also love NYU, I know there's still colleges you haven't heard from yet and there’s still time for that. Right now, you need to decide where you want to go and why, not because I'll be there, or I'll be near it. go where your heart takes you; and while college may take your days, I'll take your nights and your lunch breaks and your weekends. Nothing will keep us apart, and it’s only for four years.” He added. “Technically, we’ll both have over 30 credits and be sophomores, so we only have 3 years.” I corrected as I laughed. “Even better.” He smiled, pressing his lips to mine.


	32. Chapter 32: Everything Has Changed

[Chapter 32: Everything Has Changed] 

It was the second to last week of April, and a lot had changed in just a month. The whole friend dynamic had changed, which seriously made me want to both throw up and sleep for eternity. Prom had been both the best night ever and a total train wreck. Nick had been super weird with Abby ever since they broke up and Abby had had enough of it. Leah and Abby had gotten pretty close suddenly after their trip to Athens, and it made a little more sense at prom when they both came out as bisexual, and that they were dating now. Of course, that made my head spin. For a long time, I had believed I was the only gay in the group other than Bram, but now it was just Nick and Garrett who were now deemed the official heteros of our group. It made me feel a bit bad because I had started saying that I wish I had more gay friends since I came out last year, and Leah had been Bi before I even came out. Of course, she didn’t take too much offense to it because I didn’t know. 

Ever since prom, it has been crazy. Nick was dating Taylor Metternich, which also made me want to sprint into oncoming traffic, but he was also acting majorly normal with everything suddenly, which I knew was complete and utter bullshit, but I didn’t want to add anymore drama to the group. There had been a lot of questions flying around, a few heated arguments, but it was all starting to cool down.   
One thing bothered me, though. Both Abby and Leah knew I was gay, they knew I would be okay with them being bisexual and being together, but they didn’t want to tell me. I didn’t know why, and for some reason it unsettled me. I had to talk to Leah about it, I knew I had to. it was probably a really bad idea, but I wasn’t going to be able to let it go. I guess this is how she felt when she found out I was gay and didn’t tell her, even though I knew she would’ve been the most supportive person ever about it. 

Leah was over at my house again, and it was just the two of us. It was really nice, just the two of us hanging out without the drama of the whole group for once. At least, it was until I got that familiar itch to talk to Leah about it. “Hey, Leah, can I ask you something?” I let out slowly, trying to sound as calm and nonchalant as possible. “Uh, sure.” She sounded cautious, like she was already guarding herself. “Not that it really matters or anything, but I just wanted to know why you didn’t tell me you were Bi. Like if you didn’t feel like you could tell me?” I ran over my words, the nervousness very obvious. “No, it wasn’t anything like that. I actually wanted to tell you for a while. When you came out, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want it to be like I was stealing your thunder or anything. I kept wanting to tell you, but I kept stopping myself, like it wasn’t the right moment or things happened. Then Abby kind of became my focus after Georgia State, and I kept wanting to tell you, but I just never did. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to or I felt like it was weird, I just couldn’t make myself tell you.” She explained, pushing her head back into the couch. “I guess I can understand that. I just didn’t know if I made it harder for you to come out or made it weird. I say some weird stuff sometimes.” I laughed a bit. “It’s alright, Si. You're my best friend. I wanted to tell you, I just never got around to doing it. well, until you all saw Abby and I at prom.” She giggled a bit, and I could see her cheeks flush at the memory. “Yeah, that was some reveal. You know I'm super happy for you and Abby, right?” I checked, just to make sure. “You have made it abundantly clear of your full and unwavering support of Abby and I. I kind of hate how Abby and I being together split the group up, but for once I'm actually kind of happy.” She continued. “The group has been weird ever since Abby and Nick broke up, and after what Nick did at prom and since he’s riding separately to drive Taylor, it just kind of fell apart. it’s weird and I miss Nick a lot. I mean, he still sits with us at lunch, but he's so busy making kissy faces with Taylor across the room that he isn't really there.” I defended her. “Yeah, I guess. I just feel like me and Abby being together was the last straw that drove him out and he’s just too weird to leave. Like, I don’t want him to, I still love Nick, we all do, even Abby. Its just that he’s been so weird, even weirder now that Abby and I are together. I'm happy for him if Taylor is what he wants or if that’s what he needed to get over Abby or whatever, but he could reel it in. he’s changed a lot since they broke up and I'm starting to think that he isn't coming back.” She divulged, and it took me by surprise. Leah isn't really one to talk about her feelings, but I guess we’re all changing in different ways. 

Leah and I talk for hours more about the whole situation before she had to go home. it was a school night and it was late, so I understood. It was nice to have that closure, and a surprisingly good therapeutic talk with Leah about everything. I didn’t expect it to get that deep, but I'm really glad it did.


	33. Chapter 33: The Stars Will Align

[Chapter 33: The Stars Will Align]

It was late April now, and it was finally warming up. Abby hated April, she said it had something to do with it getting warmer and where it was muggy all the time, it made her hair frizz. Leah agreed with her, so I guess it was a thing. I wasn’t really awake enough to debate or really understand anything. The musical opened this week, and rehearsals had been kicked into overdrive, I had spent almost ever free moment running lines and memorizing my script. Somehow, something in the universe persuaded Ms. Albright to give me an important role, one of the main characters in fact, and it was thrilling but also very draining. I had over a hundred lines, which may not be a lot, but it’s the most I've ever had, so there was a lot more lines to memorize, blocking to learn, props to use, and costume changes. 

The day droned on until rehearsal, and my blood started pumping. There really wasn’t another feeling like being on a stage under the lights. I hadn't found something the fulfilled me so entirely or brought me to life like it did. I was beginning to think it might be what I wanted to do with my life. TV, film, maybe stage performance. I would love to do Broadway, but that seemed like a stretch. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of being an actor, like if someone would really hire me to act. 

“Simon, this is the fifth time you’ve missed that line.” Ms. Albright pinched the bridge of her nose. “I'm sorry, I'm really hot and tired. I'll get it this time, I promise.” I wiped my forehead, the back of my glove drenched in sweat. “Simon, come back here, I want to talk to you for a second.” She called me over from the wing, and I felt the pang of disappointment. “I'm really sorry about messing up, I'm just having trouble with this scene for some reason.” I tired to explain. I knew exactly what my problem was; Martin wasn’t feeding me my cue line correctly and it kept messing me up. Of course, we had cut part of his line, but it was what I had registered as my cue line, and without it, I kept forgetting what to say. It wasn’t entirely his fault, but it threw me off. “Simon, why do you think I gave you this role?” She looked at me with some sort of intensity that I hadn't seen before. “I don’t know, I guess cause I'm a senior and this is my last show?” I replied, suddenly afraid that I said something dumb. I mean, the majority of the main cast was seniors. “Do you really think that? Have I cast someone in a role I didn’t think they can handle?” she continued to question. “I guess not.” I shrugged slightly. “This is the biggest role I've had in all four years. Last year, I was company member #8. This is a huge jump from that.” I let out, I guess in a way I was telling her I didn’t think I was really all that good. “Simon, I've put you in roles that best suit you. You're a strong supporting actor, and that’s not to say that you couldn’t do the main role either. I do have other kids who match characters and some who are better at leading roles, but you can too. You're an amazing actor. Your dancing could use some work, but you have an amazing stage presence. I can see that acting means something to you, but you just don’t have the confidence in yourself to believe that you're performing well. Don’t doubt yourself. I didn’t give you this role because it’s your last one, I gave it to you because I knew you would do it well.” She encouraged, and somehow, I fell in love with Ms. Albright a little more. “Thank you. Uh, actually, can I talk to you a bit after rehearsal. I had a few questions I wanted to ask you, but it isn't related to the show.” I asked suddenly. “Sure, but let’s get out there and finish rehearsal. Believe in yourself, Simon.”

Rehearsal finished with only a few minor mistakes that we kept rolling with. We had four days to get this show to perfection, and it was all starting to come together. I hung my costume back on the rack and wiped off the stage makeup with a wipe before going back out to the auditorium. “Hey, Ms. Albright.” I approached her, my bag on my shoulder. “Oh yeah, what did you need to talk about?” she looked at me with genuine interest in my question. “So, I wanted to talk to you about acting, professionally speaking. I kind of feel like I want to go into acting, maybe Hollywood style, possibly Broadway, and I was just wondering as someone who has been on Broadway and has experience, do you think I had the ability to act professionally?” I asked, shifting my backpack nervously. “I think so, definitely. I think you definitely have some room to grow as an actor and some things to learn still, but you have a real talent when it comes to acting. I didn’t keep you in my program for four years for nothing. You have real potential to take your acting to the next level, I really think you do.” She nodded, uncertainty completely undetectable. “So, what would be the next step for me?” I wasn’t sure if it was ‘move to Hollywood and audition like crazy’, or ‘go to an acting school and refine your craft and take small jobs along the way.’ “I think the best move for you would to go to college and get a performing arts degree. Participate in the shows, learn everything you can, find out what kind of acting appeals to you the most, get comfortable in your own skin, try and be the best you can, and dig into your potential. Like I said, you have some stuff you need to learn, some skills you could enhance, but acting comes naturally to you and I doubt you'd have a problem with that.” She smiled, making me feel unbelievably ambitious for some reason. “Thank you so much, Ms. Albright. I think I really needed that.” I gave her a hug, which I hadn't planned on doing, but it was a spur of the moment thing. “No problem, Simon. I support you 100%, and it’s not because your one of my favorites. Don’t tell anyone I said that. Seriously, believe in yourself and let that passion take over, and I have no doubt that I'll see you on TV, in movies, or on Broadway. If you ever need advice, guidance, or anything, Shoot me an email. I know I'm a teacher and it can be awkward, but I really look forward to seeing you succeed. I'll help as much as I can.” She offered. 

I dropped into my car, alone for once. Leah and Abby had gone off to do their own thing, and soccer season ended months ago, so I didn’t have really anyone to drive with. It was nice, I took a lot away from that conversation, and it fully cemented what I wanted to do. It gave me a sense of pride, passion, and maybe a bit of confidence. 

“Hey, Simon, you have a letter on the table there.” My mom informed me as I walked in the door. I reached for the letter as it sat on the dining room table. It was a normal sized envelope, but it was face down, so I didn’t know who it was from. I flipped it over and ripped the envelope open, forgetting to read the logo on the front. I pulled the letter out and began reading, my eyes unable to believe what I was reading.

“Dear Simon Spier, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the University of California at Berkeley.” I read aloud from the letter, my mouth agape and my head feeling a little light. This is something I wasn’t expecting. I hadn't heard from Berkeley since I applied, and it was almost May. I guess they just have a lot of applicants or maybe I was put on hold and some people dropped? I wasn’t sure, but I was really excited. “Mom! Mom!” I called through the house, trying to find her. If anyone would share my excitement, it would be her. “I'm in here.” She called from her study room. She was sitting at her desk, looking over some patient notes and tests. “The letter was from UC Berkeley, I got in.” I stated with a huge smile on my face, passing her the letter. “Oh my, that’s great Simon! UC isn't easy to get into, and they're a really nice school.” she started listing of basically everything she knew about it; such as their great arts programs, how close it was to the beach and also San Francisco, and everything I already knew. UC Berkeley was one of my dream schools. I always said that there were 3 schools I wanted to go to; NYU, Julliard, or UC Berkeley. Yes, it was partially for the High School Musical reference, but it was all true. Ever since I found acting as my passion, I knew I needed to choose a liberal arts school that had a phenomenal performing arts program. All three of those schools had that. I didn’t apply to Julliard, I knew it wasn’t possible for me to go there, but the other two are fantastic and now within my reach. With this letter, it just felt like everything was falling into place.

There was only one problem, I had already been struggling between NYU and Haverford, I loved them both a lot, and now I had to add another one. It was almost too late to tour UC, I would have to do it after graduation, and I needed to accept a school before then. Then there was registering for orientation and all of that. I guess I just had a lot of deciding to do.


	34. Chapter 34: The Exchange

[Chapter 34: The Exchange]

It was a week before graduation and everything seemed to have simmered down. Nick wasn’t being weird around us anymore and freely talked at the lunch table. I think it had something to do with him and Taylor having a fight, but it was nice to have some normalcy. Garrett had recovered from his small heartbreak. Bram told me about Garrett’s crush on Leah since sophomore year and how he kind of got his heart broken at prom. Leah felt really bad about it and apologized repeatedly. I think he just needed a little time to heal, and the three girls he had been with since prom may have made him feel better one way or another. But, you know what, I don’t judge. That’s not my lifestyle, but if that’s what people are into, be my guest. 

My mom and I had several talks over the last few weeks about where I was going. It wasn’t until today that I officially enrolled in a school and signed up for orientation, which only stressed me out to the max. Bram’s text didn’t help either. ‘I’ll be there in fifteen, love you.’ It seems like a very normal message, but we decided that today was the day we tell each other the school we chose and figure out where to go from there. 

His car pulls into the drive and I step out onto the small step out front. I smile at him as he walks up the path to the house and wraps me in a giant hug. I can feel his nervousness through the embrace, but I'm sure he can feel mine too. I know we both said we would make any distance work, but there's a nagging part in my head saying that distance doesn’t work, especially in college. I didn’t want to get too busy for him, I didn’t want to have to make elaborate plans to see him, and I definitely didn’t want to be so far apart that our chemistry fizzles out. 

We both walk inside, and I feel it’s like the first time I welcomed him in. It feels so new, but it has all the familiarity of the past year and a half. We go up the stairs and walk through my door, closing it behind us. My mom knows exactly what's going on, I've talked to her a lot about this, and she was the one who told me it would be best to go ahead and get it over with and try to be as open as possible about it. I've started talking to her more about a lot of things, I talk to her as much as I talk to my therapist now. 

He has an envelope in his hand and he’s purposefully covering the logo on the front, hiding it from me. I grab my letter off the bed and take a deep breath. “Are you ready?” I ask, feeling almost stupid for it. “As ready as I'll ever be.” He opens the envelope and hands me the folded letter as I hand him mine, and my mouth drops. 

Stanford, he’s going to Stanford. Stanford is still in Northern California, so we aren't that far away. It didn’t take long for us to completely intertwine with each other on the bed in joy, knowing we wouldn’t be far apart. “You got into UC Berkeley?” he says, dropping the paper into his lap. “Don’t act so surprised.” I jokingly glare. “That’s not what I meant. I just can't believe that you got into your dream school.” He clarified.  
I had my heart set on Haverford for a long time, but Berkeley was my ultimate dream school. I've always said if I end up going to California for college, I'd go to Berkeley. I mean, it was in California, it was only 3 hours from LA, where I would eventually be working. I knew either college would be great for me, and I would do great at both of them, I knew California was where my heart was yearning to go. My entire future was there, with the lights, the cameras, and the action. I was finally able to find what it is that made me happy, and it was acting. I knew it was my calling. I've spent 4 years of my life on stage, it’s one of the only places I could truly be myself, while being anyone else at the same time. 

“Google maps says Stanford is only an hour south of Berkeley, that’s a really easy drive!” I informed him, showing him the routes on my phone. “We could see each other when we have light class days and a lot of free time, we could even stay with each other on the weekends if we can.” He suggests, sounding like the best plan ever. We spent a lot of time adjusting to the fact that we were going to be pretty close in college. I think it was the fact that I just accepted the fact that we were probably going to be on opposite sides of the country and that we would have to struggle with long distance. It quelled my anxiety about us potentially splitting up because of it, or that we would fade away. 

“What did your mom say when you chose Berkeley?” he asks after a while, rubbing my arm. We had fallen into cuddling while talking about college, and after we stopped talking about it, we didn’t move apart. “She was thrilled. She almost knew as much about Berkeley than I did, but she was excited for me. Dad and Nora was too, but mom was over the moon. I almost think she loves Berkeley more than I do.” I chuckled, and I could feel his chest vibrate behind me as he laughed as well. “Well, I'm really glad. My mom was really hoping I'd choose Emory. She wanted me to follow in her footsteps, but I really didn’t want to stay in Georgia. Not that I hate Georgia or anything, but there's so much more out there, and it isn't exactly the place for me.” He sighed contently, but I could tell there was something on his mind. “And where is the place for you?” I ask, turning towards him. “Right here.” He simply said, looking in my eyes. “Here, in Georgia?” I scrunched my eyebrows, very confused. “No, with you. Wherever you are is where my heart longs to go, and I'll follow it no matter how far.” He places small kisses on my nose and cheeks.


	35. Chapter 35: Graduation Day

[Chapter 35: Graduation Day]

Today was the day. This was it. My alarm blared at 6 am for the last time, and for once I didn’t groan or plead for five more minutes. I took a deep breath and started my day. Jumping in the shower, I put on an upbeat playlist. I knew today would be bittersweet, and I knew I would get sucked into the nostalgia and start getting sad randomly, so I took precautionary measures. I knew I would burst into tears at least five times today, but I wanted to hold them off as long as possible. 

I put on my jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. It doesn’t sound like much, but we weren’t headed to school today. All the seniors had graduation practice at 8 am, and once practice was over, we were free until 6 tonight so we could prepare and get ready for the ceremony at 7. I was downstairs and heading out the door by 7, which was generally the time I got out the door anyway. Today was a bit weird because I was driving straight over to Bram’s. I would have picked up Leah first, but she was already at Abby’s and Bram lived in the area. Plus, he’s my boyfriend and Leah already slides in the back now anyway. 

Bram opens the door and greets with the usual morning kiss, and I can see he’s extra nervous and elated. “Don’t worry, babe, you're going to be fine.” I ran my thumb on the inside of his palm as I pulled up next to Abby’s apartment. Once we were all in, I pulled away, heading towards the school. 

Graduation practice was probably the dumbest thing ever, but I can see how it was necessary. They wanted this memorable moment to be perfect, but they were really uptight about it. we had assigned seats, in alphabetical order of course, so we had to memorize where we were sitting. We practiced getting to our seats a few times before they gave us more instructions about the ceremony tonight before dismissing us. The way they did graduation was really weird. They handed us empty diploma binder things on stage and we had to get our actual diplomas backstage after the ceremony. They didn’t want to switch any of them up, so I guess I get it. 

The four of us went to Waffle House to get breakfast. It was our last WaHo as high schoolers. Cal, Garrett, and Ethan came with us, they had been fully inducted into the WaHo group, and all of us had definitely gotten a lot closer over the past year, even if Cal was dating my sister. Nick showed up to, without Taylor, which was a surprise. I guess the universe was showing us mercy today, which I was thankful for. With the eight of us here, it was loud and a little chaotic, but it was nice. Everyone was chatting up a storm, talking about summer plans, graduation pranks, and college. Nick was almost silent, which was completely odd. I gave him a small poke with my foot under the table and asked him if he was okay. He dropped his façade for a moment, showing me he wasn’t really as happy as he was letting on, but quickly pulled a smile back over his face. 

It wasn’t until we were about to leave that I cornered him about it. “Nick, what’s up?” I walked slowly with him behind the group as we walked out of Waffle House. “It’s nothing, just kinda feeling the emotions today.” He shrugged. “Nick, you are talking to someone who has a therapist for a mother and literally studying to lie for a living. Tell me what’s really going on.” I give him a gentle nudge, and he lets it all out. “Well, I broke up with Taylor. I realized I only went out with her to spite Abby and make her jealous, which didn’t work. we argued all the time and I couldn’t deal with it. I mean, I'm over Abby now, like really over her. I still care for her and love her, but as a friend. I mean, we were together for a year, but we were friends for a long time before we got together. Then I realized what I did to the group. I stopped hanging out with you all and I got really weird, I couldn’t bring myself tom apologize for that, for splitting us up. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten, I shouldn’t have let that break up cause so much drama with all of us. I know you all still love me and all, but let’s face it, it’s not the same.” he sighed, leaning up against the wall. “I guess you're right, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want you around. I'm glad you broke up with her because honestly she is the kind of person to murder you in your sleep for not liking her picture on Instagram, and you sleep really deeply. But in the long run, you got out and you can always hang out with us. We’re still the same people. It might be a little weird for a while, but everything is at first. You're still one of the OG members of the squad, you can't get out of that unless you want to. We all still love the hell out of you, and to be honest, it’s kinda sucked without you around all the time. “ I admitted, giving him a hug. “Thanks, Si. You're still my best friend, you know.” He gave me a wink. “Nick, you know that'll never change.” I nudged him with my shoulder again.

We all hung out until graduation. We walked around Target for like 3 hours playing hide and seek before we almost got kicked out. It was about four when I dropped off Leah and Abby so they could get ready. Bram and I went on to his house to get ready ourselves, but since we didn’t need two hours to get ready, we spent a lot of time getting unready and enjoying an empty house, if you know what I mean. 

We left Bram’s house at five thirty, and I fussed at Bram as I started my car. “I swear to God, if my parents or anyone sees this hickey, I will kill you.” I glared at him before flicking my eyes to the rearview mirror, looking at the small read spot on my collar bone. “Well, they won’t see the worst of them.” He smiled, poking my hip where there was definitely a cluster of them. “I swear, I don’t know how people think you're so innocent. Leah still thinks we haven't done anything yet.” I informed him as I pulled onto the main road. “Really? That’s hard to believe considering she’s seen our texts.” I couldn’t see his smirk due to me driving, but I could feel it. “We don’t talk about it.” I warned. We had all agreed that the text messages that Leah read were fake and didn’t happen, even though they did happen, and they were 100% real. “It’s not my fault you let her read our messages!” he defended. “Well, you shouldn’t have sent me dick pics!” I retorted. “She didn’t see those, did she?” he asked, suddenly very concerned. “No, she didn’t. I stopped her before she saw them, but that didn’t stop her from seeing what came after that.” I looked away from the road to glare at him again. 

The hallway leading into the gym was crowded and hot, and the robed weren’t making it better. The teachers were going around to see what we were wearing beneath our robes to make sure they were appropriate, and also to check to see we weren’t carrying balloons or beach balls or confetti poppers. We all totally were, but they would never find them. 

“Are you scared?” I asked Leah as we stood waiting to line up. “Kind of, but I'm ready for it. You know what they say, if something terrifies you and excites you at the same time, you should probably do it.” She nodded. “I guess that’s true.” I shrugged. The teachers started calling for everyone to line up in order, and we all hustled around to get in place. “Time to fuck a blender.” She called back, running off to get in line ahead of me.

We all walked out as the graduation music played, and soon it was time for the Valedictorian to give a speech. Bram walked on stage and I could see how nervous he was. He placed a sheet of paper on the podium, but I knew he has the whole thing memorized. “Thank you all for being here as we celebrate this momentous occasion.” He began. “Today is the day we graduate, the day we leave high school and go on to the next chapter of our lives. Some of you have known each other since day one, some of you just met this year, but I know all of us will be sad to say goodbye to the place that brought us together. High school is a weird place, but it teaches us so much, more than academics. High school has taught us the basics of the world, such as making friends, finding who we are, giving us a chance to make mistakes before it changes us forever. High school is the one place everyone dreads to go to, but also dreads leaving. Maybe it’s because we don’t want to let go, maybe it’s because we don’t know what to do next, maybe it’s because there are so many memories to leave behind. I don’t know all of you, but most of you know me. You know me as that kid who always had his head stuck in a book, his eyes on the soccer ball, and recently, his hand intertwined with his boyfriend’s under the lunchroom table. This is the place where we discover who we are and what we mean to people. This is the place where we find and develop our passions, where we find people who we’ll have in our lives forever, just like the memories we make. Some of us may never walk these halls again, some of us may come back to work here someday, but no one will ever forget the impact this place had on us. We’ll all go off and keep growing, we’ll go off and find who we are and where we’re supposed to be, but I think we’ll all always remember where we came from, right here. So, without further ado, let’s get onto the moment we’ve waited twelve years for. Congratulations, Class of 2016. We did it.” Bram spoke into the microphone with such ease, it was like he was born to do it. I know he spent months preparing that speech. He had been drafting and correcting and rewriting it ever since they told him he was the valedictorian, and honestly, I couldn’t be prouder. 

Bram made his way back to his seat in the crowd. All of the band kids and choir kids went to their sections to perform the National Anthem. The ROTC presented the flags, and then Mrs. Knight stepped up to the podium to start the ceremony. She gave a small speech before stepping back, letting the advisors begin calling names.


	36. Chapter 36: Call It What You Want

[Chapter 36: Call It What You Want]

 

I did it, I graduated. I made it through four years of hell, four years of self-discovery, and four years of now memories. It was bitter sweet, if I'm being honest. I couldn’t really imagine life without school. I guess I wouldn’t have to, since I would be moving to Berkeley in 3 months. It was equally terrifying as it was exciting, and I guess that meant it was worth it. A wise woman once said, “If it excites you and terrifies you at the same time, you should probably do it.” Which basically means that I have to. I may pass on the fornication of a blender though. It was kind of dumb luck that Bram just so happened to choose Stanford, which was only 32.7 miles away, about an hour drive with California traffic. I think that just solidified my choice even more. 

“Graduates, remember to get your diploma’s from your homeroom teachers!” Ms. Knight yelled above the chatter. “We should probably go get those.” I said to the rest of the group. “We should. We really don’t want to keep our parents waiting at ‘The Varsity’ forever, my mom will have a cow.” Abby chimed in. Our whole family had decided that we would go get dinner in Atlanta with all of us for our graduation celebratory feast. We tried to persuade them into going to Waffle House, but it was a definite no from them. We all went back to the back room where we had started and tracked down our teachers. We all went in our separate directions, and said our goodbyes until we’d see each other later. Abby and Leah were riding down together, Nick and Garret were going down together as well. Cal and Ethan were driving down with their parents, so it just left Bram and I. part of me thought it was intentional, but I was still grateful for it. We would have a whole hour ride to ourselves. 

I got my diploma quickly, there weren’t many theatre kids left, so the line wasn’t long. I thanked Ms. Albright for everything she had done and hugged her fiercely. After a few minutes of conversation, I left to find Bram. He was still in the back of a very long line. His entire soccer team was talking to the coach, and each kid was teary eyed saying goodbye. I knew it was more than just grabbing a diploma and going, it was saying goodbye to one of the biggest parts of your life. I walked up to Bram, wrapping my arm around his waist and leaning into him. He gave me a small kiss to the forehead and squeezed me for a moment. “You go on out to the car, I'll be there soon.” He shouted in my ear, which was the only way I would have heard him. “Are you sure? I don’t mind waiting with you.” I shouted back. He nodded slowly and told me to go. Part of me figured he just didn’t want me to see him get emotional saying goodbye to everyone. 

I slowly walked out the doors, trying not to be overcome with emotion. Cars were still trying to get out of the parking lot. An officer had stopped all traffic and was letting the graduation lot empty. I could see Leah’s car in the middle of the rush, about to turn onto the freeway. I walked down the rows to find my own car, it was one of the last ones in the parking lot. I slipped my cap and gown and put them in the trunk, making sure to fold them neatly. My mom would give me a three-hour lecture about ruining my graduation gown by throwing it in the back. I leaned up against the driver’s side door, watching for Bram. Almost everyone was gone, and I could see some of the soccer boys starting to leave as well. It had only been about ten minutes when I spotted him coming down the stairs from the colosseum. He had slipped off his gown, and it hung from his arm, his cap still firmly on his head. Just watching him walk towards me, watching him watch his feet as he walked across the pavement towards me, it made me think of everything we’ve been through up until now. 

 

Meeting Blue, falling in love with him, being blackmailed and outed by Martin. Feeling like losing everything; then finding out Blue was cute Bram Greenfeld, of soccer calves and soft brown eyes. Falling in love with him all over again. Spending the whole summer with the greatest group of people ever, and senior year. Boy, so much had happened senior year. The bullying wasn’t great, and I almost lost everything again; somehow, we made it, together. We grew so much, both in ourselves and in our relationship. Prom was magical, despite all the drama. When we exchanged acceptance letters, we both cried. It was then I knew the world was going to put us together. We had already talked about Haverford and Columbia, and somehow, we both changed our minds, leading us all the way together. 

I slowly came out of my memories, smiling like an idiot at seemingly nothing. He had made it almost halfway down the parking lot, I was pretty far back. I saw him glance up at me, with that shy smile he does. Was it possible to love him even more? He slowly strides up, wrapping his arms around me. I could feel his heartbeat as I laid my head on his chest. The heart that mine belonged to. I gave him a gentle kiss before telling him to put his cap and gown in the trunk with mine. He climbs into the passenger seat and I start the car, hitting shuffle on the playlist Abby and Bram made. A soft beat played, and I recognized it immediately. ‘Call It What You Want’ by Taylor Swift, the song that reminded me the most of Bram in this playlist. 

I pulled out of the parking lot, making my way towards Atlanta. I had Bram text the group chat and let them know we just left ‘because of traffic’, and that we would be there as soon as possible. “It’s kind of crazy, you know? We aren't high schoolers anymore. We’re officially done.” He said after I merge onto the freeway. “It’s kind of exciting, I guess. That ceremony was a bitch to get through, though. I think I cried like five times.” I admitted. “It just makes me think of everything that’s happened between us; the past year and a half.” He recalled, shifting in his seat a bit. “We found each other at the perfect time. It makes me wish I would have acted on my crush sooner. We could have had so much more time together.” he continued, almost sounding upset. “Well, specifically back then, neither of us knew the other was gay. I was still figuring everything out. I mean, you were still ‘Cute Bram Greenfeld’ to me for years before we started emailing anonymously, but I don’t regret not having that time. I love the way we met, it’s original and crazy, but sort of romantic? I wouldn’t change anything. Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have more time with you, but we have all of the time ahead of us. I'm really grateful for the time we got, even if it wasn’t all of high school, it was perfect to me.” I explain, pulling off the exit to Atlanta. “Me too. You know, sometimes I love you just like the first day I met you. I knew then that I would have a crush on you forever, but I never knew I would actually be able to love you this much. I’m still amazed by you, every single day, just like it’s the first time.” Bram confided, and I almost crashed the car. “You need to not say things like that when I'm driving.” I demanded. “That is literally one of the sweetest things you’ve ever said to me. I think that was one of the most romantic things ever. One day, you're going to say something like that and I'm going to lose control and we’re going to die.” I continued, pulling into the restaurant parking lot. As soon as I parked the car, I unlatched my seatbelt and kissed him, hard. I felt bad for fussing at him after saying something so intimate, but damn this boy is distracting. “Alright, I get it. No more sappy talk in the car.” He pulls back slightly. “It is not because I don’t love every word you say, because I do, but because you are just as incredibly distracting as you were the day I met you.” I confessed, kissing him again. 

We found the table everyone was sitting at. Luckily, we weren’t too far behind everyone else. Discussion went as usual, my mother asking a bunch of questions to all of my friends and their parents, my father cracking a bunch of jokes, Alice following up dad’s jokes with something even more hilarious, and Bram and I holding hands under the table, our knees lightly touching. Leah sat next to Abby, and they were in between their parents. Somehow, Leah convinced her mother to not invite Wells. She still didn’t like him, and I didn’t really know why. We had a pretty big table, and there were about twelve conversations going on, but Bram and I didn’t really speak unless spoken to. It’s not that we didn’t want to talk or was too distracted by each other; it was just chaotic for the most part, it was hard to zone in on one conversation. 

Once the food came, the conversation settled down and we started to eat. I had my chicken down in record time. I loved this restaurant so much, its my favorite place in Atlanta. Leah gently kicked my foot, and I looked up at her from the remnants of my meal. She was smiling, genuinely smiling. Her face was a light pink. I don’t think I've seen her like this since prom. I gave her a smile back, and that’s when I noticed her and Abby were doing the same exact thing Bram and I were doing. Abby was turned away, talking to her mother, but her arm still led back to Leah’s lap, where their fingers were intertwined. I gave her an even bigger smile and reached out with my free hand to give hers a squeeze. I was glad she was finally happy, that she and Abby were happy.

I stuck the key into the ignition and turned the car on, sticking the aux cord into my phone. “Play that song you played earlier. The Taylor Swift one.” Bram directed. “You really like it, huh?” I asked as I clicked it. It was the first song. “Yeah, I really do. It reminds me of you.” He smiled shyly, looking down into the floorboard. “No way! That song totally reminds me of you!” I cheered. “I thought it would. When I first heard it, all I could think about was ‘This is Simon talking about me, I know it.’ And it’s been my favorite song ever since.” He looked at me. “While I wouldn’t call it my favorite song of all time, it does remind me of you. When I sat in my room and listened to it the first night you sent it over, it reminded me a lot of you, it reminded me a lot of us. You always walk with your head down, but when you walk towards me, you do that shy little smile when you get close. When you gave me the necklace, it meant something I didn’t understand. You said it wasn’t because you wanted everyone to know we were together, but because I understood you like nobody else could. I understand that now. It also reminds me of what I told you, in what I believe was November, when we ditched school after the incident. This song reminds me of everything we’ve been through, and it reminds me that you really are my soulmate. They can say whatever they want. They can call us fags, or homos, or whatever, but we will call it something else. We can call it what we want to.”


	37. Chaptet 37: Trying To Be Alright

[Chapter 37: Trying To Be Alright]

It was summer again, but this time, there was something different about it, something more freeing. It was the fact that I wouldn’t be going back to Creekwood High again, not in the fall, not ever. It was also the fact that I would be moving to the opposite coast in two months. It was the fact that I would be flying to Berkeley and Stanford with Bram and out mothers to take tours, which was completely planned, and I would have to 100% decide that I was going to UC Berkeley. I knew I was going at this point, there was no changing my mind. I loved NYU and Haverford, and they offered so much, but neither of them was 32.7 miles from Bram and that it something I wasn’t willing to give up. It was also the fact that this was probably going to be the busiest summer of my life. We had to fly out to Berkeley next week for the tour, and register for classes. I was also going to get a summer job to help with college and have my own money for once. I don’t know, something about my parents sending me money every month to spend didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to be independent to some extent, or at least prove I could be. Who I was trying to prove it to, my parents, myself, I didn’t know. 

To say that this summer felt daunting was an understatement. I had already spent a few hours today driving around filling out applications and handing out resumes to businesses looking for summer work. A few looked promising, but not a lot of people want to hire someone to work for just two months, and who will be leaving in and out of that time frame as well. I didn’t really need to get a job, but I felt like I did. I know my parents could afford to send me to college and I'd be fine. I got a few scholarships and my financial aid helped a lot, so they really weren’t paying all that much. Berkeley was amazing, and while I was definitely terrified to move there, I was strangely super excited as well. 

The thought of college just gave me this feeling of adventure, of newness, of going somewhere completely new and fully taking in the whole experience. Living in California is something I always wanted to do, I'm sure I would have moved there at some point no matter where I went. California was full of hot weather, sandy beaches, and a whole lot of really cool people. It was going to be impossible for me to not love it there. 

Bram dropped into the passenger seat and gave me a kiss as he shut the door. “Hey, babe.” He greeted, clicking the seatbelt as I reversed out of his driveway. “Hey, honey.” I greeted back, a smile plastered on my face. “How did job hunting go?” he began to make conversation, his thumb tapping away in a slow rhythm on the back of my hand. “It was alright, I guess. I didn’t get any definite yeses, but I think a few places may have been interested.” I reported. “I'm sure you’ll be getting some calls in a few days.” He said reassuringly, the taps becoming strokes to comfort me. “Yeah, I guess. I hope so. I know Leah is stressing out more than I am about it.” I let out a sigh, thinking about the past week of conversations I have had with Leah about her intense need to get a summer job. “I mean, yeah. I think we all do. We’re all adults and we’re leaving home in a few months. I can understand that Leah is in more of a critical position than we are, but I think it’s good for all of us.” he explained. “So, you're looking around for a job too.” I looked at him. I wasn’t really surprised he was, he was a complete and total overachiever.

Bram and I had a small date night, like an actual date night. We saw a movie and went to dinner, maybe made out in my car for a while. It was good, we needed it. It was nice to step back from everything going on and focus on something else and just have a bit of fun. I dropped him back off at his house and waited for him to walk in before pulling away. Normally, we would spend the night together, but we left for California in two days and it wouldn’t get done unless I went home. 

I unlocked the door and headed up to my room, trying to be as quiet as possible. It was late and I didn’t want to wake anyone up. Unfortunately, Alice was still up and tired to kill me with a baseball bat. “Alice, it’s me!” I screamed in a hushed tone from my position on the floor. “Oh my God, sorry! I though someone had broken in.” she helped me up off the floor and put down her bat. “And so you try to club them with your 6th grade softball bat?” I knew she couldn’t see my face in the darkness of the hallway, but I had the best ‘Really, bitch?’ look on my face, I was kind of upset that it was wasted. “It worked on you, didn’t it?” she retorted, walking back towards her room. “When did you even get here?” I asked, knowing that she wasn’t here when I left earlier today. “Theo and I flew in this afternoon and Mom and Dad picked us up around six. You would know that if you had been home instead of running around with your boyfriend.” She teased. “One, I've been out trying to find a job today, thank you. Two, seeing Bram today was a last-minute decision and I hadn't seen him in a week, so bite me. Three, don’t act like you haven't done the same thing with Theo.” I pointed out, counting off my defenses on my fingers for emphasis. “Touché.” She said, walking back into her room before closing the door behind her. 

It was too early for me to really go to bed, but it was too late for me to pack without waking anyone up. I was a night owl, and the only other person that is as active at night as I was in this household is Alice. Even Nora is up by 8 am every morning, which throws me off big time. I guess she’s used to it since she fixed breakfast every morning. I decided to pack the little things after texting Bram to let him know I made it home. I took out my suitcase and folded up some clothes, trying to get a small head start. We would be gone all week, so packing was going to be a bit harder than just a weekend trip. We had two tours, mom wanted to check out the cities we would be living in, I wanted to spend extra time on campus to get the feel of it, and of course we were staying a few extra days to sight see and enjoy the beach. California was super interesting, and it offered a lot to do, so we were trying to make the most of it. 

I finally gave up packing an hour later. I still needed to do laundry to get the rest of my clothes and the rest of it was too energy consuming to do at two in the morning. That didn’t keep me from reading on my phone for an extra hour and a half before my phone was on the verge of dying, forcing me to plug it up and go to sleep.


	38. Chapter 38: The Golden State

[Chapter 38: The Golden State]

I bounced down the stairs with my bags. “You're already ready to go?” mom asked from the dining table, sipping her coffee. “Yeah, I finished packing yesterday and got up early to get ready.” I informed her. “Well, get some breakfast and then we can head out.” She ordered. I grabbed a plate from the cabinet and filled it with the waffles and bacon Nora had made and sat down to eat. “Are you excited? Nervous?” she began to ask, and I sighed. I expected this; her asking a bunch of questions about how I feel about the trip, how I feel about college, am I scared to move, am I ready to be on my own, do I know what I need to do in emergency situations, how often I'm going to do laundry, am I going to wear shower shoes. Just because I expected it doesn’t mean I welcomed it. I was really glad she was in vested in my life and cared enough, but she could be overbearing and sometimes treated me like her patient instead of her son, but I guess it didn’t really hurt. “I'm really excited about the trip. It’s a whole week in California, exploring the city I'm going to be living in, touring the campus I'm already in love with, spending time on the beach in the sun and the California heat, and just having that feeling that I'm going to be there in two months.” I gushed between bites. “Of course, I'm kinda scared to move across the country on my own. I mean, I'll have Bram an hour away, but we’re both barely adults and we don’t know what we’re doing. I just don’t want to get out on my own and mess anything up because I'm young and inexperienced. Plus, it isn't like I'm going to be able to fly home every weekend and I'm honestly going to miss everyone. I've never been without anyone here for eight weeks, so that’s going to suck a lot, but overall I think I'm going to be okay.” I finished my thoughts as I cleaned my plate. 

“You all have fun and be safe!” Dad called as he dropped us off at the airport. I waved as he drove off and we headed inside the airport. I grabbed Bram’s hand and tried to walk as close to him as possible. He was half a foot taller than I was, so he could see over the chaotic crowd better than any of us. “Okay, we need to get to check in.” His mom mentioned, pointing in the direction of the signs hanging about each station. 

We checked in and weighed our bags before they got tagged and sent off to be loaded onto the plane. Of course, we had our carry-on bags, but I felt uneasy about just sending my luggage off out of my sight. Our flight got called and we made it through security before boarding the plane. Our mother’s sat together, letting Bram and I sit together across the isle from them. Soon enough, we were in the air and I could see Georgia disappear below us. I plugged in my earphones once the pilot announced we could use them. I grabbed Bram’s hand and laid my head on his shoulder, the tiredness of the excitement finally getting to me.

Bram nudged me before we landed, and I looked out the window as I could see California below us, it looked even prettier than I imagined it. We landed in Oakland International Airport and deboarded the plane to get our luggage. The air felt different here for some reason, and it was definitely a little hotter than Georgia. Once we got our bags, Bram’s mom got the rental car and we made our way to the hotel.   
Checking in was easy enough. Mom had ordered a suite with three bedrooms, so Bram and I had our own room, so it wasn’t going to be super awkward. We got off the elevator on the 8th floor, almost near the top, and headed into our rooms to unpack and relax after the flight. It was only noon here, so we essentially had all day to explore Oakland and do whatever. 

The first thing on the to-do list was get lunch. We all got ready and headed down to go get lunch. California had some great unique places to eat, but I had my heart on set on my first meal in California being In-N-Out. “Listen, we have to go. Everyone talks about how good In-N-Out is, and they're only on this coast. We have to go there.” I debated with my mom, who was suggesting healthier places to eat. She finally gave in once everyone else seemed to be on board.

“This is the best burger I've ever had, I'm never leaving this state.” I moaned after I swallowed my first bite. “It sounds like you would rather marry that burger than me.” Bram joked as he glanced at me. “That sounds about right.” I nodded, taking another bite. In-N-Out is a magical experience, and I don’t think I truly started living until this moment. 

We spent a few hours of exploring Oakland, we did some window shopping and just got to know the city. Our mothers started to feel the jetlag and we headed back to the hotel after dinner. “Don’t stay up too late, we have to get up at 8 so we can head out for the tour.” My mom warned before disappearing into her room. It was only eight now, and I wasn’t even really tired. 

After watching a movie on Netflix and dying or boredom, I turned to Bram. “What else is there to do here?” I sat up and began looking for the hotel catalogue that tells everything they have here. “Well, there’s a pool downstairs.” He mentioned, and my eyes lit up. “Do you wanna go down?” I gave him my best puppy dog eyed look, and it worked. “Sure.” I wasn’t really sure I needed to convince him, I think he wanted to go himself. We got changed and grabbed some towels and headed to the pool.

After five minutes of walking the complete opposite direction, we found the pool room. The pool was pretty big and had different depths, and the room smelled strongly of chlorine. There was a couple in the hot tub on the opposite end of the room, but other than that, we were alone. Bram and I dove into the pool and just swam around for a bit. Eventually, the couple got out and left, and we had the pool room to ourselves. 

We ended up getting in the hot tub, which took some coercing for Bram. “Hot tubs are full of bacteria, and there's no telling what's in that water. We don’t know what they were doing before we came in here.” He argued. “Hey, for all we know, they weren’t even together. they could have been siblings, or strictly business partners enjoying some nice hot water.” I rebutted. “That’s exactly what people think about you and I half the time.” He rolled his eyes. “Bram, you do know that you are super black and I'm about as pasty white as they come? We couldn’t look like siblings even if we tried.” I blinked at him. “Yeah, but we could eb adopted siblings. Plus, I'm only half black, so…” he trailed off. “You're still super dark right now, and your hair is about as ethnic as they come.” I poked at the small afro on his head. He had cut it again recently, and while I love the little afro thing he has going on, I missed the longer hair a bit.   
Eventually, he sank down in the water next to me, desperately trying to keep his chin above the water. There were benches on the side of the hot tub so you could sit in it, and I figured out how to turn the jets on, which was the best thing ever. Bram and I spent about ten minutes talking while sitting in the tub before the conversation turned very steamy, and that had nothing to do with the literal steam coming from the water. 

“Ugh, I'm going to smell like chlorine for a week.” Bram halfway complained. “You can just take a shower.” I objected. “Yeah, but the smell is going to stay on me.” He stated, continuing to play with the water. “Well,, maybe you just need someone there to help you wash it out.” I smirked, poking him with my elbow. “What are you insinuating? He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed, but I could tell he knew what I was talking about. “All I'm saying is that both our moms are asleep, and they would never know if we just so happened to assist each other in the shower.” I shrugged my shoulders, but my face showed that I was trying to be enticing. “Are you saying you want to shower together?” His eyes looked into mine, trying to physically see what I was thinking. “For hygienic purposes, of course.” I held up my hands in a fake surrender, and he saw right through it. “Yeah, okay. You really just want to make out naked in the shower.” He countered. “That would just be a bonus, plus we don’t have to be in the shower to make out.” I wiggled my brows and grabbed his hand. “You're awful.” He smiled before leaning in. 

His hand was scrunching in the hair on the back of my head trying to pull me closer. We were already side by side, but that’s never close enough for Bram. It wasn’t until his leg swung over me and he sat on my lap that I was surprised, but it wasn’t in a bad way. This was new though, this was something we hadn't tried out before, him sitting on top of me while making out. It was always the other way around. One of his hands stayed in my hair while the other cupped my cheek. His kisses became more intense, deeper. His body began grinding against mine, and it took less than three seconds for me to feel his hard member push against mine. This was also a different side of Bram coming out, and I'm not sure if we were just at another new point in our relationship where he was more comfortable, or if it was because we were in California, but he was definitely more… handsy. His lips left mine and creeped down to my neck. I knew that’s as far as he would go considering my collarbone and down were underwater, but that didn’t stop his hand from sneaking under my trunks and stroking me, causing me to pull back and let out a silent moan. “You still want that shower?” he looked at me, not stopping anything he was doing. “Now more than ever.” 

“I can't believe you convinced me to do this.” he shook his head, shutting the bathroom door behind him. “You act like you didn’t just try to jerk me off in a hot tub less than five minutes ago.” I turned the water on slowly, as if it would be quieter. He climbed in after me and we both began washing. Of course, this wasn’t hardly new to us, we had showered together before. It didn’t always involve us being frisky and making out the whole time, but it was always nice when it did. It was important to conserve water, California was always in a state of drought. 

Once he was satisfied that he wouldn’t reek of chlorine, we picked up where we left off from earlier. The shower wasn’t huge, and it was a nice stone wall, and Bram looked great pushed up against it. Being sexually dominant wasn’t really my thing, but I was really feeling it right now. I guess California has that affect on you. My mouth never stayed on his for very long in the shower. We didn’t have much time before the shower ran cold and we would freeze. 

Fifteen minutes later, we stepped out of the shower more satisfied than before. Shower sex had never been the plan, but I didn’t mind it. We crawled into bed after making sure we were dry, curling into each other immediately. I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face. I was in California, the state I would be calling home in two months. I was with the best boyfriend ever, and I would be having the best week of my life to date. What could be better?


	39. Chapter 39: Berkeley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to note before this chapter that I have not toured or been to the UC Berkeley campus and the campus in this story will not match the actual campus. I have created my own UC Berkeley campus in my head and will be using that. Any information about Berkeley is from their website, online research, or fictitious. . If there are any questions, leave a comment or message me and I'll respond as soon as I can.

[Chapter 39: Berkeley]

 

I woke up a few minutes before the alarm, which was always nice, especially to what I woke up to. Bram’s head was on my chest and his whole body is curled up next to me. It was probably the most adorable thing ever, I just wish I had a picture of this. I laid there until the alarm went off, just watching him sleep and think about how insanely cute he was. He sat up and stretched before giving me a good morning kiss. Both our moms were already awake and were sitting in the living portion of the suite. Bram and I got dressed and got ready before we all headed down to the lobby. “Where do you all want to pick up breakfast.” My mom asked from the front seat. I had to resist saying In-N-Out, but I had been craving it since yesterday. We all agreed on some local breakfast place.

An hour and a half later, we pull into the designated parking lot for visitors at the University of California, Berkeley. From what I could see out the window, the campus was beautiful, I couldn’t wait to walk around and see more of it. we went into the welcome center and signed in and we all got name tags in lanyards and stuff. They directed us to go through the doors behind them and take a seat in the auditorium. 

The auditorium was packed, it probably had over three hundred people in a five-hundred-person auditorium. Don’t ask me how I know that, it just comes with experience. People were talking and exchanging information; like where they were from, what major they were considering, what made them choose Berkeley. It was an invigorating thing to see, people just found others and were immediately compatible with them and made new friends. I had a bit of social anxiety, so I wasn’t keen on walking up to someone or turning to the person sitting next to me and introducing myself, but it didn’t stop me from meeting people who talked to me first.

“Hi, I'm Kevin.” The guy who sat down next to me extended his hand. “I'm Simon.” I shook his hand, admiring his facial features and his eyes. He had tan skin, blue eyes, and dark hair. He looked like he could be a model. “Who are these people with you?” he asked, gesturing to them with his chin. “Well, this is my boyfriend Bram, his mother, and my mom.” I said individually, pointing at them as I went down. They all introduced themselves, but I clammed up. He had some sort of vibe about him after I mentioned Bram was my boyfriend. I know California is very gay friendly, but that doesn’t mean everyone here isn't a homophobe. He continued to make small conversation, but I gave him small, short answers. “Where are you from?” he asked. “Georgia.” I stated, barely glancing at him. 

Soon, the presenter came onto stage and all attention turned to him. He welcomed us to campus and told us about the university and how the tour was going to work. He spoke for about ten minutes before beginning the next portion. “Here at UC Berkeley, we want you to do more than just have a tour. To make it easier on you and our tour guides, you have a number on a red sticker on the back of your lanyard. This number is the group you will be with for the rest of the day until the end where we will be right back here. Your group is made up of your two tour guides and fellow students who have the same or similar majors as you do. Undecided people have been put in the same groups. Without further ado, let’s introduce your tour group leaders before we group up and head out!” he exclaimed, brining up people in blue and gold shirts onto the stage. Each pair took about two minutes to tell everyone about themselves; their name, where they were from, their year, their major, and something interesting about them. 

Once the tour guides were introduced, they began calling up numbers, members of that group would congregate near the doors and they would leave before the next number was called. I was in group 7, so we had to wait a bit before we could go, but there were 22 groups, so the wait wasn’t as bad as it seemed. The fifteen students in my group, including Kevin and I, along with their parents gathered in front of the door before we walked out.

The tour guides reintroduced themselves in the lobby before telling us where we were going to first and to let them know if we had any questions. We marched out of the welcoming center and walked across campus. We would stop in front of buildings so they could tell us all about what the building was, what was in it, what classes were held there, and what facilities we could use there. “Will we be touring the dorms as well?” my mother asked. “Of course, we’re going to tour the academic buildings before lunch, and the after we will be touring the dorms and student centers.” One of the tour guides answered really quickly. I think one of the best parts of the tour was that we got to go inside the buildings and look around. They gave us all kinds of information about the buildings and where everything was. 

Lunch time was getting closer, so we headed for the food court. “Alright, as you can see, this building has about a dozen restaurants and places to eat. Just pick a place and hand them your meal slip and meet here in an hour!” One of the tour guides instructed, and we all went in. The food court was packed full of people, but the lines seemed to move quickly. We got in line for Steak and Shake, which was one of the only restaurants I recognized. Kevin asked if he could sit with us, is aw no real harm in it and told him yes. 

We were both waiting on our food when he began the conversation. “Did I say anything to offend you or something?” he asked. “Uh, No. Why?” I furrowed my brows. “It just seems like you aren't as talkative as before and I didn’t know if I said anything to make you not like me or something.” He twiddles his thumbs, and if my mom being a psychologist has taught me anything its that his fiddling was a sure sign that he was nervous. “No, I thought you just had a weird reaction to meeting my boyfriend.” I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “Oh, that. No I was kind of stumped because I thought you were cute, but then you had a boyfriend so it was just kind of like ‘oh, okay.’” He explained. “Wait, you're gay too?” I asked in a hushed tone. “Yeah, I'm gay too.” He confirmed with the biggest smile on his face. “Oh, that’s cool. Well, I'm sorry I was kind of a bitch then.” I apologized. “It’s no problem, I get it. You thought I was being a dumbass, so that’s warranted.” He shrugged. 

Lunch went by really fast. Kevin and I had this crazy banter over lunch while he was telling us about himself. “Well, I'm from Oakland, and I lived there until I was seven and my parents got divorced, then I moved with my dad to Denver for five years, and when I was twelve, I moved back with my mom in LA. When she quit acting two years ago, we moved back up to Oakland.” He explained his family situation, I could feel Bram squirm a bit when he mentioned his parents were divorced. Kevin was also really funny, he made a joke at every opportunity. He was overall really great, and I was really glad we were becoming friends. “We should totally be roommates!” he suggested. “That would be super cool!” I smiled.

Lunch was over, and the tour guides rounded everyone up to keep moving. They ushered us back outside and kept showing up buildings. We went into the library for a bit and saw all kinds of stuff there; it was honestly my favorite building so far. I could tell I was going to be in there a lot. We got to the living side of campus, and it was just filled with dorms and on campus apartments. “Along with traditional dorms, on campus apartments, and suites, we also have apartment-style dorms which a lot of students prefer. Some of the dorms are pretty small, and some of them can get pretty big. The basic dorms have two sets of beds, desks, and closets or dressers in one room. The apartment style dorms have a full kitchen, living room, two beds, dressers, closets, desks in one room, and a bathroom. The suites have individual bedrooms and a living quarters, along with a bathroom and kitchenette.The on-campus apartments are actual apartments with full kitchens, living rooms, bedrooms, and bathrooms like a regular apartment, and they're charged by rent unlike the rest of them.” One of the tour guides explained as we walked over to the dorms. “We have a bunch of different dorm buildings, which give students a lot of variety. We’ll be looking at actual rooms of each style of dorm and let everyone in to look around and get a feel for it.” The other tour guide continued.

Some of the dorms were really small, but they fit their purpose. I didn’t really like the small ones, there wasn’t enough room to really breathe and I couldn’t picture myself being in a twelve-foot box for 16 weeks. The suites were a little too fancy, and definitely the most expensive option. They had big living spaces and usually two to four bedrooms. The apartment style dorm seemed to be the best bet. It had a full kitchen, which was great, and its own bathroom. I didn’t mind sharing a bed space with someone, but some of the apartment style dorms had separate bedrooms as well. The on-campus apartments were great, too. They weren’t huge, but they were bigger than the others. They ranged from two to four bedrooms and had two bathrooms usually, and a large living space. It was almost like a bigger version of the suites, but with full kitchens and a bit nicer. 

We made our way back to the welcome center for the next part. The tour was ending, but registration followed. The way I understood it was that we were going to get our student IDs, then be sat down with advisors to plan out our classes for our first semester, choose our living quarters, and set up our school accounts and email. We went through the process of getting our student IDs which took forever, but the turned out really cool. After about twenty minutes, my advisor called my name to help me work out my schedule and get my dorm. “With all of your AP classes, you shouldn’t have a problem with doing well in any of your classes. College isn't as daunting as teachers make it out to be, as long as you're focused and you put in the effort.” He mentioned as he swiveled back to his computer. “Now, for your classes, I recommend starting with your gen eds to help you adjust to the college climate.” He pulled up the general education requirements. I picked out a few classes; English, History, Math, Biology, Psychology, and of course Theatre. They were all introductory courses and there was really no way of getting around them. He was cautious of me taking 18 hours of classes my first semester, but he knew I could handle it.

“Now, did any of the dorm styles stick out to you, do you have one in mind?” he asked, printing my schedule and switching to the housing website. “I liked the apartment style dorms the best, I think. The ones with the two bedrooms was nice, but the same bedroom is fine too. The suites were nice but way too expensive and I don’t need all that space.” I explained. “Alright, let’s see what we can arrange for you.” He clicked a few buttons. “Is there anyway I can request a roommate? I met a friend today and we were wondering if we could room together.” I asked hesitantly. “We can do that, you just need to enter his name and student ID number to request him.” He noted. I picked out one of the dorms and requested Kevin. I texted him about the dorm and he said he would pick the same one and requested me too. 

“What kind of classes did you get?” My mom reached for the printed schedule. “Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have English, Theatre, and History, and then Tuesday and Thursday, I have Biology, Psychology, and Math.” I read off the sheet before passing it to her. “You have great class times. Your earliest is at 10 and your latest ends at 4. You got a really good schedule.” She read over it. “What about dorms?” he continued. “I got an apartment style dorm, it seemed like the best option.” I didn’t want to mention that Kevin might be my roommate in front of Bram. He isn't the type to be territorial, but I didn’t want to have that conversation right now. 

With the tour and registration officially over with, I said goodbye to Kevin and we headed back to the hotel. It was almost seven when we got into our rooms. I flopped down on the bed and groaned. Berkeley was a huge campus, walking all of that all day drained me. Overall, it was a great day, I met a good friend, I got great classes, and I found out where I'll be going to school and living soon. Bram and I got ready for bed and turned in. We were going to the beach tomorrow and that was almost as exciting as today.


	40. Chapter 40: Paradise

[Chapter 40: Paradise]

“What beach are we going to?” Bram’s mom asked my mom. It was 9 am and we had all woken up and gotten ready but forgot to actually plan out the day. “I'm not sure. Let me look up beaches in the area.” My mom began typing away on her phone. Of course, we all looked it up, so we were all sitting in the living room looking up beaches and suggesting some. 

“The best beach according to yelp is the Crown Memorial State Beach.” My mom announced. “It only has four stars and 113 reviews, some of the others have hundreds of reviews and five stars.” Bram’s mom pointed out. “Shit, you're right.” She continued scrolling, looking at them more carefully? “Wait, hold up. There’s a dog beach?” I gasped, drawing attention to it. “Which one?” Bram looked over my shoulder to see which one I was talking about. “Buchanan Dog Beach, four stars and 52 reviews. Its only seven miles from here.” I read aloud. “Simon, we don’t have a dog though.” Bram mentioned, and I quickly looked at him with a glare. “So? We can go to the beach and meet other people’s dogs!” I cheered, trying to get everyone on boards. “You like this idea a bit too much.” He laughed a bit. “Maybe you don’t like this idea enough, which is completely unacceptable.” I turned back around to keep reading the reviews. 

Half an hour later, we were parked at the beach. “Look at all the dogs!” I jumped giddily. “You really love dogs a lot, don’t you?” Bram’s mom commented. “I really do.” I replied, lifting the cooler out of the back of the car. With the four of us, we didn’t have a problem carrying all of the beach stuff in one trip. “Alright, help me unfold the sheet.” My mom handed my the other half of a white fitted sheet. “Did you seriously bring the beach sheet?” I asked, which seemed kind of dumb considering I was holding it. The beach sheet was a king sized white fitted sheet with painted palm trees on it and holes in the corners for umbrellas. My mom once saw this ‘beach hack’ on Facebook and instantly birthed the beach sheet, which has now become the staple of all our beach trips. 

Once the sheet was unfolded and we had arranged out spot, Bram and I began to head for the water. “Simon, you need to put on sunscreen!” My mom called after me. “You too, Bram.” His mother waved him back as well. “Why do I need sunscreen? I don’t burn.” Bram asked as he slathered the white crème across his arms. “Melanoma is not a joke Bram. Just because you're dark skinned doesn’t mean you are exempt from skin cancer.” She scolded him. Of course we had to wait fifteen minutes more after applying the sunscreen to let in soak in before we could get it wet. We busied ourselves with playing with some dogs that ran up to us. Bram almost got tackled by a big husky when he picked up a ball and tried to throw it. I was sitting on the sand, petting about five dogs at once watching him play fetch with a herd of dogs. It was hot, and I was wondering how some of these dogs were coping with the heat. Almost all of them had been running in the cool ocean water, so I guess that helped a bit. 

“Did you just splash me?” I gave Bram a world class side eye. “Maybe.” He gave me a look that completely confirmed that he did, and with that, it was on. We began a splashing war, which attracted all kinds of dogs to the spectacle. Soon, we were floating in waist deep water swimming with a dozen dogs, which is to say that we were in Heaven. This was the best thing ever, and I never wanted to leave.

Unfortunately, I started getting red and it was time to eat, so we packed up. “Simon, honey, you're going to have the worlds worst sunburn tomorrow.” My mom put more sunscreen on my arms as we got back to the car. “It was worth it.” I had a permanent smile on my face, although I was a bit sad to say goodbye to all the dogs we had been playing with for the past four hours. “Where do you all wanna eat?” Bram’s mom asked the rest of us, and I was quickly hushed when I suggested In-N-Out for the fourth time in the past two days. “Si, you can't live purely off of In-N-Out.” My mom proceeded to lecture me about how unhealthy fast food was, especially greasy burgers and heavily salted fries. “Listen, if I die of a heart attack because I ate too much In-N-Out, is that such a bad way to go? I don’t think so.” I shrugged, looking out the window as we passed another In-N-Out. “Then what am I supposed to do?” Bram rested his head on my shoulder. “I don’t know, keep eating In-N-Out in my honor?” I jokingly suggested, to which he reclined himself and scoffed. 

We eventually found a good place to eat, and no, it wasn’t In-N-Out. It was good though. I begged my mom to go back to the beach, but she kept saying that it was getting too late to go to the beach, I already had too much sun, and the wind was picking up and that had something to do with us not going back. I huffed in the back seat and Bram laid his head in my lap. “There’s always the pool at the hotel.” He whispered, wiggling his eyebrows. “Yeah, but there's no dogs there.” I looked down at him, disbelief in his eyes. “I can't believe you sometimes.” He sat back up. “I mean, the pool is great, but who picks pools over beaches filled with dogs?” I defended. “You fail to understand the subtext, babe.” He winked before what he said hit me. “Oh. OH. Okay.” I couldn’t really find words to respond with. Bram was really becoming unpredictable, and his dark side was coming out more and more, which was completely okay with me. God, I'm gonna need a dip in the pool to cool off now. California was hot, but that had nothing to do with it, or maybe it had everything to do with it.


	41. Chapter : Future Home

[Chapter 41: Future Home]

Today was all about exploring the city of Berkeley. Mom wanted to see what kind of city I would be living in and I wanted to get to know the area. We left the hotel around noon and drove up to the city. It was about a half hour drive, only because of lunchtime traffic.

We drove around for a bit, just to look out the windows and see what the city had to offer. There were parks and shopping districts, a bunch of restaurants, and plenty of things to do. I was falling more in love with the city with every second I was in it. Bram grabbed my hand as my face was plastered to the window. I could hear him stifle a laugh as I gazed at the city, trying to take everything in at once. 

We found a parking lot on main street somehow and parked. We had planned to drive around for a bit to see everything before walking around to get an even better look. “Simon, make sure you put on sunblock, it’s sunny today.” My mom reminded me. I have to admit, she was right. The day at the beach left me with tender pink skin and a constant uncomfortableness that wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t too bad, I've had worse sunburns. Bram laughed at my weird tan line on my hip the night of. “You look like a peppermint.” He laughed.

I coated my skin with sunblock and we began walking down the street. Of course, we were in the middle of town, so it was mainly city buildings like the court house, mayor’s office, police station, and things like that. It was still all interesting to me, I guess I wanted to know everything I could about this city. I pulled Bram along by the arm, and I could faintly hear our mothers giggle at the sight.

We ended up driving to various places across town every so often. We window shopped for almost two hours in the shopping district because I wanted a Berkeley hoodie and forgot to get one the other day. We found a place that had all kinds of UCB branded stuff; hoodies, shirts, joggers, cups, hats. If you can think of it, they had UCB on it. I only bought a hoodie and a new water bottle, but I wanted to get a lot more. Honestly, half of my closet will end up being Berkeley stuff. 

“Honestly, it is 98 degrees right now, take the hoodie off and put it in the car.” Bram tried pulling the hoodie off. “But I want to wear it!” I pulled in back down and wrapped my arms around myself so he couldn’t take it off. “You are sweating like crazy and it hasn’t even been washed yet! You are literally three steps away from passing out from a heat stroke.” He continued to pry my arms from my body and take the hoodie. He eventually won, mostly because he was right, and I couldn’t fight him. He stripped me of the hoodie and put it in the back of the car. “You should have just gotten a t-shirt.” He shook his head. “I like hoodies, okay!” I defended, throwing my hands up. “Considering I've never seen you without one at least once a day, I know. It’s becoming a problem and now a threat to your health.” He grabbed my hand again and we quickly walked to catch up with our mothers. “You know you like it.” I gave him a big smile as we walked up the street. “Yes, Simon. Your all hoodie wardrobe rocks my world.” He chuckled.

When the sun went down, the lights of the city came on and it turned into something else entirely. We headed back towards the hotel once it started getting dark, but it didn’t stop me from watching Berkeley disappear from the view behind us. I knew then that I would love that city all my life, and I couldn’t wait until I lived there.

We got back to the hotel and we went into our own rooms to go to bed. we had to get up early to go to Stanford for Bram’s tour and registration. We were all also tired from walking around the city all day. My excitement had numbed the burning of my thighs and the weariness, but not I could feel both in full force and I was ready to crawl into bed and never move again. “So, what did you think of the city?” he asked, his voice let me know he already knew the answer and he knew what was coming. “It was great! It was so beautiful, and the people seem so nice. There's all kinds of places to eat, shop, and just have fun. I saw three different movie theatres, a laser tag place, and a trampoline park. I don’t think I'll ever be bored in the city. The lights came on when we left and it just looked so different, it had a whole different feel to it. it took my breath away. I absolutely love Berkeley, and I really can't wait to live here.” I gushed. “I'm really glad you love it so much. It looks amazing.” He gave me a big smile. “I know Stanford is going to be the exact same for you. You're going to love it so much.” I couldn’t wait for him to be as excited as I was. “I'm sure it will be. It was really nice seeing your face light up like that. I think I finally have competition.” He joked, his small laugh making me smile. “Are you telling me you're jealous of a city?” My eyebrows furled. “All I'm saying is that you were absolutely in love with the city. I don’t think I've ever seen you in love with something so much.” He climbed into the bed and laid beside me. “That is 100% false and you know it. You have seen the way I look at Oreos. Trust me, that’s how I look when I talk about you when you're not around. Just ask Leah, she complains about it all the time.” I scooted back into his frame, fitting my head into the crook of his neck. “Yeah, Leah has told me about it. I've never seen it though.” His arms wrapped around me.

“You know I love you more than anything. Yeah, I love Berkeley, but I still look at you the same way I did the first day I saw you, and it looks even worse than me looking at Berkeley.” I kissed placed multiple kisses across his face. “When did you become such a romantic?” He asked. “The day I got you.” I don’t know what it was, but something just clicked. I don’t know if it was something about California, if it was something to do with us, or anything, but it was in that moment I knew that I knew he was the one for me. No matter where I went, no matter where I lived, as long as I had him, I would always be home. I knew I would love him all my life, and I couldn’t wait to make a home with him.


	42. Chapter: The Gay Area

[Chapter 42: The Gay Area]

The last two days flew by in a blur. We all toured Stanford, and I think Bram got more excited about Stanford than I did about Berkeley. He got his schedule, student ID, and his dorm set up. His student ID picture has him with the biggest smile I've ever seen. I think he’s going to be incredibly happy there. We explored Stanford, as well. The look Bram said I had the day we walked around Berkeley is the face he wore from the time we got there to the time we left. 

We woke up later that day, we didn’t have anything planned and we had scheduled it as a buffer day to recuperate before the flight home tomorrow. I had just woken up and was scrolling through my Instagram feed when I noticed a bunch of posts about San Francisco pride being the second Saturday of June, which was today. Bram and I talked about it hushed tones, trying to form a plan to convince our moms to let us go. 

They knew exactly what was going on in San Francisco before we even said anything. My mother, being completely over invested and crazy as usual, knew about pride and was already up and ready to go. Bram’s mom was in on it too, and I was beginning to fear just how close they had gotten since we introduced them. Our mothers had secretly brought ‘Pride Packs’, small backpacks filled with pride gear; rainbow flags, face paint, and colored hairspray. For once, I was kind of glad she involved herself with everything I did. 

The drive to San Francisco was awful. The traffic wasn’t too bad, especially for California, but it was the excitement. We had already missed the opening ceremony and were three hours late, but the festival was an all day thing, and it was hard to be late to something that didn’t really end. Our moms gave us some space and said they wanted to tour the city, but lectured us about checking in every hour and letting them know where we were and what we were doing. We scheduled a place and time to meet, and then we went off on our separate ways.

It was absolutely terrifying. Georgia pride last year was big, but there were literal thousands of people in the streets. Most of the streets of downtown San Francisco were blocked off and had booths set up. The whole festival was miles long, booths lining the streets, music playing over speakers in the balconies, and rainbow decorations everywhere. We walked around, Rainbow capes billowing in the wind behind us, smeared rainbow paint on hour faces. We got compliments and hugs from random people, which was a bit weird but really satisfying at the same time. 

I didn’t see any protesters yet, which was a good sign. I guess they wouldn’t even bother, it’s California, hell, it was San Francisco, the gay capital of the world. It would kind of be pointless to spend time yelling at thousands of people who couldn’t care less what anyone had to say about them. 

Some of the best parts were the drag queens. I hadn't started watching RuPaul’s Drag Race yet, which was a shame, but I still absolutely loved drag queens. There were more than a few nights Abby had stayed at my house just so we could watch hours of drag queens do their makeup. I was only slightly obsessed. The drag queens had been talking around the festival in some of the best costumes ever, full beat faces, and looking fabulous. They took pictures with people, and unexpectedly, they were talking to everyone. You wouldn’t expect someone who’s been on TV to have such genuine conversations with people, but they were. At least some of them. 

We ate some of the festival food, which was incredibly overpriced, but it was really good, it made me crave In-N-Out again. I had to convince mom to get some tomorrow before we left. We kept walking around, looking at everything, and just being surrounded by the most positive, radiant energy I had ever felt. 

It was around 5 when we met up with our moms to head back to the hotel. I was a little sad to leave, but I was really tired. It had been a full week of nonstop motion and I think I was ready to go home. I loved pride a lot, the people, the energy, the lights, the music, everything. I was glad we got to go, even happier than our moms orchestrated the whole thing under our noses. Now I know where Alice gets it from. 

It took a while to rinse all of the hairspray and face paint off, mostly because I was doing it myself and didn’t have Bram to help me. After three shampoos and a very intense facial wash, I got it all off and let Bram use the bathroom to wash his off. Mom told me all about what they did in the city while we were at Pride while we ate dinner. They had fun today too, and I was glad they did. Honestly, best moms in the world. I'll have to remember it for next Mother’s Day. 

I'll admit, I cried that night. It wasn’t sadness, it wasn’t that I was upset. I was overflowing with happiness. It happens every year after pride, I just feel this overwhelming feeling of acceptance, a strong sense of community, and the most pure love of people I've ever experienced. It came while I was talking to Bram about pride, and I just started gushing about how much I loved pride and how much it meant to me, and suddenly tears were flowing down my face and he was holding me. He cried too, we cried together. I think it was just something about pride, something about what it represents that just makes LGBTQ+ people really hopeful, understood, accepted, and loved. It was a feeling we all needed.


	43. Chapter 43: Peachy

[Chapter 43: Peachy]

It sucked that we were leaving California, but if I'm being honest, I did miss home. I missed dad, Nora, and Alice. I missed Leah, Abby, Nick, and the rest of the group. California was great, but I missed Georgia and I was ready to go home. We had three hours before our flight, so there wasn’t much to do in that time besides get ready to go. 

“No, we are not stopping at In-N-Out before we head home!” My mother refused the idea. “Why not?” I argued. She said herself that In-N-Out had been one of the best places she’d ever eaten. “Because we can't take food on the plane and we don’t have time. In-N-Out is in the complete opposite direction of the airport and we have an hour to get there.” She stated, continuing to make her bed. “And I would bet that you aren't even completely packed yet.” She gave me this knowing motherly look, but it was my turn to be right for once. “Actually, Bram and I finished packing last night. We’re both ready to leave right now.” I corrected, watching disbelief cover her face. 

Long story short, we got In-N-Out before we left, and it was the perfect way to depart such a lovely state. I almost cried at the fact that this was the last time I would eat In-N-Out for two months. Bram held me in the back of the car as I ate my last burger. “Simon, finish the food and make sure you get all the trash.” Mom ordered. We were pulling into the car rental place at the airport, which meant it was time to leave.

We landed in Savannah an hour late, but that’s usually how Savannah Airport is. I don’t think Alice has ever arrived on time. Dad picked us up and mom told him everything that we did while we were in California. The ride back wasn’t too bad, Mom and dad discussed what had happened while we were gone. I just think mom was surprised to see that the house hadn't burned down in flames. “Well, thank you all for a lovely week in California.” Bram’s mom, who had been insisting I call her Aliyah, hugged my mom and I. “Of course, it was a lot of fun and it was a better idea to go together. We all enjoyed it very much. You're welcome to stay for dinner if you like.” My mother invited. Bram’s mom tried to say she didn’t want to intrude, but once my mom invites you for dinner, there’s no way she's taking no for an answer. 

Nora had really stepped up her cooking game over the last year and she really blew me away. I think part of it was she finally started getting more confident in her cooking and stopped second guessing herself or her abilities. Tonight, she made a roasted chicken with rosemary and a bunch of sides. Say what you want about the south, but we eat a lot and we eat well. Everyone sat down and started eating and the four of us began telling the others about what happened over the last week. 

“So, how was Berkeley?” Alice elbowed me. “Oh, Lord help me.” Bram whispered beside me, which earned him an elbow himself. “Berkeley was amazing! The school is absolutely phenomenal; It has state of the art everything, the Wi-Fi works super-fast, all kinds of clubs and organizations, and all kinds of stuff to do. The people around while we were on tour seemed really nice. I met this guy while I was there, and we agreed to be roommates, and I'm really excited to start the semester.” I beamed at Alice, who was shocked at how excited I was. “Well, I'm happy for you, bub.” She smiled before asking Bram a bunch of questions about Stanford. 

Something about Bram was off, and after dinner was over, I wanted to pull him aside and ask him what was going on, but his mom was ready to head home. We said our goodbyes, a simple hug, and he grabbed his bags and loaded the car without looking back. His mom pulled out of the driveway and waved as she drove away, but Bram sat in the passenger seat, not looking at anything but his feet. 

An hour later, Leah’s face covered the screen as she answered the video chat. “Hey, Si! How was Cali?” she asked immediately. She seemed really excited to talk about it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk about Berkeley or California, because I could all day. Bram just weighed very heavy in my chest, and it bothered me to not talk about it. “Cali was great! Actually, I called to talk about something else.” I began. She wrinkled her forehead and nodded before I continued. “So, we got back about three hours ago and had dinner, and halfway through Bram got really quiet and I could tell something was wrong. I tried pulling him aside after we ate, but his mom was ready to get home and he didn’t say anything else to me. It just seemed like he was upset with me for some reason. I don’t know what to do.” My hand ran across my face before looking at her again. “Well, what do you think you did? You said you thought he was upset with you. Is there anything that was discussed over dinner that would have made him uncomfortable or something that was supposed to be private?” Leah was really good at this, helping people figure out their problems. I guess our whole group was. “Not that I know of. Alice started asking about college and he just kind of withdrew himself.” I recalled, and a few gears started turning. “Oh, God. Leah, what if he’s second guessing if he wants to do the long-distance thing? What if he wants to break up?” My breath hitched at the idea and my eyes started watering. “Simon, calm down. Just take a few deep breaths. Don’t jump to any conclusions until you talk to him.” Leah was no stranger to my sudden panic attacks. They aren't as common anymore since I started seeing my therapist, but they did still happen occasionally. “I called him three times since he left, and I know he has his phone because I can see he was on Instagram two minutes ago. He’s ignoring my calls and texts. He’s mad at me and I don’t know why.” Tears were slowly falling off my face and onto my bed. “Si, it’s okay. If he’s not picking up, then he just wants some space. You just spent a whole week with him, and I know you all spend every waking moment wanting to be together, but maybe he’s just going through something and he started thinking about it at dinner and he just needs some time alone to sort it out himself. Yeah, it might not be good, but he wants to do this on his own and you can't force him to let you in. he’ll talk to you when he’s ready or when he needs your help. Bram isn't the kind of person to let everyone in and he tries to not bother others with his problems. You aren't the only person who notices other people. Just give him some time and let him come to you. Let him know that you know he’s upset about something and you’ll give him some space, but he can talk to you about anything whenever he needs or wants to.” She directed as I wiped away tears and tried to pull myself together. 

‘Hey, I know you're upset about something and you aren't retuning my calls, so I guess you want some space. I don’t know if you're upset with me or if you're going through something, but whatever it is, I just wanted to tell you that if and when you want to talk, I'm here. I love you.’

I sent the text before I could stop myself. I knew that I would overthink it and chicken out if I didn’t send it right away. It was the waiting that was going to kill me now. It was the time that I had between now and his reply if it ever came. I thought about dinner, I thought about the last day of the trip. I tried to remember every detail, trying to pinpoint when he started acting different. He was fine last night, at least he wasn’t upset with me. There’s going to bed, and there's going to sleep, and we barely did any of the latter. He was fine in the car ride, we texted back and forth, having our own private conversation. He was fine until dinner when we started talking about college. Everything I could think of pointed back at him being upset about college. I knew I was overreacting. I knew I was overthinking. I knew I was using the worst kind of Simon logic, but I couldn’t stop. I knew Leah was right, that I shouldn’t jump to conclusions or try to figure it out and let him come to me, but it wasn’t possible for me to do that. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. They are my thoughts, but I don’t control them; I can't turn them on and off or change the subject of the conversation in my mind, at least not this time. 

It was almost midnight when my phone buzzed, and my heart jumped as I reached for my phone and glasses to read the text. My heart fell when it was just Abby asking about the trip. I decided I would wait and respond tomorrow when I could talk about it in a better place. Berkeley made me really happy, but right now it just had a sad connotation, thinking that it was the thing coming between Bram and I. My phone buzzed again, and I lazily picked it back up, thinking it would be Abby again. ‘Can I call?’ Bram texted. ‘Of Course.’ I bolted straight up in bed, waiting for the call. 

“Hey.” I slid my thumb over the green answer button and put my phone on speaker to greet him. “Hi.” The familiarity of the conversation gave me a smile, reminding me of a time when things were okay. “I'm sorry for worrying you. I just got in my head a bit, you know me.” He apologized. “Bram, it’s fine. You don’t have to apologize for anything. I just didn’t know if I said something to make you upset.” My thumbs twiddled, the nervous energy I had was still diffusing, like it was just waiting around to make sure it was safe. “When were you going to tell me that Kevin was your roommate?” He spoke, and it clicked. “Uh, okay. I was going to tell you the next time I saw you. I wanted to talk about it before it became official, but I didn’t want to do it in front of our moms or our families.” I explained, trying to stay calm. “But you lied to me about it. I asked you if you knew who your roommate was going to be, and you told me you didn’t.” he rebutted. “At the time, it wasn’t confirmed. I still don’t know if we’re going to be roommates, we might not get paired together.” I was feeling the anxiety coming back, and I was trying to fight it off. “Why didn’t you tell me you had requested him? Did you think I was going to be jealous, or tell you that I didn’t want him to be your roommate?” His tone wasn’t angry, it was a mixture of disbelief and hurt. “No, I didn’t. I thought you may not like it considering you didn’t really like him all that much, and he’s a gay guy, but I know that you trust me, and I wouldn’t break that. He asked me about it and I couldn’t tell him no right then and there. I wanted to talk to you about it privately, but we were in California with our moms and you left right after dinner, so I haven't been able to talk to you about it.” I calmed him down. There was a long pause before he continued. “I'm sorry. I just didn’t like it that you kept it from me. I'm glad you wanted to talk about it, but please don’t think I won’t support you. I do kind of like Kevin, I don’t like the fact he thinks you're attractive, but I do trust you and I like that you're friends with him. I mean, it isn't his fault that he has good taste.” He laughed at his own joke, which I thought was the most adorable thing ever. “You know no one could ever pry me away from you. We’re kind of stuck together now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I'm sure he could hear my smile through the phone, just like I could hear his. “So, are we good now?” I asked, just to make sure. “Yeah. I guess you could say we’re peachy.” It took me a moment, but once I got it, my eyes involuntarily rolled before I let out a laugh. “I should break up with you for that, but I'm pretty sure that makes me want to be with you even more.”


	44. Chapter 44: Born This Way

[Chapter 44: Born This Way]

It was 8 am, my iced coffee was melting in the Georgia summer heat, but I had the biggest smile on my face. It was a big day, June 26, 2016. Two cars drove towards Atlanta, heading towards the biggest Pride festival in the state. Leah, Abby, and Nick were in the back seat, Bram was in the passenger seat beside me. Garrett, Cal, and Ethan were behind us in Garrett’s truck. There was something about Pride that made me overjoyed, especially when your whole friend group is right there with you, decked out in gay gear. 

Our group is almost completely LGBTQ+ now. Ethan, Bram, and I were gay, Leah, Abby, and Cal were bisexual, and Garrett was pansexual. Nick was the only hetero in the group, but he was probably the best ally ever. We left at 7 this morning to get a head start on the road. We knew from last year that traffic was going to back up quick and parking was going to be hard to find the later it got. We also needed to get ready. Abby had what she called a glam kit; it was full of glitter, colored hairspray, face paint, and makeup. We were all wearing matching shirts, they were plain white tank tops, but had ‘Why is straight the default?’ on the front. We found them a month ago and got them online. They were now our official pride shirts and probably the official group shirt. 

We got into Atlanta a little before 8:30, giving us time to find the festival grounds and get ready. Abby basically drenched every single one of us in glitter. I was almost certain anyone who looked at us directly was going to go blind from all the sparkling we were about to do. Leah gave everyone face paint, each person getting something different. With our LGBTQ+ flags around our shoulders like capes, we walked out of the parking garage and towards the park where the festival was being held.

By 10 am, the park was packed. The booths had just started setting up, but the area was filled with people. The parade started at 11 and lasted for almost an hour. It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen, I teared up a little. We walked around for two hours, looking at all the booths, buying a few things here and there, and just meeting other people. This was probably the only place in Georgia right now that was okay to be outwardly and obviously gay right now. These people understood what it was like, they’ve walked this path like everyone else here, and not a single person didn’t have a smile on their face. 

Around 3, we watched a few artists do a soundcheck and small performances before the show tonight. This was a major step up from the festival last year, and I was really happy. I guess a lot more people had volunteered and donated so they could throw a better festival this year. They had all kinds of performers, artists, and bands lined up to play tonight. Drag queens were walking among the festival goers, taking pictures, and talking to people. It was just super thrilling to be here, I can't think of a place I would rather be. 

“Welcome to the 2016 Atlanta Pride Parade and Festival!” The drag queen announcer welcomed us, followed by the deafening cheers of everyone around the stage. It was 6 at night now, and the performances were about to start. “This year was revolutionary. We were able to put together a festival five times bigger than last year, which is amazing!” She informed us, to which the crowd went wild over. “The performances are about to start, but I wanted to make a small speech before hand. Today, we celebrate ourselves, each other, and who we are and this path we walk. Above all, we celebrate love, which is why we’re here. We need to remember it doesn’t matter what colors you stand with, we are all human, and we are all beautiful. Today is the one-year anniversary of the Supreme Court ruling that guaranteed marriage in all 50 states, and that is even more reason to celebrate. Now, the world is still working on catching up, which can be hard. We all know how difficult it is living in Georgia, but at the end of the day, you have to remember, it doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M.” The drag queen spoke, going straight into ‘Born This Way’ by Lady Gaga. The crowd went crazy, jumping up and down to the music and screeching over the performance. 

“No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgendered life, I'm on the right track baby, I was born to survive. No matter black, white, or beige, Chola, or orient made, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born to be brave! I'm beautiful in my way ‘cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way. Don’t hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track baby I was born this way.” The crowd chanted the song, some people in full blown tears. It was really a magical experience. “Thank you all so much! Now for the rest of the performances!” She introduced the next artist.

There were a few more drag queens singing hit gay anthems like ‘I Am What I Am’, ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’, and ‘It’s Raining Men’. Artists came out and did a few songs, and overall it was just a blast.

The ride home was kind of a blur. I couldn’t stop thinking about what a great day it had been, or how much I loved Pride. Of course, I had to recount the day to my parents who were as nosey as ever. I didn’t mind though, because I knew they did it because they loved me, and pride was the best thing ever.


	45. Chapter 45: Sun Setting On Summer

[Chapter 45: Sun Setting On Summer]

The next few weeks of July came and went, which meant the only person I really saw out of my friend group was Leah, who stood behind the Starbucks counter with me taking orders. It had been pure luck that Leah and I both got hired and got set on the same schedule. It hadn't been the worst experience either. We got a discount on coffee, which was a blessing considering how much money we spend on coffee, and we got tot work together and it wasn’t completely awful.

“I can't wait to leave.” Leah groaned as she watched the clock. It was 6pm, and we had four more hours until we closed, and then another hour to clean before we could leave. “Me either. This place is killing me. I'm just glad that next week is the last one.” I sighed in response. 6 at night was typically the slow rush; people had already come in to get their coffee or pastries, it was Friday night, and the only people here were sitting at the tables with their laptops using the free Wi-Fi. We had only been here for an hour, but it seemed like the night was going to go on forever. 

Leah turned the open sign to close as the last customer left. I had gotten a head start on cleaning the barista stuff, hoping that we could leave just a bit early. Of course, Bailey was here too, but she was the kind of person who took her time. Bailey was really upbeat and happy all the time, I've never seen her mad, sad, or upset at all. It kind of freaked me out a bit, but overall she was a good person and a hell of a worker, who just so happened to go slower than a turtle. 

It was 10:45 when we all clocked out and locked the door to the shop behind us. “See you all Monday!” Bailey called over her shoulder, unlocking her car. “You know, sometimes she’s so happy it makes me want to kill her.” Leah whispered as she opened the door to my car. “I can tell. You murdered a perfectly good banana nut muffin earlier when she told you that you looked pretty today.” I recalled, especially since I was the one who had to sweep it up. 

I dropped Leah off at her house and began driving back to my own house. Leah and I carpooled just about every day. it was our way of lamenting about the corporate greed and hating having to work 35 hours a week and not having time to do anything else. It was also because Leah had refused to drive her new car. “I'm not driving it. I don’t want his car, or anything he buys me. He can't just buy me and my mom everything and worm his way in.” Leah had ranted the day Wells bought it for her. Wells and Leah’s mom had been dating for almost 8 months now, and they were getting serious, but Leah still didn’t really like him. I don’t really know what was going on, but Leah was adamant about not liking him. I guess I couldn’t really say anything because I didn’t know him, but then again, neither did Leah. 

“Hey, you.” I answered the Face Time call from Bram. “Hi.” I had gotten home and texted Bram I had gotten of work and made it home, something we usually did, and he called me as I was washing my face. “How was work.” He asked. “The usual. Leah squashed a muffin, Bailey was overly perky, Denise still hits on me even though I have repeatedly and explicitly told her that I am hella fucking gay and in a relationship. That girl is about as persistent and annoying as a mosquito.” I reiterated my day as I scrubbed my face. “Can’t you talk to HR about it?” he suggested. “I would if they would do anything about it.” I rolled my eyes. Our conversation went on for another hour before Bram needed to go to bed. I needed to sleep too, but I couldn’t. we had two weeks before I had to pack up and move, and the closer it got, the less ready I felt.


	46. Chapter 46: One Last Time

[Chapter 46: One Last Time]

July flew by a lot faster than I thought it would, and now it was August. Today was my last day here. Tomorrow morning, I wake up, mom, dad, and Nora drive me to the airport and I fly to Oakland International Airport and drive down to Berkeley. I was terrified, but it was coming and I couldn’t stop it. Moving was probably going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I was packing up everything I had, going to the complete opposite side of the country, and living there for 4 months by myself. Of course, I wouldn’t be all alone, but I wouldn’t have my family. Kevin was going to be my roommate, Bram was going to be an hour away, and I was going to be as involved on campus as I possibly could be. I guess my plan was to throw myself into college, get the full experience, and hope that it would distract me enough from missing my family. 

Leah and Abby moved to Athens tomorrow, and Nick didn’t fly to New York until Saturday, so he had an extra day. Bram was flying out to Oakland with me before he had to drive up to Stanford, so at least I wasn’t getting on a plane by myself. We all made arrangements to hang out today, since it was going to be the last possible time we were going to see each other for two months. Of course, we all planned to meet up at WaHo one last time; one last time as the Creekwood Crew. I mean, we didn’t go to Creekwood anymore, but that’s what we were known as. Lyle had given us the name one night, and it just stuck. Our larger group chat with Garrett, Cal, and Ethan was named after our group. Of course, we had the smaller group chat, WaHoes, with the five of us. Bram wasn’t originally in it, but we all know two weeks into us dating I had to add him to the inner circle. That’s exactly what it was, an inner circle of best friends. That’s not to say that Garrett, Cal, and Ethan weren’t good friends, they just weren’t super close like the rest of us. Garrett used to be in WaHoes, but Leah kicked him out after he kept sending the same meme over and over. It had been a joke at the time, but we all forgot to add him back, and he never mentioned it. 

The plan was for the Creekwood Crew to hang out for a few hours and say our goodbyes, and then the smaller group would retreat to my house where we can hang out a little longer before we all say our final goodbyes. It was going to be an emotional day, I could feel it from the time I woke up. I shouted a goodbye as I walked out the door and made my way to my car. I sighed as I dropped in the seat, completely dreading today.

I rode with Nick and Leah, Bram picked up Abby and Ethan, and Cal and Garrett came in Garrett’s pick-up truck. We crowded into our usual booth and ordered before we started talking. We tried to stay off of the topic that today was our last day together, but it was basically impossible. “So, what do you think of Denver so far?” Abby asked Garrett. Garrett was going to Colorado State in Denver on a soccer scholarship. “Denver is going to be fucking great! My uncle lives up there and we visit him like three times a year. Denver is so cool, it’ up in the mountains and you can just feel the nature. They say soccer and football players have an advantage when they live there because there isn’t as much oxygen up there, and so when they play other people there, the other team’s bodies aren't used to it and they don’t play as well, or when they go away for games, they get a lot more energy because they're getting more oxygen.” Garrett explained. He kind of surprised me sometimes, he was a lot smarter than we gave him credit for. I guess I just labeled him as a jock and dismissed the fact we’ve all been in AP classes all of high school. We talked a lot more about college, which made me a little more excited. Ethan and Cal talked about NYU and how they were so excited to go to New York. Leah and Abby talked about Georgia State and how they were excited but wished that they could go out of state like the rest of us. Nick didn’t talk much after that, and I knew it was because of Abby. It was the reason that he and Abby broke up, because he was going out of state and she didn’t want to put them through the long distance. He blamed himself for a lot of it, kept saying that he should have picked somewhere closer, but Abby kept telling him that she wasn’t going to be the reason that he held himself back. 

Eventually, Leah took the last selfie of us in Waffle House and we all said goodbye. Garrett wrapped me in the biggest bro hug ever and told me to take care of Bram. I rolled my eyes a bit but told him that I would look out for him. Cal, Ethan, and I had a little theatre talk in our goodbye since we were all perusing theatre. It didn’t really surprise me when Cal said he was going to do directing, but it did surprise me that Ethan was going into screenwriting and playwriting. Ethan was never in theatre, but he always wanted to be. He had a lot of AP classes and theatre was just too much of a time consuming extracurricular. I understood that, and I wished him the best. 

The basement at my house felt larger than it used to, or maybe I just felt like as time passed, we were shrinking. We had decided to keep it simple; movie night, popcorn, and then say our goodbyes. we all knew we couldn’t handle anything extreme. We were going to exchange letters later, but for right now, we waited in bated breath as the crown of Genovia was passed from Clarisse to Amelia, our time together coming to an end. 

“Man, New York is going to be great, but I'm going to miss you.” Nick handed me his letter before giving me one of his signature bro hugs. “You know that isn't going to work for me.” I rolled my eyes, wrapping my arms around him in a proper hug before giving him my letter. 

“Si, I'm going to miss you so much! I feel like you're already gone. I love you so, so much and I don’t know how I'm going to live without you.” Abby squeezed me, tears rolling down her face. At this point, we were all crying, but as we went on, we got a lot more emotional. We exchanged letters and hugged again. 

Bram looked at me and handed me his letter and taking mine before giving me a small kiss. We didn’t need a big goodbye because ours would be tomorrow at the airport across the country. He gave me a small kiss and rubbed my arm in encouragement, knowing that the next goodbye would be my hardest out of the group. 

“We are going to facetime every day, and I swear if we miss one day, I will hijack a plane to California just to come and kick your ass.” Leah threatened playfully, handing me my letter and hugging me. “I’ll make sure to talk to you every day. I'm gonna miss you so much.” I hugged her back, giving her the biggest squeeze. “Simon, you're soaking my shirt.” She wined, but I knew she didn’t actually mind. “Don’t act like I don’t have your Kat Von Dee Mascara running down my back. Today was a really bad day to wear a white t shirt.” I rolled my eyes, letting more tears spill over. “I love you so much. Life won’t be the same without you.” I whispered, placing a kiss on her temple. “You act like we aren't going to see each other again. But I love you too, and I'm so happy for you. I know California is going to treat you good. Just remember to come home and see me every once in a while.” She smiled, wiping away her tears. “Nothing in the world could keep me from you.” It was true. They were all my best friends, but Leah was my soulmate. She was my rock, she told me like it was in her own way, and she has never been afraid to tell me when I fucked up. Leah was my best friend in the world, end of story, and no one was ever going to be able to replace her, and I hope she knew that. 

After standing in the doorway of my house for ten minutes in a giant group hug, we broke apart. “I love you guys so much. I hate that we have to split apart.” I sniffled. “Guys, this isn't goodbye, this is ‘I'm going to college and I'll be back in two months for fall break.’” Nick broke the sad feeling with a laugh. I was going to miss that. We hugged individually one more time before Nick and Leah started walking home and Bram and Abby drive away. 

I took out my contacts and flopped on my bed before starting to open the letters. We wrote letters to each other, saying goodbye. We wanted a more solid reminder that we love each other and we have something to look at and read when we miss each other and we can't talk to each other. 

Dear Simon,  
This is Nick, Obviously. Si, you’ve been my best friend since kindergarten. I don’t remember life without you, and that sucks a lot because now I'm going to be across the country from you and not have you there with me. This is the first time I'm going to have a life without you in it, and that is the worst thing ever. I'm going to miss you, but I know were going to keep in touch. You just have another reason to come to New York. I love you, man. I hope California treats you well and that you remember how awesome I am. I'll see you soon. 

Simone,  
I've only been in Georgia for two years, but we have been best friends since the day we met. God bless alphabetical seating charts in homeroom. You are honestly the best friend I've ever had. We’ve been through a lot together and you’ve stayed by my side through all my ups and downs. You let me be myself and gave me some of the best advice I could have ever gotten. This isn't part of the goodbye, but I do want to say I'm sorry again for how I acted when Martin blackmailed you. I was hurt, but that wasn’t any reason for me to abandon you like that. I know you forgive me for that, but it was the worst thing I've ever done, and I'm really sorry. I'm really happy for you, Berkeley is so cool! I know you're going to do really well, but make sure to take some time for yourself and don’t stress too much. Make sure to call me often, and that doesn’t mean call Leah and talk to both of us. you have to specifically call me too! I love you so much, I can't wait to see you again. Ignore this big black dot, its just my mascara filled tears dripping onto the page. I'm gonna miss you so much, but I know I'll see you soon and I'm already excited to see you again. Love, Abby

Si,  
Remember in third grade when you swallowed that piece of gum and I told you that it was going to take 7 years for you to poop it out and you freaked out? I don’t really have a reason, I just wanted you to think of that right now. Third grade was the best, only because I had you in my class. You're my best friend, and you have been since day one. You know me the best out of anyone. You're the only person who can fully put up with my moody, cynical, eye-rolling, and great personality. I don’t know what I'm going to do without you. Who is going to make me brownies and watch ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ with me when I'm sad? I guess I'll have to make Abby, but know that it wont be the same and I'll wish it was you. I probably told you this earlier, but you better call me every day. If you don’t, I will hunt you down and hurt you. I feel kind of selfish that I hate the fact you're going to Berkeley. I want you to stay in Georgia, but I know you have to go. This is my hardest goodbye, because you mean the world to me. I don’t want you to go, but I know California is going to be so good for you, and I'm so excited for your acting career to take off so I can move into your giant mansion when my career flops. I love you so much, more than anyone else in the world. I can't believe I'm not going to see you for a whole 2 months. I don’t know how to function without you, but I'll make it somehow. Thank you for sticking by me for all these years and being the best friend, anyone could ask for. I wish you the best, and I can't wait until I see you again. Lots of Love, Leah.

Leah’s letter also had a memory card, which I knew had the photo reel of our waffle house selfies on it. 

p.s. Tell Bram that I'm still watching him, and if he ever hurts you, I will personally castrate him. Don’t tell him that I do really like him and I love how happy he makes you. I don’t want him to think I've gone soft. But I do honestly love him and I love the smile you get when you see him. You did good.

Jacques,

I thought I would bring back the pen name for this letter. You're going be on a five-hour plane ride with me tomorrow, so I'm not going to put a lot in here. I will, however, tell you that I love you a lot and that I'm really excited for us to be going to California together. I know we’ll be at different universities, but we’ll only be an hour apart and we’ll see each other pretty often. I hope our roommates don’t mind us staying over on the weekends. If they do, they’ll have to get over it. You mean the world to me and nothing is ever going to change that. I'll see you in the morning. Love, Blue.

I read over each letter three times, trying to keep my tears from soaking the pages. It was really hard to say goodbye to them, the friends had been with me for so long and supported me through everything. I was going to crash and burn without them, I could feel it. I don’t know how to function without them, but hopefully I'll see them more than we anticipate. I folded the letters and put them back in their respective envelopes before stowing them in one of my bags. I checked and made sure I had all of my stuff packed before curling up in bed. today was going to be just as big of an emotional roller coaster, and I was going to need as much energy as possible. Saying goodbye to my family is going to be just as hard, if not harder.


	47. Chapter 47: Way Too Bad At Goodbyes

[Chapter 47: Way Too Bad At Goodbyes]

7 am came really early, and I've never dreaded or been more excited for an alarm in my life. I slid my finger across the screen of my phone to turn off the alarm, trying to get my thoughts together. I knew I had to get up and get ready, but I didn’t want to. At this point, I was more dreading moving than I was excited to move. I knew Berkeley was great and I was so excited to live there, but at what cost? leaving my friends, family, and everything I've ever known behind? Leaving the only place I've ever called home to go off somewhere I've only been once and completely unsure of my surroundings? Leaving my entire life I've built here in the dust behind and starting over in a completely new place? It made no sense and perfect sense at the same time. I knew I was going, I had to go. I knew everything was going to be fine and this didn’t mean I was leaving for good. I would be back in two months, and I had been dying to live on my own anyway. I ran my hands through my hair to clear my thoughts before forcing myself out of bed. 

After a shower, I finished up the last-minute packing before carrying my last bag downstairs. To be quite honest, I didn’t have that much for moving my entire life. I had a back pack with my laptop, all my school supplies, and electronics. I have a large suitcase filled with my toiletries and clothes, mom told me not to take too much because I'd only be gone for two months and I didn’t have too much space, plus I'd probably buy a lot of Berkeley gear anyway. That was it, this what everything I was taking. Since I lived on the other side of the country, I was going to have to buy a lot stuff for the dorm once I got there. Kevin and I already discussed that we would half the costs and go out later today once I got settled in and decided what we needed to get. Of course, my mom already wrote out a list of stuff we would need, like cleansers, laundry detergent, kitchen sponges, cooking ware, and all of that kind of stuff. It was honestly really helpful because I never would have thought to get a lot of it. 

“Looks like you're all ready to go.” Mom spoke up from the kitchen table where she was holding a fresh mug of coffee. I could tell she had been up for a while, she might not have even slept last night. I could see it in her eyes that she was almost heartbroken that I was leaving. “My baby boy…” she began, and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. Of course, the water works would begin twenty minutes after I got up. “It seems like just yesterday, your father and I carried you through that door in a baby blanket for the first time. Now, look at you. All grown up, driving around, signing checks, and shaving.” A single tear fell onto the table, and I swear I could hear it drop. She dropped her head and gazed into the coffee cup, trying to find words to say or answers to questions she hadn't asked. “Today you move off to college, which is exciting, but it’s also terrifying for a mother. I worry too much now, just think about how much I'll worry once you're gone. I'll be sitting here, staring at the seat you used to sit in at dinner, wondering if you've ate yet today, if you're studying like you should, making good decision, wondering if I taught you everything you needed to know before you go out and take on the world.” She wiped a stream of tears from her face as I sat down next to her at the table. “Mom, I promise you I'll be fine. You’ve given me everything I've ever needed and more, you’ve taught me everything. I'm ready now. You’ve done your job, you prepared me for the world, you’ve gotten me this far, and now I'm going to keep going. Everything I have, everything I am, its all because of you and dad. I give you all a hard time, but you did a great job raising me, all three of us. I've never been more ready than I am right now. This isn't me going away forever, I'll be back in two months, and I'll be the same boy you see right in front of you. To be honest, I'm terrified to; to just pack up my whole life in three bags and move across the country to a place I don’t know, leaving all my friends and family and everything I know behind. It’s scary, but you made me ready for this. I know that I'm not really alone. I know when I need some advice, I can always call. I know when I need help, you're just a click away. I know when I miss you, I can always come home. This will always be home for me, and I'll always come back.” We were both full on ugly crying at this point, but I don’t think either of us cared. Saying goodbye is hard, especially when you have a family like mine.

We calmed down and wiped our eyes and began eating breakfast. Dad came down at the smell of bacon, and he had the same look in his eyes. I knew he wasn’t going to give me a speech like mom, but I could see everything he wanted to say. It was written all over his face. He constantly glanced up after every bite just to make sure I was there. His weak smile and teary eyes looked at me every few seconds, the same exact way he looked at Alice two years ago, and the same way he’s going to look at Nora in two more years. I pulled him aside after breakfast and just gave him a big hug. I didn’t want to have a long conversation, we didn’t need to. “I'm really going to miss you, Si.” He whispered into my shoulder, finally letting the tears out. “I'm gonna miss you too, dad.” I hugged him harder. He pulled back and wiped his face. “It’s gonna be okay. I'll be okay. I promise.” I reassured him, starting to believe it myself. 

Half an hour later, dad shut the trunk of the car with all of my stuff in it before crossing to the driver’s side door. Nora and I sat in the back, mom glancing at us in the mirrors every single turn we took the whole way. Dad couldn’t decide if he was going to go ten over the limit or do a solid 30 in a 55 for ten miles outside of Savannah. We parked in the airport parking garage, but no one moved. We sat in the car, in silence, for what seemed like hours; just looking at each other, not knowing what to say. Eventually, the time came that I had to go, and we all piled out to go inside. 

We checked my bags in and we watched them be scooted away on a conveyer belt. Of course, there was a whole ten-minute conversation to clear up that I had bought an extra bag package because I was moving, and they had to put special tags on my luggage. This is why we usually let dad handle the traveling affairs. I sat with my family until Bram arrived, somehow late to something finally. “Sorry, mom had to pull over on the way over. She started crying getting onto the interstate.” He whispered to me as he hugged me. He checked in his bags, which were twice as many as mine. He had a bigger dorm room and also a whole bag dedicated to purely his favorite books. 

We sat in the lobby for half an hour before the ticket number was called and we had to start going through security. We all took one long look at each other before standing. “Simon, be careful, I love you.” Mom hugged me like she wasn’t ever going to let go, but she did. “I will, I promise.” I nodded, moving to dad, who almost crushed me in a bear hug. “Call as soon as you land, I love you.” He wiped another tear away. “I will. Trust me, you'll hear from me every day.” I smiled. next was Nora, who had been ominously quiet all day. “Alright, now its time for me to pass on my wisdom. Junior year is hard, but you're going to have fun. Do well on your ACT, it actually matters even though it shouldn’t. Also, don’t date. Dating is stupid.” I hugged her as Bram cleared his throat. “Unless you happen to find the best man ever, which is unlikely. Also, I just hate the idea of you dating.” She shook her head. “I'm still with Cal.” She corrected, making me groan. “Well, in that case, if he ever hurts you, text me and I will ditch class to catch a plane to NY and personally kick his ass.” I hugged her again. “Also, go easy on mom and dad. You’re the last one and all of their attention is going to be on you now, so good luck with that. also, have fun on the car ride home. I would suggest playing really loud music and maybe even napping.” She rolled her eyes once more but gave me another hug. “I really am gonna miss you, Si.” She had her arms around my neck, and it wasn’t until now that I realized that I was talking to a 16-year-old girl who was almost as tall as me, not the eight-year-old little sister I always see her as. “I'm gonna miss you too. I'll be home soon though. I'm going to college, not war.” I chuckled. We had a giant family hug before I picked up my carry on and waved as Bram and I walked towards security.

I glanced back as I took my shoes off going through airport security to see them watching me. I waved as Bram squeezed my hand going up the escalator, my last time seeing my family cut off by the next floor. ‘I miss you all already.’ I texted the family group chat as soon as I was able to step aside. 

The air in California felt different this time. It was a little cooler, but definitely more terrifying. Bram’s hand hadn't left mine since the escalator, and he knew better than to try and take it back. I don’t think he minded though. It was okay here, we could hold hands without weird stares or scoffs from passersby. We walked to the luggage pick up carousel, waiting for our bags. It wasn’t until we were waiting on our taxis that I realized that this was it. Bram was about to go south, and I was about to go north and we wouldn’t see each other for a week. He seemed to feel that I was beginning to panic and wrapped me in a hug. “Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine.” He placed a kiss in my hair. 

“I'm gonna miss you.” I looked up at him as we walked outside to wait. “I'm gonna miss you too, but I know I'll see in a week, and we’ve waited longer.” He smiled. “You know this is killing me inside, right?” I walked a little closer. “Yeah, I know. You aren't good with goodbyes. I guess I'm just used to them.” He looked off, trying to watch some of the planes around the airport. “What do you mean?” I asked, trying to regain his attention. “I moved around a lot when I was younger. My mom got her degree when we lived in Athens, then my dad got a job offer and we moved to Savannah for a few years. I transferred schools three times in four years because of racists, and then mom and dad divorced. Mom and I moved back to Athens for a year before she got a job in Atlanta and we moved to Shady Creek freshman year. Every single time I had to say goodbye to a bunch of people. I guess that’s why I don’t try to make a lot of friends anymore, or really let people in. I don’t like getting attached to people when I know I have to leave eventually. I got really good at walking away.” He explained, and I couldn’t believe he hadn't told me this before. “Bram, I'm sorry. You’ve never said anything about it.” I rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb and leaned into him. “I don’t talk about it much. My therapist told me its something I need to work on.” he chuckled. “Really, mine just told me I need to sleep more.” I joked, enticing another laugh out of him. “But seriously, I hate saying goodbye. I know we’ll see each other in like a week, and we’ll still talk every day, but I just hate leaving people.” I sighed. “I do too, Simon, especially you. That’s why we aren't saying goodbye, we’re saying ‘I'll see you in a week.’” He placed a soft kiss to my temple. 

We sat on the benches outside until his taxi came, and once it was all loaded up, he gave me another big hug. “I will talk to you tonight once everything is unpacked. I'll text you all day when I can, and I will see you next week.” He smiled, kissing my cheek. “I love you.” I managed to get out. I felt like it was the last time I was going to be able to tell him. “I love you too.” He leaned down and gave me a deep kiss before slowly walking back to the cab that was waiting for him, people awing at us, which I wasn’t used to. He looked at me over his shoulder and waved before climbing in and telling the driver where to go. He waved at me until he was out of sight, and then I was alone again. A moment later, my phone buzzed. ‘I miss you already.’ I smiled at the text. 

I called my parents while I waited on my uber. They were a bit upset I didn’t call them the second I stepped foot on the ground again, but they knew I had to do stuff when I got here. Eventually my uber pulled up and I had to end the call, and they wished me luck. I slid my bags into the back seat before getting in myself. I told him to take me to this car place where dad had my car shipped over so I could have my car while I was here. I thanked the driver and got all of my stuff before going to claim my car.   
Half an hour later, I pulled up on campus, older students directing me towards my move in area and the parking lot I was supposed to park in. Kevin met me in the parking lot and it was really relieving to see him. He welcomed me with a big hug and grabbed one of my bags. We chatted while I unpacked and sorted all my stuff and texted back and forth with my friends and family to tell them I had moved in. 

The apartment was really nice, and once I had everything organized, I walked back outside and pulled out my phone, pressing record on the camera. “Okay, so this is the personal video tour of my on-campus apartment. So we walk in here at apartment-dorm D8, which means wing D, room 8.” I filmed walking in a shutting the door. “We walk into the kitchen, the stove os right her by the door, then some counter, the sink, another counter, then the fridge. We have some cabinets. Then over here on the other side, we have this table and chairs, a couch.” I filmed the opening area. “Then in here, we have the bedrooms, here’s my bed, there’s my desk over there” I walked into Kevin’s bedroom. “There’s Kevin’s bed and desk, also there’s Kevin, say ‘hi,’ Kevin.” Kevin waved at me before I continued. “Back here are the closets, then to the left here behind the kitchen is the bathroom. The sink is right here on the right, then the shower, and the toilet has its own room for some reason. It’s cool though.” I walked back out and into the bedroom. “And that’s about it. It isn't too big, but it'll do.” I ended the video, sending it to my friends and family. 

Kevin and I took his car to go get groceries and anything else we needed to get for the dorm. He drives a big SUV, so his car was much bigger than mine, and we needed the space. After three hours and twelve stores, we got everything we thought to get. We got back and put everything away. I started hanging up things on my wall; posters of bands, cork boards filled with pictures of everyone, a dry erase calendar and reminder board. It all started to fall into place, but it made me miss home. I finished setting up everything before facetiming my mom. She picked up and asked me a million questions about my day and what campus was like. Of course, my whole family had gotten on at some point. Nora promised to set it up on the TV for the next time I called so everyone could see. My next call was to Leah, who had just finished moving into her room with Abby. They were rooming with two other girls, but it was a four-bedroom dorm, so it wasn’t too bad. Next was Nick, who was frantically last-minute packing as usual. He asked about Kevin and what he was like, and I promised that he would meet him soon.

Finally, Bram texted me just after 9 saying he was finished unpacking. I clicked on his contact and selected facetime, waiting for him to answer. “Hi!” he answered enthusiastically. “Hey, you.” We launched into a discussion about everything that had happened since he left at the airport. He went and picked up his car from the same place I did before going down to Stanford and moving in. he took his time unpacking and sorting. “So, three hours after he was supposed to be here, my RA comes to my door and she told me that he dropped yesterday so he wouldn’t be moving in. She told me that it’s possible that I get another roommate this semester, but since I don’t live in freshman dorms, it’s unlikely. I'm basically living by myself now.” He explained. “Well, we don’t have to worry about your roommate bitching about me being over all the time. Also, Kevin said he was cool with you coming over whenever and that he was excited to see you again.” I informed him. We talked for another two hours before I had to go. “I hate to have to go, but I have orientation at 9 am.” I said, glancing at the clock on my desk that read 11 pm. “Yeah, me too. I'll talk to you tomorrow.” He smiled. “I love you.” I blew him a kiss. “I love you too.” He blew one back before hanging up. I plugged my phone up and laid it under my pillow before getting ready for bed. “God, the next two days are going to kill me.” I sighed, slipping under the covers of my new bed, in my new dorm, at my new school, in a new city, starting my new life. For once, I smiled at the idea. I wasn’t starting over, I was just moving forward. I'm still really bad at goodbyes. I fell asleep thinking about home, my friends, and my family. College was going to be great, I could feel it.


	48. Chapter 48: Orientation

[Chapter 48: Orientation]

“Simon, we have to be at orientation in an hour.” Kevin knocked on my door. “Shit!” I bolted up in bed, rushing to get ready. I had completely forgotten to set an alarm. It took me twenty minutes to get dressed, brush my teeth, brush my hair, and all the other morning stuff. “I didn’t mean to wake you up, I just didn’t know if you had overslept or not.” Kevin apologized. “No, it’s fine. I forgot to set an alarm. You just saved my ass. I would have missed orientation.” Orientation is this all-day event where we get another tour of campus and we go over basically everything we need to know. We have a bunch of seminars about freshman year, campus life, there's presentations about drinking, doing drugs, and sex. Of course, we also learn about groups and clubs on campus, we meet the student government and all of that. It all ended in a bonfire tonight in the very back parking lot. 

It was 9 am and we got to the main square of campus just in time. It was this giant space between a bunch of buildings on campus, mainly the main dining hall and the library. There was a giant group of people, some still very groggy from just waking up. A few minutes later, a woman got on the stage set up in front of the University building, welcoming us to orientation. After a good five-minute speech and run down of what we were going to be doing today, she told us that we needed to sign in at these tables and get sorted into our groups.   
The way it worked, to my understanding, is that we were being split up based on our majors into groups of about twenty. Each group had two orientation leaders that was going to be with us all day. They handed us cinch sacks that had a bunch of stuff in it. There was a folder that had all of the orientation information in it, a map of campus, as well as campus resources information. There was a Berkeley water bottle, a beanie, and a lanyard. College was known to give out a bunch of free stuff, but this was great. Our orientation leaders marched us across campus, giving us a brief tour to refresh our memory of the layout of campus. Later we would have to find the building and rooms that our classes were in to make sure we knew where we were going Monday. 

Three hours later, we break for lunch. Kevin and I sit with six other people in our group who seemed pretty cool. There was Helena, Richard, Cynthia, Stacie, Olivia, and   
Carlos.  
Helena was a headstrong woman who was not afraid to speak her mind who was of Spanish, Cuban, Italian, and Native American decent. She had little to no filter and was a ‘tell you how it is’ kind of person. She was also compassionate and sympathetic. She was working on a business degree so she could open her own restaurant.   
Richard was tall, dark, and ambitious. He was of Spanish, Japanese, Korean, and American heritage and was doing his best to be successful for his family. He was perusing a business degree with his eyes on the CEO chair of a fortune 500 company.  
Cynthia was the sassiest black woman I had ever met, and she was hilarious. She was going into the bio engineering major, so she could be a bio engineer and save lives. She was as sharp as a tack, had a silver tongue, and a wit to match.   
Stacie was a white girl from Texas who was in the pre-vet program. She wanted to get certified to be a wildlife rehabilitator. Her family owned a large ranch in Texas, and they told her if she could make it through school, it was hers. She wasn’t the sensitive type, but she definitely let you know if you pissed her off.   
A dark-skinned athlete from South Caroline, Olivia was set to get on the American Soccer team. She was an athletic major here on a soccer scholarship. She had been playing soccer since she was six years old, and she wanted to make a career out of it.   
Carlos was quiet, but that was only until he found something to talk about. He was an athletic training major. He told us the story of how his mother gave up everything in Mexico to bring him and his sister to America to give them a better life. Unfortunately, his father and sister didn’t make it, and he was determined to not let his mother’s sacrifice go to waste and to be as successful as he could be. 

Over all, we were a very diverse group of people who shared a lot of interests, one of them being Harry Potter. Every single of us were compete geeks, nerds, and bookworms; which are all different things but very closely related. 

The rest of the day flew by, our small group became smaller as society took over and divided us further into cliques, although there was only 20 of us. I guess it was just the natural order of things, you surround yourself with likeminded people and don’t socialize with many people outside of that group. The rest of the orientation was spent trying to learn as much as we could about Berkeley while also making small side comments to our new friends. 

The back parking lot behind the school was bare of any cars, but it was packed with people. There were thousands of students out here, and it was guaranteed that there were a few hundred that weren’t part of the orientation. There were all kinds of stuff set up, booths, games, tables of clubs and stuff. It was really loud, but the eight of us wiggled through the crowd trying to look at everything. There was a lot to take in and look at, but with so many people it was hard to get around, let alone look at all the stuff. We saw a few kids playing a very intense game of ‘duck, duck, goose’ next to the ping pong table, which also ad an equally intense game going on. 

We eventually found the main centerpiece of the party, the bonfire. It was pretty big for a medium sized pile of wood in the center of a parking lot, which had been roped off and monitored by the orientation leaders to keep students from doing something stupid with the fire. Two kids had already been made to leave after they kept throwing things in the fire. It was just one of those college things. The more we walked around, the more comfortable I got with everything and we started to actually enjoy ourselves. We found a mosh pit of people dancing, and Cynthia basically dragged all of us towards it. Somehow, we ended up in the middle of the dancing hoard by the time ‘Cha Cha Slide’ came on, and let me tell you, nobody goes as hard on the ‘Cha Cha Slide’ as college students. 

It was after one am before Kevin and I walked into our dorm. I could still hear the party raging on from my bedroom, but it was muffled enough for me to ignore it. Leah texted me and told me she was still up, so I called her. We traded stories about orientation and our new friend groups. Leah had made a few new friends as well, but she missed our original group still. I told her I did too, and that I missed her a lot. Eventually, she had to go because she had to get stuff for her dorm tomorrow, and she hung up. Orientation was only one day for the both of us, and I was trying to figure out what I would do tomorrow. It was the day before classes, so I couldn’t do anything too crazy. It would honestly probably end up with our new group getting together and hanging out. Who knows? I'm pretty good at getting myself into weird situations. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow is going to be like when it gets here.


	49. Chapter 49: The Night Before

[Chapter 49: The Night Before]

I woke up at 9 am and decided to go ahead and get ready for the day. Did that include scrolling through social media for half an hour before I got out of bed? Of course it did. I didn’t have any plans for the day, so it didn’t really matter. It was the day before classes started, so I knew I couldn’t do anything super crazy. Walking around campus would probably be a good start, it would be nice to learn my surroundings before getting hopelessly lost tomorrow. I did know where all of my classes were thanks to the orientation from yesterday, so I didn’t think I would get too lost. 

I pulled on a light hoodie and headed out by noon. It was lunchtime, so I guess the best thing to do was to go to the dining hall and grab some lunch. The walk was peaceful, despite the giant groups of students all over campus. Today was move in day for the upper classmen. They had done this before, so they didn’t need as much time. The campus was pretty big, so even the walk to the main dining hall wasn’t too crowded. 

The hardest thing so far was deciding where to eat. There were about 15 options in the food court, and for someone who is completely indecisive, it was hard to choose. The food court had just about every major restaurant. In-N-Out was unfortunately not on campus, which was truly disappointing. I settled on Subway, partially because it was closest, partially because they had a sale on cookies. I texted Bram as I sat down in an empty booth, replying to the text he had sent me while I was in line. His orientation was two days, yesterday and today, so he was still doing stuff on his campus. I wish he wasn’t busy, I would have drove down to see him. I guess I should get used to it, it isn't like were going to have a bunch of free time to see each other starting tomorrow anyway. This is our new reality, I'll have to adapt. 

Helena and Richard happened to notice me while walking by and slid into the booth across from me. “What’s up, Si?” Helena asked, already comfortable enough to use a nickname. It was kind of weird how quickly I made friends, especially when I wasn’t really trying and wasn’t expecting to. “Nothing much, I thought I'd walk around campus for a bit, but I got hungry, so I stopped here first.” I took another bite of my sandwich. “Are you going to Cynthia’s tonight?” she asked, taking a sip of her drink. “I might, at least for a while maybe. I don’t want to stay out too late.” I unlocked my phone and replied to Bram once more. “Who is that?” she pointed to my screen as I typed away. “Bram, my boyfriend. He's starting at Stanford tomorrow and he’s telling me how boring his orientation is right now.” I locked my screen again. I had gotten pretty good at texting and talking at the same time, and it was kind of convenient. “Oh, that’s nice.” She smiled, but I could tell I threw her off a bit. “Oh yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to just throw that out there.” I apologized. “No, no, that’s great! I just didn’t have you pegged as gay. I mean, your background is of you and that group of people and you have your arm around that girl, so I just assumed you were with her.” She explained, mentioning my home screen. It was Nick, Abby, Leah, and I in that order during junior year after the play before we went to the carnival. Cal just happened to walk by and took the picture for us, Nick with his arm around Abby and my arm around Leah. “Oh, yeah, that’s my best friends, Nick, Abby, and Leah. Leah is my best friend in the whole world, and when Abby and Nick started dating, we kind of balanced it out until I got a boyfriend. This was actually taken the night I met my boyfriend.” I explained, pointing at the picture as I went. “Oh, okay. I just wanted to clear the air and all, I just thought you were really straight and when you said boyfriend it threw me off a bit. But seriously, I'm happy for you.” She smiled again, genuinely. “Yeah, man, congrats. When do we meet him?” Richard joined, finally done with his meal. “Possibly this weekend? We haven't really worked out when he comes to see me or when I go to see him, but we planned to see each other this weekend. Maybe if he comes up we can all hang out.” I suggested, thinking out loud for the most of it. “That would be great. I know we just met yesterday, but I can already tell were going to be really good friends.” Helena grabbed my hand with a squeeze, making me smile. “Me too.” 

After lunch, Helena and Richard went off to do their own thing while I went in and out of buildings across campus. I knew the outside of campus pretty well so far, and I wanted to see what was inside all these buildings I was walking by. So, I went in a bunch of them and walked around. Most of them were classroom based, but some had some interesting features. The science building had a giant pendulum, which was really cool. The arts building, referred to as SOTA (School Of The Arts) was filled with paintings, sculptures, and all kinds of art stuff. It was probably my second favorite building after the library, which was probably a good thing because those are the two buildings I'll end up spending most of my time in.

Around four, I headed back to my dorm to get ready for Cynthia’s get together thing. She said party, but it isn't going to be a Party party, just the eight of us hanging out, dancing to whatever comes across her Spotify, and eating as much pizza as we can. It was a celebratory thing, we had made it to college, we made some really cool friends, and it was just a really good way to start off the school year with some good memories. 

Cynthia lived about three buildings over from mine, so it was a short three-minute walk. She met us by the door to lead us back to his room. She was in the big suites; full kitchen, two big bedrooms, lots of space. She had already rearranged the huge living room space so that the furniture was facing each other, and the space was open to dance and walk through. Stacie was her roommate, so it wasn’t like there was another person there we didn’t know, and it just further cemented the fact that this would probably be where we would hang out together a majority of the time. 

Cynthia brought out this huge Bluetooth speaker and connected it to her phone and shuffled her playlist before dancing across the kitchen. “The pizzas should be here soon.” Stacie announced, joining Cynthia and Carlos dancing all over the room. Helena and Richard showed up next, and instantly, the party started. “Bitch, this is my jam! Turn it uppppp!” Helena started dancing as soon as she came in, pulling Richard with her. “Le, everything is your jam.” Richard laughed as they spun around, almost knocking Carlos onto the couch. 

The music was turned down once the pizza arrived, and we sat on the couch and chairs. “So, I'm thinking I want to take psychology next semester.” Cynthia takes a bite of her pizza. “I'm taking intro to psychology this semester, I'll let you know how it goes.” I promised, getting up to get another slice. “I’m honestly just mad I couldn’t squeeze in a dance class this semester.” Richard added, sounding disappointed. “You don’t need a dance class. You literally came to my family reunion and stole the show.” Helena smacked his arm. “That was two years ago! Plus, I live for dance!” he objected. “I swear, you're both living latin stereotypes.” Carlos shook his head. “You're one to talk, Mr. I just danced my ass off to every Spanish song that has played over the last half hour.” Helena playfully glared at him. “First of all, I never said I wasn’t. Secondly, I'm Hispanic, so I would know, and I'm allowed to say that. Lastly, fuck you.” Carlos took his final bite of pizza before throwing his plate away. If this is how our group was, it was going to be a wild semester, and I was kind of excited. 

We danced, we did karaoke for a bit, and we somehow ended up playing ‘duck, duck, goose’, which I guess is a college kid thing. It was after midnight when I said my farewells and headed back to my dorm. My first class was at 10:10, which meant I had to be up at 9 to get ready. That also gave me an hour to talk to Bram and Leah

Leah had been in bed before I even got home, so I texted her and told her I would talk to her tomorrow after class. I FaceTimed Bram for an hour, but he had a 9am, so he had to go to bed. I made sure I had everything ready for tomorrow; my laptop was ready to go, I had pens and highlighters of various colors, and my binder had all my classes labeled. Everything was neat and organized, ready to take on my first day of college. I got myself ready for bed, but I couldn’t feel myself falling asleep anytime soon. I couldn’t stop thinking about how tomorrow was going to go. I went over my schedule a thousand times, mentally walked myself to each class, tried to remember my professors’ names and what to call them. Then I started thinking about what I was going to wear, what I was going to eat for breakfast and then for lunch. I debated on taking a snack with me just in case I got hungry in class. Somewhere in the madness, sleep took over and my worrying subsided.


	50. Chapter 50: College

[Chapter 50: College]

Waking up at 9 am sucked, but it was a lot better than waking up at 6 for high school. I didn’t think I would actually need an hour to get ready, but I wanted to make sure. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, no longer having Nora having breakfast ready by the time I get up anymore. It was something I hadn't thought of, but I missed a lot. I finished my breakfast and finished getting ready for the day. I still had half an hour to kill before I needed to leave for class, so I decided to call Leah in the meantime. I knew she didn’t have class until 10:10 as well, so unless she had overslept or something, she would be up and getting ready too. “Hey, Si!” Abby’s face filled the screen before backing up to fix her hair in the mirror. “Hey Abby! What’s up?” I asked, laying back on my bed. “Just doing my hair. I don’t have class until after 11, but I didn’t want to rush getting ready. Leah was changing and handed me her phone.” She brushed the bump out of her hair and into the bow she had been trying to put it in. “Yeah, Leah gets ready super fast, I figured she would be done already.” I replied, watching her apply some last minute touches to her makeup. “Hey, Simon!” Leah calls, picking up her phone. “Leah! How is the first day so far?” I asked, my face lit up. She looked really happy too, I guess college really is exciting. “It’s alright. I just got up half an hour ago, I'm about to head out to get an iced coffee before class. Gotta keep up the tradition.” She cheered. It wasn’t like Leah to be this happy, at least not showcasing it like this. “Man, college has changed you. You're so peppy now.” I rolled my eyes. “Simon Irvin Spier, you better take that back and never call me peppy again or I will sneak into your house at night and cut holes in all of your socks and your hoodies.” She threatened. “There’s the Leah I know and love.” I smiled. “I don’t know, I'm just really excited for classes. It’s a whole new world, and I guess I did a lot of growing over the summer.” She pondered out loud. I guess we all kind of grew up. We all had jobs over the summer and we were looking for jobs over the semester. I guess we matured during the process, and we stopped being so cynical. 

Leah and Abby headed out to get a coffee, and I figured I would do the same. There was a small café on the first floor of the building my first class was in, and it was decent coffee. I took a sip waiting for the elevator. My class was on the third floor, which basically means I was screwed if the building ever caught on fire. The thing about college classes were that they were set up slightly differently. There were Monday, Wednesday, and Friday classes, and Tuesday and Thursday classes. All classes started at 8 am, but some lasted longer than others depending on the day. MWF classes were only 50 minutes because they meet three times a week. TR classes were an hour and fifteen minutes long since they only met twice a week. All classes were 15 minutes apart, which skewed when classes started. 

At 10:10 on the dot, a man walked into the room, I was assuming he was the professor. “Greetings class, My name is Dr, Reynolds, I'll be you’re history 100 professor.” He wrote his name on the board. “First things first, I'll tell you a few things about your college experience while I pass out you syllabi.” He pulled out a large bundle of packets from his messenger bag and began passing them out. “While you can call me professor or doctor, please note that not all of your professors may be doctors, so please try to address your instructors properly. I don’t have a preference, but some other professors may. The safest bet is to refer to them as professors, but if you are certain they have a PhD or a doctorate, then you could also call them doctor.” He explained rather erratically as he handed each person their syllabi individually. “In this class, we will be discussing major events in the recorded history from the fall of Rome to the end of World War 2. We will have four exams, every four weeks. Our final will not be cumulative, and for all of you freshman, that means that it isn't over everything we’ve learned the whole year, it’s just a regular test.” He explained, a few students I'm assuming were older sighed in the background. “Today, we’ll go over the syllabus together, make any clarifications needed, I'll answer any questions, and then we’ll go on our different ways until Wednesday.” He cued up the syllabus PowerPoint and began going over it. 

Half an hour later, my cup of coffee was empty and class was dismissed. I grabbed my bag from the floor in front of me and headed downstairs for my next class. English 200 was on the second floor, almost directly below history. I was in 200 because I had taken AP English junior year, which meant I basically took 100 in high school and didn’t need to take it again, so I took the next class. My professor came in, set up her laptop, and went through almost the same exact speech my last class did. 

After another syllabus readthrough and a few regrets I hadn't gotten another cup of coffee later, class was dismissed, and I was grateful that I had a break in between classes before my theatre class. Of course, it was theatre 100, so it was the most basic theatre class ever, so I knew it wasn’t going to be super hard. It was kind of a bummer I had to take it despite four years of being on stage, but it is what it is, and there's always something new to learn when it comes to theatre. I had an hour and forty minutes before theatre started, so I went to the food court to get some lunch. 

“Alright, let’s get started.” My theatre professor began. “My name is Professor Styne, you can just call me Jen. I've taught theatre here for 10 years, so this isn't my first time around the block. I know some of you are in here just for the gen ed, but we do have quite a few theatre majors. Today, we’ll talk about the syllabus briefly, I'm sure you’ve had your fair share of syllabi read throughs for the day, so we’ll keep our short and sweet. After the syllabus, we’ll circle up and introduce ourselves and get to know each other a bit before we leave. Sound good?” She was kind of great, and slightly intimidating. She was really young, she didn’t look like she should have been able to teach for 10 years. She handed out our syllabi and quickly read through the class specifics before answering a few questions. “No, you cannot miss more than two classes in a semester in this class, unless it’s excused. Usually you will need a doctor note or some proof of why you're missing class but I'm pretty lenient on absences as long as your work is good and you're still keeping up. If you wake up and you're not feeling well, just send me an email and let me know and I'll excuse you. This will only work a few times, so don’t do it too often.” She answered a question before moving to the next one. “We do not have a formal final. Our final in this class is your end of the year performance. By the end of the year, you will write your own monologue and perform it for the class. The final comes from the monologue itself and also the performance.” She explained. 

I dropped my bag by my desk and jumped on the bed. I picked up my phone and clicked on mom’s contact icon before holding it up to my ear. “Hey, Si! How was your first day of college?” she asked, small clattery noise in the background. I could tell I was on speaker and that she was in the kitchen. “It was good, nothing major. We just went over the class rules and what we’ll be learning and stuff. Nothing is really starting until next week.” I put her on speakerphone as well so I could grab my laptop from my backpack. “That’s nice, sweetie. I'm glad the first day wasn’t too stressful. Its been kind of quiet without you here.” She mentioned offhandedly. “How is that, I barely came out of my room the whole time I was in high school?” I scoffed, knowing it had to be just her missing me. “Well, now that its just the three of us and Bieber, conversations aren't as long. We haven't been able to watch the new season of ‘The Bachelor’ yet until we can figure out when you and Alice are free, so we don’t have a lot to talk about.” She continued doing whatever it was she was doing, I'm guessing making dinner. “And now that Nora can drive, she’s out most of the time. She did make it into the state cook off this year, so we’ll be going to that this weekend.” She informed me, and I told her to tell Nora congratulations for me. 

We talked for a while more, I told her about my new group of friends and how orientation went. It had slipped my mind to call home and tell them what had been going on. “Hold on Si, your dad just walked in. Jack, Si is on the phone.” She called for him, and I could hear his heavy footsteps walking into the kitchen. “Hey, Si! What’s going on?” he sounded really enthusiastic, like he was really happy to hear from me. I told him everything I told mom, and they both kept telling me how much they missed me. Half an hour later, mom had finished dinner and I let them go so I could make my own. 

The bets thing about being in college is that I get to decide what I have for dinner, the worst part is that I don’t have Nora, so I have to make it myself, and my cooking skills aren't that good. Grilled cheese sounded easy enough, but then again, it sound easy when Bram and I almost burned down his dad’s house; although, that was more his fault than mine. I FaceTimed Nick while I ate and we caught up on everything that had happened this weekend. He was loving New York, and I was kind of jealous. He told me he kind of hated his roommate, but he was going to try and make it work before he tried to switch rooms. Nick had a night class, so he had to go an hour into the call. It was almost perfect timing, because Bram’s caller ID popped up as soon as Nick said goodbye. 

I told Bram all about my friends wanting to meet him and he agreed that he would come up this weekend and meet them, as well as spend time with me. We planned the weekend out and talked about classes. Bram was itching to start school work, and I was kind of worried for him. What is it going to be like once he gets his doctorate and there is no more school work he could do? If we ever have kids, he’s probably going to do it himself just to satisfy his fix. He mentioned that he got the official notice from his RA today that he wasn’t getting a new roommate, which we were both overjoyed about. “So I guess that means we can take turns staying with each other.” I beamed, knowing that its what we were going to do anyway. 

After Bram left to go to the gym, I pulled up the university website. I wanted to try to get a job on campus. I wanted to make a little money, plus student jobs on campus are usually less demanding and pay a little more than the usual rate. I signed up for a few within half an hour, but I kept searching for a while longer. Eventually, the sun went down and it was getting late. I closed my laptop and put it on the desk before I began getting ready for bed. As I settled in under the covers, Abby’s face pops up on my phone. I answer immediately and the three of us traded stories about our days and what we thought of our classes. Abby was really enthusiastic about her contemporary dance class she started today. Leah gushed for half an hour about this kid in her art class that used to huff paint and now he can't stop, but he paints really pretty flowers. Leah eventually left to go get food and Abby began dozing off, so I said my goodbyes and headed to bed myself. 

College wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, it was actually kind of chill. Of course, I expected it to pick up really quickly, but I don’t think there was anything I couldn’t handle. I fell asleep feeling a little calmer about college as a whole. I had made new friends, I had a great roommate, and so far, my classes seemed to be manageable. I just hoped they stayed that way.


	51. Chapter 51: The Visit

[Chapter 51: The Visit]

“Alright, that will do it for this class. Remember to read the chapter in the book before next class. I’ll see you all Monday!” Professor Styne dismissed us. I grabbed my bag and shuffled out the door with everyone else, saying a quick goodbye to some of my classmates. It was finally Friday, and my last class just let out, and that means that Bram had been out of class for an hour, which also meant he was almost here. 

I walked outside the building and gave him a quick call to see where he was. I knew I needed to meet him near the top of the hill so I could show him where to park and where my dorm was. “The GPS says I'm about fifteen minutes away. I just left Oakland like five minutes ago, so I'm not too far.” He reported. “Alright, that’ll give me enough time to go back to the dorm and put my stuff down. When you get close to campus, call me so I can find you.” I directed, headed across the parking lot behind my dorm. “Alright, I'll see you soon. Bye babe.” He smiled through the phone. “I’ll see you in a second, bye hun.” I hung up, knowing he couldn’t. 

Bram got lost as soon as he got on campus. It wasn’t really his fault, the GPS kept telling him he was near my dorm, but the address to the dorm is actually the mail room in the common building for our residential area. I had to walk up the hill and find him before slipping in the car. “Hey honey!” I cheered, closing the door behind me quickly, giving him a kiss. “Hey, babe.” He kissed back before pulling from the curb. I asked him about the drive while I gave him directions to the parking lot behind my dorm. I turned my key in the door and pushed it open. “This is it.” I beamed, gesturing for him to walk in. “My room is down the hall on the right.” I directed him so he could put his stuff down. Kevin must have gone out while I was getting Bram, which is fine. It gave me a little uninterrupted time with Bram, which was needed. 

“So, do you want to go get dinner before we unpack, or do you want to unpack first?” I asked. “The food will probably be cold before too long, and I know you hate cold fries, so we should probably eat now.” He set his bag down on my bed before unzipping it. He pulls out a large In-N-Out bag, and I think I'm visibly drooling. “Oh my god, you really are the best boyfriend ever!” I hugged him tightly before we headed back to the living room to eat. 

I somewhat helped Bram unpack a bit. I say somewhat because Bram is very particular about packing and repacking, so he likes to do it himself. I try to hand him things or do whatever I can to help, but in the end, I usually give up and just watch him. “So, did you specifically bring these clothes to leave here so you didn’t have to keep bringing clothes?” I raised an eyebrow, noticing the sheer amount of clothing he had brought. “Yeah, I hope that’s alright. I figured since I'll be up here every other week, it would just be better to leave stuff here instead of packing a bunch of clothes before coming up.” He explained. “Yeah, that’s fine. I mean, we did the same thing back home, so this is even more reason too.” I handed him another hanger. 

Once he was unpacked, we laid back on the bed, snuggling into each other. For a college bed, it was kind of big, almost as big as my bed back home. We talked about our week and everything that had happened. He was casually playing with my hand as he laid behind me, which was kind of normal for us. It was only 5:00 now, and we had an hour before Helena got out of her math class. Of course, we made the most of the time by making out, which was also normal for us. in fact, it had become normal to take it a little further, but we were both being cautious because we hadn't talked about dorm sex or when Kevin was going to be back, so we kept our clothes on. 

Helena texted the group at 6, the group chat specifically named “Meet Simon’s husband”, which I would like to state that Cynthia did that, not me. ‘I'm out of class, everyone ready to meet up?’ She texted, which I groaned at before locking my phone and dropping it back on the bed. Bram’s mouth was on my neck still, which was fine, but I really didn’t want to leave right now, I really didn’t want to even move. He hummed against my skin, moving his lips back towards my jaw and to my lips. “We should probably get up before you end up getting a mark.” He smirked. “Bram, I swear, if you gave me another hickey, I will tell Leah to murder you.” I glared at him. “Why would you tell Leah? Why wouldn’t you just murder me yourself?” he knit his eyebrows as he sat up. “One, Leah is 200 times scarier and intimidating than I am. Two, I couldn’t kill you, I love you too much. Three, I promised Leah back in seventh grade that she would be the one to off my husband if I ever needed it. She’s watched a lot of crime shows and she knows how to get away with it.” I listed, his face contorting into disturbance as I told him number three. “You have some weird friends, Si.” He recoiled. “They’re you're friends too!” I objected, launching myself off the bed to get my shoes on. “That is true.” He nodded, slipping his sneakers on. 

Everyone was in my dorm within ten minutes, each person hugging me before going straight to Bram. Of course, Bram is still really shy when he first meets people and it takes him a while to get comfortable. My living room was barely big enough to hold all nine of us, we even had to bring out my desk chair. I laced my fingers in Bram’s as we sat on the couch. I wanted to give him some form of comfort as they asked question after question; asking about Bram, about our relationship. “Basically, he posted this thing on our school’s gossip blog on Tumblr stating that he was gay, but he used a pseudonym instead of his real name. I emailed him, and we talked back and forth for about five months before we actually knew who the other one was and we met.” I explained, giving them the short version. “I thought you got outed that year and that’s how you met?” Carlos questioned, his face tight with confusion. “I was. While we were emailing, this douche canoe that was in my theatre program used the computer in the library after me and screenshotted our emails and used them to blackmail me to get me to help him get with my friend who was really not interested in him. Basically, I wasn’t helping him enough, he made giant fool of himself, and so on Christmas eve, he posted our emails and outed me. I had to come out to my parents on Christmas, my friends found out about the blackmail and it started a lot of drama that got resolved a few weeks later. Bram was still really scared of coming out, so he blocked me on our email. I posted a confirmation statement to the Tumblr the day of the carnival, which was also our cast party. It was also a post for him to come find me. I walked around the carnival for almost two hours before he found me, on the Tilt-A-Whirl, which he hates. After that, we went to school, ditched lunch and ate Oreo mush in his car, and we kissed and started officially dating then. He came out, and we became the gay couple at school.” I retold the story in full, which was still pretty emotional, even for the quick version. Everyone looked a little saddened about the story, but glad when it ended happily. 

Kevin came in around 9 and sat down with us. Of course, Richard brought Cards Against Humanities, and we ended up playing until two in the morning when Cynthia finally won by three cards. “That’s right bitches, don’t even come for the queen!” She cheered, making it rain with her ten black cards. I rolled my eyes as we picked up all the cards. Everyone left soon after. “Alright, I'm headed to bed. See y’all tomorrow.” Kevin waved as he ventured down the hall to his room. “Just so you know, our walls are pretty thick and he sleeps like a log.” I smirked at him as he closed the door to my room behind him. Bram rolled his eyes before giving me another kiss. “You're kind of crazy.” He smiled, and somehow I could see it even in the dark. “You like crazy.” I smiled back, pushing my lips to his again.


	52. Chapter 52: I Don't Want This Saturday To End

[Chapter 52: I Don’t Want This Saturday To End]

“Oh my God, Bram!” I moaned, my voice still groggy from waking up. I had been pulled out of sleep by Bram’s tongue slowly tracing the veins of my shaft. He had never done this before, waking me up like this, I mean. Before I could really object, not that I ever would, his lips closed around my head before he lowered his head towards my base. In all honesty, Bram was getting really good at this, it was almost scary. I quietly moaned praises, hoping Kevin was super oblivious and had no idea what was going on in here. Bram began to pull off, gently scraping his teeth along my shaft, placing a kiss on the underside as he caught his breath. 

Twenty minutes and two ejaculations later, we laid back in bed, recovering from the wake-up call. “That was one hell of a way to start the day.” I breathed heavily. “I aim to please.” His arm wrapped around me, pulling me against him. “Well, you certainly hit your mark then.” I complimented, leaning into him. “You didn’t mind that I did that, right? I don’t want to cross any boundaries.” He started feeling self-conscious. The high was wearing off and he started thinking clearly again, internally scolding himself for not asking before. “It took me by surprise, sure. You’ve kind of surprised me a lot lately, not that I'm complaining. I'm trying to be honest without making it really awkward or embarrassing, but the latter is kind of my specialty. I didn’t mind at all, just surprised to wake up with your face between my legs.” I noted softly, trying not to speak too loudly. “I should have asked first, but I didn’t think to until it was already done.” He sighed. I could tell he was beating himself up over it. “Bram, we’ve been dating for almost two years, and it wouldn’t have been the first time we’ve… you know. I'm not saying that in every circumstance it would be okay, but for us, for me, I'm okay with it. I've given you consent to anything. Now, the more extreme things or things we haven't done before, I'd like to talk about it first, but that was fine. I mean, I'm not a piece of meat, and I know you don’t see me like that. You respect me, and I'm okay with what we’re doing. We’re in college, it’s kind of a given we would be more exploratory with our relationship. You can do what you did anytime you want, I'm okay with that.” I explained, running my hand up and down his arm. 

After another awkward conversation about our sex life and setting new boundaries, we decided to get up and start our day. He hopped in the shower while I made us some breakfast. We normally would share a shower, but this way, we saved a bit of time, and also we didn’t have it in either of us to do anything else for a while, so it was best that we refrained for a while. Bram sauntered out of the bathroom, newly clothed for the day. He came up behind me as I flipped some eggs and wrapped his arms around my waist. “You know, if you keep that up, we’re going to have another grilled cheese incident.” I warned him, checking the eggs again. I could feel him smirk before he pressed a kiss below my ear before going to sit down.

My phone buzzed with an email while we ate breakfast. I usually ignore emails at the table, but a quick glance at the header made me open it immediately. I scanned through the email twice before I gained any comprehension of it. “The library just emailed me, they want to set up an interview Monday and was wondering when I was free.” I informed Bram, who had been puzzled on why I was staring at my phone in disbelief. “Wow, that’s great.” He took another bite of his breakfast before asking more questions. It was a very Bram thing to want to know every detail about everything, so I explained what was going on in as much detail. Basically, the job was really easy, flexible hours, and really good pay. They had about twenty positions to fill each year, and they are usually the first ones to go. I was kind of elated that they were so quickly, and they wanted an interview, which meant that I stood out a bit from most of the applicants. 

It was around noon when Leah called, Leah’s and Abby’s faces filled the screen before asking us to settle an argument they were having. “Ron is a total Hufflepuff.” I confirmed Abby’s statement. “But the Mirror of the Erised showed him holding the house cup. He was seeing himself all successful, which screams Slytherin.” Leah objected. “Yes, but he is also really caring and defended his friends, even Hermione when she was being a bitch and got attacked by a troll.” Abby stated, rolling her eyes. “Let’s not forget in book four when he got mad at Harry because he was getting so much attention because he was in the tournament. It wasn’t because Harry had blown him off or hurt his feelings, it was because Harry was becoming famous and Ron wasn’t. He was totally mad because Harry was stealing the lime light and Ron wanted attention.” Leah defended once again, and I couldn’t really come up with a rebuttal for it. “Besides, Slytherins can still love and protect their friends. They’re kind of known for doing whatever it takes to protect the ones they love and defending what is theirs. You should know that. I slit 3 of Martin’s tires after the last show because of what he did.” Leah continued. “That was you?” I asked, wondering to myself why I was so surprised, it was totally something Leah would do. “Wait, why three?” Abby turned to her. “Because if you puncture all four, then the insurance will pay for it. This way, he had to pay for three tires himself and got humiliated by having his car towed directly after the show which he ‘starred’ in.” Leah elaborated. “Protective, but extremely cunning. That’s extremely Slytherin of you.” Bram commented, breaking his silence in the conversation. “Thank you.” Leah bowed, causing Abby and I to roll our eyes simultaneously. “Anyway, now that we’re all agreed that I was right, that’s all we needed.” Leah stated with a smile. “Alright. I'll call you later.” Bram and I waved goodbye as I ended the call. “Aren't you glad we don’t argue over dumb things like that?” Bram joked. “We literally had a three-hour argument on who the most powerful mutant in the Marvel universe is.” I looked at him like they look into the camera on ‘The Office’. “One, that was not an argument. You aren't thoroughly educated enough on the matter to argue about it. Two, it’s not my fault that you haven't seen most of the X-Men movies to thoroughly state your case, causing me to have to elaborately explain to you why you were wrong. Three, it wouldn’t have been an argument, it would have been a debate.” He defended. “And now we’re arguing over if we argued over it.” I laughed. 

An hour later, we were getting lunch with the whole group. Helena, Richard, Cynthia, Stacie, Olivia, Carlos, Kevin, Bram, and I had squeezed three tables together to fit everyone. To be fair, they were small four-person tables, and we had ten. Stacie started the conversation by talking about her anthropology professor who apparently walked across the desks barefoot during the lecture. Kevin scoffed at the story and began telling us this story of his art history professor making a kid cry because he claimed to love Van Gough but mispronounced his name. “Wow, that’s some tough shit.” Olivia sipped her drink. “None of my professors seem to be really weird. My history professor is really excited all the time and he's eccentric, but he doesn’t walk around on desks or barefoot or make students cry. He had a whole conversation with this Somali transfer student in full blown Swahili before telling us in English that he studied in Somalia for eight years and married his wife there, who was Somalian.” I offered, taking a bite of my taco. “You literally said some form of Somalia like five times in that last sentence.” Kevin pointed out, to which I replied by flipping him off. Cynthia started asking about the professors at Stanford, and Bram gave a few stories of his own. 

We ended up in the basement of the University building, referred to as the underground, which was kind of like a recreational room. They had a pool table, ping pong, a dart board, all kinds of board games you could rent, and a video game set up. It was really nice, until someone thought it was a good idea to challenge Cynthia in darts and poor Olivia, who had been at the wrong place at the wrong time completely minding her own business, got a dart straight in the foot. Of course, it only barely punctured her shoe, but it was enough for Cynthia to put down her darts and trade it for a ping pong paddle. 

Carlos tried to get me to play Call of Duty with him, but I wouldn’t even know how to play if I wanted to, which I didn’t. Nick had forced me to play a few times, but I usually just ran around until he found and shot me. Video games just weren’t my forte, I preferred books more. Helena started playing some music, and before long, our group was just partying in the underground at seven at night. “You know, one Friday we just need to go clubbing.” I almost inwardly groaned at the concept of going. Sure, it was probably a lot of fun, I just didn’t see the pleasure in it. It’s really hot, filled with strangers who are most likely drunk, and the DJ always cuts off the good songs. The most dancing I do is a little swaying and maybe a little grinding with Bram, unless of course someone puts on ‘Bop to the Top’, which I can then perform the entire choreography perfectly. Abby has tested me on this, and she was mad because I bopped better than her. Anyway, Clubs just didn’t seem enjoyable, but of course Bram will eventually convince me to go because he wants to make me actually dance. Cynthia is on her phone with Helena looking over her shoulder, looking up 18+ clubs near our school and checking the yelp ratings. Before too long, they have the whole night planned for two weeks from now, which game me two weeks to think of an excuse so I didn’t have to go. Bram looked at me, already knowing what I was doing. “Si, you're not getting out of this one. If I'm going, you're going.” He gave me that stern look. “I never said you had to go.” I rolled my eyes, which was becoming a dangerous habit. “But I want to go.” He wrapped his arms around my waist, trying to be seductive. “Well, instead, we could stay home and do other things…” I trailed off, siding my hands up his arms, using my own tricks against him. All is fair in love and war. 

Bram eventually won, and even more than he originally bargained for. I swear, that boy could talk the skin off a pig. Now, we were going clubbing, and then what I mentioned afterward. I'll have to ask him what it’s like living the best of both worlds. Of course, he ended the discussion saying “You don’t have to actually go if you don’t want to.” And gave me thise big brown eyes, and I had to tell him I would go. 

Bram laid his head on my chest as we laid in bed. It wasn’t too late, but it was dark outside and we had been out for a while. He started softly humming a song I didn’t recognize, but it sounded really pretty. It was moments like this I dreaded tomorrow because I knew he had to go back tomorrow night, and then it would be five more days before I'll see him again. That probably sounds really stupid, but I really don’t care. It didn’t matter how long I tried to stay awake or prayed tomorrow wouldn’t come, because I knew it would. I knew the sun would rise and then I'd have the day with him until the sun set, taking him with it.


	53. Chapter 53: Things Are Looking Up

[Chapter 53: Things Are Looking Up]

Sunday came and went, and I didn’t want to have to say goodbye to Bram for another week, but I knew I had to. It made it a little easier knowing that I would see him this weekend, but it still left me feeling a little empty. I had spent the last year and eight months next to him almost constantly, it was hard getting used to him not being curled up beside me at night. 

I woke up Monday morning with an icky feeling inside. I pinned it immediately that it was because Bram wasn’t here to wake up with me. I tried to shake it off and start my day. I had to dress up a bit more than usual because of my interview. I had to be in the library by 12:30, so I basically had to be there right after my second class. I didn’t want to overdress, but I also didn’t want to look casual and make them think I wouldn’t take the job seriously. I settled on a simple light grey button up with the sleeves rolled up and some dark wash jeans that looks kind of dressy. I guess they would understand, I mean, I have classes all day and it was kind of hard to get everything together. 

History went by quickly. Dr. Reynolds is hilarious and really passionate about history, which makes it at least more entertaining to learn. English, on the other hand, droned on for what felt like six hours. Since almost nobody did the out of class reading, she decided that today in class, we would read it out loud, popcorn style. I almost wished she would have given us an extra paper to do this week. The time came for us to leave, and she glared at most of us as we scurried out of the room and onto the next part of our day. The library was right next door, so it wasn’t that far of a walk. I rushed inside and logged onto one of the computers before printing out a copy of my resume. I wanted a fresh copy I could give them in person, just in case. 

I went up to the third floor, which is usually where students study and stuff, but there's also some offices on the other side of the building that the library staff uses. I walked down the hallway and scanned the names on the door for my interviewer, hoping to catch her a bit early. I finally found the room at the end of the hall. I knocked on the door softly and waited until I heard her direct me to come in. “Hi, my name is Simon Spier. I don’t mean to interrupt, but we have an interview at 12:30 and I just wanted to let you know I was here.” I gave her a small smile, trying to seem professional. “Oh, yes. Simon, alright. Give me about five minutes and I'll be ready for you. You can have a seat in the hallway while you wait.” She gestured to the seats across the hall from the door. I thanked her and closed the door back before taking my seat. She seemed really nice, she spoke with a lot of pep in her voice, which may actually be kind of scary. 

“Simon?” She opened the door, grabbing my attention. She welcomed me into her office and we sat down. I handed her my resume and she looked it over for a moment before she began asking a bunch of questions. The interview lasted for about fifteen minutes before she stood up and shook my hand, telling me to watch my email this week to know their decision. I thanked her for her time before exiting the room. I sighed once I got into the hallway, letting all the stress out. I had a good feeling about the interview, but I was still going to try to look at other places just in case. This job is pretty competitive, so even if she did like me, it doesn’t necessarily mean I'll get the job. 

“So, how did it go?” Helena slid into the other side of the booth with Richard, Cynthia sliding in beside me. “I think it went well. She seemed to like my responses and asked me a bunch of follow up questions. She didn’t say anything that would give me a hint at my standing, but she seemed to really like me and told me to keep an eye out for an email from her sometime this week.” I reported, picking up one of my fries. “Sounds like you did good, Si. I hope you get it.” Cynthia nudged me with her shoulder, giving me a big, hopeful smile. “Me too.” We continued to talk over lunch until I had to go to theatre class, which I was both dreading and excited for at the same time. Don’t ask me how that works, I don’t even know myself. 

We spent the class period walking around the room and observing our surroundings, trying to find little unique things about the room. “It is always beneficial to be familiar with the space you're in and to be able to utilize your environment to your advantage.” Professor Styne explained as she observed us walking around the room. I found come pretty interesting things, a small hole on the right wall that looked into the next room. There were some scratches on the wall of mirrors on the left wall which someone had tried to buff out, but they were still somewhat noticeable to someone who is inspecting the room for imperfections.

Later that night, it kind of got to me. What if I was a room, am I aware of my own imperfections? Have I taken the time to really walk around inside my headspace and really tried to find the weird parts of me, the good and bad? “Simon, this is why you're in therapy.” I sighed to myself. In all honesty, therapy had helped a lot back home. I learned a few ways to prevent myself from having an anxiety attack and a list of methods to snap myself out of it. I haven’t had that many anxiety attacks since then, but it was still present. The campus offered free counselling services, so maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to try and see what they offer here and get back into it. 

I stared at the ceiling for a bit that night, really examining myself. I knew a lot about myself, but there's some things you don’t really realize until you let yourself wander around in your own head, until you focus on certain events and concentrate on the impact it had on you. I learned a lot about myself, staring at the ceiling, maybe more than I thought I would, maybe more than what was already there. It was a whole life examination, and trying to figure out where I was now and how that fit into my vision of myself in the future. I was in college, doing my best, I had met a bunch of great people who took school seriously and still oved to have fun, I was trying to get a job on campus and hopefully that'll work out, I had a wonderful boyfriend who I was certain was my soulmate and we were going to have a long and happy life together, I had an amazing family who were so open minded and supportive of everything, as well as the best friends in the world I could ask for. My life was really good, and I was happy. I had everything I could ever need and want, plus so much more. Things were really looking up.


	54. Chapter 54: Everyday

[Chapter 54: Everyday]

I walked out of the arts building directly to my car. I had put an overnight bag in the back on my way to class today so I could leave as soon as I got out of class. I texted Bram that I was on my way as I dropped into the driver’s seat. I typed in the address he had sent me into google maps, put on a long playlist, and backed out of my parking space. 

It only took an hour to get into Stanford. I pulled up to the stop light and called Bram to let him know I would be on campus in ten minutes. He said he would start walking up to the place where the address would take me. I turned into the drive thru of In-N-Out, my own little surprise for Bram. He wasn’t as outwardly expressive in his love for the food chain as I was, but I knew he really loved it. In-N-Out was right off campus, which I was jealous of because the closest one from campus is three miles away. 

I could see him waving in the cul-de-sac as I drove slowly toward the building the GPS was directing me to. I pulled up to the curb and turned off the GPS since I didn’t need it anymore. He knocked on the door, letting me know my doors were locked. “Sorry, I forgot.” I apologized as he dropped into the car to direct me to the space. I leaned over to give him a quick kiss before pulling away from the curb. “What’s that.” I asked about the piece of paper he was holding. “This is your temporary parking pass. They're free online, you just have to print them out and leave them on the dash. I had a printer in my room, so I went ahead and got it.” he explained, laying it on the dash as I pulled into the open space near his dorm. 

He insisted on carrying my bag, which weight next to nothing. He grasped my hand as we walked up the sidewalk behind his dorm building. We had already started chatting about our week, even though we had talked multiple times every day this week. “So, I got an email yesterday. I got that job in the library.” I mentioned, leaning into him a bit more. “That’s great, I knew you would.” He pressed a kiss to my temple. He guided me through the building and to the elevator. “What room was it again.” I asked, looking at the numbers as they passed by. The layout kind of looked like a hotel, but really clean. “605” he repeated the number, pointing to the room at the end of the hall. “Last one on the left.” He directed. 

He slid his student ID into the card reader and the door clicked. He pushed it open, and I was kind of amazed that his door had a card reader on it. I mean, we had those at Berk, but not on our dorm rooms. At least, none that I had seen. The door opened to a kitchen where he had a bowl of snacks laid out next to the fridge against the far wall. On the right was the living room which looked really nice. “Down the hall in the back in my room, first door on the left is the bathroom, and the door on the right is the other bedroom.” He informed me, taking my bag down the hall. 

We ate our food watching the High School Musical Trilogy. “You know, HSM is very similar to our own lives.” I observed out loud in the middle of the last movie. “How so?” he asked, pausing the movie for the no doubt in depth analysis he was about to hear. “Well, you were the new kid in school, just like Gabriella. Of course, you were also on the most important sports team at school, mostly because our football team sucks. Nick is 100% Chad and Garrett is essentially a white Zach. I mean, try and prove to me that Sharpay and Taylor Metternich are two different people.” I explained, rolling off the top of my head. “Some could debate that Martin Addison would be the Sharpay of our high school, except he was awful and nobody liked him.” Bram added, causing me to almost spew the drink I had taken. “Oh my God, I can just see Martin and Taylor fighting over a pink feather boa wanting to be the star of the show.” I laughed. “Okay, so also there's the Troy and Gabriella story line. They had all kinds of obstacles over three movies that kept them apart, a lot of the same ones we had. You had to choose between your reputation and being gay, and in the end, you didn’t have to choose, just like Troy. We almost broke up over college and being long distance, and I don’t think I need to point out that I went to UC Berk like Troy and you're going to Stanford like Gabriella.” I continued listing my observations, to which he just nodded. The only real differences are that we have two Sharpays and no Ryan, Nick isn't secretly gay, and we didn’t break up over every single problem.” I concluded. “You’ve thought about that before this discussion, haven't you?” He asked, resuming the movie. “A few times. The more my life parallels the HSM movie franchise, the better. Oh, and I also had a mental breakdown about my future.” I pointed out as Troy ran around the school during the ‘Scream’ scene. 

It was really late by the time we ended out movie marathon, but it was the weekend and we were used to staying up late and doing homework at this point anyway. We laid in his bed, curled into each other as usual. It made me really content, knowing that no matter what, we’ll always end up here. It was reassuring that we could have the best day ever or walk through hell for a thousand years, but at the end of the day, we would both lay here together. Rain started falling outside before he said anything. “Are you thinking about something or are you just staring into the darkness?” His voice was low, and I could hear the words form in his throat. “Both.” I shifted slightly, turning myself towards him. He’s silent, the only sound was the rain hitting the window beside us. “I was just thinking about how we always end up here, together. Everything with Martin, the whole coming out thing, my overactive anxiety, us thinking we were going to have to do long distance, the struggle of picking colleges; it all ended with us just laying together, happy. No matter what we’ve gone through, we always find a way to lay together, and somehow from the bed, nothing ever feels as bad as it seems. It’s like when we lay here, it heals all the damage that’s been done, or makes it worth it.” I look at him, almost invisible in the darkness. “That’s love, Simon.” He presses a gentle kiss to my jaw. “No, it’s more than that. It’s so much more, and I'm almost positive it’s because of you.” I lean in more, pressing my lips to his. He drops my hand to grasp my hair as our lips move, our breaths hitching. “It’s so much more.”


	55. Chapter 55: Season's Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First of all, I'm sorry these updates are two weeks late. I have officially started my junior year of college yesterday and I've been getting everything together. I've also slowed down on writing over the past 3 weeks, and with the school year back, I won't be posting as often. I will still post in 5 chapter increments because that's how my outline is set up, but they will most likely come every two weeks instead of every week. I hope you can understand. Thank you for reading!

[Chapter 55: Season’s Change]

“Yes, Leah, we’re getting on the place now.” I rolled my eyes at her. Leah had facetimed me 28 times today, and no, that is not an exaggeration. She called me before we were supposed to get up, she called me again as we were getting up, she called four times while we were eating breakfast, six times while we finished packing, twice as we headed out the door, a dozen on the way to the airport, and twice more since we got to the airport. Honestly, I should have just kept her on the whole time. “Yay! I'm so excited to see you, Si!” She beamed over the phone. “Me too, but listen, I gotta go, we’re literally boarding the plane right now. I'll see you in five hours!” I hang up, sighing in relief. “She’s just excited to see you, babe.” Bram chuckled, rubbing my shoulder. “I know, I'm excited to see her too, but that was just a lot.” I leaned into the touch. We found our seats and sat down. Hopefully this flight will go by quickly. I loved California, but I had been missing home a lot. 

The last six weeks were a little hectic, but nice. The library job was great, I just kind of sat at the front desk and did homework until someone asked me where certain rooms or things were, and then go back to homework. Classes were great as well; my theatre class was definitely my favorite of all of them. Midterms had been stressful, and I guess I was still releasing all it. I was glad Bram was flying with me, it gave us five hours to catch up. The library was good about scheduling me through the week, but Bram’s new job at a local Barnes & Nobles kept scheduling him on the weekend. He kept asking to move him into the week, but his weekends filled up often, so I would usually try and drive down when he had a light schedule. I definitely wasn’t really happy we hadn't seen each other that much, but life happens, and we just have to deal with it. We can make it work, it just takes a lot of planning and midnight driving. 

Bram and I talked the whole flight, to the dismay of the lady across the aisle who was trying to read. By the time the plane landed, she had only gotten through three chapters and looked extremely angry, but I really didn’t care. We got off the plane and I texted Leah that we landed, and we were about to come down the stairs. She saw me before I saw her, and I don’t think I've ever seen Leah move so fast. She rushed to the bottom of the stairs and wrapped me in the biggest hug she's ever given me, burying her face in my shoulder while holding my head with her hand. “I missed you so fucking much.” She sobbed. She broke me, and I dropped my carry on hugging her back, the tears spilling out of my eyes. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until now, and just the wave of emotion hit me. We stood like that for three minutes at least, shuffling out of the way of the other people, but not loosening our grip. Eventually, she pulled away and just looked at my face, as if to see I had changed. Without saying anything, she moved on to Bram while Abby left Bram to hug me. “It’s so good to see you!” She squealed, wrapping me in a tight hug. “I know, it’s so good to be back and see you guys. I didn’t think it would be this emotional, but damn.” I wiped my eyes. “C’mon, lets get your bags so we can get home.” Abby pulled on my hand, my arm falling around Leah’s shoulder. Leah and I both flipped Bram off as he laughed behind us.

“Okay, so we’re not supposed to tell you this, but I can't not tell you things.” Leah began, sitting in the passenger seat of Abby’s car as we drove down the interstate towards Atlanta. “So, we’re all going to Simon’s house because all of our families are there to have a welcome home cook out.” She finished, sounding really excited. “That sounds great!” I smiled at her, her excitement was really contagious. “Why weren’t you supposed to tell us?” Bram asked. “It’s a surprise, duh.” Abby rolled her eyes. “Of course it is. Bram sat back before looking at me with a big grin on his face. I gave him a small peck, not wanting to start making out in Abby’s car. 

We pulled up next to my driveway since there was no more space in the driveway. Half of street around my house had cars on the side, there was even two cars in the front yard. We walked in the front door, and everyone cheered. My mom was the first to make her way to us, wrapping the four of us in hugs one after another. We all went around the room, saying hi to everyone and distributing hugs. “What is everyone doing here?” I asked, trying to play it up. “Well, we thought since you’ve been gone for 6 weeks, we’d throw a little party to welcome everyone home.” My dad explained, and I tried to make sure I looked like I didn’t know. 

Nora had started cooking all kinds of stuff on the grill, my dad helping her. My mom made about ten gallons of lemonade she was offering anyone who walked near her, and Alice was trying to hide from all of them. “Not a party girl?” I sipped my lemonade, sitting next to her in the corner of the couch. “Nah, I'm just hungry and Nora is taking forever, plus I've already drank three glasses of lemonade and mom keeps wanting to make me another glass.” She said, sinking lower into the couch. “If I had known you were going to be this hungry, I would have brought you some In-N-Out home.” I nudged her. “Simon, we both know you would have eaten it yourself before you even got on the plane.” She glared at me. “That is most likely true.” I nodded. “I've missed you, bub.” She laid her head on my shoulder, something she could do now because we were now about the same height. “I missed you too. How was Wesleyan this semester?” I asked, knowing she was dying to tell me about it. 

Half an hour later, Nora and dad have two large platters of burgers and hot dogs sitting on the table in the back yard. Mom had already sat out the rest of the food; a massive basket of fries, about four kinds of potato salad (Bram’s mom makes the best and it’s the only potato salad I'll ever eat.) and various sides and condiments. “Mom, are these raisins in the potato salad?” Alice asked, forking through the helping of it on her plate. “Yeah, I thought it would give it a little something extra!” She looked up from one of the casseroles. “White people.” Bram lowly whispered behind us just loud enough for Alice and I to hear and burst out laughing. 

All of the college kids took turns talking about our college experiences so far, mostly sharing how great it was to be home. Mom informed us all that Nora won first place at the state cook off, and we all cheered for her. “That’s why I let her grill today.” Dad said proudly, patting Nora on the back. “Thank God, we wanted to eat food, not charcoal.” Alice snickered, causing half of the table to laugh. “You burn down one dog house and a trampoline and everyone’s a critic.” He shook his head playfully. It was a running joke in my family that neither of my parents were really good cooks, but dad was worse. One year, he caught the tree in the backyard on fire by using too much lighter fluid and it burned down Bieber’s dog house and the trampoline that used to be under said tree. Let’s just say my family is very familiar with the fire department in the summer when dad decided he’s going to grill out. 

The sun went down around 7 and everyone started heading home. I gave Bram a long kiss, knowing he had to go home and see his mom. I was selfish with him, but not that selfish. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, giving me another kiss. “You know it.” I pushed him back. If he didn’t leave now, he wouldn’t ever leave. “Go home with your mom before you end up coming back inside and she yells at you.” I laughed. “I saw her earlier.” He pulled away finally, heading towards his mom’s car. “I love you.” He called, opening the door. “I love you too!” I called back, stepping inside the house.

Once we had cleaned up and settled down, we started picking a movie to watch. We had all watched ‘The Bachelor’ via video chat and talked about it, and we ended up also started watching ‘The Bachelorette’ as a family. We usually watched it on the weekends now that Theo and Bram watched it with us and that’s the only time we could. Mom asked more about college as she sifted through the hundreds of DVDs we had collected over the years. She asked about my midterm exams, she asked Alice about her abnormal psychology class, and they talked about that for ten minutes before dad plucked a random movie and put it in. “We’ll never finish a movie at this rate.” He griped, shutting the DVD player and sitting back on the couch.


	56. Chapter 56: Creekwood Crew Strikes Again

[Chapter 56: Creekwood Crew Strikes Again]

Leah demands we all get together at Waffle House at 3 today, even though three of us don’t have cars and Leah hates driving. She texts back saying that she’ll pick us all up, but I have a feeling that Abby will end up pulling into my drive way at 2:30 to get me. It was only noon, so I had some time to kill before anyone got here. My family and I had been essentially inseparable for the last two days. Of course, everyone had come over and we hung out in the basement, but I haven't left the house since I came home. I missed them a lot, and to my surprise, my parents weren’t being as clingy as I thought they would be.

“Are you going to go out with your friends while you're here, Si?” Mom asked as dad looked for another movie to watch. We were catching up on basically everything that had happened over the last 8 weeks, entertainment wise at least. “Yeah, Leah should be here later to pick me up so we can all go to waffle house.” I told her in a slow, confused tone. “Okay, I was just wondering, you haven't left the house since you got home.” She began. “Are you complaining about it?” I raised an eyebrow. “Of course not, but I didn’t want you to feel obligated to spend your whole week at home, even if you don’t have your car.” She gave me a small side hug. I guess mom and therapist go hand in hand, they're kind of one and the same. “Don’t worry. The whole group is just trying to see everyone before we go back, and family is a big priority for mostly everyone. Plus, you and dad have to work the rest of the week, so I'd rather be home for that. Leah is begging to get out of the house since she learned that her mom is moving in with Wells. She may end up asking to stay the night.” I informed her, letting her know that she cannot mention it to Leah. “Of course, I was about to tell you to ask her to stay. I know you all are really close and you would want more alone time with each other. I suppose Bram will either stay over or you'll be over at his house sometime this week?” This woman could see through me without even looking at me. “Probably, maybe both. It depends on how we work it out, considering neither of us have a car at the moment.” I stood up from the couch. “I'm gonna get something to eat, anyone want something while I'm up?” I asked, crossing between the living room and the dining room. Nobody answered, so I went ahead and began fixing myself a sandwich to take upstairs. 

I pulled up YouTube while I ate. It was something to do while my hands were occupied, and it was entertaining. I had a lot to catch up on considering I hadn't spent a lot of free time on the internet. My college group chat was blowing up with everyone’s going home stories and pictures of home, it was great, but after a few minutes of not being able to do anything because my phone is frozen because of 100+ messages in less than 60 seconds, it was just slightly aggravating. I eventually just muted the chat and opened it occasionally to read what had happened. Helena was talking about her sisters going out tonight to celebrate her birthday, and Richard was pining after her, even through text message. As much as it killed the rest of us not to tell either of them that their feelings for each other were mutual, we respected them and let it develop naturally. It was also excruciatingly painful to watch them halfway flirt with each other, and it reminded me of Abby and Nick from two years ago, except it was much more obvious and so much worse. 

Leah pulls into my drive right at 2:00. I jogged outside and dropped into her car. “Is this a new car?” I buckled up, the unfamiliar car humming. “Uh, yeah. My old car broke down last week and Wells bought me this one.” She grimaced. “Okay. I know you hate him paying for your shit and all, and I'm not going to say anything else, but it is a nice car and he was really nice to do that.” I avoided eye contact, knowing as soon as I looked at her, her eyes would roll for miles. “I know, Si. I know he didn’t have to even spend a dime on me, and I'm trying really hard to like him for my mom’s sake, but there's just something about him I just can't stand about him. I hate it because I have no genuine reason to hate him. He loves my mom, like genuinely loves her. He helps her with the bills, takes her on really nice dates, constantly reminds her of how great she is and how wonderful she is. I guess I didn’t really get that until Abby and I got together, and maybe it’s still different where they're older, but there’s just something that throws me off about him. I don’t know.” She shakes her head, pulling up to Nick’s house. “Get in loser, we’re going shopping.” She rolled down the window as Nick jogged down the driveway. “I thought we were getting waffles?” I turned to her. “Oh my God, you are so uncultured it kills me. It’s a Mean Girls reference, Simon. Honestly, Mean Girls is gay culture, even if you are a complete disaster gay, you should still know the basics.” Leah rolled her eyes. “A disaster gay?” I raised my eyebrows. “Yes, we all voted. You are a complete and utter disaster gay and no, you can't object or change it. it’s just who you are as a person. It’s like a Hogwarts house, only gay.” Leah explained how and why I was a quote ‘disaster gay’ on the way to Bram’s house.

Bram slid into the back seat with Nick and gripped my hand I had extended back to him. Abby lived around the block, so it wasn’t that long until we pulled up. As Leah put the car in park and Abby bounced down the stairs heading toward us, Leah cleared her throat in that way that is supposed to draw attention to something. “Leah, you literally spent the entire ride over here explaining to me how oblivious I am, if you want to tell me something just say it.” I sighed. “Okay. I'm booting you to the back, so Abby can sit up front.” She looked me dead in the eye. Well, to be fair, I did tell her to just say it and I do know how brutally honest she is. “Oh, well I was under the impression that best friends had the ultimate dibs on shotgun but okay. I'd rather sit beside Bram and Nick anyway.” I huffed, opening the door. “You booted me to the back when you and Bram got together so I don’t want to hear it!” She rolled her eyes again as Abby walked around the car. “Actually, you did that yourself. I had full intentions of letting Bram ride in the back because I respect the best friend code.” I retorted, climbing over Bram’s legs to sit in the middle. “Damnit, Simon, if you want the front seat that bad you can have it.” She shook her head. “Nah, I wasn’t kidding, I missed Bram. I was joking the whole time, I literally don’t care.” I gave her a big smile before leaning into Bram. “Well, if I'm just sitting back here like chopped liver.” Nick leaned against the window and fake cried. “Do you want me to put my hand on your inner thigh and give you secret jaw kisses too?” I leaned into him, rubbing my nose against his cheek. “No thank you, I'd rather die alone.” He scooted away even farther before I resumed leaning into Bram. “Good, because I would have to kick your ass if you said yes.” Bram chuckled. “Like you could, Greenfeld.” Nick rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, you saw how Bram took down Martin last year. I'd bet ten bucks he could kick your ass.” Abby objected from the front seat. “I second that. I'm pretty sure Simon could kick your ass too.” Leah added. “Why is everyone wanting to kick my ass, and why am I the weakest?” Nick looked at everyone in the car. “One, Bram goes to the gym five days a week and still plays intermural soccer. Two, you moved to New York and literally only play guitar in your free time. Three, I've seen you fight, and you suck.” Abby listed off, turning in her seat to deliver the news. “Okay, but Simon?” He gestured to me. “Have you seen Simon angry? His father taught him how to dislocate someone’s elbow because he was skinny, and his dad thought he was going to get bullied. His mom made him take kick boxing with her on weekends like four years ago. Simon is bad ass, he's just too nice to actually fight anyone.” Leah informed everyone, causing me to slink lower in my seat. “You never told me you took kick boxing.” Bram whispered. “I didn’t want you to know.” I whispered back. “Okay, so everyone is just in agreement that everyone in this car can just kick my ass?” Nick continued pursuing the conversation. “No, we also all agree that Garrett could also kick your ass.” Leah glanced at him in the mirror, watching him lean into the corner, muttering to himself. “Oh, Nick, lighten up. We still love you.” Abby turned to him again, pinching his knee. “Quit letting your overly macho side take over and just enjoy the ride.” 

We pulled into WaHo at 3 as planned. Garrett’s truck was already parked, so we headed inside and sat down at our usual table. “Yo, what's up gang!” Garrett calls s we sit down, overly excited as always. The waiter came over and took our orders almost as soon as we sat down. We immediately began catching up with everyone, trying to recall everything significant that had happened since we sat here together last. Ethan and Cal were in love with NYU. Ethan started dating a guy a few weeks ago and he says he thinks its going really well. He showed us all pictures of them together and told us all about him. Cal is student directing one of the productions for his class, and it’s this huge project he's taken on but it’s made him realize that it’s 100% what he wants to do. Garrett has been, well, Garrett. He’s doing really well on the soccer team, and he’s been in and out of the dating pool the whole semester, so nothing has really changed. Leah talked about her art classes and how they kind of suck, but she wants to keep going and see where it takes her. Abby is still incredibly in love with her dancing class and can't wait until they choreograph their own routines. Nick learned that playing guitar without a pick or anything on your fingers can give you really bad blisters. On the upside to that, he’s forced himself to become ambidextrous, so he has that going for him. 

After a three hour get together, everyone started to get restless and we all filed out. Garrett, Ethan, and Cal got into Garrett’s truck and pulled away while the rest of us piled into Leah’s remarkably roomy car. Nobody else had asked her when she got a new car, but then again, Abby probably already knew considering they live together and Nick most likely just knew what had gone down. I had already texted Bram ahead and told him not to ask about the car and I would explain later. I didn’t want anyone else bringing it up, she was more likely to get irritated and blow up the more people asked her or in most cases if it wasn’t me asking. Leah and I had a very special friendship where we leaned on each other a lot, and it was almost to the point she didn’t really open up to really anyone else besides me. I don’t know what it was, she just didn’t talk to anyone else about her feelings, and while I'm glad she trusts me like that, it concerns me that she doesn’t talk to anyone else and gets the relief she needs, especially now that we live half a world apart. 

Abby, Bram, and Nick get dropped off and now were sitting in my driveway. “You coming?” I asked, pushing the door of her car open. “Oh, I didn’t know I was supposed to.” She blinked at me. “Oh yeah, mom said you were spending the night. I mean, technically she told me to ask you, but she said it in that ‘make sure Leah spends the night tonight’ voice. So, in short, my mom is kind of demanding you spend the night, and so am I come to think of it.” I explained, walking around to her side of the car. “Well, then I guess I'm staying.” She pressed the button on her seatbelt latch, letting it retract before stepping out of the car. “Leah!” My mom smiled as she hastily walks over to hug us as we come in the door. “Oh yeah, I'm just your son you haven't seen in eight weeks, it’s fine.” I joked, walking past them both and into the kitchen. “What do you want?” I hollered back into the living room. “Just water.” Leah called back and I pull down two glasses. I can hear my mother telling her all about what they had for dinner and that our plates are ready for us. I set her plate in the microwave and heat it up before my own. Leah walked into the kitchen and grabs her plate and glass as I'm grabbing mine from the beeping microwave. We head into the living room and fold into the couch where my family is in the middle of a movie. 

We sat with my family and watched the movie, my father filling us in on the details during the unimportant parts. Leah complimented Nora on another culinary masterpiece before we dropped our dirty dishes into the sink and headed upstairs to my room. “You know, a lot has changed since we went to college.” Leah remarked as we both flop onto the bed. “Like what?” I turned to her, trying to figure out what she meant. “Like, how your room here is basically empty besides the big stuff. All of your walls are bare and I don’t think I've seen them like this since middle school.” She gestured to my walls. “I still have all of the chalkboard stuff up.” I pointed to the wall behind us. “Yeah, I guess, but it just like an incomplete set without the graduation countdown and the rest of the posters and pictures. It’s kind of what made the room.” She sighed. “I guess. I mean, I still have some of the posters from middle school I took down a long time ago. I can put those back up if that’ll make you more comfortable.” I teased. “Actually, I think it would make me more uncomfortable. I think it would be more disturbing.” She quipped back. “I think so too. There was a reason I took them down and replaced them. To be completely honest, I have no idea where they are anyway. I know I still have them though.” We talked for a while longer before we started getting ready for bed. We had three days left before we all got separated again. One week back home wasn’t enough, but it’s what we got. I guess it wasn’t too bad, we had eight more weeks before we moved back home for a month and then moved back for another eighteen months. I guess it was going to be a lot of back and forth for the next three years. I'm glad it was only three years and not any more, I don’t think I could handle it.


	57. Chapter 57: Best Friends and Break Ups

[Chapter 57: Best Friends and Break Ups]

Leah was up before I was, which was a surprise. Leah and I were both the kind of people to sleep way past noon and stay up all night, but somehow Leah was already dressed and downstairs eating breakfast by ten. She was right, college has changed us. I pulled on some clothes and headed down to join the rest of the family for Nora’s French toast. “So nice of you to join us.” Leah snickered as I walked into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. “So nice of you to wake me up.” I replied with as much sarcasm as I could muster. “Simon, wait.” My mother stopped me. “What?” I glanced up at her. “That’s flour, not sugar.” She stopped me. “Ugh, hold on, I need my glasses.” I shook my head. “Wow, you really are blind, aren't you?” Nora commented, pushed her own glasses up. “Yeah, basically.” I threw over my shoulder as I went back upstairs to retrieve my glasses. 

With my glasses on, a coffee with sugar and not flour, and four slices of French toast later, I ran water over my dirty plate and headed back upstairs to get ready for the day. Leah finally left the bathroom from doing her hair and make-up, so I could finally get a shower and brush my teeth. After I finished getting ready, Leah nailed me in the face with one of my hoodies. “C’mon, loser, we’re going out.” She called as she turned the corner to go down stairs. “Alright.” I slipped on the hoodie, not even questioning it. Nora bounced down the stairs behind me. “Where are you going?” I paused at the bottom of the stairs, turning to Nora. “Cal is coming to pick me up in a bit.” She responded quietly. She rounded the corner before I could respond. 

Leah turned the key in her car before backing out of the driveway. “Where are we going?” I asked, just realizing that I had no idea what we were doing. “We can go to the mall? Look around for a bit. I don’t know, I just wanted to spend a little time with you, you know, just us. I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever. I can't remember the last time we had a best friends day.” She cleaned her windshield and turned at the stop sign, keeping her eyes on the road. “That’s fine with me. It’s so weird not seeing you every day, especially for eight weeks. It really sucks.” I looked out the window, trying to think of a new subject that wasn’t so sad. 

We pulled in at the mall, parking halfway down the parking lot. “Why is everyone here today?” Leah locked her car as we walked towards the entrance. “Maybe because it’s fall break and it’s Tuesday, plus there's nothing to do in Shady Creek.” I mentioned sarcastically. “Shut up.” She bumped me with her hip. We walked into the mall, trying to figure out which store we were going to browse through first. Leah somehow managed to drag me into Hot Topic, even though she knows I swore to never walk into the store again like six years ago. She ended up buying $10 worth of buttons. “Why did you buy so many? You'll never find a place to put all of those.” I shook my head at her. “Everything in the store was 25% off and buttons were buy two get one free, so it was a deal. Plus, these buttons are so cute and I can pin them on that black bomber jacket that has the Slytherin crest on the back.” She swung the bag as we walked down the aisle. Leah was the only person who was about as into Harry Potter as I was, and we were both slowly converting our significant others into the fandom. Bram and I had several nights where we watched the movies, and I had given him some of the books to read before he just bought his own. I had also witnessed Bram taking the Patronus quiz online, which essentially meant he was hooked. 

As difficult as it was to walk out if build-a-bear, we didn’t want to spend $40 on a talking bear before we even had lunch. Plus, if I did get one, Alice would never let me live it down. “So, how is it living with Abby?” I bumped into Leah as we walked towards the food court. “It’s really good actually. I was kind of nervous because we had just gotten together and then we were living together, but we kind of compliment each other. We’re still in the same friend group and we all study together all the time. Abby likes to go out more than I do, and she usually drags me along, but I typically have a good time, so I guess she’s helped me broaden my horizons in that department.” Leah described their living arrangements and what all they did, and it wan nice to hear about. “Abby is incredibly social, she can talk to anyone about anything. I'm surprised she didn’t rush a sorority.” I rolled my eyes. It was true, Abby was this gigantic social butterfly who always had something to talk about in any situation. If there was an awkward moment, leave it to Abby to save us all by completely changing the subject and distracting everyone. “She talked about it but decided not to once she realized that it would take up all of her free time.” Leah shook her head as she thought about it. 

“It really sucks that we’re going to different colleges, especially when I'm across the country. I hate that we don’t get to do this like every weekend.” I sighed, taking a bite of my pizza. “Yeah, but I guess it is what it is. It’s awful, but at least we keep up with each other and talk all the time still. I don’t know what I would do if we just suddenly dropped each other.” She sipped her drink. “I don’t either. I'm glad we still somehow talk to each other every day, even if it is skyping while I'm on desk duty.” I chuckled a bit. Leah had once called me while I was at the desk. It was 10 pm and nobody was there, and we talked for an hour until I got off work. It almost became a tradition to skype and do homework together while I was at work. That sounds really bad, but nobody really asked me questions or needed help, so I was left to my own devices to do my homework and play The Sims on my lap top. What else am I going to do for 8 hours when my homework only takes three?

“Hold on, Nora is calling me.” I interrupted Leah and swiped my finger over the screen. “Hey, Nora. What’s up?” I asked. “Si, can you and Leah come get me?” She began, her voice shaky. “Sure, I guess. Where are you?” I motioned to Leah that we needed to go and she pulled out her keys. “I'm at the theatre. I just broke up with Cal.” I could hear her voice getting more hoarse my the second, so I told her we were just five minutes away and we were on our way. “She just broke up with Cal, she’s at the theatre.” I informed Leah as I hung up. 

Nora climbed into the back of the car and Leah pulled away from the curb. “So, you know were interested in knowing what happened, but if you don’t want to talk about it, you dint have to. Either way, we’re going to get ice cream.” I turned to her in the back seat. “It’s fine. I just couldn’t take it anymore. We hardly talk anymore, he’s always busy, he doesn’t come see me when he’s at home. I love him and all, but we just fell apart.” Nora softly cried as she explained. “It’s okay, Nor. Sometimes long distance doesn’t work out. It hurts, I know, but if you think about it, this just means you're one heartbreak closer to happily ever after.” Leah glanced at her from the rearview mirror. “Yeah, I guess.” Nora went quiet after that, which was understandable. 

I bought all three of us some ice cream. Nora loves Cold Stone Creamery, which just so happened to be down the road from the mall. We all ate in silence before Leah drove us home. Nora unbuckled and was out of the car just seconds after the car stopped. “I'll let you go handle it. Thanks for hanging out with me today. If she needs anything, tell her to call me.” Leah gave me a somber look before a big hug, and I followed Nora into the house.

“What’s up with boop?” Alice turned to me as Nora slumped up the stairs to her room. “She broke up with Cal. Long distance.” I reported softly. Mom and dad still weren’t home yet, and I could hear Theo say something over the phone. “Hey Theo.” I chimed, slipping my hoodie off. “Do you think we should go talk to her now or give her some space?” Alice glanced back up the stairs, halfway hoping Nora would come back down. “I think she needs some time. Leah and I talked to her a bit, but she’s still pretty upset about it all.” I told her, beginning to climb the stairs myself. “Alright. I'll text mom to bring home tacos.” Nora only wanted tacos when she was upset. It was like her one comfort food except for Cold Stone ice cream. 

Creekwood Crew  
Cal: Hey Simon, I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry about Nora. I'm sure you know that she broke up with me today. I feel bad, but I understand. I don’t know if this is going to make things between all of us weird or not, but tell her I'm sorry and she deserves better.  
Abby: Oh, what happened?  
Cal: Long distance, we didn’t get to see each other that much and it was hard on her. She was pretty upset.  
Abby: Poor Nora. I'm sorry, Cal.   
Cal: It’s alright. I guess I saw it coming.   
Simon: It’s alright, Cal. She’s still pretty upset, but she’s gonna be fine. I don’t think she hates you, I just think she’s a bit heart broken.

Mom came home with a giant bag of tacos. “Is she alright?” Mom whispered to me as I came downstairs. “She’s alright. She hasn’t come out of her room since we got here, but she stopped crying I think. Please don’t bother her, just let her get through it and let her come to you.” I stopped her at the stairs. “Simon, she needs me.” She looked down at me. “What she needs is time. You’ve always said time is the only thing that can fix a broken heart, and no amount of smothering her when she really just needs time to think and let it out is going to change that. Trust me, she isn't repressed like Alice and I are. She’ll come to you when she’s ready to talk about it.” I continued, and she gave me that defeated face. “Are you sure you don’t want to be a psychologist?” She gripped my chin. “I thought about it, but no. I think I'll stick with acting.” I smiled. “Alright, well, it’s always there if you change your mind. I'm just going to go up and let her know that I brought tacos home.” She gave me a soft smile before walking up the stairs. Dad got home a few minutes later and I had to give him the same talk, except it was more of ‘Don’t kill Cal Price, he’s sad too’; dad was still one of those protective types. 

Dinner was quiet for once, Nora barely looked up from her plate. She only complained about how there wasn’t enough spice on it and went to the kitchen to grab a few things to add to her taco. “Well, no one is ever going to be able to cook like you, Boop.” Alice gave her a smile. Heartbreak was hard, but Nora seemed to be handling it well. Of course, it was going to take a while, but she’ll move on and find someone else. She finished her food and headed back up to her room quietly. Mom gave her the same somber look Leah had earlier but didn’t try to chase her. Sometimes mom forgot that you don’t have to talk about everything ass soon as it happens, sometimes you just need to process and grieve first. I guess that was the mom side of her. 

“Hey.” I knocked on her door, Alice behind me. “Come in.” Nora called from the other side. “We just wanted to check up on you, see how you're doing and all.” Alice said softly. We both crept into the room, sitting on the edge of her bed with her. “I'm alright, I guess. I miss him, which is why I did it. I knew he was going to be busy and I knew he wasn’t going to be able to give me a lot of time, but I didn’t think it would be this hard.” She sighed. Her face was still tear stained and puffy, but color had returned to her face and her voice wasn’t shaky anymore. “Relationships are hard. Long distance is hard. I don’t know how many times Theo and I have almost broken up because of distance or just not spending time together. It’s part of it, trying to work it out.” Alice rubbed her back. “I guess. It sucks, but I know it had to be done.” She choked up again, leaning into Alice. “It’s alright, let it out, Boop.” Alice cradled her. “This may not make you feel better, but trust me, this is just going to be the first of many heart breaks.” Alice began. “You're right, that sounds awful and doesn’t make me feel better.” Nora quipped. “But the good news is that in every relationship, you learn more and more about yourself, what you want, and you grow so much from each and every heartbreak. So, is this going to be your only one? Probably not. Is it going to hurt every time? Definitely. But each time, you'll get a little wiser, a little stronger, and a little braver.” Alice was surprisingly good at consoling people, so I guess she chose the right profession. “Always know that no matter what, you're a strong, intelligent, badass woman who doesn’t need anyone. You're a great person, Boop, and you deserve someone who is equally as amazing as you are.” Alice continued. “Thanks Allie.” Nora smiled. “You’ll always have us, too, even if we’re away at college. You're never alone in this, and you'll always have us to talk to if you need it. We know mom likes to push you to talk, but sometimes talking to your parents is weird. I don’t know if that’s any less weird with Alice and I, but we’re still here at any time when you need us.” I followed up. Nora gave me a smile as she wiped her face. “I know. Thank you for everything. I know I'll be alright, but I also know its going to take some time. First loves, you know?” Nora shrugged. Alice and I gave her another hug before leaving her alone again. “I think that went well.” Alice whispered once she had closed the door. “I think so. We’re good siblings.” I stated. “We are good siblings.” Alice nodded, heading back to her own room. 

I texted Leah and updated her about Nora, and Leah was glad to hear that she was doing alright. It was almost midnight by the time I got off the phone with Bram, who had called me after my initial text to Leah. We said our goodbyes and I hung up, plugging my phone in and laying my glasses on the table. What a day.


	58. Chapter 58: Siblings

[Chapter 58: Siblings]

It was after ten when I came down for breakfast. Since Nora was still a little out of it, she didn’t make breakfast this morning. Thank God mom didn’t try to cook in Nora’s absence. I was in the mood for cereal anyway, so it was fine. “Si, you, Nora, and I need to have another sibling day to help cheer her up.” Alice slid into the kitchen beside me. She was in baggy grey sweatpants and an old One Direction T-shirt, her hair in a half up messy bun and her glasses halfway falling off her face. My sister, everyone. It also internally killed me how similar we were, our only difference at this point was my hair was darker and just messy, and I was wearing a Hufflepuff shirt. “I think that’s a good idea.” I looked up at her for a moment before resuming pouring the milk onto my cereal. “Sounds good. We’ll have to wait for Nora to come down, and then we’ll all hang out.” She decided before grabbing her own bowl. “What are we gonna do?” I grabbed us both spoons. “I was thinking of just chilling in the basement. Watch a movie, play some board games, dance party.” She listed as she took the spoon I offered her. “Sounds good to me.” 

Nora came down an hour later, and she looked rough. I had to glare at mom to make her leave her alone. Mom didn’t like it when any of us got hurt, and her first response was to smother us, which usually just made it worse. Nora sat down at the table and munched on her cereal while scrolling through her phone. Mom had taken the day off to be home with Nora; in other words, if Nora talked, mom wanted to be here for it. Alice had been down in the basement going through the movies and games we had downstairs. One Nora was finished with her breakfast, I dragged her downstairs. 

“Welcome to Sibling Day, bitches.” Alice announced as Nora and I bounced down the stairs. Alice had brought down every extra blanket, sheet, and pillow in the house, along with her entire box of hair clips and ties. “So, I thought we would start it off by making a giant fort that will make mom kill us, watch Finding Nemo, and then after we deconstruct the fort, go head to head in Cards Against Humanities.” Alice clapped her hands together as she told us her plan. Once we agreed, she jumped in glee and we started building the fort. 

We had to move around some of the furniture around, Alice lost about 6 clips and 20 hair ties, but she ultimately said it was worth it when we were finished. “It turned out really well, good job guys.” Alice cheered before climbing in. Alice is 20, almost 21, and she is still just like a ten-year-old. It’s kind of amazing. Nora and I followed her in, laying on either side of Alice as she pulled Finding Nemo up on the TV. With popcorn in three separate bowls and enough apple juice to make us sick, Alice hit play and the movie began.

“When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate blank.” Alice read. Nora and I handed in our cards before Alice shuffled them and reread them with the white cards. “When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate overcoming poverty in downtown Chicago, or, squeezing the contents of a burrito into my asshole.” Alice laughed. “I have to go with the burrito.” Alice announced, and I took the black card. “Alright, here we go.” I picked up the next black card. “Blank. changes. everything.” I read, causing Alice and Nora to quickly search through their own cards before handing in their answers. “Alright. Eating pussy bad. Changes. Everything. Or, Mothers legs. Changes. Everything. Both of those are incredibly disturbing and I'm not sure I can pick between either of them. I guess I have to pick eating pussy bad because I don’t want to think about mom’s legs.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “It’s the most disturbing, that’s why it should win!” Alice groaned as Nora took the card. “Hey guys, I finally found out why I was pissing blood for three weeks! It was Blank!” Nora read from the black card. I immediately handed her a card I had been saving for her and went really well. Alice took a few seconds to debate between three cards before handing one it. “Hey guys, I finally found out why I was pissing blood for three weeks! It was The Bachelorette season finale! Or, A big ol’ plate of fettuccini alfredo” Nora read, laughing at both of them. “While the season finale was awful enough for me to want to scream, pissing blood is an extreme, but on the other hand, fettuccini alfredo is great and I have no idea why it would cause someone to piss blood.” She deliberated between the two options. “With much consideration, I have to choose fettuccini alfredo.” Nora chose, and Alice claimed her tenth black card. “Suck on that, bitches!” Alice stood up, making it rain with her black cards. “Congratulations on being the worst human being out of the three of us.” I smiled. “Shut up.” She rolled her eyes. 

We cleaned up the fort and took the materials back to where they belonged, Nora dismissed herself to make dinner. “That was a really good idea, Alice. She seems like she is a bit happier now.” I bumped into her as we headed for the stairs. “I mean, I originally planned it just so we could have a nice day together, but if it worked out to cheer Nora up and get her to spend time with the family, I'll take credit for that.” She admitted, skipping up the stairs in front of me. 

“Thank you for your help today.” Alice slid into my room. “Of course. I didn’t do much, but anything for you and Nora.” I smiled at her from my desk. “As a thank you, I'm giving you a ride to Bram’s house so you can spend the night.” She gave me this evil smile, something that had become her trademark since Bram and I got together. “Alice, I don’t even know if I'd be allowed to stay the night.” I focused on her, shutting the lid to my lap top. “Well then, you better hurry and call him to ask because we’re leaving in ten minutes.” Alice chimed as she walked towards her room. Once I was unfrozen from the shock, I quickly dialed Bram. “Hey you.” He answered on the second ring. “Hey, so really quick. Alice is apparently driving me over as a thank you, is that okay with you and your mom?” I rushed out, as if time was ticking. “Uh, it’s fine with me, but I'll ask mom just to be sure. Give me a second.” I heard the phone be placed down and his muffled steps out of his room, and then silence. Every seconds was full of anxious heartbeats, and I wasn’t even really sure why. “She said it was fine. When will you be here?” He picked the phone back up. “Alice said we were leaving in ten minutes right before I called you, so we’ll be leaving soon.” I stammered. I don’t know what it was, I guess the rush of Alice taking me, or perhaps the idea of going without having permission to. “Okay, then I'll see you soon. I can tell you're a bit worked up, just take a few deep breaths. It’s okay, you can come over and stay the night.” He had a way of knowing, somehow, and knew hoe to calm me down. “I'm alright, just got nervous and excited. I'll see you soon, okay?” we quickly exchange goodbyes and Alice calls for me downstairs. I rushed to pack a bag and zoom down the stairs.

“Really? You drove me over just so you could figure out where he lives?” I rolled my eyes at her as she turned onto Bram’s road. “First of all, rude. Secondly, I said I wanted to thank you for helping me cheer up Nora. Lastly, knowing where he lives is just a bonus for me.” She argued, following my finger to his driveway. “You suck sometimes.” I hugged her. “You know you love me.” She retorted, hugging me back. “Unfortunately, you are correct.” I smiled, getting out of the car. She waited until Bram opened the door and we waived before driving off. 

“So why exactly did she want to spontaneously drop you off?” Bram asked as we sat down in the living room. “She said she wanted to thank me for helping her cheer up Nora. We’ve spent most of the day in the basement hanging out, just the three of us. once Alice realized Nora was upset, she called a Sibling Day to help bring her out of her room and get her mind off of the whole thing.” I explained. “That was really nice of her. She cares a lot for you two.” Bram observed, taking a sip of his hot chocolate. “Yeah, she does. She meddles in both our love lives but she's always there if it doesn’t work out. She’s kind of great.” I stirred my own hot chocolate before taking a sip. “You ended up here, so I'm not complaining.” He gave me a small kiss on the cheek before setting the steaming mug on the coffee table. “Why are we drinking hot chocolate, it’s October and it’s still 70 degrees and up outside.” I suddenly asked. “Hot chocolate is a fall and winter beverage, and it’s fall, so we drink hot chocolate, even if it’s hot outside still.” He elaborated, taking my own mug and placing it on the table for me. “That’s ridiculous.” I shook my head before placing my hand on his knee. “About as ridiculous as wearing a hoodie in the previously mentioned 70 degree and up weather?” He quipped, tugging on the sleeves of my new Berkeley hoodie. “You got me there.” I pressed my head into the crook of his neck. “You make it too easy sometimes.” He said, standing up and grabbing our mugs. “I wasn’t done with that.” I called after him as he walked away with them. “I'm not getting rid of them. Are you coming?” He paused and turned slightly to look back at me. I finally caught on and followed him up the stairs. 

“We have three more days before we fly back out.” I groaned, sliding under the covers. “To be fairly honest, I'm kind of excited to go back. I missed being home and all, but I also miss school.” Bram moved around as he got comfortable. “Are you saying that because you're a nerd or because you like to walk around your dorm naked?” I turned towards him. “Yes and no. yes, I'm a nerd, but I like to watch you walk around my dorm naked.” He whispered back, causing me to roll my eyes. “You're unbelievable.” I pressed a kiss to his jaw. “But you love me.” He moved his face to give me a soft kiss. “I do love you, a lot.” I kissed him again, a little quicker and a little harder. “I love you too, a lot.” His head laid on my chest as I ran my hand through the newly cut curls on his head. I love his hair, both in the short afro he has and the long, straightened hair he had a few weeks ago. His thumb slowly moved back and forth on my chest next to his head, his left leg thrown over both of mine. It wasn’t unusual for Bram to sleep partially on me, and it was kind of adorable.


	59. Chapter 59: Trying Something New

[Chapter 59: Trying Something New]

“What do you want to do today?” Bram asked as we sat across from each other at the dining table, eating our breakfast. “I'm not really sure. We don’t have our cars, so going out really isn't an option. I guess we can always finish one of those Netflix shows we keep starting and never finish.” I suggested, getting up to refill my glass. “We could, but we aren't stuck here. Mom is off today and I'm sure she would lend us the car if I asked.” He corrected, finishing his own glass so I could refill it for him. “We could, I guess. Where would you want to go?” I sat back down at the table. “We haven't had a proper date in a while. We could go to a movie or something and then get dinner after.” Bram suggested, taking the last bite of his food. “That sounds nice, what movie were you thinking about?” I finished my own food before taking both our plates to the sink. “I was going to pick Moonlight, but it doesn’t come out until tomorrow. The new Madea movie premiers tonight if you want to see it.” Bram scrolled through theatre’s website. “Sure, that’s fine. It’s getting close to Halloween anyway, so it definitely sets the tone for next week.” I agreed. “The first showing is at 7, so we can get dinner and then go to the movie.” He planned out loud. “Sounds good to me. I'll need to go to my house to change and everything.” I mentioned offhandedly. “You still have like three outfits here.” He blinked at me. “Yes, but I want to get my other jacket because the theatre is always cold.” I explained. “Alright, we can leave soon and you can get ready.” He surrendered, locking his phone. “Well, excuse me for trying to look good for my boyfriend.” I defended sarcastically.   
We headed out around four, his mom not having a problem with us taking her car. I ran inside to change clothes and make myself presentable while Bram talked about something school related with Alice and Nora. Ten minutes later, I hustled downstairs and we said goodbye before heading out. “What restaurant are we going to?” I clicked my seatbelt. “We can try that Italian place next to the mall. I know you’ve been wanting to go there for a while.” Bram put the car in reverse, backing out of the driveway and towards town. “You know me so well.” 

The Italian place was amazing, I don’t think I've ever had better pasta in my life. I was almost certain I was going to die of happiness with the first bite. “You really love pasta, don’t you?” Bram laughed as he took another bite of his own. “I really, really love pasta. A lot.” I confirmed. The check came, and of course he insisted on paying, which I knew he would. “Alright, since you paid for dinner, I'm paying for the movie.” I bargained. “You aren't going to take no for an answer, are you?” He smiled while shaking his head. “Nope.” I closed the door to the car.

“I didn’t even know Liza was in the movie until I saw her!” Bram gushed as we walked back out. “Liza?” I asked, not recognizing the name. “Oh my God, you don’t know who Liza Koshy is?” Bram stopped in his tracks. “The name sounds kind of familiar, but I don’t know who she is.” I could tell that Bram really liked this Liza person, and I mentally prepared myself for the speech. “Liza is a YouTuber. She got her start on Vine and then started making YouTube videos, now she's doing acting too. She ‘s blown up a lot recently and honestly, she lives up to the hype.” Bram unlocked the car before getting in. “Let me guess, we’re about to go home and you're going to make me watch just about every video she's ever posted.” I took out my phone and started searching her name. “You are absolutely correct.” He gave me a little kiss before pulling out of the parking space. The wind shield wipers swished across the glass, clearing the falling rain as it fell. 

“You know, it was about this time last year that we went to Nick’s Halloween party.” I mentioned offhandedly at the realization. “Yeah, I guess it has been a year. A lot has happened since then.” Bram pressed the gas a little as we rolled through an intersection. “A lot happened that night. You kicked Martin’s ass in front of everyone. People talked about that for weeks.” I laughed at the memory. “Well, yeah. It isn't everyday the shy kid cusses out and starts fighting someone.” He shook his head. “That wasn’t even a fight, you just hit him and he cried.” I corrected through my giggles. “Actually, I hit him twice.” Bram added, giving me a small smile. “All because he made me uncomfortable.” I smiled back. “That, and for what he said. It was so stupid for him so say what he did and I couldn’t stand there and listen to it.” Bram turned into his driveway. “Well, you still punched him and that was still the best part of the party.” I watched the rain roll down the windshield, his thumb drawing circles on the back of my hand. “I’d do it again, for you.” He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. It was moments like this that I loved. Like no one else in the world existed and we were just completely ourselves around each other. 

We hurried inside, trying to get inside as fast as possible to prevent being soaked by the downpour. We made some more hot chocolate and went upstairs to crawl into his bed. “Alright, you get comfy while I pull up Liza’s page.” Bram directed, which I was already doing. Half an hour later, I had to tell him to give me a minute because my stomach hurt so much from laughing. “I think that was a nice and thorough introduction to Liza. He closed the window on his lap top before storing it away. “I remember her from some of her vines, but I didn’t know she had a YouTube channel.” I turned on my side, facing Bram. “I love Liza, she’s great.” Bram flopped back onto the bed. We folded into out usual cuddling formation, just laying still and quiet for a moment. “I really wish my mom wasn’t home right now.” He whispered, sending chills down my spine. “Why?” I knew exactly why, but I wanted to hear him say it. “Because if she weren’t here, then we could do stuff.” I could feel the smirk in his voice. His hand was already on my hip and I could feel his bulge pressed into me, which wasn’t anything new. A sharp knock on the door made us sit up. “Yeah?” Bram spoke towards the door, causing Bram’s mom to pop her head in. “Didn’t mean to interrupt anything, just wanted to let you know I'm headed to the store and I'll be back in a bit.” She smiled, closing the door behind her as we exchanged goodbyes. 

“Well, now we’re alone.” I teased with a smile. “Yes we are.” He laid back as I rolled on top of him with a deep kiss. His fingers twisted in the bottom hem of my shirt, pulling it up and off. His hands fixated on my waist as I attacked his neck with small bites and licks from my tongue. It didn’t take long for the rest of our clothes to be removed. “God, we’re just like horny teenagers, getting it on as soon as we’re alone.” I laughed a bit, pressing another kiss to his chest. “You say it like it’s a bad thing.” He sighed. The conversation was dropped as I began kissing further down his body. “Si, wait.” He stopped me, a hesitant look on his face. “What is it?” I sat back. “I, uh, I thought maybe we could try something new?” He bit his lip, something else he does when he’s nervous. “Like what?” I crawled back up to his face, trying to figure out what he meant. “Well, I was thinking, if you wanted to, you know…” he trailed off, but I could pick up what he was talking about. “You want me to top you?” I asked, trying to finish his thought. “If you want to.” The thing is, Bram has always topped. We’ve done a few different positions over the last ten months, but we haven't doesn’t anything major. “Of course I want to, Bram. I mean, I've never done it before, but I've wanted to try it.” I admitted, watching a small smile cross his face. “Do you have a condom and lube?” I asked, trying to go through the steps in my head. “Oh, yeah.” He leaned across the bed as he opened his nightstand drawer and shifted some things around, pulling out the hidden materials. He closed the drawer and handed them to me. I silently thanked those parties I had been dragged to where we competed to see who could roll a condom onto a dildo the fastest while blindfolded. I never won, but it did teach me how to put it on. 

“Are you sure?” I asked one last time. “Yeah.” He nodded, laying back further. I was a bit nervous, I didn’t want to hurt him or anything because I didn’t know what I was doing. I slowly eased into him, making sure to take my time. After a few minutes of slowly pushing into him, he relaxed and gave me the go ahead. As I began thrusting more, his soft whispers filled the room, encouraging me. It was really all I needed to get more comfortable, to make sure he was okay. The bed creaked slightly as my thrusts became harder and faster. I grabbed his hips to help pull him into me, which made him throw his head back. I could feel the climax coming, the feeling building slowly. “Babe, I'm so close.” He moaned, bringing me even closer. He raised his head for a moment to look at me. Our eyes connected, and that was the end. His head flew back into the pillow and his body tightened. I could feel myself spill into the condom as I kept thrusting sloppily, barley able to stay upright. 

We cleaned up and laid back down just in time for his mom to come home. She didn’t suspect anything, at least to our knowledge. We had the suspicion all of our parents knew we were sexually active, but they had dropped the sex conversations almost a year ago. It was funny because we weren’t even having sex then, but now that they had let it go, we were. “Si, that was great.” He whispered, rubbing my arm as we laid in bed. “I thought so too. I was a little worried because I didn’t want to hurt you or mess up, but it turned out to be really good.” I sunk further into him. “So, you did enjoy topping?” He inquired slowly. “Yeah, it was nice. It was a good little switch up. I wouldn’t mind doing it again occasionally.” I turned on my other side so I could face him. “Good, because I definitely want to do that again.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. Things just kept getting better and better.


	60. Chapter 60: The Last Day Of Break

[Chapter 60: The Last Day of Break]

It was Sunday, which meant that it was my last day in Georgia. Bram and I had to be in Savannah by 5 tonight to make our flight back to California. Everyone had arranged to get together later today to see each other before we all went back to college for eight more weeks. The plan was that everyone comes over around one, we all hang out a bit, and then mom and dad take me and Bram to the Savannah Airport at three. It was only noon now, but mom is always frantic before guests come over, making sure the house is spotless and we have enough food to feed three armies. 

Leah and Nick were the first ones to show up, half an hour early, which was really no surprise. They live seven minutes away if you walk, three if you drive. We had started setting food out and helping mom prepare for later. Bram, his mom, and Abby showed up right before one. Bram’s mom insisted on giving her a ride over since they lived so close. Soon enough, all of our families gathered together at my house. Bram’s dad and step mom had already gone back to Savannah, but they had already said their goodbyes to him earlier this week. I guess it was a bit easier on Bram since he didn’t see them all that much either. I know he hated it because he wanted to be in Valerie’s life as much as possible and he didn’t really have the time to be present for her.   
Mom called everyone to get some food, which Nora had spent the last three hours making. To her credit, it was amazing, and everyone was telling her what a wonderful chef she was going to be. We ate and talked about what everyone was expecting for the rest of the semester. I wasn’t expecting really anything different; go to class, go to work, do homework at two am, keep going to the three clubs I had joined, hang out with my friends when I can, and see Bram on the weekends. Everyone else had similar ideas of the rest of their first semester. “It’s weird because everyone is there for four years and we’re only going to be there for three.” Abby mentioned. “Well, yeah. We’re all major nerds and took AP classes every year and got enough credits to technically be sophomores.” Leah added, a small smile on her face. 

After the meal, we all cleaned up and I headed upstairs to grab my bags. It was almost three, which meant that we were just about to head back to the airport. “Tell me again why we have to drive all the way to Savannah when we have Atlanta twenty minutes away?” I asked my mom, who had followed me up to my room to make sure I got everything. “Because your dad gets a deal with them through his legal firm, and both of us flying out for conferences all the time, plus you and Alice flying across the country for breaks, it helps save a lot of money.” She explained, grabbing one of my bags. I hummed in response, turning the corner and heading back downstairs. 

“I'm gonna miss you so much!” Leah wrapped me in a tight hug at the foot of the stairs. “I’m gonna miss you more. I'll still call every day.” I promised, hugging her back. “Eight more weeks without you is going to be awful.” She squeezed a little tighter before letting go. Nick was the next one to tackle me into a hug. “New York is great, but it has nothing on Georgia.” He admitted. “I will stay here and debate with you on the three thousand reasons that you are wrong.” I gave him a playful glare. “Yeah, well NYU doesn’t have you guys, so it’s no contest by comparison.” He smiled. Abby was already tearing up by the time I got to her. “It’ll just be eight more weeks, Ab. We can make it.” I gave her a big hug. Abby was on the verge of crying. She was about as good as I was at goodbyes, which is to say we both majorly suck at it. “I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I'm gonna miss your bead head all the time.” She ruffled my hair even more. “You see it all the time over FaceTime.” I corrected her, trying to fix my hair. “It’s not the same. It’s better in person.” 

With the bags in the car and goodbyes all said and done, it was time to leave. Leah, Nick, and Abby waved from Leah’s car as they backed out of the driveway and towards Nick’s house to drop him off before Leah takes Abby home and they both drive down to Athens. All of the parents followed suit, going back to their own homes, waving as they drove away. Mom, Alice, Bram, and I climbed into the car, buckling up and waving goodbye to my dad and Nora before driving out of sight. 

“Okay, kiddos. Text me before you take off and text me when you land.” My mom hugged us all as we got our luggage weighed. “We will, mom.” Alice wrapped her arms around our mother. “All of you take care and be safe. I'll see you all in a few months.” She waved before walking out of the airport and back to her car. It didn’t take long for our luggage to be weighed and tagged. Alice’s flight was called not long after we sat down to wait, and she waved as she headed towards security. 

“I kind of hate college.” I sighed suddenly. “Why is that?” Bram looked up from his phone. “A lot of traveling back and forth, saying goodbye to people and not seeing them for months on end. It’s like every eight weeks, we’re going to be back here, waiting for a flight to either go home or leave again, saying goodbye to our families and friends for almost three months.” I ranted slowly. “I agree with that. It sucks, I hate that we’re so far from home, but I guess I always planned on moving as far from Georgia as possible. Valerie was really the only thing that made me rethink that. Maybe I'll end up back in Georgia, or maybe I'll just end up flying in every once in a while, just like this.” He thought out loud. “I planned that too, I just didn’t take in account how hard it would be to leave home. I know you want to be there for Valerie, and you're doing your best. You see her as much as you can, to the point you plan trips home elaborately to see her. You literally skype your dad just to see her.” I nudged him with my shoulder. “Yeah, but I know it’s still different than being there with her. We’re already 17 years apart, we’re already going to have a weird relationship when she gets older just because of our age difference.” Bram had been stressing over his and Valerie’s relationship since she was born, and he never seemed to be able to come up with a scenario where they didn’t have this awkward relationship where they barely saw each other and couldn’t really do anything together because their age difference prevented them from having any similar interest. “Bram, she isn't even going to remember these first three years of her life. By the time she starts making concrete memories, we’ll be out of college and you can spend all the time in the world with her. You can have a perfectly good relationship with her that is both normal and functions really well. You’ll be in the position to take her places, like the movies, skating, all kinds of things. Trust me, it’ll all be fine. You don’t have to stress over it. you're going to be the best big brother ever.” I fit my head into the crook of his neck and rubbed his arm, trying to comfort him. It wasn’t long until our flight was called, and we had to board the plane. It was time to say goodbye to Georgia once again.


	61. Chapter 61: Beserkley

[Chapter 61: Beserkley] 

Once again, Bram was stuck working weekends again, so we couldn’t see each other this weekend. It was fine, I guess. It wasn’t like we had to see each other all the time, and I understood that his schedule made it hard for him to not work on the weekends. Leah told me to just wait it out and next semester we can work our schedules together so we can see each other more. I guess that’s right, but eight weeks without each other is going to be kind of awful. We’re just going to have to tough it out until we can make time. 

Cynthia invited everyone out for lunch. I thought it would be more excited to see everyone after the break and the hectic first week of classes, but I'm a little upset about not seeing Bram on schedule. I'm lame, I know. I halfway feel like I'm being ridiculous for being sad we can't see each other, but on the other hand, I have the right to be sad I won’t see him for another week. I texted in the group chat and let them know I was coming before I started getting ready. Fifteen minutes later, Kevin hollered for me to hurry up or he was leaving me. “I’m coming, Jesus.” I slid my Berkeley hoodie over my head and grabbed my keys before walking out the door with Kevin.   
We walked into the dining hall and found our group at one of the biggest tables. Everyone got up to exchange hugs. Once the reunion was over, we all sat down. Something was different, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was yet. “I'm gonna get some food.” I stood up, pushing my chair in. “Me too. I'll walk with you.” Olivia followed, squeezing through the tight spaces between all the chairs. We decided on Subway since it was lunch time, but that also meant we had a bit of a line to wait in. “Okay, so I wanted to talk to you about something.” Olivia began, her voice soft, like she was trying to keep a secret. “Alright, what’s going on.” I pushed my hands into my hoodie pocket. “So, Carlos gave me a ride to the airport and I told him that I liked him. It was fine, he said he liked me too, but he said he didn’t want to get into anything because he was focusing on school.” She explained, her eyes not leaving the floor in front of her. “Hmm. That’s a tough one. I thought you were hard core crushing on him, so I've kind of been waiting for you two to get together, it’s almost as painful as watching Helena and Richard flirt constantly. To me, he sounds focused on getting his degree and doesn’t want to do anything jeopardize it.” I stated, moving forward in the line a little. “Yeah, he doesn’t want to get distracted, which I understand. I just wish he would give it a chance. How did you and Bram work it out?” She asked, I could almost hear the desperation in her voice. “Bram and I had a long conversation multiple times before we left for college. We said that we were going to try, but school had to come first. We are seeing each other and spending as much time with each other as possible, but not sacrificing school or work time to do it. It might be different for you and Carlos since you're both at the same school, it could be a bit easier. If it were me, I'd talk to him about it one more time, maybe phrase it like how Bram and I do it, and if he still doesn’t go for it, you’ll have to wait or give up.” I advised, trying my best to make a neutral decision that wouldn’t hurt any friendships. “Maybe that’s what I'll do. I really like him, and part of it is because he is so driven. I guess that’s what happens.” She smiled softly before placing her order. 

“I knew something was different!” I set my sandwich bag on the table, gesturing to Helena and Richard who were holding hands. “Did you not keep up with the group chat over break?” Helena glared. “Not really, I had a lot of family stuff. There was a lot going on.” I sat down and unwrapped my sub. “Yeah, well the gist of it was that Richard and I spent a few days together over break since we’re both from Oakland and we got together.” Helena quickly recapped. “Wow. I just miss everything if it isn't in my face.” I munched on my sandwich. “Which is weird because you pride yourself on being in everyone’s business.” Cynthia commented, causing the table to erupt in laughter. “I wish I could object to that, but I really can't.” I sighed, folding my trash up. 

“We should hang out tonight!” Helena suggested in a sudden outburst. “I wish I could, but I have gay club tonight.” To be fair, it wasn’t called ‘gay club’, but it’s what everyone called it. “We could always hang out after.” Helena rolled her eyes, something she had quickly picked up from me. Leah’s iconic eye roll was spreading everywhere, I wonder if she would be proud of offended by that. “I guess that’ll work. I won’t get out until like 8 though.” I informed them. We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. 

I went back to the dorm for a bit. I finished a paper that was due on Monday and started on the chapter reading for English before I started getting ready. Gay club didn’t start until 6, so I didn’t have to leave until about fifteen minutes before. “You going tonight?” I asked Kevin, who was going hard on a bowl of Captain Crunch in the living room. “Nah, I have other plans, I'll make it next week though.” I pieced together what he said through the mouthfuls of cereal before sitting down on the couch next to him. “Other plans, huh? This wouldn’t be about that boy you’ve been sneaking around would it?” I bounced my eyebrows, shock crossing his face. “So, you know.” He sheepishly finished his last bite. “Kevin, no offense, but you kind of suck at hiding things. You had him over like two days ago, watching some random episode of friends and he was on top of you on this couch when I walked in. If you think that didn’t tell me you have a secret boyfriend, then I don’t know what does.” I rolled my eyes as I sat back, waiting for the whole story. “He isn't my boyfriend.” He corrected, standing up to go wash out his bowl. “So then he’s a hookup? I didn’t have you pegged as a friend with benefits type, but you do you, man.” I shrugged, turning on the couch to face him behind me. “Wrong again. We just started seeing each other and it just isn't official. We like each other, but we’re still just having fun and all that.” He explained, sighing over the last part. “Sounds like you want to make it more serious.” I narrowed my brows. “I guess. He isn't out, like out out, so we’re figuring out how to deal with that. I really like him, but he’s still struggling with the whole Coming Out thing. I understand and all, and I don’t want to push or rush him.” He trailed off after that and I could tell he wanted to change the subject. “Well, good luck on your secret date tonight. I’m headed out. Are you swinging by Helena’s for the get together?” I opened the door, looking back as I spoke. “Yeah, I should be there.” He gave me a small smile. I could tell he was thinking really hard about something. “Alright, if you need me, text me.” I called one last time before closing the door.

Clayton was definitely one of the most annoying people I've ever met, and that says a lot for someone who knows Martin Addison first hand. Today, he was extra annoying, so much, I almost missed the two familiar faces walk across the far side of the room. “Anyway, so I was surfing on this huge wave and I saw this shadow in the water.” I began tuning him out there. Clayton was this typical California golden boy. Bright blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, perfect jaw, golden tan skin, wore nothing but tank tops and cargo shorts most of the time just to show off his muscles, and talked about himself so much Narcissus wouldn’t be able to keep up. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great looking guy, but he was way too aware of that and thought he was Gods gift to the gays, like he was the perfect man alive and he could have anyone he wanted and thought his amazing made up stories were fooling everyone. “Super cool.” I nodded, not even sure if I was supposed to speak then. I had glanced up from my phone to act like I was listening when I saw them crossing the room to claim the same bean bag. “Yeah, that’s amazing, but I gotta go.” I waved Clayton off and walked away. “Alright, cool, I'll finish the story later.” He called out as I walked away, desperation evident in his voice. I could do a whole psychoanalysis on him, but I really don’t want to and I have more important things to think about, like why Cynthia and Stacie were at gay club and holding hands and sharing a bean bag. 

“Hey guys!” I sat down next to them, sounding as nonchalant as possible, but still causing them to jump. “Oh, hey Simon.” Stacie greeted, the anxiety rising in her voice. “We didn’t know you came to these meetings.” Cynthia laughed nervously, trying to figure out how to explain the situation I had already pieced together over the last minute and a half. “Oh yeah, I'm here when I don’t have to work or have a bunch of homework. It is gay club after all, it’s kind of a requirement. What are you guys doing here?” I ushered into the obvious discussion we all knew was coming. “Well, you see…” Stacie began before stopping herself, as if the thought she just had disappeared. “I see that the both of you are at gay club, holding hands and sharing a bean bag, very obviously together.” I pointed out the obvious. “Alright guys, lets call this meeting to order.” Max called. He was the vice president of the club and he usually began the meetings with important announcements and upcoming events. I looked at the both of them with my best ‘We’re talking about this later’ face, which may have been a bit harsh on my part, but I couldn’t get past the fact they didn’t tell me. What is with everyone trying to keep secrets from me?

“So, do you want to tell me or are we just going to walk half a mile in silence.” I spoke up. We had made it out of the building and we were headed to Helena’s dorm, which was a good twenty minutes from the building we just left. We were walking in a small line, not half a foot between us. “Okay. We’re gay, we’re in a relationship, we didn’t tell anyone because we aren't out yet, we didn’t want to throw off the group dynamic, and we wanted to keep it low for a while until we figure out our feelings.” Cynthia almost exploded. “Okay then…” I pursed my lips walking silently for a moment. “So, you're not out yet?” I repeated, looking at both of them. “I am to my family, just not anyone else. North Carolina isn't super liberal, and I didn’t know anyone else who questioned their sexuality.” Cynthia sighed as she spoke, looking at the ground. “My parents don’t know, but my brother does. He’s been my main support. My best friend abandoned me when I told her, and I haven't told anyone since. Once I got to college, I wanted to open myself up to new experiences and put myself out there around people who were like me, so I joined the club. Cynthia found out and we came out to each other, we got really close, and thought we would try dating. Now we go to the meetings together when we can.” Stacie elaborated, filling in all the details. “Well, I'm glad. I really am. I'm sorry I was kind of a dick about it in there. I guess I just assumed you all were dating and trying to keep it from me, or like you didn’t feel comfortable with me knowing.” I kicked a rock in the path. “I mean, I guess we were trying to keep it from you, but not just you. I’m still not sure where I stand. I know I like girls, and I like guys, but I don’t know if I'm into guys like that or not. it’s just really confusing and I'm still trying to figure it all out. We both just wanted to keep it on the down low until we figured out if it was a good idea to be dating, with the friend group, college, work, my whole confusion; I just wasn’t sure if it was the best idea, but we wanted to give it a try and its working really well so far.” Cynthia glanced at Stacie, as if checking to see if she agreed. “We weren’t keeping it from you because we didn’t think you wouldn’t be cool with it or that you would make a big deal out of it. We’re both still going through the coming out process and we’re taking it all slow.” Stacie nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to anyone, I promise. I'm really glad you all are together and all, and I'm glad you're both happy.” I smiled at them both, giving them a bit of reassurance. “If you all ever need a gay perspective, even if it is from a white male, I'm here. I’ve been through the coming out thing and I didn’t have any gay people around me at time either, well, except for Bram but that’s a different situation. What I'm saying is, I've done the coming out thing and if you need advice, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to, I'm here for you and I'll help you both as much as I can.” I continued. “Thanks, Si.” We kept walking towards Helena’s dorm, the tension already diffused by the time we got there. 

We walked into Helena’s dorm, the music already playing. I grabbed a drink before I sat down, Richard recapping what they had been talking about and catching everyone up. Kevin was mysteriously absent, which made me smile to myself a bit. Hopefully that meant things were going well and he was still occupied. “Simon, come here.” Olivia grabbed my hand and pulled me to the side. “What’s up?” I asked, taking a small drink. “I just wanted to tell you that I talked to Carlos and told him what you said, and he told me that he would think about it. I know not to get my hopes up or anything, but I think he might be okay with us being together after that talk.” She beamed. I don’t think I've ever seen her this happy. “I'm really glad you all talked about it. I really hope he comes around.” I gave her a hug, trying not to spill my drink as she bounced excitedly. “Anyway, I just wanted to update you and say thank you for the advice. I know even if he decided he still doesn’t want to risk it, we understand each other and I gave it my best shot. Seriously, thank you, Si.” She hugged me again, but less bouncy this time. 

“So, how did it go with the boy?” I closed the door behind me. Kevin was on the couch watching another episode of ‘Friends’. “Really well. He’s taking a shower right now. He’s staying the night, if that’s okay.” He looked back form the TV. “Yeah, I don’t care as long as I don’t hear or see anything I'm not meant to.” I laughed. “He said he’s been trying to come out for a while and he’s still working on it, but he’s wanting to come out more and more now that he isn't at home and he doesn’t have anything holding him back.” Kevin stated after a moment, his eyes drifting from the TV. “That’s great. I've been there, so I know how that is. I mean, I guess we both have. I'm glad he’s getting closer.” I turned towards the sound of the bathroom door opening, hearing Kevin’s door shut a moment later. Kevin and I finished the last ten minutes of the show before he came out of the bedroom. He was a tall, slender guy with dark hair and sparkling blue eyes. “Hi, I'm Jackson.” He stuck his hand out. “Nice to meet you, I'm Simon.” I shook his hand before scooting to the end of the couch to make room. “So, you must know about Kevin and I.” He rubbed his hands across his thighs, trying to clear the sweat. “Yeah, I kind of figured out Kevin was with someone and didn’t tell me. Well, you were there the other day so you know. He told me a bit about you when I cornered him about it earlier.” I mentioned, trying not to start any drama but also make him comfortable. “I'm sure he’s told you, but I'm gay too, so you don’t have anything to worry about here.” I tried to reassure him, knowing it probably wasn’t working. “Yeah, he told me. I was still kind of nervous about it, I'm not sure why.” He shook his head at himself. Kevin reached for his hand, rubbing soothing circles on the back of Jackson’s hand. “I get that. You just always have that irrational fear of people knowing. It’s part of it, I guess. Trust me, gay is the only way we know here, so you're safe here. I know you're still doing the Coming Out thing, and I know it’s long and hard. I know I'm super weird right now, but I really just want you to know you can relax here and just be who you are.” I gave him a small smile, hopefully he didn’t think I was creepy. “You're not being weird, it’s really appreciated. Thanks.” He smiled back. The three of us talked for a while longer before we all headed off to bed.


	62. Chapter 62: Deep Conversations

[Chapter 62: Deep Conversations]

The second part of the semester was already kicking my ass, and we were only in the third week. It wasn’t that I was falling behind or I was struggling to get papers done, I was just constantly tired. I had classes all day, work almost every night, laundry and cleaning to do on the weekends. It was a lot, and I expected it to be, just not as much as this. 

I had just gotten off my shift at the library. They had started putting me as closing on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays since I didn’t have class until 11 on Tuesday or Thursday. I didn’t mind that much; closing wasn’t awful and there usually wasn’t a lot of kids asking questions this late in the semester, so I usually spent my shift video chatting Leah, Abby, Nick, and Bram and did homework. It did mean I wasn’t walking into the dorm until 2:30 am, but it wasn’t like I was going to go to bed any sooner anyway. I turned my key in the door and pushed the door open quietly. The door still creaked when it was opened, but at least I was trying to be quiet. It didn’t matter, Kevin was sitting on the couch in the living room staring at the TV, which was off. “Kev, you alright?” I asked, closing the door behind me. “Oh, yeah, I'm fine.” He jumped a bit, like he didn’t hear me come in. He wiped his sleeve across his face before turning around to face me. “How was work?” He asked, starting a conversation before I could focus on anything else. “The same as usual. I did homework, talked to people back home, helped this kid find a room he was looking for.” I listed off, knowing he wasn’t really paying attention. “So, are we going to talk about why you were crying or is this one of those things where you want me to ignore it and leave it alone?” I tip toed into the subject, but I'm also not one for beating around the bush, and I don’t want waste time when he needs a friend. “Yeah, I guess I should talk about it. Uh, oh god, okay, so, Jackson and I aren't seeing each other anymore.” He stuttered, struggling to get the words out. “Oh, what happened?” I set my bag down on the floor and sat down next to him on the couch. “He came over earlier and was telling me about how he was trying so hard to come out to people and he just couldn’t yet, and I kept telling him it was fine and that I understood it takes time and I know how hard it is, but he was just so upset with himself. He was saying things like ‘I'm just holding you back’ or ‘I don’t want to waste your time when you can't really be with me until I'm ready’ and ‘This isn't fair to you’ and just blaming himself for everything. He really thinks that I'm not okay with waiting for him to come out or support him through it. he just feels like he's a giant burden or something. I tried talking to him but he was so upset, he just burst into tears and left.” He recalled his evenings events. “So you’ve been staring at the TV since he left?” I followed up. “No, I kept texting him and calling him, trying to make him come back or reassure him that we were fine but he didn’t answer. Eventually, he texted me back and said that he just needed space. I didn’t want to push it, I figured if I had any luck of getting him back, it was later on when he isn't having a mental breakdown.” He wiped another tear, not taking his eyes off the screen. “Not that this is any of my business, I do think he’s right. He needs some space to figure out what he needs, he needs time to settle down and realize that everything he was feeling was just anxiety and not really realistic. I'm sure in a few days, you can text him and ask him to meet somewhere ad you can talk it out.” I tried to sound reassuring, like it was going to happen. I hoped I was right. “Thanks, Simon. I hope you're right. You know what they say, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I didn’t really think I cared about him this much already, but I've been crying for three hours and I can't stop thinking of ways to try and fix this.” His hands ran through his hair, grasping the short locks before dropping his hands to his side again. “Maybe he needs to know how much you care, like a grand gesture. Obviously not a public one, but just something to explain how you feel and show that he isn't a burden and you care for him. I don’t know what that is, I used my one grand gesture on Bram and that’s about all I got.” I chuckled softly at the end, hoping to lighten the mood. “You may be right, Simon. I'll see what I can come up with. I guess it would be more romantic that way.” He stood up, moving towards his room. I did the same, closing the door to my own room and getting ready for bed. 

That Friday, I got off my shift at 2:15 as usual and walked back to the dorm. I take my time, looking out over the parking lots and across campus. It was beautiful during the day, but there was just something about seeing campus almost bare, the complete lack of anyone else around causing almost silence, the scenery bathed in moonlight, along with the occasional street lamp or the blue boxes every 500 feet. It was serene, in a really creepy way. I eventually got back to the dorm, pushing the door open and pulling my key back out. Kevin wasn’t here this time, which concerned me a little. 

Simon: Hey, just got in from work and saw you weren’t home, are you alright?  
Kevin: Yeah, I'm on my way, at the light to turn into campus.

The door opens about ten minutes later and I go to join him out in the living room. I had changed into some more comfortable clothes, which meant a t-shirt, a Berkeley hoodie, and a pair of Hufflepuff sweatpants. “Hey, what's up?” I asked, trying to figure out why he was out so late. “I, uh, I went to go see him. We talked about it for hours. There was a lot of crying and feelings. After we talked it all out, we decided that this whole thing was dumb. The fight, I mean. We’re back together, officially. He’s planning a coming out thing in a few weeks, but I told him to do it when he's ready.” He sighed. He sounded relieved, like he let down this huge weight. “I'm really glad you talked to him about it.” I gave him a smile. We sat in silence for a bit before he finally got up, stating that he was headed to bed. I ate a sandwich and FaceTimed Leah for a bit before heading to bed myself. It felt so weird not seeing her all the time. I was just ready to be home again.


	63. Chapter 63: A Thousadn Miles

[Chapter 63: A Thousand Miles]

It was four weeks since the break before I saw Bram again. His boss still kept scheduling him on the weekends or asking him to stay later. He keeps trying to take off certain weekends or make an excuse that he has a school thing, but since it’s off campus, they don’t really care. I finally got tired of not seeing him and told him that I was coming down and I would see him when he wasn’t working. I guess this is what a college relationship is like; doing what you can to make ends meet with the other person. 

I dropped into my car Friday afternoon. I threw my backpack into the back of the car before clicking my seat belt. I turned the key and waited for the engine to come to life before clicking play on my road trip playlist. With a few glances behind me to make sure I wasn’t going to get hit, I backed out of my parking space and made my way towards Stanford, towards Bram.

An hour and a half later, I pulled into the parking lot behind Bram’s dorm. I slipped the guest parking pass onto my dash and texted Bram to let him know I had made it. I grabbed my backpack and my overnight bag from the back seat before hiking up the hill to the dorm entrance. Bram met me there, taking my bag and leading me towards his room, even though I knew the way by heart. He asked me a bunch of small questions, such as ‘how was the drive?’, ‘How did you do on that test you were worried about?’, ‘Have you talked to your mom lately?’ and ‘Are you ready for finals coming up?’. Yes, they were basic questions anyone could ask, but from him, they meant more. There was something about him, he wasn’t just asking to make conversation; he was asking because he was genuinely interested. He wanted to know if I passed that test he stayed up until four am helping me study for because he knows that class was important to me and he saw how much effort I put into it. He wanted to know if I had talked to my mom because he knows that I get so busy and focused I forget to talk to people if they aren't right in front of me. He wanted to know how the drive was because he felt bad I had to drive during rush hour and wanted me to destress from it. He wanted to know if I was preparing for finals because he knows that I tend to focus on the now and forget that I had end of the year exams that could make or break my entire semester and wants to remind me I still need to make sure I'm ready. He knows me so well, and he cares a lot. These seemingly small talk style questions are so much more coming from him.

“So, I have work from ten to six tomorrow and Sunday; other than that, I am all yours.” He placed a kiss on my cheek before standing up from the couch and extending his hand. I grabbed it immediately, and he hoisted me up and led me to his bedroom. It was dark outside and there wasn’t anything on TV, plus we were both tired. “I'm really sorry I keep having to work the weekends.” He whispered an apology as we climbed into bed. “Bram, it isn't your fault. I know you’ve been trying to change your schedule, and I know it hasn’t been working that well. We’re trying to make it work.” I sighed, pulling the blanket over us both. “Yeah, but we haven't seen each other since we got back from break, and I feel really shitty because I'm the reason we haven't been able to make time to be together.” He rebuttled. “Again, it isn't your fault. You’ve tried your best to make time or get your schedule changed. You can't blame yourself because they aren't cooperating with you.” I tired to reason with him, which usually was impossible. “I know, but still. It’s been four weeks and I've had to work every single one. I know it’s killing you for us to be like this.” He wrapped his arms around me, his face buried into the crook of my neck. “It’s okay. We’re making it work, and that’s what matters.” I rubbed my hand along his forearm, making sure I sounded confident in what I was saying. “But what if we aren't making it work?” He asked after a beat of silence. ‘What do you mean?” I turned around to face him. “What if we just can't work out? We’re both busy and this is the first time we’ve seen each other in four weeks. We FaceTime and text all the time, and yeah, we do our best to see each other, but what if our best isn't enough?” I could tell this was something he had been thinking about for a while, which made me wonder how long he had been sitting on this. “Our best is enough, Bram. I know the past four weeks have been rough and we aren't seeing each other as much as we planned, and certainly not as much as we would have liked, but it’s what we got and we can make due with what we have. We just have four more weeks and then we’re back home. We can make sure our schedules align and we can see each other more. I wish we could now, but it isn't like the world is going to end or we need to do anything drastic. It’ll be okay, we just have to finish this semester and then we can see each other all the time.” I was really surprised by what he said, and almost equally surprised at my own response. It had been a tough few weeks; just a few calls and random text throughout the day, both of us always doing something. I tired to sound as confident as possible in what I said, but something in the back of my head started nagging at me, and just a wave of doubt washed over me. What if he was right? What if we couldn’t make time for each other? What if we just couldn’t make it work? Would we just miserably wait it out, or would we do the unthinkable and just give up on us? my head spun as I laid there, every solution I had believed in now hidden under the waves of ‘What if’ and every bad scenario my brain could think of. He pushed his lips to my forehead and let out a long breath, and somehow the action calmed me just a bit. I had to remind myself that no matter what, we would be okay. I knew I would walk a thousand miles just to see him, even if it was just for ten minutes.


	64. Chapter 64: Severely Sick Simon

[Chapter 64: Severely Sick Simon]

Four words. Strep is a bitch. Now, if I could, I would scream those four words, but I can't because I have strep throat and my throat feels like it’s on fire already and I can't risk making it worse. I had put myself on vocal rest and drinking tea every hour. Neither of these things were helping really, but my mother insisted that they would. “You just need to rest and stay hydrated. Take some Tylenol and get some sleep.” She directed me through the phone. I grunted in response, not really wanting to argue with her, not that I really could over video chat. We hung up shortly after and I poured another cup of this tea Kevin bought. It was only Monday, which meant that I was most likely going to miss classes all week, which was great since it was week six out of eight and we had finals in two weeks. 

I had already been to the doctor to get an excuse for this week and got a prescription for antibiotics and a pain killer. I had already taken my meds for the day, and they did make me a bit drowsy, so a nap really wouldn’t hurt. I texted Bram back once more before laying down, letting him know I was about to pass out and if I didn’t respond or anything it was because I had fallen asleep. I hooked my phone up to the charger and laid it on the bedside table before throwing the blankets over me and letting the drowsiness take over. 

I woke up to someone beating on my door. I had no idea how long I had been asleep, but the sun had started to go down and the room was dark as I climbed out of bed, so I would guess it had been a few hours. I stumbled out of my room and towards the door. I was still extremely dazed from waking up; pair that with the medication and no contracts or glasses and I couldn’t really see at all. My vision cleared right up as I opened the door to see a hoodie-clad Bram standing in the door way. “What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice groggier than I expected. “You’re sick, some of my classes aren't meeting this week, so I came up to take care of you.” He walked into the dorm, setting down his bag beside the couch. “Bram, you don’t need to take care of me. You're going to miss classes and work, and that’s a bad idea considering finals are coming up.” I was glad he was here, but not under the circumstances. I didn’t want him missing class or work because of me. “Most of my classes aren't meeting, we’re doing independent stuff, and the rest I can do online. I told my manager I had some family business I needed to take care of and she told me we were overstaffed this week anyway and didn’t need me.” He explained, gesturing for me to sit down. “Still, you shouldn’t be here. One, you're gonna get sick yourself and I don’t want that. Two, you have a thousand other things to do. Three, I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” I listed off with a huff, but he wasn’t budging. “My mom is a doctor and I've picked up a few things. I had my tonsils removed when I was eight, so I'm pretty much immune to strep. Plus, I'm already here, so you're stuck with me.” He gave me a smirky grin, one that made me want to kiss him, but I know I shouldn’t. “Fine, but only because my throat hurts and I can't argue with you right now.” 

I'll admit, Bram would be a great nurse. He made me home made chicken noodle soup, which not only made my throat feel better, but it could cure just about anything. Chicken noodle was my favorite, but I could only eat it when I was sick, any other time it tasted like melted rubber. Bram made really good soup, he was a better chef than I gave him credit for. He was nowhere near Nora’s level, but he could cook more than decently. He also made sure I drank enough water, even though my throat still hurt when I swallowed.

It was ten when he decided it was time for me to go to bed. “You think I could fall asleep right now? I'm not used to going to bed until like 3 am, plus I took a nap earlier.” I argued. “Yeah, but your medicine makes you tired and you need more sleep now than ever. Plus, you hardly sleep anyway so you need to catch up.” He didn’t take no for an answer, scooping me up from the couch and carrying me to my room. Normally, I would protest about him carrying me, but I was sick and he wanted to baby me, so I let him. We stripped down to our underwear, which was typical for both of us, and climbed into bed. “Are you sure you should sleep with me? You could get sick.” I stopped, halfway into bed. “I can't get strep, Si. I need to be in here with you to make sure you actually go to sleep and not pull up Netflix or a book on your phone.” He followed me into the bed, pulling the blanket over both of us. 

Bram had stayed all week to take care of me. It would have been nice, had I not been sick the whole time. I got better every day, but I was always tired and all I really wanted to do was kiss him, but I refrained. Kevin had basically been gone most of the week and barely noticed Bram was here. Ever since he made up with Jackson, he had basically spent all his free time with him. By the end of the week, most of my antibiotics were gone and my throat has mostly stopped hurting. Bram basically waited on me hand and foot for six days, he barely let me move. We did finish a show that we had been watching together and had gotten behind on, so I guess it wasn’t all bad. I had missed him; cuddling, hearing his laugh, watching his eyes crinkle when he smiled. It had been a while since we got to spend this much time together, and I was dreading being over it because that meant he had to go back to Stanford, although at this point, I would make him go. I wasn’t going to let him miss another week of classes, especially the week before finals. “Be careful going back. I know it hasn’t snowed or anything, but still, Cali drivers are crazy.” I walked him to the door. “I'll be fine. I'll text you when I get there. I'm glad you're feeling better.” He shouldered his bag. “I am too, which means I can do this.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a deep kiss to his lips. “You could have done that all week, sick or not.” He rolled his eyes, reminding me again that he’s immune to strep. “Still, you never know what else I could have with it, and you have to get back to class.” I said in between small pecks. I missed him a lot, and I was starting to be excited for finals to be over with so I could go home for a month and spend more time with him. “Alright, you need to head out before I keep you here.” I gave him another kiss before pulling away and opening the door. “Like you could make me.” He winked, kissing me three more times before stepping outside. “I love you.” He stopped right outside the doorway. “I love you, too. Thank you for taking care of me this week.” I stepped into the door frame. “No problem. You would have done the same for me. I'll see you in two weeks.” He pressed one last kiss before he slowly walked off towards the parking lot. Once he turned the corner and I couldn’t see him anymore, I closed the door and went back inside. 

Of course, I had to update everyone back home. My parents had been my first call. I know my mom would worry a lot; my first sickness and her not being able to baby me. Next was Leah, who was honestly just happy I could talk again so we could have our daily FaceTime. An hour and a half later, I got a text from Bram letting me know he made it back to his dorm. I told Leah I had some work to catch up on this week, which was only a partial lie because Bram and I had done most of it, but also I needed an excuse to hang up. I texted Bram back before opening my psychology book to outline the chapters we went over this week. It was a little before midnight when I felt tired enough to go to sleep, and I rationalized with myself that I could wake up early and finish the rest of my outline to be ready for class this week. 

I laid in bed for what felt like hours, just thinking about this week. Bram had taken off school and work to come up and basically nurse me back to health, all over a very mild case of strep throat. I'm not sure if it was all because I was sick or he just saw an opportunity to spend time with me and take a break from classes, but either way, I was happy he did. I know school is supposed to be first priority, and I was still a little mad he broke that, but how could I be when he did it to make sure I was taken care of? He was really sweet, and I have no idea what I did to deserve him.


	65. Chapter 65: Wrapping It Up

[Chapter 65: Wrapping it up]

It was a week before finals, and I had yet to see my advisor to schedule classes for next semester. That is how I ended up at her office at ten in the morning on this rainy Tuesday. All of my classes had been cancelled because of the ‘disastrous thunderstorm set to ravage the area’ that was coming in later today. To a Georgian like me, it was just another typical Tuesday. 

“Simon Spier?” I heard my name called, standing up and shouldering my bag. The receptionist that called my name led me back to my advisor’s office before heading back to the front desk. “Hey, Simon! How’s your semester been?” He extended his hand and I shook it before sitting down. “A little hectic if I'm being honest. Classes have been great, just a lot of stuff going on and I'm still adapting to college life. Other than that, I'm doing really well. How about yourself?” I'm not really sure if it was because I was a nice person or because I was raised in the south, but it was just ingrained in me to ask people how they were, even if the situation didn’t call for it. he launched into a small story about trying to track down all his advisees before finals and make sure their all set for next semester. “Okay, so I've pulled up your worksheet and it looks like you’re doing pretty well. You did great on all of your midterms and you’re acing all of your classes, so I'm not too worried about you academically.” He scrolled the screen on the monitor, showing me that he could see all my grades and everything. 

“So, you wanted to get signed up for classes for next semester.” He swiveled in his chair a bit, searching through a bunch of files. He pulled out two pieces of paper, laying them in front of me. One was the general education worksheet, the other the theatre BA requirements. “What we need to do is go down your worksheet and see what classes you’ve taken, add in your AP credits, and then with the narrowed down list, you can decide which classes you want to take.” He pulled out a highlighter, going down my worksheet on his computer and telling me to mark out this course and that course, until at least a good chunk of them were gone. This left me with a few options on what I could take. The general requirements were basically done, just a few here and there that I could take to fill in gaps while I wait on some major classes. 

After sifting through the class catalogue and seeing what was available, we got my schedule for next year. On Monday Wednesday and Fridays, I had Theatre 2 at 11:15, then Geography at 12:20, aa break, and then after my 2:30 history of theatre, I was done. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I had 12:30 Chemistry class followed by intro to American politics at 2:00. The schedule wasn’t bad at all, and definitely something I can function with and my job can work around. I thanked him for his time and he told me he would see me next semester. 

The weather had definitely picked up a bit since my appointment, but it wasn’t anything I was freaking out about like everyone else. Apparently, storms like this don’t happen that often in California, which blew my mind because in Georgia, we have thunderstorms twice a week. This was just a regular storm, anyway. It wasn’t likely it would turn into a tornado or anything of that caliber, so I just walked back to my dorm peacefully. It was pouring, and I began regretting not bringing an umbrella, but it was also lightning, so that would have been even worse. This was one of those times you just have to get soaked and change when you get the chance. 

Kevin and Jackson were on the couch watching a movie when I came in, barely acknowledging that I had come in. I was really glad they worked it out, they were really happy together. It was almost kind of nice everyone in our group had basically paired up within a whole semester. I guess that’s kind of what happens in college, you start finding new people who you can stand, and you start falling in love. I guess I really wouldn’t know, I fell in love in high school. Usually, I'm the pessimist that thinks there are more important things to do than kiss your boyfriend or girlfriend and just be absorbed by them. I'm usually the person who says that education should be more important, and people are only dating now because of societal standards and because they're finally away from their closed off hometowns and they can see what people are actually like; but now I'm not one to talk. Three of my papers have Bram’s name on them because I kept thinking of him when I was writing my name. Most of my notes have little doodles of us, or things significant to our relationship. It was impossible to not admit I missed him a lot. I just had one more week and then we’re home for a month together. 

It was hard trying to fall asleep that night. I was missing Bram a lot. Bram kind of losses his mind when big tests come up; he basically shuts himself down and spends any and all free time studying like crazy. I know he’s hardcore binge studying and writing his final papers, I know that’s the reason he hasn’t responded to any form of communication whatsoever. We had talked about it before midterms, and I knew that finals would be ten times worse. I hadn't heard from him since yesterday, which was expected. I knew I probably wouldn’t get many responses until the day we go to the airport. I couldn’t be mad about it, this is what we agreed on. This was my idea to begin with, to make sure we put school first and get our education. I know he was going to anyway, it was part of the reason I loved him. I wasn’t upset about our current situation, but it just made me miss him more now than ever. I was used to not seeing him for weeks at this point, I was used to going hours without talking to him but going two weeks with barely any communication was going to kill me.


	66. Chapter 66: Sucker For Pain

[Chapter 66: Sucker for Pain]

“You ready?” I asked Kevin, twirling my car keys around my middle finger. I had to take my car to this place so I could have it shipped home. It sounds really privileged and I guess it was, but my mom was the one who wanted my car to go with me to college, so it wasn’t exactly my fault. I mean, I did want to take my car, it was always part of the plan. “Oh, yeah, let’s go.” Kevin was sitting on the couch, elbow deep in a jumbo-sized bag of Cheetos. I was aware he had completely forgot he was supposed to follow me there and drive me back, but it was fine. I had forgotten until today too. 

It was Friday, the weekend before finals week. I had barely heard from or hung out with anyone besides my friend group, which were a gang of super nerds who study together every night. I was kind of thankful for it, I doubt without them I would have gotten most of my assignments in or studied as much or as well as I was. I had still facetimed Leah and my parents on a daily basis. I talked to Nick every once in a while, but he was just as busy as everyone else was, and the time difference didn’t help. I had talked to Bram at least once a day for half an hour every day, mostly over facetime while he talked about his classes wrapping up. I had to calm him down multiple times from having an anxiety attack over the exams. He promised that he would take a break and come up this weekend, which made me a little happier.   
Bram was pulling into the parking lot by the time we got back, which was divine timing at its best. He grabbed a bag from his car, made sure he had everything before locking it and walking towards my dorm building. “Bram!” I hollered across the parking lot. I had called for him like five times at this point, but he was all the way across the lot and I was trying to disturb the people studying. He finally saw me waving my arms and heard me calling his name. He half jogged over to us wrapping his arms around me and kissing my forehead before fist bumping Kevin. 

I pushed the key into the door and turned it, pushing the door open and letting everyone in. “Sorry everything is a mess. I wanted to get a head start on packing to move home for the break and it ended up being a catastrophe because I still need half the stuff I need to pack every day.” I motioned to the mess that was my room. He was probably used to it at this point, but it was still polite to explain I guess. He helped me decide what clothes I was going to wear for this coming week and helped me fold the rest into my suitcase. Classic Bram, always having a solution and always being the first one to help someone. I guess it helps I reward him with kisses, among other things. He would honestly help anyway, for him, it’s just a bonus.

We met the rest of the Berkeley Bunch at the dining hall for dinner. Everyone was stressed for their finals in the coming week. We went around the group, talking about what exams we were worried about the most, which ones we weren’t worried about at all, the classes that didn’t have a final. I was one of the lucky ones, I guess. My math and history classes were the only ones with traditional finals. For biology, we did presentations on cells and organelles on the last day of class. In theatre, we did our final monologues and left half an hour early. In English, we just had to submit our final paper. I only had two real finals, and my math one was the only one that was over everything we had learned this semester. Bram, however, was not that lucky. He had to take four out of six of his exams and he was stressing to the max about it. Of course, my thumb rubbed across the back of his hand, doing my best to silently soothe him. Academics was the one thing that worried Bram. He was always scared of failure, putting in overtime to study anytime he had a test coming up. It was really hard to watch him like this, I was afraid his hair was going to start falling out or he was going to have a heart attack. I was kind of surprised that he was here and not locked in his dorm or the library back at Stanford studying like crazy. 

Soon enough, it got dark and we had been done eating for hours. We all decided to turn in and meet up tomorrow. For tonight, I was just glad I had alone time with Bram. Kevin was going out with Jackson and staying with him tonight; it was finally time to meet his parents, and I wished him the best. Bram instantly latched onto my neck as soon as the door locked behind me. I swear, this boy could go through twelve emotions in less than thirty seconds. I wasn’t mad about it, but it gave me mental whiplash sometimes how quickly he can go from being sweet and innocent to holding my hands above me while pressing my up against the door, leaving slight marks across my neck. 

I had convinced him to move to my bedroom, not really knowing if Kevin would be back if things didn’t go well. Leave it to me to halfway kill a moment by worrying about something that will most likely not happen, but I can't let it go. Bram didn’t seem to have a problem with it, lessening his belt and unbuttoning my jeans as we crawled onto the bed. He grabbed my hips, pushing his hands under my shirt, running slow hands across my abdomen and chest. He finally got tired of my shirt being in the way and paused to remove it, taking his own shirt off as well. I pulled him back down to my face, kissing him vigorously. It probably looked like a very disgusting make out, but it felt like the best thing ever. He pulled at the cuff of my jeans, taking them off and pushing me back down onto the bed while he removed his own. Now all that was left was our underwear, which I knew would be gone within the next twenty seconds.

His hand dipped into the front of my boxers, grasping my member tightly, slowly moving his hand up and down under the fabric. This was Bram’s favorite way of torturing me; going super-fast and close to having sex and slowing down to a crawl. It was agonizing for me, and he knew it. He just sat there, legs folded under him, watching me grasp at my bedspread, my body shivering at his touch. I guess he finally had enough fun, withdrawing his hand and hooking his fingers into the waist band, pulling the final garment off. His hand immediately moved back to stroking my length, but his lips were pressed against mine, kissing me slightly softer than just minutes before. He moved down my body, placing random kisses across my neck, collarbone, chest, stomach, hip bone, and my inner thigh. His lips slowly pressed to my tip, pausing for a moment before taking me in his mouth. My head pressed back into my pillows as he took more of me into his mouth than he ever has. I had no idea where he learned to do that, but right now, I didn’t really care. His tongue ran across my head as he pulled off, his hand returning to moving slowly up and down my now slippery shaft. It only took moments for me to reach my climax.

At some point, I sat up and kissed him, flipping us around so that he could lay down and I could please him. I pushed him down onto the bed, his face giving me his famous little curious smirk. I started kissing him slowly and softly, but it heated up quickly, my lips moving down to his jaw. His had tilted back as I dragged my lips down his neck, stopping occasionally to lick or bite at the smooth skin. One of my hands were holding me above him, the other rubbing him through his briefs. I continued to slowly place kisses down his body, his chest was now covered in small marks. My trail had finally led to where my hand was, his erection straining against the fabric. I pulled them off, relieving him for a moment. He had tortured me, and now it was my turn. 

I placed a few kisses on his inner thigh as I ran my thumb across his tip. I could feel him shudder a bit at the sensation. I smirked to myself, knowing that this was only the beginning. I placed a few soft kisses to his tip before taking him in my mouth. I couldn’t take all of him, try as I might. It had been a while since we had last done anything, and I was out of practice. I alternated between bobbing his length in my mouth and licking small, slow stripes on his underside to tease him. I knew he was getting closer, so I had to make the worst part quick. I pushed him as far back in my throat as I could, bobbing a few times before going back down again. My teeth dragged slightly against his member as I pulled of slowly, his whole body quivering as they scraped lightly against his tip. He had a love hate relationship with that technique. He loved it because it was his favorite thing I had ever done, but hated it because it makes him cum on command every single time. Just as expected, his hips thrusted upwards and his head was thrown back into the pillows, his orgasm taking him over. It was honestly one of the best things I've ever witnessed.


	67. Chapter 67: A New Feeling

[Chapter 67: A New Feeling]

“Si, please.” Bram begged. The plan was to go out to a club tonight, and I was still on the fence about going. “I don’t know, Bram. I haven't even really started studying and I still have assignments that I have to turn in by the end of next week.” I groaned. Part of me really wanted to go out and have fun; it was my last week in Berkeley for a whole month and I was drowning in stress as it was. Another part of me wanted to be responsible and knew I had a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. I had been debating the two arguments back and forth in my head since Cynthia and Helena suggested it the other day. “Listen, you told me that I was stressing too much and I needed a break, now you're doing the same thing. Don’t you think you need to take your own advice?” He argued, smirking once he knew he got me. “Fine, I'll go.” I surrendered, letting the responsible half of my brain beat me with a stick. I pulled myself out of bed to go get ready.

Cynthia had texted the group chat and asked everyone to meet up in her dorm before we left. Cynthia and Stacie’s dorm had kind of become the meetup spot. It was in the middle of all of us, even though we all lived in the same living community. It was a group of five buildings, which was all one big living community that made this ‘U’ shape around the cul-de-sac. Cynthia and Stacie lived in building three in the center of all of them. Richard, Carlos, Kevin and I lived in building three and Olivia and Helena lived in building five. Building three was the biggest so it naturally became our hang out spot.  
“You're not actually going to wear that leather jacket to the club, are you?” I raised my eyebrow at Kevin, who had been whispering to Jackson. “Yeah, why?” He was confused, which almost made me laugh. “It’s going to be really hot in that club, and that is a genuine biker leather jacket. You're going to absolutely burn up in that jacket.” I pointed out. “I think I'll just keep it on. It goes too well with this outfit not to wear it, plus it might rain.” He thought for a moment. Jackson, Bram, and I began laughing hysterically. “I'm sorry, I've lived with you for nearly five months and that is one hundred percent the gayest thing I've ever heard you say.” 

Kevin knocked on Cynthia and Stacie’s door. Stacie opened the door three seconds later, ushering us in. “It’s about time ya’ll got here, we’ve been waiting for thirty minutes.” Cynthia complained. “That is a complete exaggeration.” Kevin rolled his eyes. “Alright, break it up. Let’s take a group photo and then we’ll head out.” Helena spoke up over the fussing, holding her phone up as everyone gathered to fit into the frame. Once we had about 50 pictures, we bounded down the steps and climbed into the Uber.

The club was right off campus, so it only took us ten minutes to get there. We climbed out of the minivan we had to look up specifically, so we could all take one Uber. We chatted in the back of the line. Everyone had their ID’s ready. It was an 18+ club, so they banded the 21+ people so they could buy alcohol. It was a pretty neat idea. I could feel the music thumping from out here, and we were still way back in the line. I couldn’t tell what song it was, but it definitely had a really nice beat and I swayed a bit to the bass.  
Eventually we got through the security and headed inside. My first thought was that it was really loud, but my ears adjusted quickly as we moved around the crowd. My second thought was that it was super hot; there were dozens of sweaty people dancing around. The whole group almost instantly diffused in the sea of people. Bram and I had a tight hold on each other and managed to stay together, but we couldn’t find anyone else in sight. This was probably one of the worst things that could happen. Both Bram and I have social anxiety and we don’t do well in crowds of people we don’t know. As long as we stay with each other, we should be fine. “We should go get drinks.” Bram shouted over the music, gesturing towards the bar. “We’re not 21 and we don’t have the bands.” I held up my wrist, hopefully providing a visual of what I said if he couldn’t hear me. “I don’t mean alcohol, I mean like water.” He rolled his eyes before pulling me along through the crowd. 

We sat at the bar for a few minutes, drinking our very non-alcoholic cokes. We saw our friends appear in flashes across the crowds, only to vanish seconds later. They were really good at mingling, which is something I've never learned how to do. “C’mon, you two can't sit over here all night!” Helena pulled us away from our seats and drug us through the crowd. “Oh my God, I love this song!” I heard Cynthia scream a few feet away as the song changed. It was a Beyoncé song, I think from Lemonade. All I really know is everyone went wild while Bram and I just shuffled around trying not to hit anyone or get hit by someone. A few songs in and Bram and I loosened up a bit more, actually dancing and having fun. 

Clubs are completely foreign territory for me, except for that one time Nick and I got kicked out of that gay bar back in junior year. Everyone was having a great time, and so was I, I just didn’t really know what to do with myself. I don’t really dance, at least, not in public. Bram thinks it’s cute how I dance, but I wouldn’t be caught dead dancing in public to anything that isn't in a show. The thing is, everyone around us is twerking and grinding on each other, and while I know how to do both of those, I'm not sure if Bram would want me to do that, on him or otherwise. If we were 21 and intoxicated, this may be a different situation, but we’re not and I'm still full of social anxiety that I don’t know what to do.   
The whole group had somehow taken over the very center of the dance floor, everyone had their hands up and having the time of their lives. I moved along with the beat, or at least trying to. I only knew a few songs that had come on, and that was only thanks to the playlist Bram and Abby made for me like a year ago. Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives, and honestly, so was I. Bram had this giant smile on his face, he was dancing along without a care in the world, his hand grabbing mine as we bounced. 

It wasn’t until ‘Down on Me’ came on that things really stepped up. It was in the look that crossed Bram’s face once he recognized the song. First, it was surprise, then it turned into hooded eyes and a small smirk, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer. Now, I'm not going to say I don’t listen to this kind of music, because I do, but I don’t listen to it as much as everyone else does. I didn’t think Bram did either, but here he was, pushing up against me, dancing his heart out. Slowly, I started getting into it, and by the first chorus, I was full on grinding on Bram. “Yes Simon, get it!” Helena screamed over the music as she danced with Richard. This of course drew attention from everyone else in our group, who then cheered as well. This would usually make me nervous, but for once, I drowned it out and kept dancing. 

“Simon, that was some nice dancing out there.” Cynthia complimented as we climbed in the car. It was 4 am and the club was about to close in an hour, so we decided to head back. “Yeah, where did that come from?” Carlos added, his arm around Olivia’s shoulder. “I don’t know, I just got in the mood.” I shrugged it off, glancing up to Bram, who still had a smirk on his face. The rest of the car ride back to campus was full of conversation about the club and how much fun it was, how much we all really needed it, and how tired they were. “I stay up late a lot, but 4 am is a little late for even me.” Richard groaned, his eyes closed. 

The uber dropped us off in our cul-de-sac and everyone went their separate ways, hollering good nights across the common area. Kevin unlocked the door and pushed it open, leading Jackson back to his room. They both murmured a goodnight before the door shut behind them. Bram and I were in my own room, getting ready for bed. Call me an insomniac, but even after all of that, I still wasn’t tired. My feet hurt from being on them for six hours, but that was really it. Bram crawled into bed after me, his arm laying across my stomach, pressing small kisses onto my shoulder. “I had a lot of fun tonight, thank you for convincing me to go.” I told him, my voice low and hushed. “No problem, you needed it, and I had a lot of fun too. You really surprised me out there.” He whispered back. “I guess I surprised myself too. It was new, but it was so much fun.” I turned my face towards his, giving him a small smile I wasn’t sure he could even see. “We could still have more fun.” He whispered, his lips still hovering over my shoulder as he spoke. I turned from my back to my side so that I could face him. I know I'm kind of oblivious sometimes, but it seemed like he was suggesting something. “And what do you mean by that?” I raised my eyebrow. I could feel his breath against my cheek as he leaned in. 

Within ten minutes, our underwear was gone and I was on top of him. I really should have seen this coming, and in a way, I guess I did. Our lips crashed repeatedly as I stroked him, his breath already shallow and quick. I slowed my hand before pulling away. We needed a condom and the only one I had was in my desk. With the condom retrieved, I climbed back on top, resuming the familiar motion. His head was pressed back into the pillow by the time my mouth had left his and made its way to his shaft. I knew he wouldn’t last too much longer, so I really needed to take this slow. “Bram, you need to stretch me out.” I whispered in his ear. Moments later, we had switched places and I could feel his finger slide inside me. A minute or so later, he added another one, finally able to stretch me out and prepare me for the next step, but of course, it didn’t stop there. He eventually added a third finger and moved around more and more, trying to go as deep as he could. “Okay, I'm ready. Put the condom on and lay back down.” I directed, moving back on top of him. He slipped the condom on, tossing the wrapper towards the desk to be thrown away later. I poured a good amount of lube into my palm before rubbing it onto the condom, making sure that it was coated well before climbing on top of him again. I kissed him again, backing up slightly, lining myself up. He held his dick steady as I inserted him into me, the lube making it a little easier to glide in. I sat there for a moment, just to get used to the feeling. After a minute or two, I started moving.

I got the hang of it pretty fast, bouncing rapidly on him. It was different, we hadn't done this before, but it was so good, I couldn’t believe we hadn't before now. Eventually, his hips raised to meet me as I came down, which made it all the better. His thrusts became sloppier and so did mine. Within minutes, his head pressed back into the pillow and his hands tightened on my hips as he went still, rigid. I continued to bounce through his high, until I hit my own. 

“That was new, and fucking amazing.” Bram exclaimed, crawling back into bed after we cleaned up. I was still a little breathless from it all, the tiredness finally setting in. “It really was. We should do that more often.” I commented, kissing him again. “I have no objections to that.” He whispered, throwing his hand across my stomach once again, both of us falling asleep almost instantly.


	68. Chapter 68: One More Week

[Chapter 68: One More Week]

We didn’t wake up until well after noon, which was typical for me, but surprising for Bram. I guess it makes sense, we were awake until 6 am. We both crawled out of bed, I let Bram take the first shower while I fixed breakfast. Kevin and Jackson were nowhere to be found. I guess they had already gotten up and left. 

Bram and I ate eggs and bacon, one of the only things I really know how to cook on my own. Bram had yet to put on a shirt, just his grey sweatpants low on his hips. Typical jock. We talked about finals, how many we had and how stressful they were. More importantly, we talked about flying home. I was mostly packed for this week. All that was left were the clothes that I would wear this week and the things I would need until we left. I wasn’t taking everything either, just the things I would need in the month that I was back home. 

After breakfast, I took a shower and got dressed, going through my usual routine on auto pilot. When I came out, Bram was on the couch, eyes glued to his textbook, he scribbled down notes without even looking. He was fully focused, his forehead wrinkled in concentration. I'm not even sure he realized I was out of the shower until I sat down, which startled him. “Are you going through the entire book and rewriting all your notes?” I asked, knowing that its exactly what he was doing. “Yeah, I just want to make sure everything is fresh.” He paused to rub his temples for a moment. “You look so stressed out. You aren't even twenty yet and you look like your hair is going to fall out in clumps.” I pressed a kiss to his cheek as he chuckled. “My hair isn't going to fall out.” He defended. “Maybe not, but you are definitely going to have forehead wrinkles soon.” I joked again, making us both laugh. “Fair enough. I just want to make sure I do really well on these exams. The better grades I get, the more financial aid and scholarships I get.” He sighed, marking the page with his notes and closing the book. “And so you can get your dad’s approval and affection.” I said, almost too matter-of-factly. “What do you mean?” He turned towards me so quickly, as if I had said something absurd. “I don’t know, my mom has gotten in my head. I guess I've noticed that you really strive to make him really proud, and you kind of live off of that affection. It’s really all you talk about with him, and since you don’t see him that much, you get the best grades possible so you receive that affection from him.” I rambled, halfway knowing what I was talking about, as usual. He blinked at me a few times, processing what I said. It was almost the look on his face, half wanting to object to everything I said, and the other half in his head, trying to figure out if there was any truth to what I had said. “I don’t know, I never really though about it. I know I do try to please him, but I also know I do my best for more than just his attention.” He spoke after a minute, venom slightly dripping from his words. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know it’s more than that, but it’s still there.” I was trying to diffuse the situation, but I don’t think it was working. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He mumbled, reaching for his book again. 

After a few minutes of silence, I went to my room to grab my own books. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, and I really don’t think he's in the mood to have any conversation with me. I know I pinched a nerve, sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut. We studied in silence for two hours. We just sat there on the couch, reading our books and taking notes, occasionally glancing at our phones. It wasn’t until mom called that I had an excuse to leave the room. “Hey mom.” I answered the call, closing my book and heading towards my room for a bit of privacy. We chatted for a little bit, she asked about finals week and how I was doing. She told me that she would be forwarding the email about my flight home, so I could print my ticket. “You seem a little stressed, are you doing those breathing techniques I told you about?” She asked. Leave it to my mother to know something is up, even when she's 3,000 miles away. “No, but it isn't about school. I said something to Bram earlier and I hit a nerve. I don’t think we’ve said a word to each other in the past two hours. I just don’t want him to leave and have that between us for a week. I don’t know how to fix it or what to do to make it better.” I sighed, telling her what happened. “Well, I'm glad that you're interested in psychology, but I agree that you shouldn’t make those kinds of assumptions. It isn't your place to therapize your friends, or Bram. I know you werent trying to, and you werent trying to start anything, but you know that his relationship with his father is complicated. You just need to let him handle it and if he wants to talk about it, he’ll start the conversation.” She advised. We talked for a few more minutes before she had to go. I was glad I had gotten to talk to her, but at the same time, now that our conversation was over, there was nothing else to keep me from going to sit in passive aggressive silence with Bram and staring at the same page for half an hour. I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair before opening the bedroom door and going back to the living room. 

“Mom says hi.” I threw out as I sat back down, to which he only hummed in response. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was mad, or if he was engrossed in molecular biology and just wanted to acknowledge that I said something. Either way, he made it clear he was not trying to be part of a conversation right now, so I sighed and opened my book again. A few minutes pass and Bram closed his book and set it on the table, rubbing his temples. I did my best not to immediately look up, but it wasn’t possible for me. He looked at me just as I was looking at him over my book. There was this tension between us, eyes locked, as if a staring contest was going to determine who would break first. Of course, it wasn’t going to be him. “Are we going to sit here and ignore the situation or are we going to talk about it.” I closed the book. I didn’t bother marking the page, I knew I would have to reread the chapter again later anyway. He didn’t say anything, rather just cleared his throat and licked his lips. I thought we were returning to silence again, until he finally spoke. “I don’t know, Si. It wasn’t even that big of a deal, but it got under my skin.” He looked at his hands, which were tangling themselves together repeatedly; one of his nervous ticks. “I know. I'm sorry, Bram. It wasn’t my place to say anything like that. I shouldn’t try to therapize you, or anyone for that matter. I'm just used to involving myself in other people’s problems, I didn’t think about what I was saying. I'm sorry I made you upset and butted into business that had nothing to do with me.” I apologized, reaching for his hands. “I know, it’s okay. It got to me, but I know what you mean. It gave me a lot to think about, even though it’s something I really don’t want to. It kind if is your business at this point, you're my boyfriend and I know that you're just looking out for me, because you care.” Somehow, just like that, everything was fine. “So, does this mean that were done passively aggressively studying in silence?” I asked, breaking the tension. “Yeah, we’re good. I don’t think I can spend another second reading about biology without my head exploding.” He leaned forward and gave me a small kiss, but it was enough to say that we really were okay again. 

Three hour later, it was time for Bram to go leave. He was supposed to leave an hour ago, but after he had packed up, we got caught up in our goodbyes, and lets just say by the time that we were finished, I had convinced him it would be better to wait out rush hour. “We just have this week, and then we get to fly back home.” He whispered, his fingers running back and forth through my hair. “I know. This week is gonna be hard, but its going to fly by. I love it here, but I miss home a lot. I'm just so ready to get on that plane.” I agreed, opening my eyes to look up at him. He had this drowsy smile on his face, full of contentment. “Speaking of which, I really should get going.” He sat up, removing his hand from my hair. “You’ve been saying that for two hours.” I joked, sitting up and following him to the living room. “Yeah, someone kept distracting me.” He rolled his eyes playfully, picking up his bags. “One more week.” He said, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “One more week.” I repeated.


End file.
